Thursday, October 27, 2011

Believing in You

”In order to be beautiful, you have to believe you're beautiful.” ~ Nina Flowers, Drag Queen, RuPaul's Drag Race

I think drag queens are beautiful. They take a lot of heat from society because of their sexuality and the idea that men should not dress like women. Society tends to box us into certain groups and label us, which honestly stifles our freedom to be who we are. Even the most confident have moments of insecurity and question themselves.

However, no matter what your opinion is on homosexuality and drag queens, we can all take a lesson from them. They are confident, bold and make no apologies for who they are. It takes a lot of guts to be a man, dressing as a woman in a world where that is deemed “abnormal”. However, they believe in themselves and in their beauty. That’s what fuels their courage and empowers them to dare to be different. The lesson here is simple: Believe in your beauty.

Last week, I had two profound moments. One being Oprah’s Lifeclass Thursday evening, which Ms. Aja B. wrote a great blog post about last week. It was such an important message:

You are responsible for the energy you bring into a room. You are also responsible for energy you project out because what you project out is what you get in return.

That episode of Oprah’s Lifeclass really hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s amazing what happens when you realize that you are in control of the situation. When you walk in a room, you are making a decision on how that room is going to respond to you, whether you know it or not. You are in control of the energy you share with the world which determines what energy you get in return. Lastly, you decide who you let into your space and life. If you choose to deal with “energy suckers”, that is your choice and no one else’s. This stayed with me all day Friday and so forth to even this moment.

On Friday night, I had a get-together to go to and before I walked in the room, I made the decision to walk in there, shining bright. While at this get-together, I meet this woman, who is a friend of a friend. She had such great energy but somehow had sad eyes. And it felt like she was drawn to me because she just came over to me and honestly, started telling me her business.

Now this is not the first time this has happened to me. I have had complete strangers come up to me in places like the subway and the airport, telling me their life’s story. I jokingly tell my friends that I am like Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts – I even own a small figurine of Lucy sitting in her psychiatric booth, charging 5 cents for her services.

Anyway, this woman really touched my heart because she reminded me of myself many years ago. She started telling me how after having a few kids and getting older, she has gained a little weight that has been hard to lose. We all know this feeling. That last 20 pounds or whatever – it just doesn’t come off as easily as it once did. Our bodies change as we age, give birth, etc. Unfortunately, these changes are a part of life.

She continues on, telling me that her husband constantly puts her down, tells her that she is fat and ugly, especially when they argue. It really got to me because your spouse, of all people, should uplift you and love you for who you are, not tear you down. These comments from her husband now has her feeling like she is ugly and fat, hence her sad eyes.

It reminded me of a past relationship from 20 years ago, where my ex was in the “skinny” closet. He secretly loved my size but didn’t want the public to know he was with a big girl. So we dated in secret and he would always tell me how he wished I wasn’t so big because then he could be seen with me and not be embarrassed. He would make me feel like it was my fault that we couldn’t be a normal couple out in the open. It was one of those things where I was still new to the dating game and yearned for someone to like me. I was not as confident as I am today. But there was always this inner voice in my head, telling me I deserved more. I gathered up the courage to leave him, even though I didn’t want to be alone. At the time, I thought I would never be able to find another man who would like me. I was so wrong.

As life would have it, my path took many turns, which shaped me into who I am today: a beautiful, confident big girl who believes in her beauty and knows her worth. It has not been an easy journey but I am a work in progress and know I am walking in the right direction.

So I spoke from the heart when I told this woman at the party that she has to believe in herself, believe in her beauty. That her outer contents do not define her beauty, it’s what’s in her heart that matters. I also told her that perhaps she needs to re-evaluate her life, her marriage… talk to her husband and let him know that it is not okay to put her down. Again, as Oprah said, we are responsible for the people we let in our space so we are responsible when we let those people treat us any kind of way. I wasn’t telling her to leave her husband because in the end, that’s her choice and not my place. However, she has the power to change her life and it all starts with believing. That is the message I was trying to get across to her.

I gained a friend that night and I truly believe part of it was the energy I brought into the room and part of it was fate. I hope she learned the lesson. If you’re reading this and going through something similar, I hope you learned the lesson too. As Nina Flowers said, in order to be beautiful, you have to believe you are beautiful. So take responsibility for your life today and start believing. Trust me, it’ll change your life.

Would you like to tell Marcy your life story or sit at her psychiatric booth? She can be reached at The doctor is in! :)

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