Fearless Fridays: Worry Less, Accept More, Part 2

Last week, I talked about my experience of being delayed at Tampa International Airport and how my patience got me through the situation. As I wrote last week, my mantra in life going forward is to worry less, accept more. That outlook on life goes hand in hand with so many things we deal with on a daily basis. One of the biggest challenges many of us face come from others in our lives. 

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in life is that people will only disappoint you if you let them. If we accept people at face value, then there are no surprises. A person will always show you who they are. It is up to you to see their true selves. Many of us make excuses for others when they wrong us. But at the end of the day, we always have a choice. We can choose whether to deal with them or not. A big part of worrying less and accepting more comes from how we feel about ourselves. It always comes back to YOU. If you know your worth and are confident, you won’t worry about what others are doing. You will accept that everyone has their own path to walk and that things will fall into place, as they are meant to.

One of the most important lessons my dad ever taught me was the importance of confidence. He always told me that people will not take you seriously and will think that they can take advantage of you if they feel you are not confident in who you are. In his opinion, lack of confidence shows weakness and there are people out there who will use that to their benefit.  See? It’s like that saying, “If you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love someone else?” Or be loved back, for that matter. You don’t even know what love is if you don’t have it for yourself.

Having confidence means showing the world that you are proud to be you. It’s as if you are celebrating who you are. It’s a party wherever you go because you are happy to be you. When you know your worth and value to the world, you will settle for nothing.  You certainly won’t stand for mistreatment. You will not let people into your life who will bring you down.  When you’re confident, you make better decisions and stand by them. You’re not afraid to fail because you are confident to know that while this may not have worked out, it doesn’t mean giving up entirely.

Confidence is not an easy thing for some. We all have moments of low confidence. It happens. We’re all human. But my dad also told me that in moments of low confidence, you have to “fake it ‘til you make it”. Because how you carry yourself is how people see you. And that is what you will attract back into your life. Moments of low confidence do not mean you are not confident. It just means you’re having a moment. What matters is what you do next. You can pick yourself up and try again or you can give up. Again, it’s all up to you.

The little things like how you stand, how you walk and how you speak say a lot about who you are. Confident people stand up straight and are not afraid to look at someone in the eyes. They walk with their head up high and smile on their faces. They speak in a tone which commands attention and respect. When you speak low, almost to a whisper and can’t look someone in the eyes when speaking to them, that’s telling the other person that you don’t believe in what you’re expressing. That other person is not going to be affected by anything you’ve said.

Improve your body language and you will improve your relationships and life. And even when you are not feeling as confident as usual, still play the part. Stand straight, head high and keep it moving. I always call it my runway walk. Even when I am feeling lousy, once I start doing my runway walk, it makes me feel better and it reminds me of my greatness.

Always remember that there is only one you in the world. There is no one else like you. Think of how powerful that is. You are you. And you were made this way for a reason. No one is going to love you as much as you love yourself. No one can validate you as much as you validate yourself. So stop worrying about what others think or say. Accept that they feel that way but that, that is not who you are. You are beautiful, smart, talented, caring and you are just YOU. 

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 2

2012 will be over in a few days. Are you ready? I know I am. I’m starting the new year with a clean slate. I have cleaned house in my life and have let go of toxic people and things. I have my list of goals I want to accomplish. I am so excited for what’s to come. Many people say 2013 is a lucky year, especially if the number 13 is your lucky number. As I mentioned last week in part 1 of this blog, we are all closing out a chapter in our lives with the year ending. December 21st marked the winter solstice, the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one.  So this is a great time for a do-over. It’s never too late to renew your life and take control of your story.

Many times, taking control of your story is as simple as looking at the current story we are telling ourselves. You tell the world your story as you live it but you are also essentially telling that story to yourself as well. We are watching our own stories and reacting to them. If we react negatively, it’s almost as if we are telling ourselves that our life is not great and will never work out. That is self-sabotage and will just keep our life in that state. Your life is what you make it. So ask yourself: How are you telling the story of your life? Are you telling your story from a negative outlook?

If you are living out your story in a negative state, one of the ways you can change that is to change your way of thinking. The power of thinking is incredible. Many of us don’t realize that all it takes is a positive outlook to change things around.  Even in the words we speak, we are determining our outlook in life. The words can’t, won’t, should of, would of, don’t and any other words used in a negative fashion should not even be in your vocabulary. As soon as you say you “can’t” do something, you are already setting the tone for what’s to come. You are holding yourself back from living life to its fullest.

It’s not easy to change your way of thinking if you have been in a pity party for years and are used to complaining about your life and how you never seem to catch a break. But the first step is always the hardest. If you’re capable making the first step, then you can do anything you set your mind to. Having a positive outlook is something you work on daily, one day at a time. First, you have to accept that you are accountable for the choices you make. You cannot place blame on others and the world for a lack of successes and happiness. You have to check yourself on this, accept that you are the reason things have not been going right because of the poor choices you have been making and then make a commitment to make better choices. 

