Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 2

2012 will be over in a few days. Are you ready? I know I am. I’m starting the new year with a clean slate. I have cleaned house in my life and have let go of toxic people and things. I have my list of goals I want to accomplish. I am so excited for what’s to come. Many people say 2013 is a lucky year, especially if the number 13 is your lucky number. As I mentioned last week in part 1 of this blog, we are all closing out a chapter in our lives with the year ending. December 21st marked the winter solstice, the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one.  So this is a great time for a do-over. It’s never too late to renew your life and take control of your story.

Many times, taking control of your story is as simple as looking at the current story we are telling ourselves. You tell the world your story as you live it but you are also essentially telling that story to yourself as well. We are watching our own stories and reacting to them. If we react negatively, it’s almost as if we are telling ourselves that our life is not great and will never work out. That is self-sabotage and will just keep our life in that state. Your life is what you make it. So ask yourself: How are you telling the story of your life? Are you telling your story from a negative outlook?

If you are living out your story in a negative state, one of the ways you can change that is to change your way of thinking. The power of thinking is incredible. Many of us don’t realize that all it takes is a positive outlook to change things around.  Even in the words we speak, we are determining our outlook in life. The words can’t, won’t, should of, would of, don’t and any other words used in a negative fashion should not even be in your vocabulary. As soon as you say you “can’t” do something, you are already setting the tone for what’s to come. You are holding yourself back from living life to its fullest.

It’s not easy to change your way of thinking if you have been in a pity party for years and are used to complaining about your life and how you never seem to catch a break. But the first step is always the hardest. If you’re capable making the first step, then you can do anything you set your mind to. Having a positive outlook is something you work on daily, one day at a time. First, you have to accept that you are accountable for the choices you make. You cannot place blame on others and the world for a lack of successes and happiness. You have to check yourself on this, accept that you are the reason things have not been going right because of the poor choices you have been making and then make a commitment to make better choices. 

Second, you have to stop worrying about what someone else has. Everyone has their own journey and while someone else may seem to have it all, you never know the full story. Everyone has their own crosses to bear in life. No one’s life is perfect.  When you focus on someone else and what they have, it takes your focus off of your own life. You are not meant to have what the next person has. You are meant to have your own successes. You have your own journey to walk. You have your own story. No two stories are the same. So instead of focusing on someone else and being jealous of what they have, celebrate the fact that your story is unique, can always change, that you are in control and always have a choice.

Another thing that many of us do to ourselves is beat ourselves up when we fail. To live a happy life, don't be so hard on yourself.  It’s perfectly normal to want to win but you have to accept that you won’t always win because some things are not meant for you to gain. Sometimes a loss is a blessing. It shows us a lesson and helps us to grow on our journey. It can give us strength and increased determination, if we let it. Again, it’s all about a positive way of thinking. My dad used to always tell me that failure doesn't mean you're a loser because at least you tried.  There are people out there who give up without trying because of fear. Then you will never know if you would have won or lost. And that’s worse than trying and seeing the end result, good or bad. Because whether it’s good or bad, you will get something out it. If you keep trying, you will succeed more times than you fail because of all the lessons learned from the losses.

Anyone who knows me knows my love for the TV show Survivor and Jeff Probst. He has a mantra he lives by, which I love: Say yes to adventure! Adventure comes in many forms. You don’t have to climb Mt Everest or see the Great Wall of China. An adventure can be as simple as leaving your house to take a walk. When you say YES to adventure, you are committing to putting yourself out there in the world. Putting yourself out there means putting yourself in situations where you can allow the Universe to place people and opportunities in your path. The love of your life or the job you love will not come knocking on your door and be handed to you. Nothing will find you if you are locked up in your house, in your pajamas. Having adventure in your life will make you feel empowered and good. Most of all, it will make you happy. 

For me, just being outside is an adventure. I love people watching. I love looking at the sky and appreciating the world and all its beauty. It makes me feel rejuvenated and alive. I love to travel for this reason. It is amazing to me how I can get on a plane and be in an entirely different part of the world in a matter of hours. It is incredible to see the different architecture and customs. Do what you love and also dare to do things out of the box that are new and exciting. That is your adventure.

