The Scene: "Chelsea Settles"...Are You Watching?

Chelsea Settles airs at 10pm ET on MTV.

A few weeks ago, I told you about a new reality series coming to MTV entitled "Chelsea Settles". Since it's debut on October 11, the plus community is buzzing with commentary about the show and it's new heroine.
For those unfamiliar with the show, it follows 23 year old Chelsea Settles as she makes the decision to leave her family behind in Pittsburgh, PA  and move to Los Angeles to follow her dreams of working in the fashion industry. While the show begins with her worrying about her weight, it has, in just three epsisodes transformed to a show featuring a twenty-something young woman learning exactly who she is, and exactly how much she can do if she just believes in herself.

A lot of people have been trying to compare "Big Sexy" with "Chelsea Settles", and I am not sure I'm liking the idea of doing so. While both are shows about plus size women, I connected so much more with Chelsea Settles. When I watch her struggle with how people view her, when I see her crying because of people making fun of her, when I see her struggling with very difficult life decisions, I see so much of myself in her. I remember being the only plus size one of my friends in High School. While I myself cannot relate to wanting to be a model or working in thev plus modeling industry, I can relate to wondering if I am not getting a job because of my size.  I also, however, do think that while it is easy to paint a "oh, it's LA, and they won't hire anyone plus size to work in fashion retail out there" picture on the situation, I do agree with one sales associate when she said that Chelsea needs a bit more "polish". Going to an interview with black nail polish is a no-no that one learns with age and experience, and has nothing to do with size. Overall, it is refreshing to see a young woman going for her dreams, and even when she feels fearful of a situation, she pushes through it and does it anyway. Bravo for Chelsea!
Have you watched Chelsea Settles? What do you think of the show? If you are liking the show as much as  I am, be sure to like the offficial Chelesa Settles fan page on Facebook and let them know how you feel about the show. Check out this exclusive online clip, and be sure to tune in when Chelsea Settles airs on Tuesdays at 10pm ET on MTV.

Get More: Chelsea Settles, Full Episodes

All Eyez On...:Chenese Lewis

The month of October is a great month that talks to not just Halloween but breast cancer awareness and self-love/body acceptance. In honor of that, we end the month with our feature interview with Chenese Lewis. Her career resume spans from plus size pageantry and modeling to public speaking and acting. However, most importantly, she is a advocate for body acceptance and an icon in the plus size community. She continues to inspire, not just plus size women, but women everywhere. I had the pleasure of talking to her about some important events she had during October and more...

Hi Chenese! “Love Your Body Day” happened on October 22, for which you are the creator and producer for your local chapter in Los Angeles, CA (in the Hollywood area). Please tell us more about this wonderful event.
Love Your Body Day was launched by the National Organization for Women (NOW) in 1998. I joined Hollywood NOW and created an event for my local chapter. This year marks my 6^th year producing Hollywood NOW’s Love Your Body Day, which over the years has gotten bigger and bigger from a one day event to a whole weekend of events.

Are there any other chapters/cities that hold their own “Love Your Body Day”?
Yes, there are Love Your Body Day events across the country that are organized by other NOW chapters or on college campuses; they just aren’t as big and highly publicized as mine, so some might not be aware of something already going on in their town.

You are also the spokesperson for BEDA, which stands for: Binge Eating Disorder Association. How did that come about and what does that mean to you?
I am really excited to be the spokesperson for such a wonderful organization! Before getting involved with this organization, it had never crossed my mind that a plus size woman could have an eating disorder, and there wasn’t any awareness in the plus size community about it. Every time I got invited to an eating disorder event, it was always focused on Anorexia and Bulimia and I always associated eating disorders with very thin women. Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder and there are a lot of plus size women that have it. As the BEDA Spokesperson, I will help increase awareness around unrealistic “body-perfect” ideals, binge eating disorder and several associated conditions, including compulsive and emotional eating, and food addiction.

Chenese, you were the first crowned Miss Plus America in 2003 without any prior pageant experience or formal training. To me, that just really shows that anything is possible if you want it bad enough and are willing to pursue those dreams. So what inspired you to enter that pageant?
I was searching online for opportunities in plus size modeling, at the time I was still living in Louisiana and I was looking for exposure. I stumbled upon the Miss Plus America pageant on-line and was excited to find there was something going on that wasn’t too far from my hometown. I was inspired reading about the women who had already entered the pageant and just inspired about having a platform that celebrated plus size women.

Do you feel that pageant was the springboard for your successful career in modeling, public speaking, hosting and acting? You are such a wonderful advocate and icon for positive body image. What advice would you give curvy girls who are trying to break into the plus model business and/or plus pageantry world?
The pageant title was not necessarily a springboard for my career, since I was the first to hold the title, no one knew much about it beforehand. So in addition to promoting myself, I had to create awareness about the pageant. However it definitely gave me something different and unique to use to market myself to get attention, and I worked it to my advantage. The plus model business and plus pageantry are two different worlds, in my opinion. A pageant title won’t help you book modeling jobs if you don’t have what it takes. I think the pageant title is good for those looking to be advocates about their platforms.

Plus Model Magazine coined you “A Leader in the Curvy Revolution” and Project Curve Appeal calls you the “Plus Size It Girl”. What do these titles mean to you?
I’m very honored to be thought of that highly by my peers, it really means a lot. So often we tear each other down instead of lifting each other up, like we should. It means a lot for someone to take the time to recognize you in a positive way, rather it’s an award or just a few kind words, I’m grateful for it all and don’t take it for granted. Sometimes even the motivator needs motivating!

What are your thoughts on the reality show “Big Sexy”? Did you feel it was an accurate portrayal of the life of a plus size woman trying to break into the fashion world? Do you think the show helps the mainstream public to see plus size women in a more positive light?
I loved the show! I don’t think every plus size woman’s story is the same, and I think they had a diverse set of women with different personalities and life experiences. I think the show helped show plus size women in a positive light, which is what we are all fighting for, and I think it was a win for not only the women on the show but the entire plus size community. I hope it helps to open doors for more diversity on television.

