Thursday, May 28, 2009
Relationships: 3 Keys to Choosing the One
3 Keys to Choosing the One
By Yvonne Chase
Think you’re ready for a relationship? Great! Your chances of choosing the right partner greatly increase when you know yourself, look deeply at what really matters to you and learn all you can about potential partners. Before you dive in head first, make sure you have the following three key ingredients:
Simply stated, a prerequisite is a must; it’s a deal breaker. The relationship will not work if this is not present. There is no room for compromise. For example, either you want a child or you don’t want a child. If you are dating someone who doesn’t want any children but you think you can convince this person to change his or her mind, quit while you are ahead and find someone who wants what you want.
Here’s how you test a prerequisite. Ask yourself, “If everything else was wonderful in my relationship but my partner didn’t want to ever have children, would the relationship work for me? If the answer is no, then it is a prerequisite. If the answer is yes, then it is probably a need that can be negotiated.
Needs are those things that you would like to see happen in your relationship in order for you to remain happy and fulfilled. For example, keeping appointments and communicating when you can’t. You probably wouldn’t leave the relationship if your partner did not keep his word to meet you after work for dinner and a movie however it would upset you if he continued to take you for granted by not calling. Since needs can be negotiated, there is room for compromise. A quick phone call from him and flexibility from you solves that problem.
A want is the icing on the cake -- those things that keep the relationship exciting like leaving little notes in the car or surprising your mate with a weekend getaway. Wants normally don’t have to be negotiated, and the relationship would still work for you if they were not present.
In order to make the best selection for you, your choices must be in alignment with your prerequisites, needs and wants. You must also be the partner that you are seeking. If you want someone that keeps his word, keep your word. If you want someone that’s honest and trustworthy, be honest and trustworthy. Whatever you want put it out there and it will come back to you. Lastly, it comes down to living a fulfilled single life. Available and happy singles tend to make better partners and better partner choices because you are not desperate to be in a relationship. You can take the time to learn all that you need to know about potential partners because for you a relationship is the desert in your life not the main course.
As you take the time figure out your Prerequisites, Needs and Wants, remember this piece of advice from H. Jackson Brown, author of Life’s Little Instruction Book: “Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness and/or misery.” Now, that’s something to think about.
Yvonne Chase is a dating and relationship coach based in Los Angeles, CA. She can be reached at http://www.availableandhappy.com/ or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Departments: deep inside