As long as you have a dream in your heart that you believe in and a desire to bring that dream into fruition, there is nothing that can stop you from making that happen in your life but YOU. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your life. Take it one day at a time. We are all works in progress but what matters is that we make the effort to be better people and have better lives. 

Bottom line: change your story and you will change your life. Just make sure that story is a great one. Happy New Year, everyone! Wishing all of you an amazing year ahead full of growth, evolution and happiness. It's the best gift you can give yourself. Cheers! xo

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 1

We’re almost at the end of the year, folks. 2012 was a very pivotal year for me personally and professionally. I have to be honest and say I am not sad to see this year end. However, no matter what happens, at the end of the day, we each have control over the story of our lives. 

If you are unhappy with the state of your life at the moment, the upside is that your life doesn’t have to stay that way. The next chapter of your life can be rewritten. As I have said before, we all have a choice. We can choose to be a hero or a victim. We can choose what we do next. We always have a choice. So do you choose to stand still in your own pity party and not grow? Or do you choose to make a change and take control of your story?

If you choose to take control of your story, all you have to do is rewrite it. And now is a great time. Not New Year’s Eve. Not January 1st. NOW. We are closing out a chapter with the year ending; today is the winter solstice and according to the Mayans, it is the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one. It is a time for renewal and starting over. Some people actually view the next three days as a solstice sojourn and take this time to clean out their lives, open their heart and spirit to what’s coming in 2013. Empty and receive – those are the major words to describe this solstice period. It is a time to really listen to your inner voice and set goals for the next year.

If you want to make changes in your life for the better and rewrite the next chapter of your story, you have to be committed to making some changes in your life. It won’t be easy but I promise you, it will be worth it. Your happiness and well-being are invaluable so any tough steps to getting there and achieving the best life you can live is well worth it.

First and foremost, it is so important to surround yourself with positive people and things .  Throughout your life, you have to clean house. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sometimes we tend to try to hold on to these seasonal people and when they have outgrown their season, they become toxic to our lives. Just as you clean your home and get rid of things you no longer use, the same has to be done in your life. Your space should be something you hold invaluable and take great care as to who you choose to let in your space. 

When you surround yourself with positive people who mirror what you want to achieve in your life, you will see the difference in your way of thinking, your mood and your overall outlook on life. It’s also important to surround yourself with positive places. If you are somewhere that makes you unhappy, that will affect your life negatively. It’s hard to let go of some people and places but once you do, it will change your life for the better. Just listen to your intuition and pay attention to how they treat you. That will show you who are lifelong friends and who are seasonal. It’s like what Maya Angelou once said, “When someone first shows you who they are, believe them.” People won’t change and we cannot control their actions. But we can control who we let into our life and where we choose to be.

Next, make love a priority in your life - for yourself and others. If you don’t love yourself, you will not know how to love someone else and let them love you fully. As I always say, there is only one you in the world and that’s an amazing thing. You were put on this Earth as you for a reason. Everything starts with you. You have to believe in yourself and what you can do in your life. No one else can do that for you. Once you love yourself, you will be able to love freely and get that love back in your life. You will not stand for mistreatment or abuse because you love yourself enough to know your worth. Loving yourself is not easy for some. But is very necessary to live your life to its fullest.

Loving yourself is a daily project. It won’t happen overnight, especially if you have spent most of your life not being happy with yourself. Start off by focusing on the parts of you that you love, physically and non-physically. Start doing little things for yourself that you enjoy. Start speaking positively to yourself and others. Learn to enjoy being you. As in the start of every great love affair, you have to start somewhere and build from there. The love will grow, believe me. You just have to take that first step and accept you for who you are. Now if there is something about you that you don’t like, again, you have a choice. You can change IF you really want to. Instead of commiserating over it, do something about it. Accepting yourself as you are does not mean you have to stay the way you are. You have to be who you are happiest being. You have to be true to yourself. For example, do you want to lose weight and be healthier? All it takes is being active and eating better. Do you want to be a more giving person? Then volunteer or help someone. We each have the power within us to be the best person we can be if we choose to be. 

