Fearless Fridays: Paying It Forward

I am a nice person. I have been told I am too nice at times. I used to get annoyed about that but learned being too nice is not a bad thing. As long as I don’t let others take advantage of me and become a doormat for people. I learned it was okay to say no sometimes. Us nice people have good hearts and we want to help the world if we could. But there comes a time when we have to keep it real with ourselves and see that we can’t help everyone. We certainly can’t help others if we aren’t helping ourselves too.

I got a point in my life where I was running on empty. I realized that I was spending so much time helping other people, that I was not helping myself! I have big dreams as any normal person does. However, your dreams won’t become a reality if you are not putting in the time and effort to make it happen. I grew bitter and started this whole pity party with one guest on the invite list: Me. I would say to myself, “Why am I helping these people when I am not getting any help in return?” Many of the people I helped, did not return the favor. And I felt used and taken advantage of.

This became a big lesson in my life because it caused me to have an epiphany about people in general. I learned that I put unrealistic expectations on people because I expected them to treat me the same way I treated them. I had to accept that no one out there is like me. There is only one me. And no one is perfect. I had to learn to accept people for who they are. And if I wanted to help them, it was a chance I took because I wanted to help them for no other reason than I just wanted to. When you help someone and expect something in return, then you’re not genuinely helping them. You are helping them to gain something yourself. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with expecting to be treated kindly and respectful by others. But not everyone will treat you well. This is where the power of choice comes in. You always have a choice. So if you help someone and they take advantage of you, they are showing themselves to you as the person they really are. You are then presented with the choice of whether you want to continue to keep them in your life or not. If you continue to help them and be used again and again, it’s on you because you made the choice to keep them in your life.

I also learned that when you help someone, while you might not get that in return from that particular person, you will receive a blessing/help from someone else. Think of all those times that someone helped you out of the blue and you never helped them at all. That was no accident. Every time you help someone, you are sowing the seeds of kindness that will continue to grow to the point where you will just continue to be blessed. That’s the whole premise of paying it forward. You help someone and maybe that person will be inspired to help someone else because of what you did for them. Or it might not even be that person. It could be someone who was a witness to that kind gesture who was inspired to help someone else.

If we all accepted people at face value, instead of placing high expectations on them, we could make better choices on who we let into our space. People show themselves all the time. It may not be at first glance but when you are around a person long enough, there are always signs to a person’s character. At the end of the day, it’s all a choice. You choose who you help and you choose who you keep in your space. You choose to accept people at face value and you choose how you look at the world.

Accepting people as they are is tough but once you can do that, you look at the world with a different set of eyes.  You won’t have a problem being nice and helping people because you are looking at things differently. And when someone asks you, “why are you doing this for me?”  You can answer, “Because one day you will do this for someone else.”

A good friend of mine told me recently that I am too nice but then she also told me to never change because I am a rarity in this world where many have a ME-ME-ME outlook on life. I smiled and told her not to worry…I won’t ever change because I love being me, even if I can be too nice. Because I am no one’s doormat.

The Frugal Files: Frugal Random Acts of Kindness

Happy Holidays frugalicious ones!!

It has been a couple of weeks, but I needed some downtime to focus on some other things in my life, but rest assured, I've been thinking about you!! Hope all is well with you and your family this holiday season!! I know trials come and we get discouraged every now and then, but please know that trouble doesn't last always and you can find ways to have joy and peace in your life, even during the storm.

If you don’t live under a rock, then you know that horrific event took place last week. All those beautiful children and adults who cared for them gone; lost due to senseless violence and someone’s personal agenda. It was traumatic for all involved and all who watched. We were all affected by it, but I’m here today to challenge each and every one of us to rise above the slump of depression it caused and honor the memories of those who lost their lives.

I will not get into discussions about what could have, should have or might have happened if. It is time to turn off the television, stop reading the recaps and move on with living our lives because we are still here. Because we’re still here, to me that means, we’re still in the position to bless others. Don’t let those lives be lost in vain; do something to help your fellow man today, everyday!!

How? By making Random Acts of Kindness a lifestyle; a way of life. We take kindness for granted in this society, but I feel when we’re kind to ourselves and others, we truly do make this world a better place. You never know how a person’s day is going, so don’t underestimate your smile or wink at them, you holding the door for someone, you complementing someone on their outfit or hair or even going back to the basics: saying “Thank You”. It’s not only polite, it invites others to be just as nice as you, even if just for that one moment.

Are you ready to fill the rest of 2012 and all of 2013 with your acts of kindness? They don’t even have to be random if you don’t want them to be. I think God will be pleased, as well as the recipient of your kindness, if you PLAN it. Sit down, make a list. We won’t mind. It’s all good…literally. While you’re here, let’s start one now. You know you’re here with the Frugalicious Diva, so we have to put a frugal spin on it. Lets’ just see what we can come up with, shall we?

Donations. You know this is always a big deal for me. Also, it’s the end of the year, so you still have a little time to donate to charitable organizations and get your tax deduction forms. If fact, here’s your first frugal act of kindness:

• Donate your goodwill tax deduction forms to a homeowner who can benefit from them.
• Drop your used clothing and shoes into the donation bins in your community.
• Give your old trophies to the Special Olympics organization.
• Have money left on your coffee house card? Give it to the next person in line.
• Slip someone a $20 bill when they’re not looking. Make their day!!
• Allow your child to choose 1-2 toys to donate to a child that is spending Christmas in a shelter.
• Use freecycle to give away nice things that someone can use again.

Couponers, I wanted to separate this list especially for you because you will understand the terms. I’ve gotten some of these ideas from my fellow online coupon buddies. They are great ideas and ensure that you’re both paying it forward and passing on the blessings!!

• Make a basket of stockpile goodies for your mail carrier, assistant or your child’s teacher.
• Donate items from your stockpile and replenish your church’s pantry or a food bank.
• Bag up your free beauty items in cute goody bags and donate them to a women’s shelter.
• Ask if you can host a pamper party at a Domestic Violence shelter and gift every woman with a gift bag
• Donate proceeds from a sale to a needy family for Christmas.
• Did you run across a coupon related MONEY MAKER at the store? Walk around the store and randomly give the rewards or money to someone shopping.
• Give out coupons to other customers while shopping. They won’t mind you snooping in their cart if you’re going to help them save money.
• Make stockpile laundry baskets for college students. They will appreciate that toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and soap!!
• Find all your mailbox freebies a new home, or use them!!
• Share the gift of couponing!! Make someone a coupon binder and watch them go!!

As you can see, the possibilities are ENDLESS!! What else can you do to make it a “Random Frugal Acts of Kindness? kind of day? I’d love to read them!! Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter. Use hash tag #frugalicious #frugalRAOK and #26acts to honor the fallen in Connecticut. Enjoy your blessings and even more, your ability to be one!! Muah!! 

Happy Holidays!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow Me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

The Frugal Files: Giving Thanks Today!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you!!

Welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of The Frugal Files!! Last year around this time, we were talking Black Friday sales, but this time I’d like to focus more on what we have rather than what we want. It’s a lovely day outside and a glorious day to give thanks. Last week, we talked about  ((link)) and this week, I just wanted to share some ways to give thanks and share this time with those who truly matter. Great thing about it, is they are Frugalicious…as always.

Spend time with family, no matter the size. Also, family doesn’t mean just those related to you by blood. Share time and space with those that matter most to you and make it a happy day. Eat, play games, discuss the world and just enjoy each other’s company. Catch up on what’s going on in your lives. You never know what will come up; new business ideas, referrals, opportunities. We all get so busy on social media with people we don’t know, that we miss out on the expertise right in our own family.

