Stay True to Yourself & Just Be You

"Belief in oneself and knowing who you are—that's the foundation of everything great." ~ Jay-Z

Last week, I talked about listening to your inner voice and trusting yourself. I was inspired to write about that because my inner voice has been screaming at me for the last few weeks and while I was trying not to listen, it could not be ignored anymore. I was going through a period of trying to find myself and not feeling comfortable in where I was in my life.

I think we all go through phases in our lives where we are trying to find ourselves. It doesn’t matter if you’re 14 or 40. Since we continually evolve and change as we walk on our paths in life, there are times we will doubt ourselves. You’re trying to find your voice; your place in the world. Sometimes it is so blatantly clear and sometimes it isn’t. While the core of your voice and who you are never changes, as it grows and evolves, it becomes more defined and improved. And as I previously wrote about in “What’s Your Calling?”, you may know what your calling is but the capacity in which you are to fulfill that calling may not be so easily seen. And if you are not being true to yourself, that throws you off your path as well.

The chaos around you will always affect you, even if you try your hardest not to let it. That’s just life. You just have to learn how to take a moment, deal with the outside distractions and let it go. You can’t let the chaos dictate who you are or what steps you take on your journey in your life. Even though the chaos is there and you cannot control its presence in the world, you can control its presence around you and how it affects you.

In the past, there have been times for me where I am around a lot of people who are doing different things successfully in the same realm as me. And it has made me doubt myself because I am too busy focusing on what others are doing and comparing my successes to theirs. I have since learned that the key to being successful is not focusing on what others are doing – that’s their journeys and callings. Not mine. I had to remind myself that if I stay true to myself and push through, I will fulfill my destiny, just as they will fulfill theirs.

Staying true to yourself means being you even when it feels as if you’re going against the grain and won’t fit in. Think about it – why would you want to fit in when you’re trying to be someone you’re not? You’ll be miserable and yearn to be who you really are. Honestly, you have to love yourself unconditionally. That is the first step on any path of discovery. See yourself for who you really are, faults and all, and just accept you as you are. Love you as you are. It's not easy but it can be done and it will change your life.

When you love yourself unconditionally, you’re not that hard on yourself. You cease to be your own worst enemy. I mean, why would you want to be your own worst critic when you know that when you step out into the world, you will encounter other critics? If you are going to live the life you want to live, you will definitely come across people who will have an opinion on what you should do, how you should live and who you should be. That will never go away. However, if you love yourself unconditionally, then you’re the president of your own fan club. You are happy with who you are no matter what anyone says.

So don’t change your fierceness because someone else doesn’t like it. Often, people criticize others when they feel inadequate about themselves. You can be who you want to be and realize your dreams but you have to be willing to drown out the opinionated voices of others and stay true to yourself.

It’s okay to be different because, as I always say, there’s only one you in the world so you are different anyway. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. Stop trying to be like everyone else. Stop trying to fit in. You are unique. You are your own person. You have your own greatness. You have your own destiny and calling. Basically, you are YOU. And that’s a beautiful thing.

At the end of the day, you’re worth giving yourself the best life possible. That starts from within and making yourself happy. And you will be the happiest when you are being YOU fearlessly and without doubt. Not someone else’s version of who you should be. You have to shed that anxiety and fear of not being accepted or not being appreciated for your own greatness in order to be true to yourself.

As I told a dear friend the other night when we were discussing the plus size fashionistas that are all over New York City: While I love fashion, I am not a slave to fashion. I’m the everyday woman. I just want to look cute and put together when I go out. I love my personal style and I’m me. I’m not knocking any of the fashionistas out there. I say to them “You Go Girl!” But I am not trying to be someone I’m not. I’m staying true to myself. Because that is what my inner voice is telling me what to do and I am listening.

“Anybody pretending to be anything other than who you really are—you will never, ever reach your personal potential.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

On The Go: NAAFA Releases New Travel Brochure for People of Size

With the summer travel months approaching, traveling can be an intimidating task, particuarly for people of size who have to fly to their desired destination. Today, the National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) released a new brochure entitled "Travel Tips for People of Size". In conjunction with the Association for Airline Passenger Rights (AAPR), a nonprofit organization, founded in 2009, whose mission is to promote fairer customer service and accessibility standards in the airline industry and to improve passenger satisfaction, the brochure includes tips on selecting and booking the best flight for you, packing tips, and suggestions for your airport experience. NAAFA has also included a section especially for travel agents as well as a list of airlines, a brief description of each airline’s policy regarding passengers of size along with a link to their webpage that covers this subject.

You can flip through the brochure, which is posted below, or you can click here to review and download the brochure now. For more information on the NAAFA, please visit http://www.naafa.org/.

Open publication - Free publishing - More aapr

The Frugal Files: Declutter Time: Clear it Up, Give it Out

We're at the end of March and finishing up our Spring Cleaning tasks toward our finances. This month we've projected our budget sheets and tracked both our spending and our income. Doing so allows you to see exactly where money is going and what adjustments can and should be made to our budget. We have also improved the way we treat our money. Implementing respect for our money allows it to grow, as we expect to have it; allows it to come easily and quickly as we treat it with the value that it is to our lives.

Lastly, we've attacked our fear of "the credit report", and found that it isn't to be feared at all. When used, it is a great tool to grab hold to our finances and whip them into shape. It shows us the mistakes we made in the past, as well as brags about what we did right in our fiscal affairs. Looking at our scores, coupled with a plan to increase the number, is exactly what the finance Dr. ordered.

This week we want to look at the area that may have lead us to the rise or downfall of our previous subjects of budget, money treatment and credit score: our accumulation of STUFF!! In what areas have you been spending your money? Do you use cash or credit? How has that affected your overall financial life, which in turn affects your family and everything else you do?

I'm thankful for the beautiful and warm weather we've been having lately. It was like we barely had a winter. As I pull up to my driveway and see the new blooms beginning to come in, I smile. Then my smile fades, as I realize I need to clean out my flower beds, as there's still leaves there from the Fall and twigs from when the snow became too heavy for the branches. It's time to clean it up and out, so my flowers can have room to bloom the way they want to.

Begin to take inventory of your belongings. Remember, we're Spring cleaning and not everything needs to go with you to the next season. Just like my leaves, some of your things need to go and now is the perfect time to determine those. So, it's time to DECLUTTER!! Make room for what wants to come into your life: wealth, abundance, love. Give room to bloom by getting rid of the junk of your past. Here's what you need:
- 2 large boxes (or more)
- a little time and creativity

Label your boxes: SELL and GIVE, then take a walk. Grab a pad and pen and walk through every room in your home. Scour the room with an eagle's eye and grab the items you no longer need. This especially includes anything broken, old/outdated or you simply no longer love it. Perhaps you never loved it. It's time for those things to make their exit from your home and from your life.

Your SELL box is self-explanatory. These are items that are new, like new or in good enough condition to sell to someone else. Dust and clean them off, snap a photo and list it on sites like craigslist.org. There is no fee to sell your items there and you set up an online garage sale for the whole world to see. You can also put up flyers where permitted for additional local exposure. Once your item is sold, you have money to pay off debt, save or invest and you have more space available for things you really love. Need help selling, refer back to Sales Part I and Part II.

Your GIVE box are things that can be donated to anyone of your choice. Freecycle is one of my favorite ways of keeping junk out of the landmines, but you can opt to give to Goodwill or Savers or another thrift store. Consider donating to organizations that serve the populations related to the things in the box. Not sure where you can donate? Check out this list of places: 23 Ways to Recycle Your Stuff. Don't forget, before leaving your treasures with their new homes, be sure to grab your tax deduction slip to write off your donation at tax time.

I'm decluttering right along with you. With my recent coupon adventures, my stockpile of donation items have indeed piled up and it's time for me to send them away. My sorority adopts organizations yearly at the national, regional, state and local levels. Next month the Great Lakes Region has adopted Covenant House, in Detroit, who provides shelter and support to homeless teens. Feel free to join us. So clear it up and give it out!! Enjoy your week!!

Frugalicious Diva

When Your Inner Voice Speaks...Just Stop & Listen

“It’s good to stop and listen to what your spirit is telling you.” – Madeline Figueroa-Jones

Ever have that feeling that something is not right? Ever feel like you should be going down a certain path and no matter how much you ignore that feeling, it doesn’t go away? Ever dream of doing something and that dream stays constant? That is the miracle of intuition. We all have it. Intuition comes in many forms…a gut feeling, an inner voice, instinct, even alarms ringing in your head. We have all experienced it but most of us ignore our intuition because it usually is not in line with what we want.

We, as humans, tend to want what we want, when we want it. Sometimes what we want is not meant for us. Our intuition will try to warn us and guide us in the right direction but most of the time, we just ignore it. I know for me, I thought for years I was overthinking or was paranoid. Now looking back in retrospect, I see that I wasn’t. And had I listened to that inner voice, listened to what my spirit was telling me as Maddy said above, I think I would not have experienced some of the negative things in my life or made the bad choices that I have made. However, the beauty of life is that everything is meant to be. So I don’t dwell on the past too much. What’s done is done. Regret can eat away at you and hinder you in living life to its fullest. You learn the lesson and move on. And what I have learned is that I need to listen to my intuition. My intuition has my attention now, believe me.

Intuition is simply trusting in yourself. When you second-guess yourself, you’re not trusting yourself to make the right decision. You’re letting fear of the unknown affect your choice and whittle away your trust in yourself. You already know what you need to do. Your intuition has your back in that respect. If you take the time to simply listen to it, a whole new world will open up to you. Ever took a job that you knew you should not take? Or pursued a relationship with a great person knowing that it didn’t feel right? Ever been with someone that you wanted to be with so bad but you felt like something wasn’t right with that person? That’s your intuition telling you that you are making the wrong choice.

Your intuition is never wrong. I think that once we welcome that intuition and really stop and listen to what that inner voice is trying to tell us, then we finally come to terms with the fact that the inner voice is right and maybe that’s not a bad thing. I know in affairs of the heart, just because someone is a great person does not mean that person is great for you. A significant other doesn’t always come along packaged in the way you want them to. But when it feels right, you have hit the jackpot.

Listening to your inner voice can help you carry out your destiny. As I wrote back on January 26th in my blog post titled “What is Your Calling?", we all have our calling; what we are destined to do in our life. Your inner voice will tell you if the profession you’re currently in is right for you or not. Your inner voice will tell you when to take a chance on something. And when you stray on your life’s path, your inner voice will be there to tell you to go left. If you decide to go right and something happens to push you left like job loss, an ending of a relationship or something tragic occurring, your inner voice will come into play and confirm that yes, you must go left. Even when you feel like you don’t want to go left, you have to trust your inner voice. Like I said before, we want what we want but sometimes things that we want are not meant for us.

