Fearless Fridays: Paying It Forward

I am a nice person. I have been told I am too nice at times. I used to get annoyed about that but learned being too nice is not a bad thing. As long as I don’t let others take advantage of me and become a doormat for people. I learned it was okay to say no sometimes. Us nice people have good hearts and we want to help the world if we could. But there comes a time when we have to keep it real with ourselves and see that we can’t help everyone. We certainly can’t help others if we aren’t helping ourselves too.

I got a point in my life where I was running on empty. I realized that I was spending so much time helping other people, that I was not helping myself! I have big dreams as any normal person does. However, your dreams won’t become a reality if you are not putting in the time and effort to make it happen. I grew bitter and started this whole pity party with one guest on the invite list: Me. I would say to myself, “Why am I helping these people when I am not getting any help in return?” Many of the people I helped, did not return the favor. And I felt used and taken advantage of.

This became a big lesson in my life because it caused me to have an epiphany about people in general. I learned that I put unrealistic expectations on people because I expected them to treat me the same way I treated them. I had to accept that no one out there is like me. There is only one me. And no one is perfect. I had to learn to accept people for who they are. And if I wanted to help them, it was a chance I took because I wanted to help them for no other reason than I just wanted to. When you help someone and expect something in return, then you’re not genuinely helping them. You are helping them to gain something yourself. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with expecting to be treated kindly and respectful by others. But not everyone will treat you well. This is where the power of choice comes in. You always have a choice. So if you help someone and they take advantage of you, they are showing themselves to you as the person they really are. You are then presented with the choice of whether you want to continue to keep them in your life or not. If you continue to help them and be used again and again, it’s on you because you made the choice to keep them in your life.

I also learned that when you help someone, while you might not get that in return from that particular person, you will receive a blessing/help from someone else. Think of all those times that someone helped you out of the blue and you never helped them at all. That was no accident. Every time you help someone, you are sowing the seeds of kindness that will continue to grow to the point where you will just continue to be blessed. That’s the whole premise of paying it forward. You help someone and maybe that person will be inspired to help someone else because of what you did for them. Or it might not even be that person. It could be someone who was a witness to that kind gesture who was inspired to help someone else.

If we all accepted people at face value, instead of placing high expectations on them, we could make better choices on who we let into our space. People show themselves all the time. It may not be at first glance but when you are around a person long enough, there are always signs to a person’s character. At the end of the day, it’s all a choice. You choose who you help and you choose who you keep in your space. You choose to accept people at face value and you choose how you look at the world.

Accepting people as they are is tough but once you can do that, you look at the world with a different set of eyes.  You won’t have a problem being nice and helping people because you are looking at things differently. And when someone asks you, “why are you doing this for me?”  You can answer, “Because one day you will do this for someone else.”

A good friend of mine told me recently that I am too nice but then she also told me to never change because I am a rarity in this world where many have a ME-ME-ME outlook on life. I smiled and told her not to worry…I won’t ever change because I love being me, even if I can be too nice. Because I am no one’s doormat.

Fearless Fridays: The Lessons I Learned From My Dad

In the midst of all the Superstorm Sandy mess, my dad’s 63th birthday crept on me on November 10. I spent so much time trying to prepare for the day and then Sandy happened, which totally turned my life upside down. I had planned to be in Tampa on his birthday, to spread some of his ashes in the ocean from the pier in Clearwater Beach. But of course, life intervened in the form of Superstorm Sandy.

His birthday marked not only his birthday, but 19 months since he passed away. It’s just like my dad to pass away with the dates matching evenly. I always say I got my attention to detail and desire to make sure everything is neat and orderly from him. I spent the day, thinking of him non-stop. So many things have happened in my life in such a short time and it caused me to really reflect on my life. It has made me see what needs work and what I need to do to move forward.

I always talk about the lessons I have learned from my father. He was one of the smartest men I knew and he prepared me for life. He saw my strength within, even when I didn’t know it existed. And this is why he continually taught me about life and how to handle the ups and downs. He knew I could take it and he knew I would get through it all. He knew I was strong enough.

One lesson he always reminded me of was how life is one continuous test. We will always be presented with forks in the road. Sometimes those forks in the road come disguised as setbacks and disappointments. Sometimes they are disguised as being in a comfortable situation but having that restless feeling in your gut that you need to move on. Your intuition is never wrong and listening to your intuition is making a decision when you come to that fork in the road, on which path to take.

Daddy used to always tell me that opportunities will always be presented along your journey but we make the decision on how we receive those opportunities. We can choose to seize them or we can choose to ignore them. Either way, you are choosing which path to take. Many times, we encounter setbacks and disappointments and the pain from that halts us on our journey because we are too emotional to see the lesson. That lesson shows us what path we need to stay on. So we may take the wrong path on the road because we let our emotions rule our decision.

With everything that has happened in the last two years, from my dad’s sudden passing to my relationship failing to even Superstorm Sandy, I have made the choice to not let my emotions affect my steps going forward. I think of Daddy and what he would do. It’s hard for me because I am an emotional person. I take things to heart. I’m still grieving 19 months later for my father like it was yesterday when I got the call that he was gone. I’m still hurt over that failed relationship because I gave this man my all and did nothing wrong, yet he still broke my heart. And then Sandy just thrust me into this space where I didn’t feel safe. I felt out of control and thrown out of my familiar routine and life. Which leads to another key lesson I learned from my father…

I have to live my life the best way I can and not have regrets. When you have regrets, it’s just like you’re holding onto the past. It is what it is. It happened and there is nothing you can do to change that. You can never change the past. However, you can rewrite your story going forward and have a different ending. Instead of having regret and looking back, start to look forward. Be excited at the possibilities that await you. Accept that those past mistakes and regrets are just that…in the past.