Check on others. Because I have such a big family, I sometimes forget that it’s not the case for everyone. Holidays are times to share with people we love and care about. So if you have a friend that has no family in the area or a college student that didn’t go home, offer them a plate and an invitation to spend time with your family. Let’s make sure people aren’t lonely and alone during this holiday time. I am thankful and very proud that my family is large and that they are welcoming to newcomers. They won’t hesitate to throw someone in the food line and give them a hug. That goes for any family function, be it a holiday gathering or a game night. If they are family to one of us, they are family to all of us.

Visit extended family. You have a few days off right? Don’t spend it all at the mall. Why not call or take a ride to an aunt’s house you haven’t seen in a while. Do you have a family member in a nursing home? Go visit them and share a piece of pie and play a few rounds of checkers. This is the time to show people that even when you don’t see each other often, they are still thought about and loved. Use this gesture as a reminder to go and visit people more often. Let them tell you stories. One thing we don’t do as much as we used to is sit at the feet of our elders and listen to their wisdom. They’ve lived long enough to know something about life, so let’s get that knowledge and pass it on to the next generation.

Volunteer. I know I talked about this last week, but because people seem to have so much time off work and school, it’s the perfect time to lend a helping hand for a good cause. This is not only to say that volunteering should only be done around these holidays, but it’s a good start. Use it as a catapult to really make donating your time, a lifestyle change. Donate money, attend a fundraiser, help them raise funds and jump in and fill in the gap where they need help.

Give away items. In addition to giving out toys for tots, consider donating items from a shelter’s wish list. Organize a drive of some sort at your church or in your women’s group. Choose a local, national or international charity and set aside time and money to support it. It will do both the charity and your heart, good!!

No matter what you do today and during this time of relaxation, be sure to give thanks. You may not be where you want to be or have everything you want, but say a word of thanks to God for all that you do have. Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow Me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

The Frugal Files: Gratitude & Giving

Hey Frugal Folks!!

Welcome back to The Frugal Files!! In November, we celebrate Gratitude Month. We should be grateful all year, but it’s nice to have a month to truly focus on something that helps us to be better people. When we’re better, we give others around us permission to be better too. This month is a loving place that will hopefully remind us of all the great things life has to offer and has been offering all along.

This week we celebrated Veteran’s Day. Besides taking advantage of the sales, I hope you took the time to reflect on how our lives have been positively affected by those who fought for our freedoms? Did you thank a Veteran? Yes, Sunday and Monday were days specifically set aside to thank them, but feel free to show them some gratitude anytime, especially if they are in uniform. I guarantee that a “thank you” and smile will brighten a day, knowing that what they do and have done is appreciated.

How else can you show gratitude? Take a challenge to write down those things for which you are grateful, daily. Many of my online friends are blogging this month, chronicling their life through their grateful eyes. When you are grateful for the people and things you have in your life, you find that you are truly blessed. No matter what you've been through (because Lord knows, we've all been through something), you can find something that will make you smile; something to be grateful about.

I've also received emails about meditation challenges. Even though I haven’t been keeping up like I should, I’m currently taking part in Deepak Chopra's 21 Day Meditation Challenge. The focus of this series is creating abundance. How do you create abundance? By focusing on abundance and most importantly, gratitude. The more you’re grateful, the more abundance you create. Of course, our gratitude efforts wouldn't be complete without affirmations. I’ll share today’s, so we can reflect on it together.

“Today, and every day, I give what I want to receive.”

My last few months, really this whole year, hasn't been the happiest for me. Sometimes, it was downright depressing, but last month, I decided once and for all; I will set out to be a blessing for others. No matter how I’m feeling, I cannot ignore the fact that my life is extremely blessed, therefore I will bless others. In this journey, I have found so many more things I’m grateful for in my life. My prayer to God was not one of asking for myself, but of giving myself away, so He could use me to bless others. Here's a musical inspiration for you.