Many times we are swayed by others that contradict our intuition. It might feel like a sure thing but if deep down, it does not feel right, then it is not right. There have been times where I have not gone somewhere with a group of people or not participated in an activity because it didn’t feel right. The others in the group did not understand and tried to convince me to just go. But I stood my ground because I have to be comfortable and happy with what I am doing. I am feeling this uneasy feeling for a reason. I don’t question it. I just listen.

I remember one time I was on my way to Chicago. Now I happen to love to travel and do so frequently. I am not scared of flying or anything like that. So as I was on my way to the airport, I started to feel an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I started to feel anxious about the flight. As I got closer to the airport, my inner voice started to tell me not to go. At first, I tried to dismiss it. I mean, this is ridiculous, I thought to myself. The flight is under 2 hours so I could do it in my sleep. It was so unlike me to not want to get on a plane and go somewhere. So when I exited the train at the airport, I called my best friend Herman and told him how I was feeling. He told me, “You have to do what makes you comfortable. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t go.” I ended up turning right back around and going home. And I don’t regret it. As soon as I got home, the uneasiness was gone. Now I don’t know what would have happened had I gone to Chicago but I’m not questioning it.

That inner voice is there for a reason. I always look at my inner voice as my guardian angel in a sense. My inner voice looks out for me. It saves me from doing something that I don’t feel comfortable with. And when you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, that affects your happiness. At the end of the day, you have to make yourself happy, not others. You have to look out for you. So trust your instincts, your intuition. Listen to that inner voice. The more you listen and pay attention to your inner voice, the more clearer it gets. That’s how you develop your inner voice and act accordingly. And once you are at that point, anything is possible in life. No more second guessing yourself. The world is yours for the taking. It all begins within you. Just take the time to stop and listen...then trust in you.

The Frugal Files: Spring Cleaning for Your Credit Report

452, 583, 648, 773...what do all these numbers mean? They are various credit scores. What is a credit score? Well, the short answer is that it's a snapshot of how you treat your money and  how responsible (or not so responsible) you are with it. When you're young, these numbers don't mean anything to you, but when you become grown, they are numbers that can greatly assist you in life or haunt you forever.

Learn about your score and how to use it early; meaning make good financial decisions initially. When you leave your parents' home and want to obtain your own "big girl" stuff, and you haven't minded your money business, this three digit number will make decisions for you. While most people want to watch numbers decrease, in contrast, you want this number to go up. In fact, the closer you can get to 850, the better life for you and anyone financially attached to you.

I know my savvy Belles have heard this term ad nauseum AND understand it's a risk predictor to any person or entity from whom you want to borrow in the future. I'm not a fan of debt and believe you should pay it off, but I'm not naive or that idealistic to think no one will ever get a car loan, a house note or even a credit card. Understanding and maintaining a good score helps those entities determine the interest rate they will attach to your loan. The better the score, the less you pay back in interest.

Over the last decade, credit scores have become increasingly important to not just consumers, but those seeking employment. More employers are checking credit reports and using it as a character witness to determine if your employment worthiness. Talk about putting your best foot forward; don't bring your "A" game on your resume and at the interview, then when they check your score, you fail. Make sure the character of your credit score matches and it speaks for your true character: taking care of business, personally and professionally.

How? Well, before they beat you to it, pull your credit report. There is no excuse not to because you can get one, from EACH main credit bureau, for FREE. These are the bureaus, which are credit reporting agencies and it's their job to collect all your credit information and report it.

Experian - http://www.experian.com/
P.O. Box 9595
Allen, TX 75013-9595
888-397-3742

Equifax - http://www.equifax.com/home/en_us
P.O. Box 740241
Atlanta, GA 30364-0241
800-685-1111

TransUnion - http://www.transunion.com/
2 Baldwin Place
P.O. Box 2000
Chester, PA 19022

800-493-2392 for Credit Monitoring
800-888-4213 for Free and Purchase Credit Report
800-916-8800 for Dispute item
888-909-8872 or 800-680-7289 Fraud and Identity Theft

Here's where to get your reports for free: Annual Credit Report

Once you pull the reports, compare them, making sure all reports are reporting the same information. I know I don't have to tell you this, but I will anyway. It's YOUR job to make sure the information is accurate. Just like us, companies and credit bureaus make mistakes. Part of the reason you're pulling the report is to verify that it is correct. If so, great. If not, then start getting your verification ready. It's time to dispute!!

**Tip** If you have ever paid money to ANY person, place or thing, then you should have a file folder on them. Keep document of everything you have ever paid. It will pay off when attacking your credit report. Keep receipts and documentation of all pertinent conversations there too. Note the date, time and the person's name. Don't mess with me, I have file on you!!

Begin to mark up your reports, checking off the correct items first. If you find errors, go online or call them to correct them. They will ask for supporting documents and you will most likely have to mail them in. Attach a letter telling about the error, how they should correct it and attach the documents of verification.

Once that part is done, create a plan to remove anything unsatisfactory on the report. If you have debt there, clear it up and pay what you owe. Most debts expire on your report and negative reportings are supposed to come off in a certain amount of time. Here's a secret...if you absolutely can't pay a debt off, and it's scheduled to be removed from your report, leave it alone. Once you make a payment on a debt, the time for it to stay on your report will start over, giving you another 7-10 years of character assassination on your record. Attack your debts like they are brussel sprouts...whole!! Do not make partial payments, instead pay the entire amount. Then copy that receipt and send it to the credit bureau as proof of debt payment, so they can update your report.