In order to fully live life, we have to keep looking forward. If you keep looking back, you won’t see what is awaits you on your journey. My dad admitted to me that he made plenty of mistakes in his life but his life was such a great story and he died with no regrets. He did the best he could with what he had. It’s as simple as that.

I go back home this weekend, back to my life post-Sandy. The power is back on and the rebuild has begun. I am so lucky and fortunate to have a home to go back to.  So many lost their homes and belongings.  And out of this whole thing, I have to say, it has really made me discover another facet to my calling in this world. It has made me realize that it is okay to be nice and want to help others. We live in a world where people are in such a “ME” mode and are suspicious of anyone wanting to offer help. As I said a few weeks ago, all it takes is one person to make a change and start that domino effect in the world. If you have a pure, genuine heart, let it shine through. Be who you are. You are giving the world a great gift when you are true to yourself. 

I have seen so many pure, genuine hearts in the last three weeks and it inspires me to be a better person. The world is not as bad as I thought. I know my dad is looking down at me, proud. He sees his legacy continuing strong as ever and sees that his lessons are being put into full use. Thank you, Daddy, for the lessons you taught me. Happy birthday. I love you infinity.

The Frugal Files: Gratitude & Giving

Hey Frugal Folks!!

Welcome back to The Frugal Files!! In November, we celebrate Gratitude Month. We should be grateful all year, but it’s nice to have a month to truly focus on something that helps us to be better people. When we’re better, we give others around us permission to be better too. This month is a loving place that will hopefully remind us of all the great things life has to offer and has been offering all along.

This week we celebrated Veteran’s Day. Besides taking advantage of the sales, I hope you took the time to reflect on how our lives have been positively affected by those who fought for our freedoms? Did you thank a Veteran? Yes, Sunday and Monday were days specifically set aside to thank them, but feel free to show them some gratitude anytime, especially if they are in uniform. I guarantee that a “thank you” and smile will brighten a day, knowing that what they do and have done is appreciated.

How else can you show gratitude? Take a challenge to write down those things for which you are grateful, daily. Many of my online friends are blogging this month, chronicling their life through their grateful eyes. When you are grateful for the people and things you have in your life, you find that you are truly blessed. No matter what you've been through (because Lord knows, we've all been through something), you can find something that will make you smile; something to be grateful about.

I've also received emails about meditation challenges. Even though I haven’t been keeping up like I should, I’m currently taking part in Deepak Chopra's 21 Day Meditation Challenge. The focus of this series is creating abundance. How do you create abundance? By focusing on abundance and most importantly, gratitude. The more you’re grateful, the more abundance you create. Of course, our gratitude efforts wouldn't be complete without affirmations. I’ll share today’s, so we can reflect on it together.

“Today, and every day, I give what I want to receive.”

My last few months, really this whole year, hasn't been the happiest for me. Sometimes, it was downright depressing, but last month, I decided once and for all; I will set out to be a blessing for others. No matter how I’m feeling, I cannot ignore the fact that my life is extremely blessed, therefore I will bless others. In this journey, I have found so many more things I’m grateful for in my life. My prayer to God was not one of asking for myself, but of giving myself away, so He could use me to bless others. Here's a musical inspiration for you.

My biggest effort is to help those in need during this hurricane and holiday season. I know we’re all glad the election is over, but the tragedy of Hurricane Sandy, keeps us in a place of anguish. Let’s do something about it. I have several friends in the NYC area that were affected and it’s been my mission to send them items to help them rebuild. I got my church, my sorority and my couponing group involved; because TOGETHER, we can make a difference.

So, frugalicious divas and dons, gather your coupons, pack up your binders and find some sales that will allow you to put together care packages for those in need this season. If you’re not a couponer, be a friend and buy a Sunday newspaper for someone who is, so they can utilize those coupons. Find local charities and donate items that are on their wish list. If nothing else, volunteer your time. Serve holiday dinner or help prepare it. Help a local shelter make phone calls or organize their community closet.

If you want to help those affected by Sandy, consider assisting with the Far Rockaway areas. This is our Belle Noir writer Marcy’s area and she’s been wonderful at providing information to assist families who have lost everything or are still living without electricity. 

The Divas Making A Difference NY Chapter is looking for people to send the following items: 
- Toothbrushes
- Toothpaste
- Deodorant
- Q-tips
- Sanitary Napkins/ Pantiliners / Tampons
- Lotion
- Lip balm
- Facial cleaner
- Body soap/body wash
- Cleaning puffs/washcloths/ towels
- Shampoo
- Hair conditioner
- Perfume
- Body moisturizer
- Facial moisturizer
- Shaving supplies
- Hair accessories (bobby pins, hair ties...)

Send contributions to:
Tiffany Braxton
c/o Divas Making A Difference New York Chapter
PO Box 340317
Rochdale Village, New York 11434

Let's give during this time of gratitude!! Enjoy your week!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow Me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva