The Frugal Files: Garage Sale!! Tips for Buyers & Sellers

Hey frugalicious ones!!

Welcome back to The Frugal Files!! Recently, I’ve been helping a friend prepare for an out-of-state move. Her biggest task: decluttering. She went through each room to remove items she didn’t want. Then after getting down to the nitty gritty, she found she was just a huge paper pack rat. She literally had binder after binder of “important papers” and “keepsakes”; things she that had traveled with her through 3 states.

Because you all know me, you know I was not going to let her take it all to another state. We went through every binder she had from two offices, several cabinets, the basement and her storage. We recycled; we shredded and found a recycling bin close to her home, which was a lifesaver.

In addition to paper, she had EVERYTHING in her home, even in duplicate. We organized it and used every resource possible to get rid of it. She freecycled a great deal, but when you have a lot of stuff and moving expenses, it makes sense to make a few extra bucks. How? The good, old Garage Sale. Today, I have tips for the Seller and the Buyer, so let’s begin.

As the Seller, you want to make as much as you can. This requires patience and planning. Most people think having a sale is as easy as throwing up a sign and sitting pretty, but there is so much more work involved.

First, name the sale. It’s just a garage sale right? Wrong. When people hear or read Garage or Yard sale, they look for bottom basement prices. If you don’t mind letting things for under $2-$3 with most items being 0.50, then those names are fine. If you want more money, purpose to use Estate or Moving Sale instead. Those names appeal to more than just the veteran thrifty that will haggle you about an item that’s a dime. Help the customer know what to expect from your sale.

Second, arrange your sale items neatly. If there are items in your sale space that aren’t for sale, remove them or cover them, so the buyer knows they are off limits. Also, messy sales do not typically yield big profits. Clutter causes people to not want to buy, so as annoying as it might be to re-arrange items after someone rummages it through, do it as a courtesy toward the next paying customer. Hang items up if you can, separate them by size and place like items together on your tables.

Third, advertise. Don’t just open up shop and rest on your laurels. Tell your neighbors, co-workers and family and tell them to pass it on. Post the information in your online groups, craigslist and the newspaper. Advertise early so people can prepare to come. A tip for multiple day sales: advertise each day individually. When people see signs for multiple days and miss the first day, they will assume all the good stuff was taken and may skip your sale altogether.

Another tip, if you live on a side street, post signs on the main street, then help guide the driver all the way to your sale with accompanying signs. Also, don’t be afraid of gimmicks. Note that you have bags and boxes for them. When advertising your great items, consider “Stuff-A-Bag” as part of your sale. Do you have a bunch of little items, but don’t want to bother with coins at your sale? Then put those items in one section and give people a bag or box. Give them a set price and tell them they can stuff whatever they can fit in their bag, from that area, for that price. It’s a great way to get rid of stuff and make guaranteed money.

For the Buyers, the rules are simple:

1)      Take a set amount of money in your budget for garage sales. Once the money is gone, you are done shopping.

2)      Do not buy items you don’t need just because it’s cheap. Only get it if you’re going to use it or give it as a gift within 30 days. This is not an opportunity for your to clutter up your house.

3)      Do not take children or people with poor spending habits with you. Just like in the grocery store, children will want everything they see, so to keep the tantrums at a minimum and to avoid overspending, keep them at home. Same goes for your clutterbug of a friend. Don’t take them if they will influence you to be a spendthrift.

As the Seller, once you’ve sold all you can, consider offering a Free for All on freecycle. They will come and clean you out and if they don’t, pack up the remaining items and drop them off at a thrift store. Don’t forget to grab your tax deduction slip!!

Happy Garage Sales to you!! Until next time…

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Fearless Flying: Tips For The Plus Size Traveler

Me in Paris

Last week, I wrote about how I became the avid traveler I am today and how I don’t let my size stop me from getting out and seeing the world. Along the way, I learned how to travel with ease almost all of the time. Life is never perfect but you make the best out of it. Here’s some tips I follow and keep in mind when traveling:

Pick your airline wisely: When selecting an airline to fly, know what airlines are plus size friendly. I have had great experiences on JetBlue, Air Canada, American, Virgin America and Frontier. To find out more about plus size friendly airlines, check out this great article over at Grandstyle.com here.

Side note:  I avoid Southwest, Air France and Spirit at all costs. I have not had great experiences at all on those airlines.

Plan your travel days and times wisely: Avoid full flights like the plague, when you can. The busiest travel days and times during the week are Thursday evenings, all day Friday, Saturday afternoon, all day Sunday and Monday mornings. I stay away from an airport in general on a Friday. It’s terrible and almost like sitting in LA traffic.

The best days and times to travel are all day Tuesday and Wednesday and very early Saturday morning or late Saturday evening. Honestly, the best flights to take are “red eyes”, which are overnight flights. If you can catch a red eye on a Saturday night, most likely you’ll be on an empty flight. And chances are if you fly at these less popular days and times, you will snag a cheaper fare, too.

Pick your seat wisely: Never EVER sit in the front of the plane or in a bulkhead seat unless the flight is super empty. Bulkhead seats and the front of the plane are the most sought after seats. Chances are if you sit in this area, you will get someone seating in that dreaded middle seat and will not be able to have more room to yourself. I usually sit in the back of the plane. You’re the first one on the plane so you have time to get yourself situated, especially if you need a seat belt extender (which I will go into later).

Yes, you are the last one off the plane but for me, I never try to be in a rush and I always allot enough time for myself to get where I am going so getting out last is usually not an issue for me.  If you’re connecting with another flight, are in the back and are worried that you will miss your connection, just let the flight attendant know and they will make sure you get to your connecting flight (unless there is a delay, which is out of anyone’s control).

A window seat will definitely allow you a little more shoulder room but please note that hip room remains the same on all seats.  A great website to use as a reference on seats is Seatguru.com. Seat Guru has detailed seating maps per airline and comments about seats that have reduced legroom and limited recline.  Their color-coded seat map key is awesome. For instance, a seat that is green means it’s a good seat. Red means a bad seat.

Seat Guru also gives you the seat pitch and width information for seats. For example, the seats for my fave airline JetBlue run from 34” – 38” on pitch and about 18” on seat width whereas Virgin America (another one of my faves) runs about 33” on pitch and almost 20” width in Economy. Side note: sometimes it pays to know the aircraft too. When I flew to China, I flew on a 777 and those seats are narrower than the usual ones. So just keep this in mind when looking at seat pitch and width numbers.

Other great little travel tips:

• If you need a seat belt extender and feel embarrassed asking for one on a flight, just quickly ask the flight attendant, who greets you as soon as you get on the plane, for one. In my experiences, flight attendants have always been discreet about it and accommodating. However, you can always invest in one and carry it with you. There are universal ones that fit most airlines and they run from $20 - $40.

• Try to use the restroom before you board, especially if you feel self-conscious about fitting in the restroom on the plane. But honestly, check out the restroom on board before you automatically think you won’t fit. You might be surprised.

• Take advantage of early boarding so you have time to get yourself comfortably settled in your seat before the rush. Airlines have a pre-boarding period for people who require some assistance or extra time to board.

• At the gate, you can always ask the gate agent to check if there is an empty seat next to you and if not, your seat can be changed at that time if there is room. Once on the flight, if there is space, flight attendants will let you move to another seat.

• If you are unable to use the tray table from the seat next to you and can’t get the tray table in front of your seat fully down, use a pillow or your laptop bag/backpack on your lap as a faux tray table.

Always remember: you have a right to travel and go anywhere your heart pleases. Don't ever let your size stop you nor let any bad travel experiences deter you from seeing the world. You only live once and the world is yours to see. Now if you encounter any issues during your travels, you have a right as a passenger to voice your complaints to the airline. We live in a social media-based world at the moment so you don't have to just write a letter, which may get lost in a sea of mail. You can use Facebook or Twitter to let the airline know how you feel.

So, happy traveling! As host Phil Keoghan from one of my fave TV shows The Amazing Race always says at the start of each new race: "The world is waiting for you. Good luck. Travel safe. GO!"

The Frugal Files: No More Wasting Away

Hey frugal folks!!

Sorry so late today, but I’m here!! I was contemplating what to write about all week when inspiration struck (as usual), from conversations with others and they are usually about my frugaliciousness. I’ve already told you that I’ll defend my frugal living until the end, but what many want to know is if it’s really frugal. I do and will always say “YES”. It works and even though we tweak some things for our on benefit, it still works.

I have to say, in my frugal journeys, I’ve learned what’s best for me and my family, which is the same way we can all look at it. If we’re not truly getting the benefit, then what’s the point? I can honestly say I’ve done my fair share of wasting effort, money and time. Still do, on occasion, but such is life and we can’t win them all. Clichés aside, wasting has indeed hurt me, but it’s also helped my mindset. Seeing my mistakes showed me if I can waste money, then I can afford to save it, donate it and invest it. It’s about maturity and when you’ve been burned enough times, you’ll learn.

There’s at least three ways I’ve seen myself and others squander our ends and I’ll share them, not to judge but to give us all something to ponder. It’s one thing to whittle away money, but spending more time to save more money is completely fine in my book. What else would you have been doing in that timeframe? Being online? Watching tv? Sleeping? Chatting on the phone? Using a little more of your entertainment time is the perfect way to spend on saving moolah, as you’re keeping it in your purse to spend on items that truly matter to you.

First, buying things you don’t need. This comes up regularly for the extreme couponer. Sometimes we get so caught up in getting something for cheap or free that we don’t realize the little bit of change we’re spending is adding up. If we honestly looked at those receipts, we probably could add more to gas tank, especially since we’re driving around to get deals on things we don’t even need.

Speaking of couponing, sometimes people get so caught up in the fact that they have a coupon, they spend more money, just to use it. That is not frugal. I personally struggle with letting some coupons go to waste. I don’t like the feeling, so in response, I regularly do coupon giveaways. It’s my way of helping others and getting that monkey (who wants me to spend more money) off my back.

Second, is buying generic. There are pros and cons to this. If you simply buy generic because it’s cheaper, then I hope you are doing your research. Make sure it’s the same quality or better than the name brand. If it’s the same go for it, but if you have a coupon for the name brand that will make it cheaper than the generic, then you need to make another choice.

It is simply about comparison shopping, so your goal is to get the quality item you need, will use and that will cost you the least amount for that quality product. Sometimes cheaper, is not cheaper in the long run if you have to buy twice as much as the name brand. Let’s do the math and save our pennies

Lastly, blind shopping. Sometimes it’s necessary to run into a store and pick up a last minute item. Consider that a splurge or the extra you pay as a convenience charge. You know how carry out marts mark up their price? It’s the cost of them being at your convenience, simply because you didn’t plan. Take the time to plan your grocery and other shopping trips. Write a list, clip and organize your coupons and stick to it. This will keep you on task, allowing you to leave out of the store spending just what you wanted to spend.

In addition to having a list and doing your comparison shopping, understand the marketing of a store, especially a grocer. The items at the register aren’t there because they ran out of space in the aisles, it’s because they want you to grab one last thing. If you’re hungry when you shop, that candy or drink that’s sitting there will be your one last thing. The store counts on you to impulse buy at the register, so ignore the goodies while you pull out your shopper’s card.

While we won’t always get the best deal, we can combat the idea that we’ll always waste money. Once we see and understand that we do these things, we can change them anytime. If we take the time to write down all that we’re spending, even if it’s just a little here and there, we will see the cost of everything. Then we can cut it where necessary. Thanks for stopping by today and go out there and save!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Fearless Flying: Oh, The Places You'll Go! - Part 1

Growing up, I loved Dr Suess and my favorite book was Oh, The Places You'll Go! I can now see why. I love to travel. I have earned the nickname “Dora” from my friends because of my constant traveling and exploring the world, backpack included. Traveling is good for the soul. It builds your character, opens your mind and teaches you to be more tolerant of the world. Every time I get on a plane, bus or train to head off on one of my adventures, I am breaking stereotypes and defying the odds. I say this because I am a plus size traveler at a size 26/28. People “my size” are not supposed to have pleasant, happy traveling experiences. Well, according to the stereotypes, anyway.


You see all the time on media outlets; how plus size people are blamed for uncomfortable traveling. Southwest Airlines has been known to screen people at the gate and if they deem you too large to fit in a seat, they will ask you to purchase a second seat. They will even remove you from a flight, especially if the flight is full.  I have seen such hateful comments and arguments on traveling with plus size travelers. We have become the scapegoats for an industry that is constantly removing seats or decreasing the size of their seats in order to get more people on a flight.

Me in Hong Kong, China

For me, these negative portrayals of plus size travelers never deterred me from my journey around the world. As a kid, I grew up in a housing project in Queens, New York City, right near the airport. So planes flew overhead frequently. My dad would always look out the window when planes passed our building overhead and he’d tell me how there is such a big world out there to explore. I’d like to think I got my traveling bug from my dad. People in my neighborhood rarely ventured out of the “hood” and used to think that traveling to another borough was a big deal. I wanted to be different. I wanted to see the world I read about so often in books. And I was not about to let anything stop me from doing so.


I started my travels early, at the age of 7. My mom enrolled me in a not-so-known program back then in the 70’s called The Fresh Air Fund. Basically, inner city kids ages 7-11 got the opportunity to stay with a family outside of the city in a rural or suburban area. How my mom let me go, I do not know.  But I am grateful that she did.  I remember being in Penn Station on my way to stay with my host family.  My mom clutched my hand tightly as we walked to the train track. As I let go to get on the train, she told me to let my host family know that if anything happened to me, she was going to show up there quick. I didn’t doubt that – Puerto Rican mothers are no joke. Despite that, I was so excited to be going on what I called “my first adventure”. My first family lived in Hartford, Connecticut. They were rich and lived in a huge sprawling mansion. It was definitely something I had not seen nor experienced ever before. I had my own bedroom, my own maid and they even had their own park and pool in the backyard.

Me in Venice, Italy

The next summer, I stayed with a family in the country in Vermont, where it was so clean that I walked barefoot everywhere.  I picked blueberries from the bushes, spent time reading while sitting on a large rock on a stream that ran on the side of their house and saw a chicken get its head cut off (dinner!). The father was a woodworker and farmer. It amazed me how he supported his family off the land and through the work he did with his hands. I can still close my eyes and smell the freshly baked blueberry pies that his wife would make. Fresh Air Fund was such a great experience for me. It allowed me to see places I would not have seen on my own as a kid and it let me become a part of other families and ways of life.

Me shopping in Rome like a local, lol

I think that every time I travel, I take a little piece of that place and that experience with me. It helps me learn and grow. It forces me to challenge myself because I am not in my comfort zone. This is important especially when you’re plus size. I used to be very sensitive when people stared at me. But over time, I grew accustomed to it. I learned that while I cannot control how others act, I can control how I let it affect me.  Traveling stretches my limits and has made me develop an appreciation for the world and for my comfy bed at home.


And I want that experience for everyone, no matter what their size. I love that feeling I get when I am walking down a street in a foreign land and I think to myself, wow, I’m really here. Traveling has strengthened my soul. It empowers me because I am proving with every trip I take, that I can do it at my size.


Next week in Part 2 of this blog series, I will list tips on traveling as a plus size person so that we can all have that experience and be explorers in our own right.

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

Me in Mexico City on a Tequila farm, lol

The Frugal Files: Frugal & Fun Family Reunions!!

Hey frugal folks!!

Welcome back to the Frugal Files!! Since, it’s July, you know that it’s time for Family Reunions!! It’s all about food, folks and fun during these times, but they don’t have to cost an arm and a leg!! Here’s a few suggestions on how to have great fun with the fam without spending too much!!

1) Prepare early – Have periodic meetings to discuss the reunions and what you want. Do you want to have it at a local park? The beach? Out of town? Is this a significant year you want to celebrate with more than just a picnic? Maybe a banquet or fashion show? What about a family cruise? All of these things would need to be both decided and paid for up front. Establish a tradition. Regardless, get your family there and enjoy the fun.

2) Potluck – This is my answer to EVERY large family or friends’ function. It is so simple and easy on everyone’s pockets. If you’re fortunate enough to have reunion meetings, where family members pay dues, then the fund can pay for the most expensive items like the meat. Then everyone else’s individual families can split up the side dishes and desserts.

If there’s no fund, then make a list of food needed and all family members, then split the costs equally. Every family can bring a meat, side and dessert. Make sure to bring enough for EVERYONE, not just an individual family. Also, if you know your favorite Aunt makes the best peach cobbler or your Dad has pefected the most perfect BBQ, make sure that’s the food they bring and plan according. It’s imperative that everyone bring their “A” game to this family function.

3) Bring your own games – Having a family day at the park or on the family’s property? Then be sure to bring your own entertainment. In my family, my Dad and uncle were the King of Games and everyone fell in line yearly, making it a tradition. Break out several decks of cards and have a Spades or Bid Whist tournament. Even without a tournament, grab yourself a partner and lay your cards on the table.

For the kids (and the adults that are big kids), fill up small balloons with water for a water toss. That’s when you and your partners line up across from each other and toss the water balloon to each other. Once the line is done, everyone moves further apart. If you burst your balloon you’re out. Whoever is left standing with their balloon in tact is the winner. The fun thing about this is by the time the end of the game comes around water will be splashing all over the place. Once you’ve played a few games, take the rest of the balloons and have a water balloon fight!! Fun times!!

In addition to the water toss, our family always had an egg toss too. The eggs combined with the heat…gross, but it was still fun to see the eggs burst on people!! Messy, but hilarious!! Then of course, there’s other games to be played like checkers, freeze tag, tic, tac, toe and one of my favorites: BINGO!! So addition to bringing your own games, have everyone donate a prize for the Bingo games. You don’t even have to buy one, find something around your home you never use and donate it to your family. They make great BINGO prizes.

4) Share Transportation – This year is our 60^th family reunion and it’s in another state. So, I’m suggesting the same thing my parents suggested, to charter a bus so more people can go and spend less. No need to drive or carpool or even worry about directions. Everyone split the cost of the bus, bring your own snacks and enjoy the ride and the festivities when you get there. Usually your portion of the bus will be less than if you drove your own car there and back.

A word about the snacks, use coupons to get yours. My daughter and aunts love Sunflowers seeds. I like them too, so when I realized I had four coupons for them, making them free, I was set. We’re ready to board the bus. So find some discounts and coupons on items like water, juice and snacks and take along on the ride.

5) Change the Date – My last suggestion may be a bit unorthodox, but who says family reunions have to be in the summer? Perhaps you can have one in the fall where amusement parks and other places won’t be as crowded. Consider having a holiday banquet as a family reunion, or a Ski trip in the winter. Regardless of where or when it is, if can be both enjoyable and frugal for your family. Choose what works for you, while you make and cherish the memories.

What ways do you celebrate family? What are your tips in having a safe, fun and frugal reunion? Tell me in the comments below, on Facebook or on Twitter!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

What Does Success Mean to You?

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

When most people think of success, they think it’s about attaining wealth, accolades, and awards.  Yes, those are forms of success. However, success is more than that; it’s whatever it means to you. There is no set measurement or definition for success.  To some people, success is simply being able to wake up another morning and get out of the house. For each individual, measurement of success changes as we grow and evolve. For example, that person who succeeded in waking up and getting out the house may now feel like they can take it an extra step further and strive to be successful at something else now that they are out of the house. It is a step by step process that is created by YOU. And once you accomplish something, it makes you stronger and more determined. It makes you believe that you can be successful at whatever you choose to go after. It fuels your fire and pushes you to keep going.

At this stage of my life, a quote from one of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo Emerson, sums up what success means to me:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded."

When I read that quote in one of his works while in college, it was as if a lightbulb went off above my head. Since I was a kid, success was defined for me by having a prestigious career, which would give me status in the world. I knew I was a writer at heart from an early age. But was told repeatedly by my teachers and mentors that writing was not a real career. I grew up in a housing project so my ticket to a better life was to go to college and become “someone”.  I strived to be a lawyer. That became my dream of success. I loved to read and the law intrigued me. So I put my true love of writing on the back burner.

By going to college, I had already succeeded. I was the first one in my family to go to college. My parents, especially my dad, were so proud. I always say that my dad was one of the smartest people I ever knew and he only had a high school diploma. So I will never forget how wide his smile was at my college graduation because I achieved something he had always wanted to do. I graduated with honors and as a double major.  Everything happens for a reason. I went to college with the intent of being a lawyer and walked away a changed person. Emerson’s quote (and his works) made me reflect on my life and what success meant to me.  

Success means to me, to pursue what you love and do the best that you can at that. If it means feeding the homeless to even being in the circus as a performer, if you are doing what you love and doing it well, you have already succeeded. All of us can’t be as rich as Warren Buffet. Even though it would be extremely nice, it is not meant for some of us have that kind of wealth. But it does not mean we won’t have wealth in other aspects of our lives. As I wrote about previously in “Whatis Your Calling?”, we are all here for a reason. We all have a calling; what we are meant to do in this life. I think some of us focus too much on being successful financially or professionally that we overlook the other successes we have in our lives. We're already successful and many of us don't even know it.   

Being successful starts from within. It starts with believing that anything is possible if you go after it.  Once you have that positive attitude and are willing to go after what you want, you can do anything you set your mind to and be successful in your own right. Whether it’s starting a workout regimen like I just did recently to something as big as buying a house or starting your own business; all of these things are attainable, if you believe you can do it. You have to believe in your own success. At the end of the day, we are our own worst enemy. We can change that, though, by being the president of our own fan club. It all begins within you and how you look at your life.

After you have your belief intact, the next step is to set your goals and create a plan on how to accomplish them. I used to hear people talk about their 5-year plan and would think to myself, “Wow, that’s impressive that they can plan that far out and be so sure about what they want to do.”  You have to do what works for you. For me, I believe small goals are more effective because I tend to get overwhelmed when I look at the big picture and try to tackle too many goals at once. When we’re overwhelmed, that can cause us to doubt ourselves and give up because we think that goal is too hard to attain. I’m all for baby steps because sometimes that baby step leads to something huge, something phenomenal.

So to sum this up, success is not measured by the amount of money or exposure you have in the world. It is about doing what you love and when your time on this Earth is over, you will have eulogized your life with the deeds you did. That is the legacy you leave behind. And I think that is something pretty successful in its own right. So ask yourself: What does success mean to you? Believe me, the answer to that question can transform your life.

The Frugal Files: Defending Frugal!!