Who inspires you in the plus size/curvy community?
All of the women in the community inspire me that are confident and living their lives to the fullest! However my ultimate inspiration comes from women in mainstream media like Oprah and Queen Latifah.

You also launched Plus Model Radio in early 2008 and it is currently the #1 podcast for plus size women. What does Plus Model Radio cover?
PLUS Model Radio covers everything for curvy women, including up close and personal conversations with a wide range of industry experts. On the show I interview the who’s who of the plus size community, and give the audience an inside look into the industry. Guests include top plus size models, actresses, designers, reality stars, etc.
You were honored by Project Curve Appeal with a Curvy Icon award during the 2011 Pink City Sisterhood Conference, held in Atlanta, GA this year, Sept 30-Oct 2. Congratulations on that! Very well deserved. Please tell us more about the Curvy Icon award and what it means to you.
I was honored with the Curvy Icon Award for my dedication and work within the plus size community for over 10 years. I’m honored to be recognized in such a way, and like I said before I’m grateful for those in the community that support my work in any way.

You also hosted this year’s Rock The Runway (an event for women of all sizes) earlier this month and will host the Miss Plus Top Model Awards on October 30th. You’ve accomplished so much and continue to inspire and empower curvy women everywhere. What’s next for you?
I am blessed to have so many events on my schedule, but there is always room for more! I have hosting events already being scheduled for 2012 around the country, as well as acting and spokesperson projects in the works.

What advice and wisdom would you offer to plus size women everywhere who may need some words of encouragement or help with accepting and loving themselves at the size they currently are?
I would tell anyone who is feeling down about their size to quit critiquing your body, sometimes we can be our own worst critics, no one is perfect. They should start focusing on the things they like about their self instead and what other qualities and skills they have to offer the world besides their physical appearance. Work on being healthy rather than obsessing over being a certain size. At the end of the day, it’s the size of your heart that matters, not the size of your body.

(Photos courtesy of cheneselewis.com and missplusamerica.com)
Visit Chenese on-line at http://www.cheneselewis.com/ or tune into Plus Model Radio at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/plusmodelradio.
For more information on some of the events or organizations mentioned above, please check out:

Love Your Body Day: http://loveyourbodyday.com/
BEDA: http://www.bedaonline.com/
Miss Plus Top Models Awards: http://www.missplustopmodels.com/
Rock The Runway: http://werocktherunway.com/
Project Curve Appeal: http://www.projectcurveappeal.com/
Miss Plus America: http://www.missplusamerica.com/

Believing in You

”In order to be beautiful, you have to believe you're beautiful.” ~ Nina Flowers, Drag Queen, RuPaul's Drag Race

I think drag queens are beautiful. They take a lot of heat from society because of their sexuality and the idea that men should not dress like women. Society tends to box us into certain groups and label us, which honestly stifles our freedom to be who we are. Even the most confident have moments of insecurity and question themselves.

However, no matter what your opinion is on homosexuality and drag queens, we can all take a lesson from them. They are confident, bold and make no apologies for who they are. It takes a lot of guts to be a man, dressing as a woman in a world where that is deemed “abnormal”. However, they believe in themselves and in their beauty. That’s what fuels their courage and empowers them to dare to be different. The lesson here is simple: Believe in your beauty.

Last week, I had two profound moments. One being Oprah’s Lifeclass Thursday evening, which Ms. Aja B. wrote a great blog post about last week. It was such an important message:

You are responsible for the energy you bring into a room. You are also responsible for energy you project out because what you project out is what you get in return.

That episode of Oprah’s Lifeclass really hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s amazing what happens when you realize that you are in control of the situation. When you walk in a room, you are making a decision on how that room is going to respond to you, whether you know it or not. You are in control of the energy you share with the world which determines what energy you get in return. Lastly, you decide who you let into your space and life. If you choose to deal with “energy suckers”, that is your choice and no one else’s. This stayed with me all day Friday and so forth to even this moment.

On Friday night, I had a get-together to go to and before I walked in the room, I made the decision to walk in there, shining bright. While at this get-together, I meet this woman, who is a friend of a friend. She had such great energy but somehow had sad eyes. And it felt like she was drawn to me because she just came over to me and honestly, started telling me her business.

Now this is not the first time this has happened to me. I have had complete strangers come up to me in places like the subway and the airport, telling me their life’s story. I jokingly tell my friends that I am like Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts – I even own a small figurine of Lucy sitting in her psychiatric booth, charging 5 cents for her services.

Anyway, this woman really touched my heart because she reminded me of myself many years ago. She started telling me how after having a few kids and getting older, she has gained a little weight that has been hard to lose. We all know this feeling. That last 20 pounds or whatever – it just doesn’t come off as easily as it once did. Our bodies change as we age, give birth, etc. Unfortunately, these changes are a part of life.

She continues on, telling me that her husband constantly puts her down, tells her that she is fat and ugly, especially when they argue. It really got to me because your spouse, of all people, should uplift you and love you for who you are, not tear you down. These comments from her husband now has her feeling like she is ugly and fat, hence her sad eyes.

It reminded me of a past relationship from 20 years ago, where my ex was in the “skinny” closet. He secretly loved my size but didn’t want the public to know he was with a big girl. So we dated in secret and he would always tell me how he wished I wasn’t so big because then he could be seen with me and not be embarrassed. He would make me feel like it was my fault that we couldn’t be a normal couple out in the open. It was one of those things where I was still new to the dating game and yearned for someone to like me. I was not as confident as I am today. But there was always this inner voice in my head, telling me I deserved more. I gathered up the courage to leave him, even though I didn’t want to be alone. At the time, I thought I would never be able to find another man who would like me. I was so wrong.

As life would have it, my path took many turns, which shaped me into who I am today: a beautiful, confident big girl who believes in her beauty and knows her worth. It has not been an easy journey but I am a work in progress and know I am walking in the right direction.

