Being Happy in the Skin We Live In

Summer season is upon us and many of us have major issues during this season with showing skin and certain body parts. So this special Self-love Sunday edition of my column is dedicated to those of you who are struggling with living in your skin and embracing ALL of you.


Last week, I received the following tweet from someone who found me via this blog and started to follow me on Twitter:

“OMG, you’re so pretty. You’re an inspiration to me cuz I'm plus size too and you make me feel like I can be happy in my own skin.”

I looked at the tweeter's page and it was a 19 yr-old girl from Canada. It meant so much to me because to inspire someone young is everything. I never really had someone plus size to inspire me in that fashion when I was growing up, but I was one of the lucky ones. Thank goodness I had and still have a strong, outgoing personality. That and parents who loved me unconditionally were my saving graces.

People often ask me why I bare my soul weekly here – I have been told by a few people that I reveal too much about myself. Well, it’s because of people like the young lady who tweeted me, that I put myself out there. While I try to give sound advice, I want all of you to know that I am not perfect and everything I preach and talk about, all come from lessons I have learned in my life. I can’t preach about it if I don’t know about it.  That’s what I believe.


But the important part of preaching something to someone else, is also to practice what you preach. While I consider myself confident and know I love myself, I do have parts of me that I don’t quite love yet. It’s a work in progress. But that’s normal so I try not to be so hard on myself. We all have parts of our bodies that we don’t like. Again, we’re human and not perfect. But many of us aim to achieve a state of perfection that we have concocted in our minds so we end up on this never ending journey of trying to obtain a look that is unrealistic.


A couple of weeks ago, I saw Kathy Najimy on the Wendy Williams Show. She did something that really made me think. She looked directly into the camera and said to all of us viewers, that if we are not happy with our bodies, it is okay to make a change. But at the end of the day, you have to love yourself and be happy with who you are, no matter what your size.  So if you want to be plus size, more power to you! If you want to lose weight, good for you too! What matters is being comfortable in your body.

I recently joined a group on Facebook called Fattoo. It’s a group where ladies sell their new and gently used clothes in sizes 20 and up. However, it has become more than that for me and for others in the group. You see women daily posting pics of themselves in items they bought in confident, proud poses. I always thought I was the biggest girl I know at a size 26/28. Well, there’s girls in this group who are larger than that and they’re wearing two-piece swimsuits and corsets! They proudly own their bodies and will quote their measurements with the quickness. They also support one another and uplift one another. When a pic goes up, many of the other ladies comment with compliments and positive feedback. It's nice to see women inspiring one another in a community where sometimes that is not the case.


It is truly a brand new world for me. And one that has made me truly reflect on some of the issues I have with my own body parts. My 19-yr old fan, Kathy Najimy and the women of Fattoo…they all inspire me to do better in accepting all of me, including the body parts I dislike. They inspire me to fully own who I am and live freely in my own skin.

We all may not be perfect but a part of all of our journeys is to inspire one another. As one of my favorite African proverbs states “Each one, teach one.” We’re all teaching each other even when we don’t realize it. We do so by being true to ourselves and who we are. While it may be a daily struggle to fully be comfortable in your own skin, what counts is the effort. If you truly try one day at a time, there will come a day, when you will embrace all of you with ease.


I’m already more than halfway there, this I know. I walk with my head up high and I love dressing my body. I am still working on the swimsuit thing (ugh) and wearing sleeveless shirts.  I have gotten better with the latter. But again, I am a work in progress and not ashamed to admit that. I believe in my beauty so that helps me in not being so hard on myself. When we let go of expectations and ideas of who we “should” be, then we can truly be ourselves. Then we will realize that, that was who we were meant to be all along. We are beautiful, just the way we are, in the bodies we have and in the skin we live in.

Living Up to My Size!! Big!!

Hey folks!! It's Frugalicious Diva here bringing you another great episode of Fearless Fridays!! April Fool's Day was earlier this week, so Marcy and I decided to switch it up on you!! She's passionate about savings just like me and I'm adamant about being true to oneself, just like our beloved Marcy!! So, here goes...