My biggest effort is to help those in need during this hurricane and holiday season. I know we’re all glad the election is over, but the tragedy of Hurricane Sandy, keeps us in a place of anguish. Let’s do something about it. I have several friends in the NYC area that were affected and it’s been my mission to send them items to help them rebuild. I got my church, my sorority and my couponing group involved; because TOGETHER, we can make a difference.

So, frugalicious divas and dons, gather your coupons, pack up your binders and find some sales that will allow you to put together care packages for those in need this season. If you’re not a couponer, be a friend and buy a Sunday newspaper for someone who is, so they can utilize those coupons. Find local charities and donate items that are on their wish list. If nothing else, volunteer your time. Serve holiday dinner or help prepare it. Help a local shelter make phone calls or organize their community closet.

If you want to help those affected by Sandy, consider assisting with the Far Rockaway areas. This is our Belle Noir writer Marcy’s area and she’s been wonderful at providing information to assist families who have lost everything or are still living without electricity. 

The Divas Making A Difference NY Chapter is looking for people to send the following items: 
- Toothbrushes
- Toothpaste
- Deodorant
- Q-tips
- Sanitary Napkins/ Pantiliners / Tampons
- Lotion
- Lip balm
- Facial cleaner
- Body soap/body wash
- Cleaning puffs/washcloths/ towels
- Shampoo
- Hair conditioner
- Perfume
- Body moisturizer
- Facial moisturizer
- Shaving supplies
- Hair accessories (bobby pins, hair ties...)

Send contributions to:
Tiffany Braxton
c/o Divas Making A Difference New York Chapter
PO Box 340317
Rochdale Village, New York 11434

Let's give during this time of gratitude!! Enjoy your week!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow Me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

The Frugal Files: Time for Kwanzaa, Time for Us

Habari Gani Frugal people!!

It’s almost the end of the year, but the celebration is not over!! It’s Kwanzaa time!! That means it’s a time to reconnect with our African Heritage. In case you’re not aware, let me briefly share.

Kwanzaa: A Celebration of Family, Community, and Culture, was founded by Maulana Karenga  in 1966 and is the first specifically African American holiday, giving us an opportunity to celebrate us and our history. Kwanzaa, meaning first fruits of the harvest, is celebrated using symbols: a decorative mat on which other symbols are placed, corn and other crops, a candle holder with seven candles, called a kinara, a communal cup for pouring libations, gifts, a poster of the seven principles, and a black, red, and green flag, representing the seven principles.

It’s easy to remember when Kwanzaa begins, because it’s always the day after Christmas and takes us through the beginning of the year. Here we’re introduced to Nguzo Saba, the seven principles of Kwanzaa. Each day is dedicated to a principle. You can find ways to celebrate with your family and friends on each day. Now, let’s celebrate!!

December 26 - Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Celebrate: Come together for family dinner and eat together. Everyone bring a dish to share, emphasizing fruit and vegetables or prepare an African dish. Spending time together is the greatest way to promote Umoja in your family.

December 27 - Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

Celebrate: Pull out your history books, especially ones from your family history. Enlist the help of the elders and sit at their feet. Listen to the stories of those that came before us, noting their pride and inspiring tales. You know we love to tell stories, so be sure to pass on this oral history and tradition.

December 28 - Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers' and sisters' problems our problems, and to solve them together.

Celebrate: This is a day to simply be kind to others, especially those in our communities. It’s a day to think of others, so practicing random acts of kindness like picking up litter, running errands for neighbors and serving food at the soup kitchen are good ways to do just that. Volunteer your time somewhere today. It doesn’t cost you anything and it’s good for the soul.

December 29 - Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.

Celebrate: This is my favorite, using talents before money!! Whether you’re giving gifts for Christmas, Kwanzaa or even a birthday, don’t spend money you don’t have. Instead, opt to make something creative. Sew or knit? Make a blanket or article of clothing. Handy? Create something. My Dad once made kitchen footstools for gifts. They were both helpful and meaningful because he made them with his own hands. We have talents we can use to bless others, so let’s!!