One of the most important things you can do in your life is take a chance. So many opportunities are thrown in our path but we miss them because we let fear stop us from taking a chance. If you take a chance on something or someone and it doesn't work out, then it wasn't in the cards. It was not meant to be. But at least, you know the outcome because you took the chance. There will be no “what ifs”. There is a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned from every experience. And while some experiences don’t work out in the end, during the experience, you may have the time of your life or may encounter something or someone that will lead to an even bigger and better opportunity. You are doing yourself and the world a disservice when you don't take a chance and put yourself out there. So just take a chance and let go. You never know what could happen.

Next week, I will continue to give tips on how to rewrite the next chapter of your life in part 2 of this blog. Let’s start 2013 with a renewed outlook on life and commitment to living the best lives we can.

I wish all of you and your families a wonderful holiday. Be thankful, be inspired and most of all, be YOU. xoxo  

What Does Success Mean to You?

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

When most people think of success, they think it’s about attaining wealth, accolades, and awards.  Yes, those are forms of success. However, success is more than that; it’s whatever it means to you. There is no set measurement or definition for success.  To some people, success is simply being able to wake up another morning and get out of the house. For each individual, measurement of success changes as we grow and evolve. For example, that person who succeeded in waking up and getting out the house may now feel like they can take it an extra step further and strive to be successful at something else now that they are out of the house. It is a step by step process that is created by YOU. And once you accomplish something, it makes you stronger and more determined. It makes you believe that you can be successful at whatever you choose to go after. It fuels your fire and pushes you to keep going.

At this stage of my life, a quote from one of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo Emerson, sums up what success means to me:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded."

When I read that quote in one of his works while in college, it was as if a lightbulb went off above my head. Since I was a kid, success was defined for me by having a prestigious career, which would give me status in the world. I knew I was a writer at heart from an early age. But was told repeatedly by my teachers and mentors that writing was not a real career. I grew up in a housing project so my ticket to a better life was to go to college and become “someone”.  I strived to be a lawyer. That became my dream of success. I loved to read and the law intrigued me. So I put my true love of writing on the back burner.

By going to college, I had already succeeded. I was the first one in my family to go to college. My parents, especially my dad, were so proud. I always say that my dad was one of the smartest people I ever knew and he only had a high school diploma. So I will never forget how wide his smile was at my college graduation because I achieved something he had always wanted to do. I graduated with honors and as a double major.  Everything happens for a reason. I went to college with the intent of being a lawyer and walked away a changed person. Emerson’s quote (and his works) made me reflect on my life and what success meant to me.  

Success means to me, to pursue what you love and do the best that you can at that. If it means feeding the homeless to even being in the circus as a performer, if you are doing what you love and doing it well, you have already succeeded. All of us can’t be as rich as Warren Buffet. Even though it would be extremely nice, it is not meant for some of us have that kind of wealth. But it does not mean we won’t have wealth in other aspects of our lives. As I wrote about previously in “Whatis Your Calling?”, we are all here for a reason. We all have a calling; what we are meant to do in this life. I think some of us focus too much on being successful financially or professionally that we overlook the other successes we have in our lives. We're already successful and many of us don't even know it.   

Being successful starts from within. It starts with believing that anything is possible if you go after it.  Once you have that positive attitude and are willing to go after what you want, you can do anything you set your mind to and be successful in your own right. Whether it’s starting a workout regimen like I just did recently to something as big as buying a house or starting your own business; all of these things are attainable, if you believe you can do it. You have to believe in your own success. At the end of the day, we are our own worst enemy. We can change that, though, by being the president of our own fan club. It all begins within you and how you look at your life.

After you have your belief intact, the next step is to set your goals and create a plan on how to accomplish them. I used to hear people talk about their 5-year plan and would think to myself, “Wow, that’s impressive that they can plan that far out and be so sure about what they want to do.”  You have to do what works for you. For me, I believe small goals are more effective because I tend to get overwhelmed when I look at the big picture and try to tackle too many goals at once. When we’re overwhelmed, that can cause us to doubt ourselves and give up because we think that goal is too hard to attain. I’m all for baby steps because sometimes that baby step leads to something huge, something phenomenal.

So to sum this up, success is not measured by the amount of money or exposure you have in the world. It is about doing what you love and when your time on this Earth is over, you will have eulogized your life with the deeds you did. That is the legacy you leave behind. And I think that is something pretty successful in its own right. So ask yourself: What does success mean to you? Believe me, the answer to that question can transform your life.