So I spoke from the heart when I told this woman at the party that she has to believe in herself, believe in her beauty. That her outer contents do not define her beauty, it’s what’s in her heart that matters. I also told her that perhaps she needs to re-evaluate her life, her marriage… talk to her husband and let him know that it is not okay to put her down. Again, as Oprah said, we are responsible for the people we let in our space so we are responsible when we let those people treat us any kind of way. I wasn’t telling her to leave her husband because in the end, that’s her choice and not my place. However, she has the power to change her life and it all starts with believing. That is the message I was trying to get across to her.

I gained a friend that night and I truly believe part of it was the energy I brought into the room and part of it was fate. I hope she learned the lesson. If you’re reading this and going through something similar, I hope you learned the lesson too. As Nina Flowers said, in order to be beautiful, you have to believe you are beautiful. So take responsibility for your life today and start believing. Trust me, it’ll change your life.

Would you like to tell Marcy your life story or sit at her psychiatric booth? She can be reached at marcyc19@gmail.com. The doctor is in! :)

The Frugal Files: Externally Beautiful...I'm Doing Me!!

Hey there Frugalicious ones!!

I hope you took advantage of great deals and coupons last week!! Your family will definitely thank you for all that you do now and later for them. So between using coupons, increasing your investments in your 401k and securing a financial advisor, you are setting them up for a great life. That is a true gift.

Now, this week, you'll be happy to know we're going back to thinking about you!! I know it's sometimes difficult for us to think about ourselves, especially when we have families, bills and jobs to think about. Women, particularly don't always take the time to do something nice for ourselves; we make ourselves last. Not this week!! We are bringing our sexy back and doing it FRUGALICIOUSLY!!

So, during this last full week of October, we're going to end the LIFE series with "E", which stands for External. Two weeks ago, we focused on the Internal, so it's to be expected that we work on the outside too.
Although we're calling it External, this week's theme is a tribute to living life DIY Style. DIY means Do It Yourself, which is how we can keep it frugal.

Challenge #1: Produce your own Beauty and Pampering salon. With all the information available on the internet, especially YouTube, we can learn and teach ourselves how to do everything. Makes a list of beauty regimens that you love and set out to do them yourself. Perform your own manicures or pedicures. If you have a significant other, make it a date with them to indulge in those treatments. Make your own body scrub. Don't know where to look, try these recipes: Homemade Body Scrubs You can find all the ingredients right at home.

Challenge #2: Attempt a new hair style. My DIY beauty project for this week is to trim my own hair. I love that my hair is natural because it affords me the opportunity to have so many options for my hair. I can style it countless ways and after finding numerous tutorials online, I find it easy to follow along and get a nice style. I challenge you to do it too. Join me in making my own Shea butter creme; this will keep the hair soft, moisturized and manageable. That's the biggest benefit for me because my hair tangles easily.

If you want to take on this challenge, follow my FAVORITE natural hair YouTuber's recipe here: Natural Homemade Shea Butter Cremes

So we're ending this great month of LIFE challenges by checking hair and pampering off our list; valuing our true Diva selves this week. What else can we achieve? I know!! Let's revisit frugal fitness!!

Challenge #3: Set out to spark your interest with a fresh outlook on physical activity. Try an unorthodox exercise; something that will make you feel pretty or sexy. Here are my ideas:
- Belly Dancing
- Pole Dancing
- Hula Hooping
- Yoga
- Salsa

I was recently given two exercise videos from Freecycle, and I'm trying them out this week: Yoga Booty Ballet. It looks like it's fun, easy to follow and will give great fitness results without me looking bulky. It struck me as a truly feminine workout, so I know it will make you feel like a woman. You can get yours free too. Pull out your library card and check them out!!

So, you have your instructions, so face the week and all it's challenges, then come home and put yourself first!! Here's an affirmation to remind you that you are beautiful and worthy of being first!! Enjoy!!

"Everyday, I practice feeling beautiful and I am a beautiful person inside and out."


Frugalicious Diva

Weekly Motivation 10.23.11: A Lesson On Responsibility

Have you been watching Oprah's Life Class on OWN (The Oprah Winfrey Network)? If you have not been, and you have been feeling (like I have for awhile) that you are trying to "figure it all out", then you really should consider tuning in.

While I always learn from watching Oprah Winfrey and her all around fabulosity, Lesson 9 this week slapped me square in the face at a time I needed it most. For the past few weeks, I had been letting the thoughts and actions of everyone around me sour my mood. I was allowing other people's negative energy to creep right into my own soul and marinate. Many tears flowed, many stress headaches ensued, and I was wallowing in a very unhealthy dose of "why me?"

It was watching Lesson 9, entitled "You're Responsible For Your Life" that gave me the reminder that I needed. Especially in hearing the story of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor and the evolution of her now famous quote, "Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space." It was a reminder that regardless of the energy that others put off, I, and I alone, am the only person responsible for what I put out into the world. I am always telling the members of the Community Center I work for, "What you put out into the world is what you will get back into the world." As is (unfortunately) often the case with me, however, I was not practicing what I preached.

Between the quote and this clip from another one of my favorite business women, Ms. Paula Deen ("hey y'all!") I was brought to my own personal "aha moment". In the clip, Oprah asks Paula how she went from being a caterer who started with only $200 to having a $20 million dollar enterprise. Paula's answer: "So much of it has to do with God's generosity. I made a commitment to work and [God] blessed it."

Belle-Noir.com blogger and Belle-Noir Magazine writer, the Frugalicious Diva, has made me a believer in affirmations. So, I wanted to share with you the affirmation that I drew from Oprah's Life Class this week as this week's Weekly Motivation. I hope you will try it out and let me know if it is working for you, as it already has been for me.

My affirmation and motivation for this week:
"I accept responsibility for what happens to me and for me."

Plus size retailers/boutiques offering regular sizes: Good or bad?

Recently, I saw a question posted online that sparked my interest. The question was:

How would you feel if a plus size boutique or store added regular sizes to their collection, expanding the size range downward to a size 4?