“You’re a pretty girl but, honey, you need to lose some weight. Boys don’t like fat girls.” These words were uttered to me as an eight-year-old girl by my sweet, but tactless, elderly neighbor. I never thought she was correct, but I was wrong in assuming that it didn’t affect me.

With the popularity of social media, blogs and the ability for so many people to have a platform to share their similar thoughts, the amount of criticism of plus size people has been at an all time high. Based on my neighbor’s words, it’s obvious people were saying, and thinking these things before online diaries were so prevalent, but now people say things overtly and are a little too careless with their words.

When I hear things like this, “they really need to lose weight and take control of their lives.” I realized long ago, this is not out of concern. It is bullying because in most cases they don’t even know that person and or have a true interest in seeing that person “get healthy”; they just felt the need to say something about someone fat. I once saw an interview with the late, great plus size super model Mia Amber, where she battled a woman, who was adamant about blaming the nation’s healthcare crisis on people of size. Mia’s response, “sizism is the last acceptable prejudice” and she was right.

After living and learning about myself, I now chuckle at people who are hateful with their words. It’s sad and such a crying shame that they don’t realize they are the truly unhappy ones. It’s such a catch 22 to be part of the fat race too. On one hand people look at you and assume that you’re unhealthy, that you sit around eating all day and that you’re miserable. Then when you workout, people have the nerve to make fun of you at the gym and spew venom at a person who’s just looking after their health.

My personal story is that I honestly didn’t think anything was “wrong” with me until I ventured into the plus-size modeling arena years ago. That experience is a story for another day, but it opened my eyes to not only how society feels about us, but how we feel about us too. I remember being resented by a “former fatty” (her words) because I had the nerve to live and love life while I was big. Hey, I wouldn’t mind releasing a few pounds, but I refuse to hate myself to get to my desired size. I will LOVE myself there and that means I will enjoy my life whatever size I am.

I’ve addressed the negative things because I know on all levels, whether you’re plus size, know someone plus size or have been narrow-minded enough to say or think some of these things, I want to say to you…POPPYCOCK!! The limited beliefs of others should have NO bearing on what you can and will achieve in your life. Plus size folks are falling in love, traveling and climbing corporate ladders daily and what someone thinks internally and says externally, is never going to change that we’re worthy of living a full and healthy life.

I make bucket lists of things to do and see all the time and I intend to do each and every one of them. Big Belles & Gents, don’t play your life small. You’re big, so play big and be full of life. In 2010, I went to China and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t fasten my seat belt on the plane. Did I leave the airport and go home? No!! I simply asked for a seat belt extender and continued the conversation with my neighbor. When I got to Beijing and saw the Great Wall, did I sit on the side and let its magnitude defeat me? No. I may not have run up those steps, but I certainly did walk up several levels, taking in the total experience of visiting one of the great wonders of the world. I wouldn’t have missed that opportunity for anything in the world and certainly not because I’m overweight.

The following months I went to Jamaica to cruise with a group, whose soul purpose was to get plus size people aboard. It was a celebration of curves and a slap in the face to those who think we shouldn’t enjoy ourselves in the sun at any size. It was an exhilarating experience and I felt comfortable in my skin.

Notice my open arms in both pictures? It’s a symbol that I’m open to life, welcoming every good thing that life has to offer me. I suggest you do the same. Guess what? When good things come your way, they don’t care how much skin you’re wrapped in. Speaking of skin, one of my most favorite things I’ve discovered was Belly Dancing. I always wanted a class and there are several in my area. I was drawn to Aegela’s class, as she proclaimed, “All bellies were welcome”. That line was a reminder, you can do whatever you desire in whatever body you have. I also found that I’m good at it.

I’m reminded of Proverbs 18:16 that says, “A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men.” Here’s proof of just that, when a plus size teen takes the stage in front of an initially judgmental audience. Take a look:

Yes, people will underestimate you, but YOU don’t have to underestimate you!! That is NOT your reality and it is certainly NOT your destiny!!

So, the next time you take on the negative words of others, I DARE you to live!! Every time you think your size will hinder you, I DARE to you do it anyway!! You have the right to live life, love yourself and stand out and make a difference. Let’s sing along with Beyonce when she sings, “I will leave my mark, so everyone will know, I. WAS. HERE.”

Frugalicious Diva

Happy Valentine's Day! Yes, We're Talking To You!

Happy Valentine's Day!

If no one else says it to you today, we love all that is Big, Beautiful, and You!

Take time out today to show some love to the most important person in your life--

YOU!

You deserve it!

*hugs*

Taking Care of YOU

It’s Day #5 of me giving up soda. When I tell people that I have given up soda, they assume I have done so to lose weight. Actually, that’s not why. I have a heart murmur and I noticed that when I drank soda heavily, it started making me have heart palpitations. I lost my dad six months ago because of a sudden heart attack so those palpitations scared me straight.

I miss soda but I love myself more and am not trying to go into cardiac arrest. It’s just not worth it. I just get annoyed when people assume it’s for diet reasons. Just because I am a big girl does not mean I am spending my waking moments dieting. I just want to live healthier. If I lose weight (which I know I will since my calorie intake will be less minus the soda), it will be an added bonus. But that is not my main focus here.

What I have learned in my life, as a big girl, is that before you can make any lasting permanent changes to yourself on the outside, you have to be happy with you from the start. I know it sounds like an oxymoron because if you’re happy with you, why would you want to change? But honestly, change is good for the soul and even when you are happy with you, you’re not perfect. There is always room for improvement and we are all works in progress. So I have the attitude that while I think I am fabulous, I know I can always better myself.

No one is born with confidence, just as no one sets out to be fat. Confidence is built over time just as weight is gained. Confidence and being big are not factors that easily go hand in hand. It takes hard work, being honest with yourself and truly coming to terms with who you are in the present moment. Easier said than done. But if you can learn to be comfortable in your own skin, life becomes such a different experience.

Sometimes we’re too hard on ourselves. We’re our own worst critics. We nitpick and scrutinize little flaws and we begin to loathe those parts of us. The thing is when you loathe yourself in any way, even if it’s a small part of you, no matter how much you change that part of you, you will always find something else to loathe. It is a vicious never-ending cycle. This is why so many of us yo-yo diet. We diet for the wrong reasons. Many times it’s for reasons that are not truly for our well-being. Until you can be comfortable in your skin as you are right this minute and make the decision to not diet but live a healthy lifestyle, you will continue to yo-yo diet.

Dieting is something all of us can relate to. We have all dieted at least once in our lives. My dieting history started at the age of 10. When the doctor told my parents that I was 20 pounds overweight for my height and age, I was shipped off to live with my aunt. My aunt promised that she would put me on a strict diet and I would be 20 pounds lighter in no time. That was when my yo-yo dieting began. I came home 20 pounds lighter but ended up gaining it all back.

As strange as it sounds, for me, dieting was not about vanity back then. I always knew of my beauty and never felt ugly. I really think that was because of my dad, who taught me so much in terms of being your own person and knowing your worth. That allowed my confidence to build. So I never truly hit rock bottom when it came to dieting or food. It was just that constant yo-yo because all I knew was that being fat was something I was not supposed to be.

There is a huge difference between dieting and living a healthy lifestyle. Dieting is something we do for immediate results but they are not lasting results. Can you really live on microwaveable dinners or shakes for the rest of your life? Let’s be honest here…no you can’t. Eventually, you will get hungry for some real food and will fall off the dieting wagon. That’s what got us into this yo-yo dieting mess in the first place.

A healthy lifestyle is not something that just thin people have. Big people can live healthy too. We are all not meant to be a size 2. We all come in different shapes and sizes. It’s all about being comfortable in your skin and then making a commitment to eat right and exercise…to make that a lifestyle and not just some temporary kick-start type of diet to lose weight quickly. Trust me, once you start your healthy lifestyle, the weight will come off. You might not become a size 2 nor will the weight come off overnight but I promise you, you will feel better about yourself.