Being Happy in the Skin We Live In, Part 2: Just Let Go!

Me in San Fran, showing some arm ;)

As I spoke about earlier this month in Part 1 of this series, with the summer season upon us and the temperatures rising, we are presented with that choice of bearing skin to be more comfortable and cool. I openly admit that I have issues with showing my arms in sleeveless tops and dresses. It’s something I have struggled with for years. The process of fully letting go and baring my arms started a few years ago. I guess the fear of showing my arms was so great that the thought of shedding it all at once was overwhelming.  So I have been taking baby steps.

I think many of us suffer in silence when it gets hot because we have some insecurity holding us back from shedding some skin. Fear breeds many things, including insecurity.  I know some women won’t wear shorts; some won’t wear skirts above the knee. I’m not knocking that because at the end of the day, we all have to do what makes us comfortable. But I know for me, I’m tired of holding myself back from being physically comfortable in order to make myself mentally comfortable by feeding into my insecurities.

I learned a long time ago that people see what they want to see.  Sometimes others see what you don’t see about yourself and vice versa. That is why it is so important to love yourself and embrace who you are NOW.  If you don’t believe in your own beauty, you won’t see it and it won’t matter what anyone else says. Someone can be telling you that you look great but if you don’t believe it or see it, their words don’t matter and will fall on deaf ears.  Last week, I talked about how some people are uncomfortable when they see a plus size person out there happy, confident and comfortable in their own skin. Well, what about the reverse? What do we do when we’re the ones uncomfortable? Not the people looking at us.

The top I bought - my summer goal!

Last weekend, I went shopping with a friend and actually did something I have never done. I usually walk right past the tank tops, especially ones with spaghetti straps. But this time, I saw animal print, which I love. And the tank tops were on sale: 2 for $12. So I grabbed two (brown leopard and zebra print) and went to try them on. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had on a properly fitting bra, which can make a world of difference as I blogged this week, OR if it was because my mindset had changed over the years from my step-by-step process. But I looked into the mirror and said out loud, “Wow, this actually looks good.” Now my upper arms are still big, despite having gone down three sizes.  BUT I was seeing them with a new set of eyes. I immediately called my friend into the dressing room and she confirmed that the top looked great.

Over the years, I have come to the realization that I have to own and love my body as it is NOW. As I have said before, happiness is not just a dress size. We can all improve but at the same time, we have to love ourselves regardless of our flaws because no one is perfect. There will always be something we will find within ourselves that we don’t like. But if we stop being so hard on ourselves, we can deal with those things we don’t like without that dislike turning into an insecurity that will hold us back from fully being confident and loving ourselves overall.

Baby steps - Me in Martinique

As I mentioned above, I have been taking baby steps. Sometimes in order to succeed in overcoming a fear, you have to have a step-by-step process because if you try to conquer it all in one shot, it can get overwhelming.  Many times when we get overwhelmed, our immediate instinct is to quit trying. I started off by wearing short sleeves that fell at my mid-upper arm and not at the elbow, like my usual. After getting comfortable in that manner as time passed, I went to a cap sleeve, showing more arm. From there, I went to a sleeveless top with covered shoulders and a v-neck. Now I’m at a point where I am almost comfortable wearing a tank top with thick shoulder straps. My goal for this summer is to wear those tank tops with the spaghetti straps that I ended up purchasing as well as a strapless dress I bought 2 years ago from Old Navy. The dress fits me fantastic but strapless…hmmm…that’s a leap for me. But I am getting there, one inch at a time.

Me in Hawaii, really taking a big step - a swimsuit

Yes, I am feeling daring this summer and it feels good. Letting go always feels good. It’s scary at first but once you push through that fear and let go, you can do anything you set your mind to. I feel so powerful and that’s what overcoming fear and insecurity is all about. Taking back your power and not letting your worries of how others will react to you, dictate how you live your life.  I want to spend the summer feeling free and being cool. And I knew I was ready, the moment I invented what I call my “Fat Girl” wave last year. When people stare at me now, I raise my arm and shake my upper arm fat at them…I “wave” at them, LOL. And I feel so kick-ass when I do that. Take that, Haters!  