As a size 26-28 and often a “forgotten” woman when it comes to plus size clothing retailers, I felt this was a topic worthy of discussion. In a time and age where mainstream retailers are discontinuing their plus size lines altogether or just offering them online, it troubles me that now we have to contend with plus size retailers…“our” retailers, toying with the idea of becoming mainstream. Not to mention the fact that many plus size retailers don’t offer past a size 24. While I understand that these retailers feel that this could be a lucrative move for their business, there are some important factors that should be looked at.

There are many thin women who don’t want to shop at a plus size brick and mortar (B & M) store:

I personally have a friend who would not be caught dead inside of a Lane Bryant or any plus size store because she does not want to be perceived as being plus size. Mind you, she wears a size 14, which is considered plus size in retail. But she would rather shop in Marshall’s or TJ Maxx where she feels there isn’t that stigma of shopping in a “big girl” store. Believe it or not, my friend’s attitude is something that I have seen and heard many times. Many thin women do not want to be seen in a plus size store. They feel embarrassment and shame. Which leads me to my next point...

If the retailer or boutique offers size 4 – 24, would they still bill themselves as being a plus size retailer?

Retailers like Old Navy and Forever 21 offer plus sizes but they don’t promote themselves as plus size retailers. If a plus size retailer starts to offer sizes 4 – 24, then they are not solely a plus size retailer anymore. Unless they are going to bill themselves as solely a plus size retailer, now offering regular sizes, which is the reverse of what Old Navy and Forever 21 does. However, knowing how some thin women may negatively perceive a plus size store, I am concerned that these retailers would start to market themselves in a more mainstream fashion and no longer would like to be known as a plus size retailer in an effort to gain customers who wear under a size 14.

What about those of us who are size 24 and above?

Those women who are sizes 14 and under would definitely benefit from this size expansion but those of us who are above a size 24 are the real losers here. We already feel excluded by plus size retailers but for them now to expand their size range in the opposite direction just reinforces those feelings of being forgotten. A plus size retailer or boutique should be embracing us and not excluding us in favor of our thinner counterparts. As I wrote in my previous blog post two weeks ago about us forgotten women at the end of the size range… just because we are above a size 26, does not mean we are any less fashionable or don’t want to look pretty. We want to be able to wear beautiful clothes too.

Thinner women have more shopping options – why add to that when extended sizes are more needed?

This point goes hand in hand with #3. Thinner women have so many places they can shop at. You walk into a mall and there will be maybe 2 plus size stores in there and 20 mainstream stores for my thinner counterpart. Now plus size retailers want to offer regular sizes too? Listen, I’m all for equality and I certainly do not advocate sizism. However, if stores want to open the size range then why not just offer sizes 4 – 32? Let’s not exclude anyone.

But at the same time, I will admit that it does bother me a little because plus size women have limited shopping options to begin with and now we would have to share our stores with thinner women, who already have a magnitude of options available to them.

Listen, I get it. We are still deep in a recession, retail is a business and money is not being spent as it used to be. So retailers are looking for ways to increase revenue, which unfortunately means some sizes will be dropped and some added. A few months ago, I read a lengthy discussion on a blog regarding J. Crew dropping size 14 from their stores, which had many women in an uproar. However, J. Crew’s reasoning was that size 14s don’t sell in their stores. Their size 14s are now just available online.

I just think that while retail is a business and revenue-driven, the customer is important too. Especially within the plus size community, where we appreciate having our own stores and places to go to buy beautiful clothing, hard to find shoe widths, bras in larger sizes and accessories… we want to feel like the retailer cares because that in turn makes us want to shop. We shop because we have faith in the clothing and the retailer that backs it. But if retailers exclude us in the name of money, they risk their business and their reputation.

What are your thoughts on retailers and boutiques offering sizes 4 – 24?

The Scene: Set Sail with the Voluptuous Voyage 2012

BBW Empowerment, Inc. has released their seminar speaker lineup today for the Voluptuous Voyage 2012! Founded by Sameisha Adolph-Frazier of BBW Empowerment, Inc., the Voluptuous Voyage, formerly known as the BBW Empowerment Cruise, is in its third year of sailing to the many beautiful islands in the Caribbean Sea. This year the cruise plans to set sail from Galveston, TX to Cozumel and Progresso, MX, April 28, 2011 – May 3, 2011.

With plus-size entrepreneur seminars that aim to promote self-acceptance from some of the most prominent names in the plus-size community amongst a backdrop of beautiful blue waters and the contemporary design of Carnival Cruise Line’s newer ship, Carnival Triumph, the Voluptuous Voyage is set to be the ideal cruise to relax and rejuvenate.
Adding to the roster of great seminar speakers of the past, the Voluptuous Voyage 2012 welcomes

Linda Scott, CEO of LS 1426 Inc., a plus-size consulting and special events company, Jeannie Ferguson, Professional Petite Plus-Size Model as seen on BET's Rip the Runway and Full Figured Fashion Week, runway coach and co-designer of the plus size clothing brand, BGU (Big Girls United), and Stephanie Penn, Editor-in-Chief of Daily Venus Diva, as seminar leaders who will be sharing their experiences in business, the plus-size industry and personal growth. Guests will also have the opportunity to view a mini runway show from BGU (Big Girls United) lead by Jeannie Ferguson.

Corporate sponsors for the BBW Empowerment Cruise include: Jill Alexander Designs, LAMIK Beauty, Queen Grace Collection, and Divas Premier Hair Company.

Online booking and convenient monthly installments are available with a deposit as low as $150 from now until October 31, 2011 and increasing to $300 thereafter. BBW Empowerment, Inc. can also match potential attendees with a cabinmate and add roundtrip airfare to cruise packages for an additional $75 based on the room tier selected.

For additional details on each seminar speaker and booking information, please visit: http://www.voluptuousvoyage.com/.


About BBW Empowerment, Inc.

BBW Empowerment, Inc. was founded by Sameisha Adolph-Frazier in 2008 in Houston, TX. Sameisha has embarked on a journey to create an organization that caters to curvier women and teens. Her passion for self-acceptance and fashion convinced her to start her own organization. The purpose of BBW Empowerment, Inc. is to serve and create strong and positive images of plus size women around the nation. BBW Empowerment, Inc. believes this process begins with supporting each other and encouraging self-acceptance. BBW Empowerment, Inc. believes that though everyone should not be a certain shape or size, everyone should be healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally.