The process of getting your credit straight can be a tedious one, but I promise it will feel good to rid yourself of not only the debt, but the stigma and misconception that you may not be taking care of your financial obligations. Let's change that this season. It's the first day of Spring, so let's grow up!!

Frugalicious Diva

Happiness Is More Than Just A New Dress Size

Last week, I was talking with a friend about music and Jennifer Hudson’s name came up in the conversation. I instantly made a face and didn't say anything. To which, my friend said jokingly, “You’re just mad because she’s not a big girl anymore so she is no longer part of the club.” This led to a conversation about celebrities losing weight. While I applaud JHud for her weight loss, I have lost lots of respect for her, simply because now that she is no longer part of the plus size club, it feels like she is now denouncing it after being someone in the spotlight (no pun intended) who always spoke of being yourself and loving yourself no matter what.

I remember her on American Idol. She was my favorite. She was confident and made no apologies about her size. She radiated beauty and I admired her so. When Dreamgirls came out, I ran to the theater to see it the day the movie came out. When she won her Oscar for the role of Effie in that movie, I stood in my living room, clapping with tears streaming down my face. Ironically, the original actress who played Effie on Broadway, another Jennifer...Jennifer Holliday, was also a big girl who lost a huge amount of weight as well. But I digress...I was truly a fan of JHud's because she represented the real, everyday woman. Someone who I can see myself in. Someone who had not gone all "Hollywood" and kept it real.

Then she becomes the spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Next thing I know, I'm seeing her singing along her former larger self in commercials and telling any media outlet that will listen, how she is so happy now that she has lost weight. She even said to Oprah how she has a better sense of self now that she is thinner. Huh? To me, she wasn't the real, everyday woman anymore. She began to become more "Hollywood", more concerned about her image and conforming to what Hollywood sets as standards. She has said publicly a few times how she didn't know she was plus size until she came to Hollywood. Prior to that, she thought she was normal. Wow...

I still have love for JHud and think that if she is truly happy now, then kudos to her. However, does this mean she wasn't happy before? What happened to the girl who spoke of being you and loving you as you are? The message she is now sending confuses me. So I am not mad that she lost weight. I am mad at the example she is setting now. She is basically saying that if you lose weight, you will be happy. And that's not completely true. I know plenty of people above a size 10 who are happy. I think happiness is a state of mind that is not dictated by size. It is dictated by attitude. Attitude towards oneself and how you feel about yourself. You can lose weight but you can never lose who you are within. If you're not happy at a size 16, you might feel better at a size 6 but you won't be fully happy until you are happy from within. You have to love yourself first before you can truly make any kind of long lasting changes in your life, including weight loss.

JHud had a wonderful opportunity to promote healthy eating and loving yourself as you are, which she did not do. Not everyone is meant to be a size 0. We all have different types of bodies and carry our weight in different places. This is why when people lose weight, they lose it in different places. No weight loss story is the same. Hollywood is Hollywood. But it is not everyday life.

So when I see Kirstie Alley or Carrie Fisher on TV looking miserable and thinking their life is over just because they have gained weight, it irks me A LOT. But then I hear a story like the one of Glee's Amber Riley and I have hope for the next generation of stars coming up. She recently started eating healthier because of stomach issues and has dropped two dress sizes. She's not concerned about getting to a certain weight. She's happy with herself. Her focus is being healthy.

We all need to stop focusing on the Hollywood ideal because it is so unrealistic and honestly, unhealthy. What's healthy about fad diets, barely eating and being obsessed with the scale? That's the whole reason why yo-yo dieting happens. Look at Adele! She embraces who she is. She owns her curves and body. And from where I'm sitting, she looks happy. And in Hollywood, that's a rarity and very refreshing.

Oh, JHud, how I miss your former curly top, curvy self! I miss your sassy personality and confidence. The new person you have become...I just don't see the old you there at all. It's as if you lost some of you when you lost that 80 pounds. I wish you knew how needed you are right now. Your strong spirit and attitude are sorely missed.

However, thank you JHud for the lesson you have given us. The lesson is...we cannot rely on Hollywood to determine what the ideal body/weight should be. We have to do what makes each of us happy. YOU are the one who decides what's right for you. Not JHud in her Weight Watchers commercials, not Mariah Carey singing about how great Jenny Craig is or even Janet Jackson preaching about Nutrasystem in their latest commercial. Those celebrities are selling a brand and want to be thin because of their careers. They want to meet the Hollywood standard. But that is not meant for the everyday woman.

Us, the everyday woman, we need to be realistic and take proper care of ourselves. We have to make sure we are happy whether we are a part of the Big Girl club or not. Like I always say, there's only 1 you in the world so why not live life as best as you can each day? Life is short and unexpected. We all can stand to make some improvements. But we all can't be JHud.

Is it wrong for me to secretly hold out hope that she will one day become the spokesperson for eating healthy, loving yourself at any size and staying true to who you are? Hey, a girl can dream, can't she? For now, I will have to settle for some old episodes of American Idol and my Dreamgirls DVD. That's the JHud I want to remember. The strong, empowered, sassy, confident at her size, JHud.

The Frugal Files: Respect Your Money; It'll Reciprocate!!

Welcome back to the Frugal Files!!

We're spring cleaning around here; learning how to tend to our money so, like the flowers in the springtime, it will grow and flourish. I know we see cliches and clever sayings all the time about "getting our money right", "taking care of our money" and "letting our money work for us", but if you apply a few simple principles those things really can come to fruition.

If we truly want to obtain wealth, we have to look at it different than we have in the past. Really, if you're not where you want to be financially, how well are those current thought patterns working for you? I'll wait...

Okay, well then, let's chat!! Years ago, I remember watching a video from one of my favorite money gurus, Suze Orman. It was an older video with late 80s/early 90s hair and dresses, but the advice I took away from that video was not only timeless, it was priceless (literally, it was a library video; just had to add my frugal spin)!! That advice seriously changed my life and my mind about money and it's relation to my life. Since then, I've been on a path to RESPECTING MY MONEY!!

Having respect for money can be determined any way you like because it is exactly how it sounds. Respect it like you would a person you love. That may sound crazy to some, but if you've practiced this, then you know it's not crazy at all; it's imperative to your money life. It's the Law of Attraction and whether you are versed in it or not, you live it out every day of your life regarding yourself, your family, your career, your own happiness and of course your financial existence. Whatever you are feeling about your money, it will react to you based on those feelings.

Want to foster a good, positive relationship with yours? Then take heed to the following advice:

1) Expect to have it. This is self-explanatory. Simply EXPECT to have money; in your pockets, your wallets, your bank accounts, etc. Develop the feeling of what it's like to have the amount of money you desire. Instead of complaining about "all these bills", envision money constantly coming to you. Things may not go your way all the time, but does that mean you should expect bad things? Try changing your mind and expecting the good. Wake up and face the day with gratitude for what you do have, then the good will begin and continue to flow.

Here's an easy affirmation you can use several times daily:
"Money comes easily and frequently." Say it, believe, expect it!!

2) Speak good to it and of it. Speaking of affirmations, adopting them into your fiscal life will prove to be profitable...literally. Even before I really starting using them, there were signs that I should watch what I say about myself and of course my money. This is one quote I found and it resonated in me so heavily, I had to take it seriously. It is by Brian Tracy, a self-help author and motivational speaker.
"Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true".

These word truly motivated me to change my words, so I gave my vocabulary an upgrade, especially when it came to my finances. I removed words of lack like "broke" and "poor" along with the "I ain't got it" mentality. I replaced them with positive affirmations and a wealthy living mindset. Adding "prosperity" and "abundance" proved to give me a lift in spirits and it showed in my wallet.

3) Physically treat it well. Take a look in your wallet or wherever you keep your money. How does it look? Do you have bills all over the place? Crumpled and torn? What about your checkbook; is it balanced? Do you know how much you have available at any given time?

If your money is out of order, take a look at your life. Is it out of order too? Chances are, it is. If your money is wayward, so is your life. When you take time to learn about it, neatly put it in your wallet, balance your checkbook and review your bank account, life will follow suit and be easier. If you are not where you want to be financially, organizing your money is the way to begin the wealth journey. Order allows you to address issues directly instead of being forever bogged down with searching for this receipt or trying to recall where you put that $20.00 you had earlier.

Learn to respect your money and your money really will respect you back; growing to it's fullest potential. Since we're getting organized, you will be in position to address next week's topic: credit reports. Again, we are getting finances in order this spring. We will see the growth and the fiscal bloom before you know it. See you next week.

Frugalicious Diva

FFFWeek™ 2012 Announces It's Fashion Front--Including Belle-Noir Mag!

We are super excited to announce that Belle-Noir Magazine has been chosen to be part of the Fashion Front for Full Figured Fashion Week™ 2012 in New York City! *swoon*

So what is the Fashion Front for Full Figured Fashion Week™?

An eclectic mix of the plus size fashion community’s leading bloggers whose unique voice and position in the community is recognized and respected. Created by Marie Denee (The Curvy Fashionista) and Johara Tucker (Luvin My Curves), The Fashion Front serves as the fashion force at the frontlines of Full Figured Fashion Week- bringing the latest news, perspective, and exclusive access to Full Figured Fashion Week™.

We cannot wait to bring you all of the behind the scenes action leading up to and during Full Figured Fashion Week™! Be sure to look for the above badge on our side bar by the end of the week for easy access to all things Full Figured Fashion Week!

There are more details coming soon, but in the meantime, be sure to visit all of the Fashion Front members! They are an international group of bloggers who all bring their unique perspective to the plus fashion community.

•Belle-Noir Magazine (that's us! yay!)
•Closet Confessions
•Curves and Chaos
•Curvy Canadian
•Danimezza
•Gorgeous In Grey
•Les Pitreries De Vanoue
•Life & Style of Jessica
•Little Lime Dress
•My Voluptuous Heart Loves Fashion
•Queen Sized Flava...Made in Montreal
•Swa-Rai
•The Curvy Fashionista
•The Curvy Socialite
•The Curvy Spot
•The Manfattan Project
•Too Many Sequins: A Fashion Blog

Are YOU coming to FFFWeek™ 2012 in NYC? 

Your Life, Your Choice

Ever have those moments where you are in the midst of a pity party? Crying "Why Me?" Feeling so down about the way life has been dealt for you?

I fully admit that I was once guilty of being that way. I used to be that person that always had that "Poor Me" attitude. And I kept waiting for things to get better and they were just getting worse. I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. At the height of my "Poor Me" state, I was in my early to mid-20's. I was in college and in the midst of finding my identity. I placed so much pressure on myself because I was the first one in my family to go to college and I was determined to use that as a way to say to those family members and people in my life who constantly judged me for years, "You were wrong about me! Ha!"

I was too focused on what they thought of me, their words directed at me and just everything else around me. That focus turned into a negative bubble for which I was stuck in. I was pissed off for a long time and overly sensitive about everything. I had a major chip on my shoulder. I thought that I was so deserving of a better life so why wasn't it happening? I even questioned God and his motives.

Now, I think that when God is questioned, he doesn't get mad - he instead calls your bluff. Because we all know that God has perfect timing and even when we think we are ready for something, only He knows when we are ready. We just have to have faith in Him and be patient. We want things NOW. But life doesn't happen like that. Towards the end of my 20's, my life took some sharp turns, which resulted in me on an entirely different path than I planned. Life can be unpredictable like that. We tend to think we have total control but you cannot escape your destiny and what is meant to be.

I studied Forensic Psychology and even went as far as getting a master's degree in the subject. My first love, writing, was secondary because the only people who really took my writing seriously were my parents. Everyone else would tell me that being a writer was not a "real" career. So I majored in English Lit/Writing as a second major (yes, I was crazy enough to be a double major) but focused on being a forensic psychologist like Clarice Starling from Silence of The Lambs.

But circumstances (and money!) pushed me into Corporate America at the age of 27. And from that point on, my life's path took a different direction and as a result, changed my attitude and life. I met people I would have never been exposed to within my angry bubble because I was so close-minded and standoffish. I began to travel the world. I began to get out and do things. As I racked up experiences in life, the chip on my shoulder began to diminish. I saw things that I will always carry in my mind and heart. And it made me realize that all along, the issue was with ME.

What an A-ha moment, as Oprah calls it! I realized that my life and the way my day goes, is my choice. We will always have setbacks. Believe me, life is never total roses and happiness. But WE choose how we deal with setbacks. WE choose our attitude towards life. WE choose who we let into our space. WE choose how we live our life. Once I got that, it was like a whole new world was opened to me. It was such a powerful thing I uncovered. I felt victorious. I felt empowered. I felt inspired. I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to. I felt pretty powerful and kick-ass.

Living life to its fullest is a choice. When you're feeling down and in the middle of a pity party, you're choosing to feel that way. Look, we are not perfect and we will have our moments. But it's your choice on whether to stay in that pity party or dust yourself off and try again. Each day is a brand new day - a do-over. Every morning you wake up is a blessing because you get a clean slate. You get to create your day. How awesome is that?!?

At the end of the day, you cannot get that day back. So if you don't choose to live your life in the best way possible, you are basically wasting the time that was gifted to you at birth. We all have great gifts to offer the world and when you don't use those gifts to your fullest potential, you're doing a disservice to yourself and everyone around you. You are basically not living your life. And there are so many people out there who don't have the time you have and would love to get a second chance to live. Life is a gift, plain and simple. Whether you have 3 years or 100 years, the time you have is precious and once it's gone, it's gone.

So now, I choose joy. I choose to not have negative people in my life. I choose to take it one day at a time and not spend most of my time focusing on tomorrow. Tomorrow is unknown. I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. But I know what is going to happen this very moment because it is my choice. I choose to not let others affect my joy. I can't control what others say and do but I can control their presence in my space. We all have dealt with people that have mistreated us or said things to us that caused us pain. I realized that I make the choice on whether to let someone continue to mistreat me. Once someone shows you how they are and how they treat you, if you stick around and let that mess continue, that is on you. Because you are making the choice to keep that person in your life.

I know it sounds easier said than done because it is. We get emotionally attached to people and sometimes stay in negative situations because of history, even blood! I hear all the time from others about friction within their family. And I always tell people, you can't choose your biological family but you can choose whether you will deal with them or not. The blood relation will never go away but you don't need to stand for any mistreatment from anyone. Just because someone is family does not give them a free pass to treat you any way they want. If they truly loved you and respected you as a family member and person, they would not be treating you badly. Believe me, I know from experience.

I know it's strange to be quoting one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta in a post like this but Phaedra Parks said something in a past episode that stayed with me. She said "You eulogize yourself with the deeds you do in your life." Deeds are not just what you do for others. It's what you do for yourself. It's your imprint, your impression on the world. Those deeds become part of the legacy you leave behind. With that said, it is so incredible when you use those deeds and share them with the world. We’re all ambassadors in life – we each have a story to tell and share. So choose to live your life the way you are supposed to live it...to its fullest.

One of the things I always tell people is "Choose Life". That is my mantra...the message on those infamous Wham! tees from the 80's. Remember Wham! - George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley? The Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go video? While most people just thought they were talking about pro-life (in relation to pregnancy/abortion), they were actually telling everyone to choose to live their lives in the best way they can. So choose life today. Choose to live!

The Frugal Files: Springing Ahead in our Budgets

Hey frugal folks!! It's March!!

We've seen snow, but it's almost time to Spring ahead in the time change, so we should get ready for Spring and make a financial change too!! Are you on track with your initial goals for 2012? We're at the end of the first quarter, so if you're off the path, it's a great time to saddle back up to finish this period. It's almost time for the next few goals.

I've been learning about couponing and getting FREE items!! However, I still haven't gotten a grasp on teaching it locally or getting my church's pantry fully stocked. I am creating a specific goal plan and putting it in place this month. See, we all have work to do.

For March, I thought we'd focus on Spring cleaning, so topics will include budgeting, credit reports, paying off debt. Don't worry, I'll still be blogging about couponing on my personal blog at Frugalicious Diva Then, in April, Belle Noir has a surprise in store for you, so stay tuned!!

If you've been following this blog weekly, then you know I've always thrown around the "B" word. You know, BUDGET!! What did you think? LOL Anyway, if you were reading then you know it's not a word to be feared and it's not a word meant to deprive us of what we want out of life. It's an assistant of sorts. It helps to guide us around as we maneuver our money. Sometimes it says we can't have everything at once, but it allows for us to have what we want with just a little creativity, patience and compromise.

I realized I always talked about creating a budget for ourselves, but never really expounded on how to take on such a task. Over the years, I have met with individuals looking to get their money in check. I personalized budget sheets and guided them through the physical and emotional process of using what they have and sticking to their budget. So, let's begin this class. I'll begin by describing the type of budget sheet I personally use. It's easy and I have committed to using it. I've tracked my spending since 2006, so it's safe to say, I know where my money is and where it's going.

The simple rules are write down your goals, everything you earn and everything you spend. My budget sheet is two sided. The first side is the Projected Monthly Budget side and requires a little bit of prep work on your part. It may be a little difficult the first 1-2 months, but it will get easier as you continue, if you're committed. This side is broken up into four boxes:

#1: Expected Income

Here you list what you anticipate earning or receiving for the month. There's a space for your Current Balance, so you'll know the amount with which you're starting off the month. Then there's other spaces for Employment, Business Income (if applicable) and two other "streams" of income. These can be spaces for gifts, another business, sales, etc. The Frugalicious Diva is about wealth, so multiple streams of income is a must!!

#2: Fixed Income

This area is for your Housing and Debt amount you expect to pay this month, including categories such as Rent/Mortgage, Utilities, Phones, Credit Cards, Car Maintenance/Insurance, Layaways and Auto draft savings plans like Mutual or Emergency Funds. Whatever applies to your household that you MUST pay monthly will go here. For those of you who pay tithes at church, this is where that category goes.

#3: Variable Expenses

These are expenses you may or may not have every month, but if you do, the amount vary based on your needs for the items. Here is where you'll place items like Groceries, Dining Out (which should be separated), Clothing, Gas for your Car, Toiletries and Entertainment. In light of our couponing efforts, the amount we spend for groceries/food should decrease since we're getting items for less and cooking more, as we have food at home. There are usually "Other" boxes for extras. In those months you know there are birthdays, you're taking a trip or attending a special function, you can budget your amount here.

#4: Totals

Total Expected Income (#1) - Total Payments (#2 + #3) = Ending Balance

If your ending balance is over $100, then adjust your payments. Perhaps you can save more or, better yet, pay more on one of your debts. My advice is to leave about $50 in the Ending Balance box, just in case of incidentals. If there are none and you stick with your budget, you can carry that amount over to the next month. Again, if there's extra, consider paying off more debt next month.

The back is the Actual Budget; where the rubber meets the road. This is what you ACTUALLY spend and every category from the front is on the back, waiting to be filled in. At the end of the month, tabulate the amounts across and down; the ending numbers should match. The result is your Actual Total Saved/Lost. After evaluating your budget sheet, go back to the Projected side #4 and in the Comments, write how you can improve for next month.

See, it's not bad at all. You can find a slew of budget sheets online, but I would love to share mine with you. if you want a copy of it, feel free to email me at FrugaliciousDiva@yahoo.com. I can also be reached on Facebook: Frugalicious Diva and be sure to connect with me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Enjoy and Happy Budgeting!!

Frugalicious Diva

We're Normal Too!

I love seeing my fellow plus size sisters on TV. When Big Sexy premiered on TLC last year, I was so excited that there was a show that would be showing plus size girls who live in the city and **gasps** actually live their lives like their skinny counterparts. However, despite this great change, I am still left to feel like I want more. I feel like while we are moving in the right direction, we are not there yet. While Big Sexy was a great show, the girls cast in that show don’t represent all plus size women. I didn’t identify with anyone on that show at all.

I often wonder, why is it that lately every show that has a plus size woman in it features her as one of the following:

• Unhappy with her size, has low self-esteem and spends the TV show trying to lose weight or being depressed about her life.
• Overeating and making jokes about her size where the show is centered around her as the butt of jokes.
• A plus size model or stylist

Now while I have no problem with plus models, not all of us plus size women are models. Some of us are teachers, writers, lawyers, housewives, even activists. As a matter of fact, I would LOVE to see a reality show featuring some size acceptance folks and what they go through with actively protesting and speaking publicly about size-related issues. But I digress…

I just feel like we are being labeled and put in this box as far as TV is concerned. We’re normal too! It’s as if we’ve gone backwards in relation to plus size women on TV because of the rising popularity of reality shows. Remember Camryn Manheim on The Practice? It was a great show where she was playing the role of an attorney. She was the only plus size woman on the show but she was still treated just like everyone else and her size was not something that was emphasized.

Drop Dead Diva is another show that has a plus size female character in the lead role. What’s great about Drop Dead Diva is that it does not shy away from the real issue that we, as plus size women, face daily…the stereotyping and loathing from society. For those of you that have not seen Drop Dead Diva, the premise of the show is inner beauty. An inspiring thin model dies in a car crash and comes back to life in the body of a plus size lawyer. Being in this new body teaches the model that outer beauty isn’t everything.