My dad, the wonderful man he was, always told me that what counts is what’s in your heart. And your size does not define how big or great your heart is. But you also have to take care of that heart. We get so focused on changing our outer selves that we forget that we need to make sure our inner selves are healthy too. The first step is to look in the mirror right now and tell yourself “I love you”. If you can do that, you’re halfway there. If you can’t, it’s time to be real with yourself and start working on that. Because if you don’t love yourself, how are you going to be the best you can be inside and out?

All Eyez On...:Chenese Lewis

The month of October is a great month that talks to not just Halloween but breast cancer awareness and self-love/body acceptance. In honor of that, we end the month with our feature interview with Chenese Lewis. Her career resume spans from plus size pageantry and modeling to public speaking and acting. However, most importantly, she is a advocate for body acceptance and an icon in the plus size community. She continues to inspire, not just plus size women, but women everywhere. I had the pleasure of talking to her about some important events she had during October and more...

Hi Chenese! “Love Your Body Day” happened on October 22, for which you are the creator and producer for your local chapter in Los Angeles, CA (in the Hollywood area). Please tell us more about this wonderful event.
Love Your Body Day was launched by the National Organization for Women (NOW) in 1998. I joined Hollywood NOW and created an event for my local chapter. This year marks my 6^th year producing Hollywood NOW’s Love Your Body Day, which over the years has gotten bigger and bigger from a one day event to a whole weekend of events.

Are there any other chapters/cities that hold their own “Love Your Body Day”?
Yes, there are Love Your Body Day events across the country that are organized by other NOW chapters or on college campuses; they just aren’t as big and highly publicized as mine, so some might not be aware of something already going on in their town.

You are also the spokesperson for BEDA, which stands for: Binge Eating Disorder Association. How did that come about and what does that mean to you?
I am really excited to be the spokesperson for such a wonderful organization! Before getting involved with this organization, it had never crossed my mind that a plus size woman could have an eating disorder, and there wasn’t any awareness in the plus size community about it. Every time I got invited to an eating disorder event, it was always focused on Anorexia and Bulimia and I always associated eating disorders with very thin women. Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder and there are a lot of plus size women that have it. As the BEDA Spokesperson, I will help increase awareness around unrealistic “body-perfect” ideals, binge eating disorder and several associated conditions, including compulsive and emotional eating, and food addiction.

Chenese, you were the first crowned Miss Plus America in 2003 without any prior pageant experience or formal training. To me, that just really shows that anything is possible if you want it bad enough and are willing to pursue those dreams. So what inspired you to enter that pageant?
I was searching online for opportunities in plus size modeling, at the time I was still living in Louisiana and I was looking for exposure. I stumbled upon the Miss Plus America pageant on-line and was excited to find there was something going on that wasn’t too far from my hometown. I was inspired reading about the women who had already entered the pageant and just inspired about having a platform that celebrated plus size women.

Do you feel that pageant was the springboard for your successful career in modeling, public speaking, hosting and acting? You are such a wonderful advocate and icon for positive body image. What advice would you give curvy girls who are trying to break into the plus model business and/or plus pageantry world?
The pageant title was not necessarily a springboard for my career, since I was the first to hold the title, no one knew much about it beforehand. So in addition to promoting myself, I had to create awareness about the pageant. However it definitely gave me something different and unique to use to market myself to get attention, and I worked it to my advantage. The plus model business and plus pageantry are two different worlds, in my opinion. A pageant title won’t help you book modeling jobs if you don’t have what it takes. I think the pageant title is good for those looking to be advocates about their platforms.

Plus Model Magazine coined you “A Leader in the Curvy Revolution” and Project Curve Appeal calls you the “Plus Size It Girl”. What do these titles mean to you?
I’m very honored to be thought of that highly by my peers, it really means a lot. So often we tear each other down instead of lifting each other up, like we should. It means a lot for someone to take the time to recognize you in a positive way, rather it’s an award or just a few kind words, I’m grateful for it all and don’t take it for granted. Sometimes even the motivator needs motivating!