The Frugal Files: Fiscally Focused on Family

Hey there!!

Frugalicious Diva here!! I can only imagine how the last challenge went for you. Talking about money can be awkward, so investigating our feelings about money and spending; it’s downright intrusive!! I hope the emotions came up and out so you can be more economically aware and stable.

So for the last two weeks, we’ve talked about you: your lifestyle and healthy changes for yourself, as well as your internal thoughts about money challenges. This week the focus is not on you, but on those you care about. This week’s LIFE challenges will concentrate on “F”. I bet you think it stands for frugal, but not so. It’s Family.

For family, it is not just about frugal living, but also financial planning. Both are important when looking to live within our means, meet our financial goals and build wealth for many generations to come. First thing, let’s chat about frugal finances. Over these last few weeks, we’ve discussed cooking, using what’s on hand and staying within our budgets.

What else can our family use to save money? COUPONS!! I am the first to say, coupons are not my expertise, but I typically use them and always feel good when I save money with them. I try to NEVER pay full price for anything and I dare you to do the same. After all, they call it the “suggested” retail price. I choose to bypass that option and suggest something lower.

We’ve all seen, or at least heard of, those extreme couponing shows. I’m not necessarily advocating adding a stockpile room onto your house, but we can learn a lesson from those who do. In these extreme temperatures we’ve had the last couple of years, keeping a small stockpile of necessities might make sense…and save you some cents too.

Challenge #1: Only purchase items this week on sale or items for which you have a coupon. Obviously, you can get coupons from the weekend newspaper mailers. If you don’t, grab one or ask a neighbor. Also, go to http://www.meetup.com/ and check for a coupon group in your area.

With so many online options, find an online group. They usually have great deals. Coupon Katarina and Sister Save-A-Lot are just two of several coupon experts online; they post daily! My absolute favorite online coupon code website is http://www.retailmenot.com/. Sometimes they feature secret coupon codes that retailers aren’t even aware are available or still working. So before leaving the house to shop or filling up your online cart, log on to this site and copy and paste a code that will save your cash.

Frugally, you’re set this week. Now, let’s talk long term. What are you doing to prepare and sustain your family in your golden years? Do you have a 401k? Are you maximizing it? What about Stocks? Bonds? IRAs? Mutual Funds? I was fortunate to be introduced to my current financial advisor while looking to purchase a home. He demonstrated how easy it is to invest my money. Do your homework and when you invest you’ll see how much you’ve gained by sacrificing a small portion of your budget now.

Challenge #2: Ask your employer if they offer a 401k/403b. If they do, sign up at the maximum. If your employer offers to match your investment, then take it. It’s FREE money!!

Challenge #3: Search for a Financial Advisor. It’s recommended that, like an insurance agent, you find someone in your age range that you can trust and of course is certified and training in investments. Look for someone that takes the time to explain each topic thoroughly. When interviewing, ask multiple questions and study their character. If you think they are only out for your money, keep looking. You want an advisor who’s willing to go the distance with you and cheer you on.

Just as the Autumn leaves fall and change color, realize you can change too. By changing your mindset, you can change your financial situation both now and later. It’s time for the old way of thinking to go away and for you to welcome the new season of wealth and healthy finances. Go and grow!! Have a great week!!

Frugalicious Diva

Do You Know Your Self-Worth?

"It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." ~Unknown

Saw this quote the other day online and it resonated so deeply with me. Recently, I broke up with someone who I thought was someone I could possibly build a future with. We were together for about a year. However, things started to unravel slowly for some time, to the point where a month ago, I started to question the relationship – where do we go from here? And I had to really be honest with myself – did I want to stay in a relationship where I was not 100% happy? The decision was an easy one and I think that was because I knew of my worth and knew that I deserved better. When a friend asked me what made me decide to walk away, my answer was: “I love him but I love myself more.”

I have learned that having any kind of relationship is truly what makes you realize how much self-worth you have. You can scream to the world that you love yourself and know you’re worthy of someone great but the proof is in the pudding. The person you choose to be with is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. Who we date shows how much self-esteem we have within ourselves. This rings true in friendships as well. The people you choose to be in your life and the boundaries you set within those relationships… those choices hinge upon how you really feel about yourself and what you think you are worthy of.

I haven’t always known my self-worth. I fully admit that. I have been a big girl all my life and besides other obstacles we face, dating is something that is not easy for us big girls. We worry about things that our thinner counterparts do not. Their imperfections are more hidden whereas we wear ours for the world to see. The world is a superficial place so people judge on what they see first and then all else comes second. Not every man prefers to date a big girl so rejection is something we are all too familiar with. Sometimes we get those funny looks or are a butt of a joke within a group of men as we pass by. Instead of whistles and catcalls, we may get laughs and sometimes even insults yelled out.

Then you have the flip side – the men who love us physically to the point of a fat fetish. They only want to date a big girl because of her size. I’m sorry but I am not interested in some man coveting my belly roll and wanting to keep me fat. I’m more than a big body. I have a beautiful heart, I’m smart, I’m caring and a million other positive things that I don’t have room on this blog to list. My weight does not define me as a person.

Sadly, some men prey on big girls because they feel we don’t have self-esteem and will sleep with any man that gives us attention because we’re “lucky” that he’s paying attention to us. And don’t let him be cute or successful! Some of us big girls think we have hit the jackpot because we don’t have handsome, successful men knocking on our doors on the regular.

However, handsome and successful do not equal a good man. Do you just buy the first pretty thing you see on a rack when shopping? No. So why would you choose your man in the same manner? With that piece of clothing, you check the price, you try it on and decide if it is something you want to wear and feel good wearing. Same should be done with that man. You have to look past his looks and wallet… see who he really is and if he is worthy of you.

