|Me striking a pose with my aunt|
I recently had an A-ha moment, as Oprah calls it. I was talking to someone recently about my life and how far we have come to this point. I then described my journey in decades. I spoke so passionately about how as a child, in the first decade of my life, I was so carefree and fearless. I was a happy kid who loved the color red, was always dancing around the house and posed for all my pics with my hand on my hip, doing my runway pose. My teens were about me being different and reveling in that. My 20’s were about me going through that transition from teen to adult, going to college and learning to be independent.
My 30’s were about being on my own, having a career and learning a lot about men and romance. I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. I dated the same guy while in my 20’s and he was my high school sweetheart. So it wasn’t until in my 30’s, that I got to date different men and see what’s out here. My 30’s were all about discovering life as an adult and seeing the world. I traveled and basically had the time of my life. Now, I’m in my early 40’s. This decade so far has been about growth and being focused on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I never got married and had children. It’s me being that late bloomer again. I feel like I blinked and now I am in this place where I want to get my focus back and get serious about what I want to do with my life.
|Ah, my 30's|
But it’s more than that. I want to be truly happy with me. I want to make better choices in my life. Because like I always say, we have a choice. And that’s a pretty powerful thing. But sometimes, we give that power away and forget that we have a choice. We don’t have to be friends with people who don’t accept us for who we are. We can choose who we want in our world. We don’t have to let some stranger's negative comment hurt us. Again, we have a choice: will we let some stranger ruin our day or will we keep it moving and choose to be happy? We don't have to be in a relationship with someone who does not treat us well or make us happy. We can choose whether we want to be with them or not. Now making those choices are not easy but the payoff is your happiness. It was in that moment of reminder that made me realize that something was missing in my life: The core of who I really am. I truly lost myself for a bit.
When I talk about the core of who I am, I am talking about that Me that I was when I was a child, the first decade of my journey. The person I described above. I had so much sass and personality back then. I truly did not care what anyone thought of me. In my mind, there was always a spotlight on me and I acted as such. I was fabulous and amazing. I was fearless and untainted by the world. All of us have been that child. Even if you were not outgoing as a kid or if you were shy, as children, we have this carefree, fearless nature about us where we live life looking forward to what comes and are not afraid to be ourselves. We dance like we are alone on the dancefloor and without a care in the world.
|My inner child|
But of course, we never stay that way. We experience setbacks and disappointments. We meet people who tear us down. We change according to what happens to us along our journey. However, the core of who we are is always there. But these situations and people suppress the core of who we are. We start to care what people think. We become less fearless and more cautious. We tend to not be as carefree and instead, worry more. We lose ourselves by trying to fit in. We give our power away at times when we are letting others dictate who we should be.
I then realized that I want to be that person again. I want to stop worrying about what others think of me. I want to be more fearless and take bigger chances. I want to be myself and not care what others think. I just want to live life without a care in the world. I want to live as if every day is my last day on this earth. But is that possible? I mean, I am not a child anymore. And life is very different than it was when I was a child. The answer to that is YES. I can be that person again. I CHOOSE to be that person again.
I think it’s all about finding balance in your life. Taking what you have learned so far on your journey and merging that with the core of who you are. We will always have those moments when we doubt ourselves. But if we can remind ourselves that fear will get us nowhere and life would be so much better if we were true to ourselves, we can channel that inner child within. That child-like way of dealing with life can help us get through the tough times. It can help us take our power back and be ourselves no matter what the world thinks.
With the new year almost here, I want to do things that make me happy, even if others think I’m nuts or have an opinion on it. I want to channel that inner child and dance through the streets like no one is watching. I want to feel free. Once I made that decision, I felt so powerful. Channeling your inner child is taking your power back. It’s making a pact with yourself to be you with no hesitation. And that’s such a wonderful thing.
So while I believe that my 40’s are going to continue to be all about growth and direction, it is also going to be about me being myself in a world where there is no one else like me and I’m going to celebrate that right into my 50’s. I am already dancing and thinking about adding some more red to my wardrobe. My spotlight is back on so I have to make sure I look and feel fabulous.