December 30 - Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

Celebrate: This grace-based principle is one challenge us to do daily. One concern in our community is our children. We can restore our greatness by starting in them, our future. Mentor a child, especially teens. Setting a good example helps them understand their worth and responsibility to our community.

December 31 - Kuumba (Creativity): To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.

Celebrate: Shouldn’t all our days be about serving others? Take on another family member’s chore, just because. Gather fruit, a notepad and pen, fuzzy socks, a crossword puzzle and a bottle of water. Put it in a basket and present it to a coworker or friend. It’s a thoughtful way to spread beauty in the form of kindness.

January 1 - Imani (Faith): To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Celebrate: The beauty of Kwanzaa is it’s a cultural holiday, one where all faiths can participate. On this last day, share your traditions with someone else and partake in theirs. We all live on this earth and we can coexist here. Let’s make it easy by sharing for understanding. It will make the world a better place.

Learn more about Kwanzaa, it’s principles, symbols and ceremonies by visiting http://www.officialkwanzaawebsite.org/NguzoSaba.shtml

Kwanzaa allows us to commemorate our heritage and ourselves; it is also frugalicious!! Enjoy!! 


Frugalicious Diva

The Frugal Files: Project Reach In...for the Holidays

Hey there frugal folks!!

Last week I shared some ideas for you to plan your Black Friday adventure. So, hopefully you've mapped out your plan and you're ready to come out of the trenches and man your stations. Just a little advice: be safe out there. Be courteous to other frenzied shoppers. Watch where you're going and don't lollygag. Get your items quickly, move to the check out, then to the car. Watch out for strangers and be careful heading out.

I wouldn't go out at all that day if I didn't have to take my daughter to work. This will definitely be an experience for her, since she will be working TWO retail jobs that day. She is up for the challenge though.

Now, the other thing about this season is all the events that take place. There are a number of gatherings going on from now until early January, including holiday parties, family and friends gatherings, brunches, shopping sprees, concerts, fundraisers, community service events. You name it, it's going on this season.

Especially during this time of year, many people are concerned with good cheer, loved ones and the less fortunate. In order to accommodate all that's taking place, Frugalicious Diva encourages you to reach in your own life. In fact, we're going to call this challenge (because you know I love challenges) Project Reach In. The idea is that instead of shopping, since you're already doing that for others this season, that you shop at home. Here is what I mean...

Contrary to what the sales ads say, this season is not just about spending your money. It is also about giving. Community Service not only helps the community, but it does a soul good. In this branch of Project Reach In, I urge you to "reach in" your closet, your basement, your kid's rooms and donate items to the less fortunate. Your children will be getting new items this year, so why not clean up and donate their old toys. Samaritan's Purse organization sponsors a Build A Box project, where you pack a shoe box with a special personalized greeting in order to bless children all around the world.

Be not only a good global citizen, but a good neighbor. Reach In your deep freezer and purpose to prepare two meals; one for your family and one to share with your neighbor or a family from your church. I recently saw online a great organization Down For The Clause who is passing on blessings because they have been blessed. Feel free to Reach In your heart to donate or even create a cause in your own area. The more giving the better!!

At the family and friends gatherings, decide to potluck. Reach In your cupboards and pantries and make your favorite brunch dish to share with your loved ones. Do you have a bottle of wine you've been saving? Reach In your cellar and bring it as a host gift when you attend a catered party.

Now for concerts and more elegant parties. Instead of buying something new for each event, simply Reach In your closet and shop. My friend does a weekly fashion segment on her local news station called Style in the City wMissy and last week she featured her first plus size model (YAY!!) For the last two weeks she's addressed fashion for events. She encouraged adding color and heightened elegance by accessorizing. So remember that plain black dress in the back of closet? Pull it out, add a scarf for color, put on your patterned heels and incorporate some bling.

You already have everything you need to celebrate yourself and others this holiday season. Project Reach In is sure to be a success for you. Enjoy yourself and love others!!

Frugalicious Diva