Between society and even within our own circles, our self-esteem sometimes takes a hit and we are made to feel like we are not worthy of a good man, that we have to settle for scraps. Especially if we’re the lone big girl in our circle. What some of us fail to see is that all of that mess is total crap. We don’t have to settle. Because in the end, beauty knows no size and ultimately your guiding factor in all of this is your self-worth.

Case in point: Some of us big girls feel like we have to be overly sexual and give up the cookies to get a man. At the end of the day, if you love yourself and know your worth, then you will respect yourself and love yourself enough to know that you’re worthy of someone great. You certainly don’t have to sleep with a man to get him or put your body on display to get attention. Sexiness is something that comes from within – it’s an attitude and you don’t have to be promiscuous or scantily clad to be sexy.

Now if that’s you and you’re down with that type of lifestyle, okay, own it. I’m not mad at you. Do you. But I want to make this clear to all the men reading this:

NOT ALL BIG GIRLS ARE EASY. NOT ALL BIG GIRLS LACK SELF-ESTEEM.

So ladies, take a long look in the mirror and recognize your self-worth. Make the decision today to love yourself as you are today. Then make the commitment to not spend your waking moments solely seeking a man. Live your life to the fullest, put yourself out there and enjoy life. He will find you when the time is right. I know it sucks to be alone but believe me, when you’re out there looking high and low for a man, most of the time you will find garbage. The reason that happens is because even though you don’t realize it, when your desire for a mate is so strong and your self-worth is lacking, it comes off as desperation. Unfortunately, some men prey on that. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and confidence has a way of making someone stand out from the rest. It’s as simple as this: When you’re confident and comfortable in your skin, you don’t even have to try hard to get someone’s attention because you will already have it.

For me, on this journey I am on, I have learned along the way that dating in itself is a constant test of self-worth. A person will do to you what you ALLOW them to do to you. You have to love yourself first… honor yourself first… before you can love someone else and let someone love you back fully. If you don’t know your self-worth, you will settle and never be fully fulfilled.

So I ask you, do you know your self-worth?

The Frugal Files: There's no "I" in Spend

Hello folks!!

Frugalicious Diva here to check on your progress!! How did Project LIFE, Part Lifestyle go for you? Did you cook all your meals and use what you had? That should have saved you a pretty penny in your grocery budget. What about physically? Did you have some low costs associated with your low impact (or high impact) workout? I know you had a great time scraping the hardened Playdoh off the table with the kids!!

Great, so since you took the first set of challenges, I’m sure you’re eager to see what else you can frugally do in October. It is such a great time of year. It’s not too hot, but not too cold either. It’s a nice time to still enjoy outside family activities and the greatest thing about it is it can stay simple. There are really no complications in the fall season. You just grab a jacket and go.

This week we’re going to focus on the “I” in LIFE, which stands for Internal Thoughts. Ask yourself why you might overspend or spend money you don’t have? Or what makes you think carrying debt is okay for you and your family? How do you feel about living a frugal life or even managing your finances?

Challenge #1: Write it down. EVERYTHING. For the full seven days, track your spending. If you purchase a ticket in the office lottery, write it down; if you receive an unexpected influx of money, write that down too. Whatever comes in or out, put it on paper so you can get an accurate account of your spending and saving habits. Even if you’re transferring money to your savings, consider it an expense and calculate it on your budget sheet.

Challenge #2: If you want to take your challenge one step further, try the envelope system. I’m not the biggest fan of this method, but many people have told me it works and I do like the premise of it. For me though, I don’t like carrying cash because it’s hard for me to personally keep track of it, but if it works for you, then this is a great system for you!! Usually, this is done for the month, but because we’re taking baby steps, we will see how this works for you, just this week. If you like it and feel you can add it to your personal frugal files, then you can try it for the remainder of the month.

Here’s how it works. Since you already have a budget and knows what comes in and out of it, then this should be a good challenge for you. Grab an envelope for every spending category you plan to use this week. Some examples would be utilities, food, gas, allowance. Get your total amount for the week in cash and place the designated amount in each one. Then as that expense comes up, pay for it ONLY using that envelope. Once the month is gone, it’s gone. No borrowing from other envelopes allowed!!

If you find there is more money left over, then CONGRATULATIONS!! You are Frugalicious!! The extra money is not a reward or an incentive, but it is a gift. Put it in your savings, so that it can be the gift that will keep on giving…in interest!! Better yet, add the extra to one of your debts!!

Challenge #3: Journal your feelings. This is also writing it down, but this is not just about the money, it’s about your self-talk. For one week, journal or blog about your thoughts, making the focus about money. Track the times you want to spend; jot down what you’re feeling and the reasons you want or actually spend money.

My confession: I have found that when I want to change something in my life, I get the urge to spend. When I don’t properly allocate my money, I subconsciously want to spend it. Also, when it comes to food, even if I have a full refrigerator, I find I want to dine out. It’s when I know I have become overwhelmed and I am looking for a release or a way to distract myself from focusing on the task at hand.

Because I know those are my internal issues, I know how to combat them. I stand back, look at the task at hand and break it up in smaller pieces. Sometimes, I will cut off the rest of the world and force “me time” on myself. It’s how I deal with taking on the world and when I put myself first, I don’t feel the need to spend unnecessarily.

So are you ready for this week’s challenge? Go forth and make those inner thoughts, positive thoughts!! 

Frugalicious Diva

Size 26+: The Often Forgotten Woman

My name is Marcy and I love fashion. I love to shop and express myself through my fashion. I am also a size 26-28.

Growing up in the 80’s as a plus size girl, it was a struggle for me fashion-wise with limited retail options available. Back then, I was between a size 14 – 18. You would think that now in 2011, my choices for fashionable clothing would be endless. However, at my current size, I still feel like I am in the 80’s. I see clothes I want but many of them don’t come in my size. While plus size clothing has come a very long way since that time, I feel like a “forgotten” woman in a community where we should all be celebrated and not divided by size.

My shopping experience now usually goes something like this: Online (or in a store) I see a dress I love and want to buy. When trying to add it to my cart, I click on the “Select Size” dropdown menu and don’t see my size. Huh? I check their size chart and see they only go up to a size 24.

I have grown accustomed to this happening since it has happened so frequently. A few months ago, I was looking for outfits for a plus fashion event. I had two fabulous designers offer me pieces to wear but had to decline both since one went up to a 24 and the other 22.

Not only do I have to contend with some retailers and designers that don’t carry my size but with the ones that do, I am hit with yet another challenge: getting to the store in time (or buying it online quickly) before my size runs out. Size 26-28 always tends to sell out quickly. For a recessionista like myself, I love to take advantage of a great sale – who doesn’t? But most of the time, my size is gone by the time the item is on sale.

One day, while in one of my favorite stores, I was talking to a salesperson and decided to ask her about the lack of 26-28s in the store. According to her, typically sizes 18-20 and 26-28 sell out first. However, as we talked further, I also learned that while these two size brackets sell out first, items in these sizes are not bought equally. Usually when they receive inventory from the warehouse, there are more size 18-20 pieces than size 26-28 pieces. For example, a new top coming in would have 8 pieces in size 18-20 and 2 pieces in size 26-28. Does this mean that retailers/designers feel that 26-28 is not a popular size or as in much demand as that 18-20? Obviously, the 18-20 is popular but at the same time, I would think that by size 26-28 selling out quickly, it makes it quite obvious that not only is size 26-28 popular as well but in need.

Then there is the argument that larger sizes require more fabric, which means more money spent on creating the item. I personally feel that the issue here is not fabric, it’s about the pattern made to create that item. It is not easy to create plus size clothing since there is no one standard body type for a plus size woman. While it would cost more money to create those patterns, it would save the retailer on fabric in the end and help to gain more customers, which means more money.

As a customer, I just don’t want to be made to feel like I have to lose weight so I can be able to shop at a store. As plus size women, we are already dealing with the stereotypes inflicted on us by society and mainstream media but now we have to experience exclusion within our own community? It feels like the stores that offer 24 and under are VIP clubs with a velvet rope out front that are keeping out those of us who are a 26 and above. I believe that the retailer has to care about the plus size customer and believe in us, that we will buy their clothing if they offer our size. It would be a win-win for both sides.

I have hope that one day, I will no longer be that forgotten woman at the end of the size range...that I will be recognized as a woman who is just as fashionable and deserving of that fashion as my thinner counterparts sizes 24 and under. I want to one day have the freedom to shop at any plus size retailer or designer and find my size. Forgotten woman no more! I WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.

While I get frustrated at my size not being available everywhere, I also don’t want to disregard those retailers who do carry my size and above. I’m a “glass half full” kind of girl. Here’s a few noteworthy ones to check out – there is no velvet rope at these places:

Avenue: Affordable clothing and shoes, always offers coupons/deals and they go up to a size 32. A size 26-28 recessionista’s dream.

Sonsi.com: A great online plus size shopping experience from the company that owns Lane Bryant, Catherines and Fashion Bug. They offer clothing from a variety of retailers in one place (one cart, one checkout) at great prices. They just launched an awesome feature called Fashion Genius, where you can create outfits and save them in your style file. They go up to a size 36, 5X.

Just As You Are: A new online retailer on the scene that offers custom made coats and jackets. Just enter in your measurements and they suggest a coat or jacket that would fit you best. Then they create that coat for you in your specifications. I am in Heaven!

Igigi: Beautiful dresses, moderate pricing, great customer service and they go up to a 32.

Evans UK: Based in the UK but delivers to the US via their website. They also plan to launch in the US soon. They go up to a size 32, offer great collections such as their fabulous Beth Ditto line last year, carry shoes up to EEEE width and beautiful handbags with longer straps for us girls with big arms.

Penningtons/Addition Elle: Based in Canada but ships to the US. Casual basics, career separates, bras/sleepwear as well as their MXM collection, which are trendy, edgier type of pieces. They go up to a size 32, 5X.

Just My Size: Basics and career separates up to a 40W and at awesome prices. Their clothing is also available at Walmart.

Sealed with a Kiss: This online retailer goes up to size 36, 6X. Great prices, wonderful dresses and tops, plus great customer service.

Lucie Lu: Beautiful dresses and tops – there is a dress on their site that I dream about and am waiting to go on sale. Moderately priced and goes up to size 30, 5X.

Simply Be: UK based and just launched in the US with a website and catalog. Trendy clothing that goes up to a size 28.

Kiyonna: This retailer is known for their elegant dresses, moderately priced. But they sell other types of clothing as well. Their swimwear is fabulous. They go up to a size 32.

B&Lu – Love, love, love the clothing at B&Lu. It’s trendy with a vintage flair. They go up to a size 32, 6X.

Eliza Parker: Beautiful dresses and tops in fabulous fabrics. I own one of their dresses and felt like a queen when wearing it to an event. They go up to size 28.

Curvaceous Boutique: Trendy, fabulous clothing up to a size 28. Their clothing is gorgeous and really makes you feel confident, adventurous and beautiful at the same time.

We’d love to hear from you. What are your favorite retailers that offer extended sizes? What do you think about extended sizes not being offered at all plus size retailers/designers?

Marcy is new to the Belle Noir Magazine team. Besides fashion and writing, she loves to travel at a whim, is a self-proclaimed book nerd, loves to crochet while watching Project Runway and Audrey Hepburn is her hero. She can be reached via email at marcyc19@gmail.com.

A Note From Ms. Aja B.: Why We Support The Full Body Project

Hi Ladies,

Belle-Noir Magazine is proud to announce our support as a media sponsor  of  The Full Body Project. Created by Jessica Kane (one of the dynamic duo behind the Plus Fashion & Style magazine Skorch Magazine), this project aims to show plus size women that they are "more than a head shot".

Here is more from the initiative's founder:
"What is the Full Body Photo Project? A virtual community of women who upload their full body photos to show they love themselves!



I am me, and I am awesome. I'm going to surround myself with positivity and eventually I will succeed in my goals, whether business, life, or health. Stop being so hard on yourself and stop judging. Love YOU be the best person you can be.

I started this project as a grass roots empowerment campaign in 2010 to empower women to love their bodies. As a plus size woman and blogger, I realized the power of a full body photo and how we could use them to help us accept and love our bodies! The 2011 Campaign push is coming Oct. 3rd to Oct. 14, and sponsored by the biggest names in the plus size industry!" - Jessica Kane

How do I join?
Upload your full body photo to the wall of this facebook page! That's it! And, as a member, you have the chance to have your photo appear in SKORCH Magazine!!
Join the following companies:
Avenue - Fashion's Night Out VIP Gift Bag $200
Ulla Popken - One $50 Gift Card

IGIGI - One $50 Gift Card
Shop Translated
Lane Bryant - Two $100 Gift Cards
Alight.com - New Style Top $50
SVOBODA - One Pair of Denim & S/H $180
Torrid
Fashion to Figure Hips and Curves - One $50 Gift Card
Curvysta
Sealed with a KISS Designs - One $75 Gift Card
Isha Couture - Plus Size Halloween Costume $50
Kurvacious
Bellisima - One $75 Gift Card
Bennett's Boots - Four $100 Gift Cards
Cassaundra's Clothing Boutique - One $150 Gift Card
Dianne Brill Cosmetics - Two $120 Lip & Eye Goody Bags
Queen Grace - One $100 Gift Card

When Jessica approached me and several of the other plus size publications about this initiative, and asked us for our support, I felt obligated to have Belle-Noir Magazine support it. From a business standpoint, I am sure that a lot of people would not have done it. I hear a lot of talk about "competitors" and how because since we are all working to attract the same audience, promoting each others publications just can't happen. I've even been told "Well, you don't see Vogue running advertisements for InStyle or Cosmo, so why would you promote another plus size publication." I've also been told, "[Insert name of several publications here] wouldn't do the same for you & Belle-Noir."

I personally feel that when we get into that matter of thinking, that is when it creates division within the plus size community. I respect the plus industry. I respect it as a lucrative business. But I also recognize the importance of community. Call me crazy, but if we don't stick together, who else is going to support us? The mainstream media? *insert side eye here*

Ladies, I encourage you to head over to www.fullbodyphotoproject.org, and join the contest. You not only stand to win some great prizes over the next few days, but you also will be taking a stand and showing the world that plus size women are, indeed, beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. And if you do head over there, be sure to tell them that Belle-Noir Magazine sent ya!

Good luck to all who post their photos! Hope you win something fab! <3


Peace & Love,
Ms. Aja B.

The Frugal Files: With Autumn Comes Change

Hello there!! Frugalicious Diva here and it’s officially Fall!! Now that the kids are settled into school, what’s next for you? You’ve gotten through the summer and had some great frugal fun. You also found some great school supplies at home or good deals at the store. Now, it’s October. What does that mean for you?

When I think of October, I think about the cooler weather, which I love because I can pull out the cute jeans and even cuter sweaters and tunics. I also think of the leaves changing colors and falling, as well as the harvest season. This reminds me of warm apple crisps, cider and pumpkins decorating the yard.

My favorite season is Autumn mostly because it’s time to transition, make some changes. In the Frugal Files we’re going to get ready to make some changes to our thoughts about LIFE. This month we’re going to dedicate each week to LIFE, challenging ourselves to do something different than last year and something we can implement into our daily frugal lives.

This week we’re going to focus on the “L”, which stands for Lifestyle. Ask yourself what do you want to change about your life? You know you don’t have to wait until January to make those same old resolutions. You can make a change right now. My challenge for this month is to cook daily and I challenge you to do the same.

Challenge #1: Cook all your meals. You know I’ve chatted with you before about creative cooking, so why not put it too good use? Look in those deep freezers and pull out everything and create meal menus. You can even cook in bulk and freeze all the meals, then set assigned leftover days to unthaw your pre-cooked meals. Need a few ideas, use Leslie Chisolm’s menu as a guide: Dinner Calendar This woman created a monthly meal plan for the entire year. She’s my She-ro!!

The beauty of planning your meals is you choose your own healthy dishes and prepare them. You save money because you’re not dining out, but also you are not indulging in potentially unhealthy food that can cause health issues in the future. Health issues cost you your body and in your wallet.

Challenge #2: Focus on frugal fitness this month. Do you have a gym membership for which you are paying, but not using? Well, start today!! You don’t need a personal trainer. Simply look at their class schedule and commit to 1-2 classes per week. At least then you can justify paying the fee.

If you don’t have a membership, but want one, then do your homework. Ask around for the best rates and find a facility that has the most options for the money you plan to pay. Lastly, look for a place that has a month-to-month membership, so you don’t have to commit to 1-3 years at a time. That will save you in the long run.

Don’t want to purchase a membership? There are other ways to get and stay fit. It’s still nice outside, so grab a partner and walk the trails at the park or pull on a co-worker and do that same at work. Walk around the building. If available, use your job’s fitness center. Come in early or stay late. Raking and bagging leaves are the perfect autumn exercise; as is planting your garden for next year’s harvest. There are typically fests and bonfires this time of year, so take advantage of the run and play time there.

Challenge #3: Entertain yourselves using what you have. It's easy to go out and buy something to help occupy your time, so challenge yourself to do something different. Consider these ideas:

-  Decorate your home. Use old material to make a door cover or table runner. Gather leaves, an old hanger and a glue gun and make a decorative wreath for the door. Have fall themed cookie cutters? Make your own playdoh and make door or porch ornaments.

-  After rotating your fall and winter clothes back into your closet, go through them and see what can be recycled into something different. Can you embellish your pants or plain shirt? Why not make new jewelry from your old jewelry?

-  Learn a new hobby: take up knitting or needlepoint; learn to play a new board game or sport; try scrapbooking or practice feng shui.

-  Do something old fashioned: write a letter to someone or volunteer your time

Whatever you decide to change about your lifestyle this week and during the month of October, make sure it is a frugal one. The ultimate challenge is to change your life without losing your change. Good luck and enjoy this week!!

Frugalicious Diva

Weekly Motivation 10.02.11

We couldn't have said it better ourselves! <3