Second, you have to stop worrying about what someone else has. Everyone has their own journey and while someone else may seem to have it all, you never know the full story. Everyone has their own crosses to bear in life. No one’s life is perfect.  When you focus on someone else and what they have, it takes your focus off of your own life. You are not meant to have what the next person has. You are meant to have your own successes. You have your own journey to walk. You have your own story. No two stories are the same. So instead of focusing on someone else and being jealous of what they have, celebrate the fact that your story is unique, can always change, that you are in control and always have a choice.

Another thing that many of us do to ourselves is beat ourselves up when we fail. To live a happy life, don't be so hard on yourself.  It’s perfectly normal to want to win but you have to accept that you won’t always win because some things are not meant for you to gain. Sometimes a loss is a blessing. It shows us a lesson and helps us to grow on our journey. It can give us strength and increased determination, if we let it. Again, it’s all about a positive way of thinking. My dad used to always tell me that failure doesn't mean you're a loser because at least you tried.  There are people out there who give up without trying because of fear. Then you will never know if you would have won or lost. And that’s worse than trying and seeing the end result, good or bad. Because whether it’s good or bad, you will get something out it. If you keep trying, you will succeed more times than you fail because of all the lessons learned from the losses.

Anyone who knows me knows my love for the TV show Survivor and Jeff Probst. He has a mantra he lives by, which I love: Say yes to adventure! Adventure comes in many forms. You don’t have to climb Mt Everest or see the Great Wall of China. An adventure can be as simple as leaving your house to take a walk. When you say YES to adventure, you are committing to putting yourself out there in the world. Putting yourself out there means putting yourself in situations where you can allow the Universe to place people and opportunities in your path. The love of your life or the job you love will not come knocking on your door and be handed to you. Nothing will find you if you are locked up in your house, in your pajamas. Having adventure in your life will make you feel empowered and good. Most of all, it will make you happy. 

For me, just being outside is an adventure. I love people watching. I love looking at the sky and appreciating the world and all its beauty. It makes me feel rejuvenated and alive. I love to travel for this reason. It is amazing to me how I can get on a plane and be in an entirely different part of the world in a matter of hours. It is incredible to see the different architecture and customs. Do what you love and also dare to do things out of the box that are new and exciting. That is your adventure.

As long as you have a dream in your heart that you believe in and a desire to bring that dream into fruition, there is nothing that can stop you from making that happen in your life but YOU. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your life. Take it one day at a time. We are all works in progress but what matters is that we make the effort to be better people and have better lives. 

Bottom line: change your story and you will change your life. Just make sure that story is a great one. Happy New Year, everyone! Wishing all of you an amazing year ahead full of growth, evolution and happiness. It's the best gift you can give yourself. Cheers! xo

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 1

We’re almost at the end of the year, folks. 2012 was a very pivotal year for me personally and professionally. I have to be honest and say I am not sad to see this year end. However, no matter what happens, at the end of the day, we each have control over the story of our lives. 

If you are unhappy with the state of your life at the moment, the upside is that your life doesn’t have to stay that way. The next chapter of your life can be rewritten. As I have said before, we all have a choice. We can choose to be a hero or a victim. We can choose what we do next. We always have a choice. So do you choose to stand still in your own pity party and not grow? Or do you choose to make a change and take control of your story?

If you choose to take control of your story, all you have to do is rewrite it. And now is a great time. Not New Year’s Eve. Not January 1st. NOW. We are closing out a chapter with the year ending; today is the winter solstice and according to the Mayans, it is the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one. It is a time for renewal and starting over. Some people actually view the next three days as a solstice sojourn and take this time to clean out their lives, open their heart and spirit to what’s coming in 2013. Empty and receive – those are the major words to describe this solstice period. It is a time to really listen to your inner voice and set goals for the next year.

If you want to make changes in your life for the better and rewrite the next chapter of your story, you have to be committed to making some changes in your life. It won’t be easy but I promise you, it will be worth it. Your happiness and well-being are invaluable so any tough steps to getting there and achieving the best life you can live is well worth it.

First and foremost, it is so important to surround yourself with positive people and things .  Throughout your life, you have to clean house. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sometimes we tend to try to hold on to these seasonal people and when they have outgrown their season, they become toxic to our lives. Just as you clean your home and get rid of things you no longer use, the same has to be done in your life. Your space should be something you hold invaluable and take great care as to who you choose to let in your space. 

When you surround yourself with positive people who mirror what you want to achieve in your life, you will see the difference in your way of thinking, your mood and your overall outlook on life. It’s also important to surround yourself with positive places. If you are somewhere that makes you unhappy, that will affect your life negatively. It’s hard to let go of some people and places but once you do, it will change your life for the better. Just listen to your intuition and pay attention to how they treat you. That will show you who are lifelong friends and who are seasonal. It’s like what Maya Angelou once said, “When someone first shows you who they are, believe them.” People won’t change and we cannot control their actions. But we can control who we let into our life and where we choose to be.