I remember looking so forward to when Living Single aired because seeing Queen Latifah and Kim Coles on a sitcom was wonderful. I can see myself in those characters and they were normal women, living life. It was empowering and inspiring to see these characters on TV.

However, TV is now overloaded with reality shows. I will admit that I am guilty of watching some of them. And I will also admit that when I see a plus size woman on a reality show, I get happy. I root for them. Especially when she is on a show that does not cast many plus size people or she is doing something that is deemed impossible for a plus size woman. One of my faves is Cirie Fields, who was on the show Survivor three times. Yes, three times. Homegirl played one of the best social games ever. And it’s not just me saying that – many viewers and fellow castmates felt that way also. She represented an average woman who had a real body that was not rail thin. She was not obese but she was not super thin. The first time she was on Survivor, she was underestimated because of her being overweight and not athletic. However, she proved them wrong and became a fan favorite. Despite making it far in the game and not winning, she won a car due to her popularity via an online poll from viewers.

While I loved Cirie on Survivor, I have to admit I was not a fan of Dance Your Ass Off on the Oxygen network. It was nice to see plus size people dancing and being active, which goes against the stereotype of us sitting the couch, eating a gallon of ice cream and not moving whatsoever. However, that premise was ruined by the fact that these people were not just dancing because they loved to; their main goal was to lose weight and they even stood on a huge scale on national TV for the world to see their weight and progress. I don’t know about you but that did not make me feel compelled to support those people or that show. Yes, I think it was a great thing to help them become healthy but the show was set up in such a way where it was sending the message that you have to lose weight to be normal and dance well.

I just think that these shows are so humiliating for the people on them. Instead of trying to convey a message of loving yourself as you are and that you are normal no matter what your size, it is giving off the message that you should not like yourself this way. That you need to lose weight. You’re lazy and you won’t be happy until you lose weight. These people are put on display and don’t realize the message they are sending.

I do have hope. I look forward to seeing the new show with Stacy London on TLC where she gives plus size women makeovers and helps them feel better about themselves. The show is being filmed within a plus size boutique in Brooklyn and seems to be a show that is headed in the right direction. I’m so done with shows where the focus is on a plus size woman who feels so crappy about herself that she thinks if she loses weight, everything will be amazing.

I want to see shows where a plus size woman actually is confident and is living a normal everyday life. Sure, she may want to lose weight but that doesn’t mean she hates herself now. She just wants to improve her already beautiful self. That is the message that needs to conveyed.

That will spark a self-love revolution that will empower all women to be healthy. Shaming and putting low self-esteem on display will not. It will just continue to validate the very stereotypes we are trying to fight against and make some plus size viewers who already feel low about themselves feel even lower. And on that note, I am going to put my Adele CD on and look at the latest issue of Vogue where she is on the cover. Adele is someone I admire and see myself in because she makes no apologies for her size and loves herself regardless. And I think we all need a little Adele in our lives at this point.

Facing Facts: Black Women Are "Heavy & Happy"

Washington D.C. based Fitness Instructor Michelle Gibson is phat, fit, and fabulous!
Photo credit: washingtonpost.com

I am sure that many of you have seen the recent article in The Washington Post about black women being "heavier and happier with their bodies than white women". The data comes from a recent survey conducted by The Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation.

[The survey]...focused on African American women. The poll found that although black women are heavier than their white counterparts, they report having appreciably higher levels of self-esteem. Although 41 percent of average-sized or thin white women report having high self-esteem, that figure was 66 percent among black women considered by government standards to be overweight or obese. - from WashingtonPost.com

The article also discusses what we, as Black women, have known for some time: the media tends to not portray us, and when they do, it is often a poor representation of who we truly are. Therefore, we have not relied on what the media and society has to say about us to uplift us.

What I personally applauded and shouted "YES!" to when reading the article was the wonderful interview with D.C. Area fitness instructor Michelle Gibson, a plus size woman of Color herself, who stressed that the ideas of health and fitness for black women have for a very long time been different than those white women.

Her rule: “Do you,” Gibson says, “and be okay with me being me. I can never be mad at this thin person. I say, ‘You’re sexy, you’ve got it going on. But don’t think for one minute that I don’t feel the same about myself.’ ” - from WashingtonPost.com

For me, the only raised eyebrow was a comment from a woman whom I admire so much, Michaela Angela Davis:

But Davis acknowledges that with fewer cultural deterrents, black women are more likely to slip into obesity, and that’s not celebrated. In 2009, black women had an obesity rate of of almost 43 percent, compared with 25 percent for white women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. As a result, African American women suffer from higher rates of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and other serious health problems.

“We’re not saying its super fly to be super fat. We’ve never said that,” Davis contends, but unlike in white culture, “black women are not criminalized for it.”

This statement, unfortunately, continues the stereotype that plus size women beyond a certain "acceptable" plus size cannot possibly be healthy and not be suffering from diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, etc. And while black women within our community are not "criminalized" for being "super sized", there is not only often a disconnect within the plus community between what is accepted and what is not when it comes to images of models that are used, but also an acceptable practice of plus size women (usually portrayed as a large & sassy black woman) being made the butt  of jokes.

What did you think about the article? Do you feel that black women are "heavier and happier"? Do you think that all black plus size women are being equally represented in this article?

Let's talk about it ladies!