What are your thoughts on the reality show “Big Sexy”? Did you feel it was an accurate portrayal of the life of a plus size woman trying to break into the fashion world? Do you think the show helps the mainstream public to see plus size women in a more positive light?
I loved the show! I don’t think every plus size woman’s story is the same, and I think they had a diverse set of women with different personalities and life experiences. I think the show helped show plus size women in a positive light, which is what we are all fighting for, and I think it was a win for not only the women on the show but the entire plus size community. I hope it helps to open doors for more diversity on television.

Who inspires you in the plus size/curvy community?
All of the women in the community inspire me that are confident and living their lives to the fullest! However my ultimate inspiration comes from women in mainstream media like Oprah and Queen Latifah.

You also launched Plus Model Radio in early 2008 and it is currently the #1 podcast for plus size women. What does Plus Model Radio cover?
PLUS Model Radio covers everything for curvy women, including up close and personal conversations with a wide range of industry experts. On the show I interview the who’s who of the plus size community, and give the audience an inside look into the industry. Guests include top plus size models, actresses, designers, reality stars, etc.
You were honored by Project Curve Appeal with a Curvy Icon award during the 2011 Pink City Sisterhood Conference, held in Atlanta, GA this year, Sept 30-Oct 2. Congratulations on that! Very well deserved. Please tell us more about the Curvy Icon award and what it means to you.
I was honored with the Curvy Icon Award for my dedication and work within the plus size community for over 10 years. I’m honored to be recognized in such a way, and like I said before I’m grateful for those in the community that support my work in any way.

You also hosted this year’s Rock The Runway (an event for women of all sizes) earlier this month and will host the Miss Plus Top Model Awards on October 30th. You’ve accomplished so much and continue to inspire and empower curvy women everywhere. What’s next for you?
I am blessed to have so many events on my schedule, but there is always room for more! I have hosting events already being scheduled for 2012 around the country, as well as acting and spokesperson projects in the works.

What advice and wisdom would you offer to plus size women everywhere who may need some words of encouragement or help with accepting and loving themselves at the size they currently are?
I would tell anyone who is feeling down about their size to quit critiquing your body, sometimes we can be our own worst critics, no one is perfect. They should start focusing on the things they like about their self instead and what other qualities and skills they have to offer the world besides their physical appearance. Work on being healthy rather than obsessing over being a certain size. At the end of the day, it’s the size of your heart that matters, not the size of your body.

(Photos courtesy of cheneselewis.com and missplusamerica.com)
Visit Chenese on-line at http://www.cheneselewis.com/ or tune into Plus Model Radio at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/plusmodelradio.
For more information on some of the events or organizations mentioned above, please check out:

Love Your Body Day: http://loveyourbodyday.com/
BEDA: http://www.bedaonline.com/
Miss Plus Top Models Awards: http://www.missplustopmodels.com/
Rock The Runway: http://werocktherunway.com/
Project Curve Appeal: http://www.projectcurveappeal.com/
Miss Plus America: http://www.missplusamerica.com/

Behind The Scenes of the "Why I Love My Body" Photo Shoot

On August 21, 2010, twelve women came together in a photo studio in Williamsbrige, Brooklyn, answering the call of Editor-In-Chief Ms. Aja B. to take part in an editorial entitled, "Why I Love My Body". One fab photographer, one super stylist, 2 make-up artists, seven models (and ONE air conditioner seemingly on its last legs) later, the following is the result and declaration to serve as inspiration for plus size women everywhere--Love Your Body! TODAY!

Here are some behind the scenes images!

Plus Model & Pageant Director Tiffany Braxton Belvin
(We were ALL trying to take that hot pink fan!)

Spoken Word Artist, Radio Host & Activist
Lynx "Supersize Spanishfly" Garcia

Plus Model Jeannie Ferguson
(She was werkin' it in those shoes!)

Comedian Erica Watson

Divas in the City CEO Gabrielle Barnes waiting for wardrobe.

Lots of Make-up & Accessories needed for the shoot!

The ladies getting in place for the Group Shot.

 Ready for their close-up!

Be sure to check out the finished results in the new digital issue at http://www.belle-noir.com/!