Welcome back to The Frugal Files!! I love giving my thoughts about this subject I love so dearly!! I appreciate this platform to share ways to improve our lives without destroying our wallets. We can live a fabulous and fulfilling life that is frugal. In fact, because we‘re frugal, is the reason we can have a full life.

Last week we went deep into our issues with holding on. This week I want to combat some of the thought patterns I’ve encountered while on this journey of frugaliciousness. These are words spoken in conversations about living frugally and embracing frugalness. There are many things where the phrase, “it’s not for everyone” might apply, but frugal living is not one of them. Even the most wealthy people can be, and in some cases are, the most frugal. For some, it’s the reason they stay wealthy.

I’ve learned in my journey, that’s it’s not a “thing I do”, it’s a way of life; who I am. So with that, let me get to the objections and I will give you my take on them as I defend FRUGAL!!

Let’s start with the simplest objection: “I don’t know how.” Okay, I get it, but before you learned to ride a bike, drive a car, use the internet, pay your bills…you didn’t know how. LEARN how. It’s your journey, go at your own pace. The library has information on every subject known to man and so does the internet. In fact, the greatest thing about the internet is that you’ll discover someone else in this big ol’ world wanted to learn it too and when they did, they shared. Read blogs (you’re here right?), grab a few books, watch videos. You’ll be on your way to learning in no time.

One of my favorite excuses is “It’s too much work.” I find that interesting because people “work” everyday. Why are people completely content with working at a job that benefits someone else, but not willing to invest time to benefit themselves and their families? I don’t get it. If you put in the time, you’ll reap the rewards long term. For instance, learning to save in a retirement fund now, will keep you from experiencing total financial hardship later.

Just like the last, another favorite is “I don’t have time.” I hear this almost daily. People say they love how I save money, love the deals I post; awesome for me…as if they can’t do the same thing. Oh, they don’t have time. So instead they make time to spend more. I guess they have time to work overtime; to pay more on every trip to the market, every vacation and every drive to family’s house. Listen, saving money is time consuming, however it’s an investment in YOU and your family. Do yourself and them a favor and learn how to coupon and look for deals. You don’t have to become an extreme couponer, but taking a little time upfront to save in the long run is not too much to ask. You can incorporate the entire family, since everyone benefits.

Then there’s this variation of “I want the best” and “I want what I want”. Who says you can’t have the best or what you want? I have a bachelor cousin who is super flashy. He loves his cars and electronic toys and golf. As spendthrift as he is, do you think he turned down the Groupon link I gave him for a 56% discount off 18 holes for two (that included the cart rental) at a country club? I think not!! See, it’s not about being cheap and not enjoying life. It’s about enjoying it while spending less!! That’s proof it can be done.

This last objection is absolutely hilarious to me because someone tried to use psychology and my OWN words against me for argument’s sake. I don’t have to tell you they lost the argument…but I digress. You all know I am very big on affirmations and speaking positively about our lives. I love and believe the Brian Tracy quote: “Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true.” Because of this mindset, I avoid poverty-laced words about my life and finances. I often urge others to do the same.

When people say they’re broke, I respond, “and so it shall be.” You can’t speak lack and expect abundance. So when this person asked, facetiously I might add, “Isn’t being frugal a poverty mindset?” I actually laughed out loud, to which I responded with a wink, “so are you saying I need to spend more in order to be wealthy? That doesn’t make sense.”

Even though lack may be the reason for becoming frugal, it doesn’t mean that your mindset is one of poverty. It means that you may have limited resources and you are simply being a good steward over the resources you do have. Learning to be frugal and using those resources become not only a way to save, but a way toward increase in your life. There is NO objection or excuse to make me leave this frugalicious life. It’s in me and you can put it in you.

So people can say whatever they want because frugal is my friend that I’ll defend ‘til the end. It’s been a good friend to me and I love learning more about it, introducing it to others and watching our circle of friends grow exponentially!!

Until next time!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

The Scene: Summer 2012 Must Attend Events

Summer 2012 is in full swing, and as is usually the case, there are plus size events happening all over the US! Check out some of our picks for must attend events for the plus size community! Click the flyer or link for more information.

July

 Qristyl Frazier "Sizzling"  Summer Fashion Show
(New York City)
- Tuesday, July 10

www.qristylfrazierdesigns.com

 8 Plus Divas "Passport Diva" Fashion Show
(Alameda, CA)
- Saturday, July 28

www.8plusdivas.com

Curves Rock Fashion Weekend
(Baltimore, MD)

- Friday, July 27 through Sunday, July 29

www.curvesrockweekend.com

August

Curvy Chic Closet Pop-Up Consignment Shop
(Portland, OR)

- Thursday, August 23 through Sunday, August 26

www.curvychiccloset.com

Curves Fashion Week
(Atlanta)

- Thursday, August 30 through Sunday, September 2

www.curvesfashionweek.com

September

Curvy Closets Plus Fashion Showcase
(Philadelphia)

- Saturday, September 1 

www.curvyclosets.com

The International Fuller Woman Expo
(Detroit, MI)
- Friday, September 21 through Sunday, September 23

 

www.fullerwomanexpo.com

Do you have a plus friendly event taking place this summer? We'd love to add it to our list! Email the information and a flyer to editor [at] belle-noir [dot] com. We will be updating this page regularly throughout the summer!

The Gift of Pain

Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows. ~ Dean Koontz (from his book Velocity)

When we think of pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, we automatically think of it in a negative fashion. What is the first question someone usually asks when doing something new?   “Does it hurt?” Yes, pain hurts like hell but what if I told you, pain is actually a gift? When I speak of pain in this respect, I mean emotional pain.  Now you’re probably thinking I have lost my mind right now. But as I always say and believe, how you look at something is up to you. We CHOOSE to see things in a positive or negative light. Once you accept the fact that it is your choice on how you look at things, they will seem a lot easier, especially looking at pain as a gift.

When we are hurt, it feels so unbearable. But somehow, we get through it. Now some of us take way longer than others to get over the pain but we all get through it nevertheless.  And when the pain is gone and we are healed, we are different because of that pain. It is then that you choose whether you are going to let that pain hinder you from moving on and becoming a better person or you are going to learn from it and evolve.  With each heartbreak, disappointment, and setback, there is a lesson to be learned and we grow because of that. But there are times when we are so hurt that the pain breeds fear. Fear of going down that same path and wielding the same results.

I spend many years scared of love. I have had a few failed relationships, mostly because of infidelity. I kept getting with these men who cheated on me and treated me like crap. For a long time, I placed all the blame on them and was resentful. I also grew scared of opening my heart to love because I didn’t want to get hurt again. But I realized that I won't find the love I am supposed to have in my life, if I kept being scared of getting hurt. Pain is pain. If I got through it before, I can do so again. I decided to not be scared anymore. And I started to change the way I thought. I also needed to be accountable for my actions in all of this. I chose to be with these men. Now I am not excusing what they did but there was a reason I kept meeting different men wearing the same shoes. That is something I had to fix within myself.

I noticed I used many negative words like “I can’t”, “I won’t”, "IF it happens" and “I don’t”. Words are very powerful. As a few of my good friends remind me all the time, you speak words into existence because when you speak them, you believe them. You give those words power. And those negative words rob you of your faith. So you’re sabotaging yourself even before you tried. You’re giving up before giving it a chance. You will never know what could happen if you don’t a chance. So I stopped used those words when speaking something into existence. Instead, I say "I can!", "I will!" and "It will happen!". I was amazed at how good it made me feel to speak positively and good things started to happen for me. 

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again. ~ Maya Angelou

With this newfound positive vocabulary, I started to build my faith again. Now it wasn't great 24/7. I still had setbacks and disappointments come into my life from time to time. But when something didn’t work out, I chose to handle it differently. I just dusted myself off and kept it moving. I looked at the situation as a learning opportunity…a lesson in life. Even though at times, the pain was so bad. However, I kept thinking to myself, I will get through it one day at a time and things will be even better. When one door closes, it is leaving the space available for a better one to open. Slowly but surely, I began to open my heart. I learned that if your heart is closed to love in a romantic sense, it definitely affects you in other relationships with family and friends. I was very closed off and honestly, I was not happy or very trusting of others, in general. And life is too short to not be happy as much as you can.

When we are faced with a disappointment or setback, it is so easy for us to play the victim and have a pity party. I then realized that part of my evolving was also changing my reaction to things. No more pity parties...I can have my moment but then that's it. I started to embrace those bad things as something that was happening FOR me and not TO me. I know it sounds crazy but I started to look at setbacks and bad things happening to me as blessings. Some things are not meant for us but we go for it anyway. Some setbacks happen to force you to change something in your life. Fate, Karma, the Universe or God…whatever Higher Being you believe in, they are instrumental in forcing their hand in your life when they see you are getting too comfortable in a place you are not meant to stay in.

Fear actually holds us back from experiencing all that life has to offer. Sometimes you have to take a chance. Fear of pain is the fear that holds us back the most. But pain is actually there to help you change something that is wrong. My biggest lesson and gift of pain came when my dad passed away last year. As I have written so many times before, my dad was my world. He was one of the greatest men I ever knew. And the pain still runs deep. However, out of his death, came the lesson of living life in the now. He was so focused on the end of his life (retiring), that he did not fully enjoy the journey along the way. His death is what makes me want to be fearless and conquer the world. I want to do it not only for myself but for him. I want to live the life that he didn't and honor his memory. His sudden death reminded me that time waits for no one and tomorrow is not promised to any of us. 

So the next time you find yourself in turmoil over some unbearable pain, remember that it is a gift and there is a lesson to be learned. You will amazed at your own strength and the amount of pain you will endure in life. The key is to not let that pain dictate your destiny or halt you on your journey. You can get through it! It all starts within you.

The Frugal Files: The Psychology Behind your Stuff..Let Go!!

Hey there frugalicious ones!! It’s almost time for the holiday!!

I know you might expect some 4^th of July frugal food recipes, but not today. We’re going little deeper. It’s been on my mind and I really want to share.

I’ve been getting quite a reputation in my community for being a Declutter Queen…their words, but I accept them. I’m a master at decluttering now, but this wasn’t always my story. I’m an ex pack rat, from a long line of pack rats. My family keeps EVERYTHING!! Sometimes having so much “stuff” is overwhelming and it immobilizes you horribly. I owe my breakthrough to my cousin Angie. She probably doesn’t know it, but she saved me from a life of living under a house of clutter.

Years ago, right before moving into my first apartment, I began to downsize. I asked Angie to help me with the daunting task because it was too much for one person. My room at my parents house was the length of the house, so it was already like a mini apartment, a loft really. I had a shoe closet and a doubled sided, full length closet, an area for my bed, two dressers, a rolling and stationary bookcase, an attic area…plenty of space, for plenty of junk.

So we began to declutter spaces and deciding what to keep and what to toss. She was patient with me as she asked about each item she picked up. My “keep” pile was getting large and the huge garbage can was nearly empty. (This was years before I knew about recycling, so I wasn’t doing it). She noticed my growing pile and no progress and finally just blurted out, “you need to throw this ‘blankety-blank’ away!!” I was startled, began to argue, but she stood her ground. She helped me to see I didn’t need the stuff I was saving.

Now, I pass on that same blessing to others. I work with some of the most difficult people when decluttering. I’m firm, but I’m also sensitive. I KNOW it’s difficult for people to let go and when you begin decluttering, it’s like an irritation of an open, covered wound. Well, I say, rip the bandage off even it if opens up the wound again and LET IT HEAL!!

I’m not a therapist, but I do know people. I know feelings. I know issues. One thing I’ve learned about this process is, if you can’t let go of old stuff, you have them. Big or small, there are underlying issues. Maybe something you haven’t addressed in the past or something you’re avoiding in the future, but something. Have you ever seen the reality show Hoarders? Well, there’s a reason they have a psychologist on staff. It requires an intervention and my cousin gave me mine frankly, kicking my butt into gear to get rid of the junk in my room and in my life.

Now it’s routine to declutter. We’ve chatted a little about this before; if it’s broken, either fix it or get rid of it. If you don’t need it anymore, get rid of it. If it’s no longer loved, say good-bye. Once you get past the initial shock, the task will get easier. I can promise you: letting go will cleanse your soul, it will make you feel lighter and the thoughts of depression, due to being overwhelmed, will begin to subside. This is not necessarily a cure for our deeply rooted issues, but it certainly is a start to the journey of exposing and addressing them.

Recently, I had one of my decluttering clients gasp when I told her I shredded old pictures. Well, my Mom and I went through a huge toolbox full pictures. We saw people we didn’t recognize, terribly angled photos and three of my ex boyfriends. They all had to go. I’m no longer in those relationships, I’m not attached to them and I think my future husband would appreciate me not bringing old flames into our relationship and home. Her response was that I had a desperate love and willing to give up my old memories for a man…I disagree. I still have my memories, but I’m free of the attachment. She didn’t understand that and I know why. She told me she grew up dirt poor, so her entire house reflected that she was actually the desperate one; desperate to hold on to everything because she previously had nothing.

Belles, we have to understand our past is not who or where we are today. We can let go of the past without losing our memories. No one can ever take our experiences away, or the wisdom we learn from them. I’m all for being sentimental about SOME of our keepsakes, but cluttering up entire houses to feel a memory is a problem. Talk to someone and ask an unbiased person to help you go through your stuff; someone who won’t judge you, but who won’t be afraid to challenge you to get rid of your old stuff.

If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant in your life, declutter. Let go of past hurts. Removing the old makes way for the new memories and the new experiences. I’ll leave you with this affirmation:

“Possessions do not feed my spirit. I am liberated from the desire to hoard things. I let go so there is room for something better to come in."