Next, make love a priority in your life - for yourself and others. If you don’t love yourself, you will not know how to love someone else and let them love you fully. As I always say, there is only one you in the world and that’s an amazing thing. You were put on this Earth as you for a reason. Everything starts with you. You have to believe in yourself and what you can do in your life. No one else can do that for you. Once you love yourself, you will be able to love freely and get that love back in your life. You will not stand for mistreatment or abuse because you love yourself enough to know your worth. Loving yourself is not easy for some. But is very necessary to live your life to its fullest.

Loving yourself is a daily project. It won’t happen overnight, especially if you have spent most of your life not being happy with yourself. Start off by focusing on the parts of you that you love, physically and non-physically. Start doing little things for yourself that you enjoy. Start speaking positively to yourself and others. Learn to enjoy being you. As in the start of every great love affair, you have to start somewhere and build from there. The love will grow, believe me. You just have to take that first step and accept you for who you are. Now if there is something about you that you don’t like, again, you have a choice. You can change IF you really want to. Instead of commiserating over it, do something about it. Accepting yourself as you are does not mean you have to stay the way you are. You have to be who you are happiest being. You have to be true to yourself. For example, do you want to lose weight and be healthier? All it takes is being active and eating better. Do you want to be a more giving person? Then volunteer or help someone. We each have the power within us to be the best person we can be if we choose to be. 

One of the most important things you can do in your life is take a chance. So many opportunities are thrown in our path but we miss them because we let fear stop us from taking a chance. If you take a chance on something or someone and it doesn't work out, then it wasn't in the cards. It was not meant to be. But at least, you know the outcome because you took the chance. There will be no “what ifs”. There is a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned from every experience. And while some experiences don’t work out in the end, during the experience, you may have the time of your life or may encounter something or someone that will lead to an even bigger and better opportunity. You are doing yourself and the world a disservice when you don't take a chance and put yourself out there. So just take a chance and let go. You never know what could happen.

Next week, I will continue to give tips on how to rewrite the next chapter of your life in part 2 of this blog. Let’s start 2013 with a renewed outlook on life and commitment to living the best lives we can.

I wish all of you and your families a wonderful holiday. Be thankful, be inspired and most of all, be YOU. xoxo  

Fearless Fridays: Choosing To Be Who You Really Are

Me striking a pose with my aunt

I recently had an A-ha moment, as Oprah calls it. I was talking to someone recently about my life and how far we have come to this point. I then described my journey in decades. I spoke so passionately about how as a child, in the first decade of my life, I was so carefree and fearless. I was a happy kid who loved the color red, was always dancing around the house and posed for all my pics with my hand on my hip, doing my runway pose. My teens were about me being different and reveling in that. My 20’s were about me going through that transition from teen to adult, going to college and learning to be independent.

My 30’s were about being on my own, having a career and learning a lot about men and romance. I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. I dated the same guy while in my 20’s and he was my high school sweetheart. So it wasn’t until in my 30’s, that I got to date different men and see what’s out here. My 30’s were all about discovering life as an adult and seeing the world. I traveled and basically had the time of my life. Now, I’m in my early 40’s. This decade so far has been about growth and being focused on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I never got married and had children. It’s me being that late bloomer again. I feel like I blinked and now I am in this place where I want to get my focus back and get serious about what I want to do with my life.

Ah, my 30's

But it’s more than that. I want to be truly happy with me. I want to make better choices in my life. Because like I always say, we have a choice. And that’s a pretty powerful thing. But sometimes, we give that power away and forget that we have a choice. We don’t have to be friends with people who don’t accept us for who we are. We can choose who we want in our world. We don’t have to let some stranger's negative comment hurt us. Again, we have a choice: will we let some stranger ruin our day or will we keep it moving and choose to be happy? We don't have to be in a relationship with someone who does not treat us well or make us happy. We can choose whether we want to be with them or not. Now making those choices are not easy but the payoff is your happiness. It was in that moment of reminder that made me realize that something was missing in my life: The core of who I really am. I truly lost myself for a bit.

When I talk about the core of who I am, I am talking about that Me that I was when I was a child, the first decade of my journey. The person I described above. I had so much sass and personality back then. I  truly did not care what anyone thought of me. In my mind, there was always a spotlight on me and I acted as such. I was fabulous and amazing. I was fearless and untainted by the world. All of us have been that child. Even if you were not outgoing as a kid or if you were shy, as children, we have this carefree, fearless nature about us where we live life looking forward to what comes and are not afraid to be ourselves. We dance like we are alone on the dancefloor and without a care in the world.

My inner child

But of course, we never stay that way. We experience setbacks and disappointments. We meet people who tear us down. We change according to what happens to us along our journey. However, the core of who we are is always there. But these situations and people suppress the core of who we are. We start to care what people think. We become less fearless and more cautious. We tend to not be as carefree and instead, worry more.  We lose ourselves by trying to fit in. We give our power away at times when we are letting others dictate who we should be.

I then realized that I want to be that person again. I want to stop worrying about what others think of me. I want to be more fearless and take bigger chances. I want to be myself and not care what others think. I just want to live life without a care in the world. I want to live as if every day is my last day on this earth. But is that possible? I mean, I am not a child anymore. And life is very different than it was when I was a child. The answer to that is YES. I can be that person again. I CHOOSE to be that person again.

I think it’s all about finding balance in your life. Taking what you have learned so far on your journey and merging that with the core of who you are. We will always have those moments when we doubt ourselves. But if we can remind ourselves that fear will get us nowhere and life would be so much better if we were true to ourselves, we can channel that inner child within. That child-like way of dealing with life can help us get through the tough times. It can help us take our power back and be ourselves no matter what the world thinks.

With the new year almost here, I want to do things that make me happy, even if others think I’m nuts or have an opinion on it. I want to channel that inner child and dance through the streets like no one is watching. I want to feel free. Once I made that decision, I felt so powerful. Channeling your inner child is taking your power back. It’s making a pact with yourself to be you with no hesitation. And that’s such a wonderful thing. 

So while I believe that my 40’s are going to continue to be all about growth and direction, it is also going to be about me being myself in a world where there is no one else like me and I’m going to celebrate that right into my 50’s. I am already dancing and thinking about adding some more red to my wardrobe. My spotlight is back on so I have to make sure I look and feel fabulous.

Fearless Fridays: Are you a hero or a victim?

Who you truly are as a person is best revealed by who you are during times of conflict and crisis. ~ Karen Salmansohn

There will be times during your life where you will go through terrible times. Yet those bad moments end up making us better and stronger. Despite it all, we are always given a choice. Do you want to be your own hero? Or do you want to be a victim? 

To be a hero is the harder choice of the two. It’s so easy to just feel sorry for yourself and jump head first into a pity party, where you are the only guest. But despite you choosing the easy route and playing the victim, that role will actually end up with the harder result. When you choose to be the victim, you are choosing to halt your journey. You are choosing to not learn the lesson and not let yourself become a better person. You are choosing to not live your life to its full potential and continue on your path.

When you choose to be your own hero, what makes it so hard is letting go. It’s so hard to let go of the pain and move on. But once you do…WOW. Your life can only get better. You learn the lesson and hopefully, do not make the same mistake twice. But if you do, so what?  The wonderful thing about life is that you will get a do-over; another chance to make a different decision. As long as you choose to be your own hero and not a victim, you will get through it, let go and move on as a better person.

Personally, I have gone through four pivotal moments in my life where I was forced to make that choice between hero and victim. Those moments have defined who I am today. I will admit I chose to be a victim for the first two moments and hero for the latter two.

When I was 10, I was extremely mistreated and neglected by a family member outside of my immediate family. It's still hard to talk about or even utter the word "abuse" but sometimes we have to share our story in order to inspire others on their path. I went to live with this relative for a year and it changed my life and my path. I won’t disclose their identity for privacy reasons but I have no contact with them anymore. It took me years to forgive this person. I had to come to terms with the fact that forgiving this person was for me and not for them. It had to be done in order to let go and move on. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to keep them in your life. Out of this terrible experience, I grew up fast and in that, grew my need to control everything around me. I didn’t trust anyone and felt like I had to take care of myself.  This need for control and lack of trust in anyone lasted until my 30’s and caused me to develop some anxiety issues. Yup, that’s what choosing to be a victim did to my life. It affected my relationships, dictated the person I chose to be in a relationship with, affected my friendships…everything. I chose to be a victim by letting that situation change me into a person that was holding herself back from truly living..

Even today, after turning my life around, I have my moments where I have a hard time letting go and relinquishing control. But I have come to realize that there are some things that are beyond my control. I can only control me and my actions. I can’t control others. When I realized this, things became so much easier to deal with. I didn’t impose unrealistic expectations on others. And I didn’t set myself up for disappointment and I certainly didn’t get frustrated easily when people didn’t act the way I expected them to. It’s still hard work but I take it one day at a time.

My first serious relationship lasted eight years and it was a big dysfunctional mess. He cheated on me many times and didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I chose to be the victim and stay all those years when deep down there was a little, faint voice within, telling me I could do better. But I couldn’t see my worth. I loved the idea of him and of having a boyfriend. I just didn’t know my worth and I settled.  I chose to be a victim. Eight years is a long time but going to college and meeting people along the way who inspired me to be the best person I can be is what finally gave me the courage to walk away. I learned that having a boyfriend didn’t define me and that it’s okay to be alone. I learned to never settle again. If you know your worth, you will never settle.

Then came my dad's passing on April 10, 2011. His death turned my life upside down. I was so hurt. I’m still in pain. And while it was tempting to crawl into bed and be a victim, I just couldn’t do it. I have come such a long way in my life and I knew I would not be honoring my dad by being a victim. So choosing to be my own hero was one of the hardest things I had to do. The lesson I took away from this was that I will never taking anything for granted ever again. I will appreciate the people in my life who I love and will always cherish them. It made me see how short and unpredictable life really is.

However, there are times in your life where you will choose to be your own hero but then have a moment where you slide backwards and become a victim. We’re human. It happens. So eighteen months after my dad’s death, I felt myself slipping. Then Hurricane Sandy happened. Sandy took me out of my comfort zone. Even now, life as I knew it, will never be the same. And I realized that I was slipping backwards because I was getting too comfortable in my life. 

Like I have said before, when you’re comfortable, you’re actually stuck. You think you’re good but really, you’re comfortable and standing still. I choose right now to be my own hero. I think many people affected by Sandy are not only going through a property rebuild but a life rebuild as well. Going through something like this gives you a new perspective on life. It reminded me that I cannot take anything for granted or ever get too comfortable. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest and you can’t do that while being in your comfort zone and being afraid to see what’s out there.

Life is all about staying focused on what you want and working hard for it. This rings true for happiness. If you want to be happy, you have to make the effort to be happy. You have to do things that will make you happy.  Happiness just doesn’t come knocking on your door and saying “I’m HERE!” So why would you choose to be the victim when being your own hero guarantees you happiness? It takes so much strength to rise above setbacks and disappointments, especially when it is one that has hurt the deepest. But if you do that, the results are so worth it.

And you will look back and see that you were stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for, You became your own hero.

Fearless Fridays: The Lessons I Learned From My Dad

In the midst of all the Superstorm Sandy mess, my dad’s 63th birthday crept on me on November 10. I spent so much time trying to prepare for the day and then Sandy happened, which totally turned my life upside down. I had planned to be in Tampa on his birthday, to spread some of his ashes in the ocean from the pier in Clearwater Beach. But of course, life intervened in the form of Superstorm Sandy.

His birthday marked not only his birthday, but 19 months since he passed away. It’s just like my dad to pass away with the dates matching evenly. I always say I got my attention to detail and desire to make sure everything is neat and orderly from him. I spent the day, thinking of him non-stop. So many things have happened in my life in such a short time and it caused me to really reflect on my life. It has made me see what needs work and what I need to do to move forward.

I always talk about the lessons I have learned from my father. He was one of the smartest men I knew and he prepared me for life. He saw my strength within, even when I didn’t know it existed. And this is why he continually taught me about life and how to handle the ups and downs. He knew I could take it and he knew I would get through it all. He knew I was strong enough.

One lesson he always reminded me of was how life is one continuous test. We will always be presented with forks in the road. Sometimes those forks in the road come disguised as setbacks and disappointments. Sometimes they are disguised as being in a comfortable situation but having that restless feeling in your gut that you need to move on. Your intuition is never wrong and listening to your intuition is making a decision when you come to that fork in the road, on which path to take.

Daddy used to always tell me that opportunities will always be presented along your journey but we make the decision on how we receive those opportunities. We can choose to seize them or we can choose to ignore them. Either way, you are choosing which path to take. Many times, we encounter setbacks and disappointments and the pain from that halts us on our journey because we are too emotional to see the lesson. That lesson shows us what path we need to stay on. So we may take the wrong path on the road because we let our emotions rule our decision.

With everything that has happened in the last two years, from my dad’s sudden passing to my relationship failing to even Superstorm Sandy, I have made the choice to not let my emotions affect my steps going forward. I think of Daddy and what he would do. It’s hard for me because I am an emotional person. I take things to heart. I’m still grieving 19 months later for my father like it was yesterday when I got the call that he was gone. I’m still hurt over that failed relationship because I gave this man my all and did nothing wrong, yet he still broke my heart. And then Sandy just thrust me into this space where I didn’t feel safe. I felt out of control and thrown out of my familiar routine and life. Which leads to another key lesson I learned from my father…

I have to live my life the best way I can and not have regrets. When you have regrets, it’s just like you’re holding onto the past. It is what it is. It happened and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can never change the past. However, you can rewrite your story going forward and have a different ending. Instead of having regret and looking back, start to look forward. Be excited at the possibilities that await you. Accept that those past mistakes and regrets are just that…in the past.

In order to fully live life, we have to keep looking forward. If you keep looking back, you won’t see what is awaits you on your journey. My dad admitted to me that he made plenty of mistakes in his life but his life was such a great story and he died with no regrets. He did the best he could with what he had. It’s as simple as that.

I go back home this weekend, back to my life post-Sandy. The power is back on and the rebuild has begun. I am so lucky and fortunate to have a home to go back to.  So many lost their homes and belongings.  And out of this whole thing, I have to say, it has really made me discover another facet to my calling in this world. It has made me realize that it is okay to be nice and want to help others. We live in a world where people are in such a “ME” mode and are suspicious of anyone wanting to offer help. As I said a few weeks ago, all it takes is one person to make a change and start that domino effect in the world. If you have a pure, genuine heart, let it shine through. Be who you are. You are giving the world a great gift when you are true to yourself. 

I have seen so many pure, genuine hearts in the last three weeks and it inspires me to be a better person. The world is not as bad as I thought. I know my dad is looking down at me, proud. He sees his legacy continuing strong as ever and sees that his lessons are being put into full use. Thank you, Daddy, for the lessons you taught me. Happy birthday. I love you infinity.

Fearless Fridays: Are You Living or Existing?

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  ~Judy Garland

A friend of mine posted an interesting question on her Facebook page the other day, which caught my attention. It was simply: Are you living or existing?

Talk about powerful! Often, we are just existing and don’t even realize it. It’s easy to put your life on auto-pilot when you’re comfortable in your everyday routine. But being comfortable doesn’t always equal happiness. Remember that you determine your life’s story. You make decisions along your journey that will take you on a certain path. Getting used to a familiar and comfortable routine in your life is essentially just getting by. You’re not being your best self by just getting by.

See, in life, it is not enough to just get by and be comfortable all the time. Life has so much more to offer than that, if you choose to take a chance and seize those opportunities. You are here for a reason and it is not just to exist. I know life can be hard, believe me. We are faced with setbacks and disappointments on a daily basis. However, pushing through those dark times are big wins. And learning the lesson from those moments is the ultimate victory because it will help you to be one step closer to being your best self. 

But when you let those dark moments keep you from living, you are just giving up and existing. That is no way to live life, especially since you only have one life to live. Your mindset is very important in being your best self. Your thoughts shape your actions and your life. Positive thinking can do a long way. It won’t eliminate all of your problems but it will help you to deal with them in better way. And it will help you to let go and move on.

Life is meant to be that story where there are more happy moments than sad. It is meant to be a great story where we realize our potential and pursue our dreams. Life is what you make it to be. So think about it, if you decide to make your life wonderful, think of how much you can do with your life. Honestly, all it takes is accepting responsibility for what you are doing in your life and making the decision to not just get by anymore. Why settle for mediocrity when you have dreams in your heart, which when pursued and attained, will turn your life into something awesome?

First things first, you have to be honest with yourself and see yourself for who you are, flaws and all. No one is perfect so stop criticizing yourself and second guessing yourself. Instead, think about how you can change what you are not happy with. For example, want to change jobs? Then make the decision to revamp your resume and start looking for opportunities out there. Make a list of things you’d like to change and then make decisions on how you can make your changes happen.

Second, you have to accept yourself, all of yourself. Love yourself, flaws and all. Accept that while you may not be a rocket scientist, you are meant for something great in your life. You won’t find your true calling unless you accept you for who you are and honestly, do some soul searching on where your strengths lie and how you can align those strengths with your dreams.

Third, you must change your mindset. It’s like I said above, your thoughts are such an important part of being your best self. You can either be the president of your own fan club or your own worst enemy. It’s your choice. Once you change your mindset, you are looking at your life with a new set of eyes. And once you change your mindset, you are actually allowing yourself to open your mind to the possibilities out there.

Lastly, you have to put yourself out there in the world and simply live your life to the fullest. It’s all about action. Once you take action in your life to be your best self, great things will start to happen. The right people will come into your life. The right opportunities will come into your life.

So don’t wait until tomorrow to make a change. Make the decision to change TODAY. You owe it to yourself to be the best you that you can be. Don’t talk about it, be about it! It’s like the saying goes, “Be that person you want to meet.”  By changing yourself for the better, you are changing your world for the better. Don't just exist. Live!

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ~Steve Jobs

Fearless Fridays: Knowing Your Worth

 You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are. ~Yogi Bhajan

I was chatting with a friend on Facebook last night and we started talking about being single. The topic of knowing your worth came up and it instantly took me back to when I was a little girl.  I remember my dad always holding my face, looking into my eyes and telling me how beautiful I was, how smart I was and how I was destined to be something great in this world. He would then end that motivational mini speech with this: “Never lose sight of your worth. That will take you places because you will never settle for mediocrity.”

Wow, powerful words. That was my dad. He was always schooling me on something. And I always listened. 

When people talk of knowing your worth, it’s usually directed towards just dating, like my conversation with my friend. While knowing your worth is imperative in dating, knowing your worth is something imperative in your life period. This is something I learned early on by my dad’s words. We live in a tough, harsh world. Some might say it’s almost like a “survival of the fittest” environment. And the first armor you can create to protect yourself in this world is to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means you will never settle for any mistreatment from anyone; you will know when it’s time to move on.  Knowing your worth means you will never give up until you accomplish what you desire because you believe in yourself. So many things grow from that base of knowing your worth. Your self-love grows, your self-respect grows, your determination grows and most importantly, your persistence and patience grows. Knowing your worth means knowing your value and knowing that you are worthy of having a great relationship, a career you love, being surrounded by people who love and appreciate you and shoot, even worthy of a great outfit and shoes to match!

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world ~ Lucille Ball

Artwork by Rita Loyd © 2013 
http://www.NurturingArt.com

Self-worth and self-esteem go hand in hand. If you don’t think highly of yourself, you will not know what your true worth is. No one will love you like you love yourself. So many of us seek validation from others or compare ourselves to others, which just sets us up to loath ourselves because we will never be like that other person. Honestly, why would you want to be someone else when there’s only one you in the world? Knowing your worth means knowing that you are unique and different and that’s a very powerful thing. No one can ever take that away from you.

The first step in loving yourself and knowing your worth is accepting you for you, flaws and all. No one is perfect in this world. Even when someone appears perfect, they are not. Their imperfections may not be visible to the eye but they exist. When you see the world for its imperfections and the beauty within those imperfections, you will look at life with a new set of eyes. Your flaws are your flaws. But how you look at them is what they will mean to you. Your flaws are what you make them to be. If you focus solely on your flaws and ignore the great things about you, you will never know how amazing you truly are. Our flaws are only a fraction of who we are. We’re the ones who have the power to either put the spotlight on our flaws and dwell on them OR accept our flaws for what they are and focus on the rest of ourselves that is fabulous, unique and wonderful.  

It’s not easy and won’t happen in a day. But if you work at it, it gets easier each day. Despite my dad constantly speaking greatness into my life, I am human and had my own moments of uncertainty. For me, I always felt like I never belonged.  A lot of it had to do with being the lone big girl in my circles and feeling “almost” beautiful.  People would always tell me that if I lost weight, I’d be beautiful. Or if I lost weight, I could do this or that. It was as if my weight determined my worth and my standing in the world.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw a beautiful person but it was hard to shut those other voices out of my head, telling me I was not beautiful. It used to bug me how much worth people put on outer beauty. Frankly, it really screwed my head up when it came to how I looked at outer beauty. So I would wonder what was wrong with me and compare myself to others.

It took some time and the Universe placing people in my path who offered wisdom along the way, for me to see that I was beautiful, inside and out. Once I saw that, I knew my worth and knew that my beauty did not determine my worth. Once I knew my worth, my life changed dramatically because I did not settle for mediocrity. Daddy was right. When you know your worth, you never settle for anything less than what you deserve and want. You won't give yourself away and let people use you and mistreat you. You won't loath and mistreat yourself. 

Knowing your worth is about being true to who you are and knowing that no matter what you have done in the past or what people think of you, you are an incredible, amazing being and you're worth more than gold, diamonds and all the money in the world. When you hold yourself in this high regard, anything is possible. The sky's the limit! And no one can change that unless you let them.  Knowing your worth is the answer to letting great things come into your life, letting love find you and living your life to its highest potential.

I can close my eyes and remember how my dad looked at me when I graduated from college (I was the first one in my family to graduate from college). He looked at me so proudly and said, "I knew you could do it. And you knew it, too."  Yes, Daddy, I know my worth...thank you for seeing it before I did. Your legacy lives on.

Self-Love Sundays: Accept Me As I Am…NOW

Recently, I saw a question posted on Facebook asking if it was fair to tell someone to “Accept me as I am!” if you, yourself, were unhappy with your current state in life. This made me think about my last relationship and reflect on the whole acceptance thing. 

My last relationship was a complicated one. We had a lot in common and had many good times. BUT...he and I butted heads a lot because he was one of those men who never liked things “heavy”. He never liked to have deep conversations. So in order to keep things light, he would constantly joke around and be sarcastic to the point where he was offensive. And then his way of speaking sometimes made me feel like he was trying to tell me what to do and I did not take kindly to that. He said I was too “technical” and serious. That I was being too "sensitive". This was always when I wanted to discuss the state of our relationship and where we were going. So during one of our heated conversations over the phone, I said those 5 magic words to him: “Accept me as I am!” I then told him that this was me and if he didn’t like who I was, he could keep it moving. I felt like he was trying to change me and it offended me. Who was he to tell me about myself?

Many of us have said those 5 magic words to a significant other…heck, we’ve said it to friends and family. It’s something you tell someone who you love and care about and vice versa. But I think this request is often taken out of context. I think it’s perfectly fair to accept someone as they are at that very moment. However, to be the best person you want to be, you have to grow and evolve. You learn from your past mistakes and setbacks. If you don’t learn or let go, you won’t move forward. You won’t grow. So if you are in this stalled state of life and then expect someone to accept you as you are, it won’t work. A big part of any relationship (even friendships) is two people walking together on their individual paths. But if one person is not moving and the other is, the relationship won’t work.

The greatest lesson I have learned in my life is that I cannot change someone else. I can only change myself. Many of us try to control people and situations but in all reality, you can’t. You can only control YOU. You can’t control how the other person will react or treat you. But you can control how you react to their actions. You have the power to change you for the better. So my ex telling me to change this and that maybe I should be “this way” really pissed me off. Because I accepted him for who he was when we first got together. So imagine my surprise when later on into the relationship, when we started to have issues and I voiced my complaints, he threw those 5 magic words back at me. He told me that I knew who he was when we got together so he couldn’t understand why I was having issues with who he was.

While this is true, I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t expect him to stay the same for the rest of his life. I expected him to evolve and grow as well. I believed that there would be moments with us when things would get heavy and that’s okay. But he’s a stubborn man with his own issues and I had to come to terms with the fact that he has to change on his own. I can’t change him. I tried to make it work but me working on myself wasn't going to save our relationship. A relationship is a team effort. It was hard to walk away. It still hurts because I know he’s a good man and has a good heart. But his stubbornness and unwillingness to grow and evolve is what made me walk away.

Dating is not easy, period. That’s why it is so important to learn the lesson in every heartache and not let those heartaches stall your life. As I always say, acceptance is the foundation to everything in life. If you can accept things as they are, those things beyond your control…life would be so much easier to deal with. When we can accept that we are accountable for ourselves and not someone else, I think there will be more happy relationships out there. We will not waste our time trying to change someone else and instead focus on fixing ourselves. You can't make someone do what you want or treat you the way you want to be treated. At the end of the day, you can only control your own actions.

So when I tell someone to accept me as I am, I am telling them to accept me as I am NOW. I won’t be the same person in 5 years. But my goal and mindset is to always try to be a better person. No one is perfect but really, it is the core of someone that counts. If someone has a good heart and will do anything for you, who cares if they joke around sometimes? Over time, that will change (if the person wants to change) but the contents of that great heart will remain the same.

My heart still aches for my ex. I really wish we would have gotten it right. But as I said, I can’t force him to change. All I can do is move forward and keep evolving as I walk my path in life. That’s how you live your best life possible; by being honest with yourself, recognizing your flaws, working to better yourself and just being happy. When that’s your focus, anything is possible in life. And you are showing yourself so much love by living your best life possible. As the saying goes, “Be that person you want to meet”. And let’s not forget…Accept me as I am! ((NOW))  ::big cheesy smile::

Fearless Fridays: Journaling is Good For The Soul

Writing has always been a form of escape for me. I began to journal when I was 10. It was a traumatic year for me. I went to live with a relative for a year so I was in a new school, a new home. And it was not a great experience for me at all. For reasons I won't divulge here, it was one of the worst years of my life that defined and shaped who I am today. Being able to write and journal my feelings helped me get through it all. Journaling helped me while I was in a dark space in my life. It gave me strength. My journal became my best friend; my lifeline.

As the years progressed, my journaling continued. It made me feel better to put my feelings down on paper. It was as if I was purging myself and leaving all the crap behind in my journal. Even today, my journaling is one of the things that I rely on in order to heal my spirit when needed. But it has become more than that. A journal wasn't just a place to record my negative moments. It also became a space to celebrate the good stuff, too. I have times where I go back and read past entries. It shows me how far I have come in my life. It helps me to reflect and let go.

Journaling is essentially telling your story. Everyone's story has its good and bad moments. But it is YOUR story; YOUR life. Journaling is therapeutic. It's never good to keep things bottled up. And if you have no one to talk to and vent to...well, you have your journal where you can write as much as you want and say whatever you want. Your journal is your space to do what you see fit.

There is no standard way to journal. A friend of mine journals by writing poetry. I have another friend who does video entries. Some people have private blogs online where they journal. Or you can do it the old-fashioned way like I do and journal in a notebook. You choose how you want to journal. It's all about telling your story in the way you want to tell it. Since you are creating your own space, you have the freedom to set it up however you want. That freedom is a powerful feeling. It makes you feel free enough to let go of the emotional baggage because you are releasing those feelings into your journal.  An essential part of life is letting go. If you can't let go, you can't move further on your journey. So a journal is the perfect companion for you while on your journey.

A journal can also aid as a guidebook to you during your journey. Old journal entries can work wonders on keeping you in check, let me tell you. By reading past entries, you can rediscover the things you need to do in your life to make changes for the better.  And you can also see how you once were and see how far you have come. You certainly don't want to go backwards in life, only forward.  Through your journal, your past self can check your present self and make sure you don't make the same mistakes or react the same way to a situation.

It’s just something about having a notebook to write anything I want in it, that makes me feel calm and safe.  The best thing about a journal? You don’t need to be a writer to journal. Just write how you feel and let it flow. You will be amazed at what will come out and how great you will feel after.

Journaling is good for the soul. This I know. I can't imagine where I'd be today if I couldn't write my feelings and experiences out on paper. Journaling has helped me to be more open in life. It has provided me with a way to see myself as I really am and realize that I am okay. I am normal. I am enough. It helps me to make my voice heard. When there are times when I feel like I can't say something to someone or about something out loud, I know that I have my journal. I can write it all out and leave it there. 

So if you're feeling like you're carrying too much weight on your heart and soul, you need to release that immediately. All you need is a piece of paper and a pen...or even just a laptop or a cell phone. Just find a way to write it out and let go. Trust me, you will feel better and life will be better. Life is short, unexpected and never guaranteed. All we have are the moments. So tell your story today, let go and let it be.