It's All About Surrendering

After spending the last couple of days in a major funk, which resulted in me sitting in the dark last night alone listening to Sade and Christopher Cross’ “Sailing” on repeat, I knew something had to give. I preach weekly about being positive and looking at the bright side of things and here I was in the middle of my own pity party. I was actually getting sick of myself, lol. So I did something that will totally sound like I’m insane but it worked. I had a pep talk with myself and it went something like this:

 “Marcy, this is not you. You are wasting precious time, being sad and miserable over things beyond your control. You know you only get one life and you don’t want to waste a single moment in a funk. You’ve had your moment. Now knock it off, dust yourself off and rise above it. You are your father’s daughter, dammit!”

And after I said that last sentence to myself, a book fell off my shelf and was enough to scare me out of my pity party. Even in the afterlife, my dad is trying to “talk” some sense into me.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves a pep talk. We need to remind ourselves that things will get better when it feels like the walls are caving in all around us. There will be times in our lives where it feels like everything is going wrong at the same time and it feels like it is too much to bear. But somehow, we survive and we get through it.

I think the most important thing we have to rely on is our own persistence. Determination will fuel that fire and keep that fire within from going out. If we continue to forge forward even after falling several times, there will always come that time when we won’t fall. Instead we will stand tall, triumphant and successful. As I always say, the more you try and keep on going, the more you will succeed than fail. We only truly fail when we stop moving forward and make the decision to give up. At the end of the day, YOU are making the choice to give up. You are accountable for that action you make the choice to take. While we may be quick to blame others or situations for our “falls”, when it comes down to it, we always have a choice on how we let our setbacks affect us.

You may think you don’t have that strength within you to keep going on but you do. We all have that ability to endure setbacks and bad situations. There will be times when you will be amazed at your own strength. The key to tapping into this ability is to just make the choice to not give up. I know it sounds easier said than done but once you choose to not give up, you can get through anything. You will never hit rock bottom. You may feel like you’re coming close to rock bottom but when you don’t give up, you will be able to rise above it all and live.

      (painting by Cynthia Angeles - Grief)

For me, being a sensitive and caring person is both a curse and a blessing. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and when people hurt me, I really feel it. I’m not one of those people that can just act like everything is okay. But the blessing with that is I get my emotions out, have my moment and then I can move on.  A good friend told me this week that it’s good to have a good cry because it is good for our soul to release ourselves. She was right. I had a big cry last night and felt so much better after that.  I felt renewed.

I ended my pity party last night, listening to Amy Winehouse’s “Tears Dry on Their Own” and went to bed, feeling a little lighter. Things are the same but I am going to surrender to the present moment and make the choice to not give up. Things will get better. I believe that and that belief just keeps fueling my determination. That’s all any of us can do, one day at a time.  

Surrendering does not mean giving up nor is it a sign of weakness. Surrendering is acceptance. And from acceptance, change is born. If we accept things beyond our control and the present moment, we can then make the choice on what to do next. I choose to keep pushing through and having faith that things will get better.  The good and the bad are all parts of this wonderful journey I am on. Everything happens for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. My journey is far from over.

“Believing in yourself is an endless destination. Believing you have failed is the end of the journey.”  ~ Anonymous 

‘Tis The Season To Have An Open Mind

I spent most of this year in a relationship, which was good at times and not so good at times. However, this time around, about 9 months into it, as soon as I saw things going left and knew that this relationship was not good for me, I broke it off. After my dad died earlier this year, I realized that life is indeed short and it made me look at life differently. It has forced me to re-evaluate my life, including my dating choices.

We have all been guilty of staying with someone we were not entirely happy with because we didn't want to be alone or millions of other reasons. For whatever reason, we decided to hang in there, hopeful that things will change. And they don't. It's harder to leave because you are essentially walking away from that fairytale we all have of being with someone. But honestly, I'm at a point in my life where I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone, just to be with someone.

I have learned a lot being in the dating/single world. One thing I hear all the time from both men and women are how they aren’t any good mates out there. I am guilty of saying that myself. But I have learned over time, that I was getting in my own way. I was so focused on my “list” of characteristics of what I was looking for in a man and that led me to ignore and dismiss good men that were right in my face.

This is what I think. As a single person, you have to have an open mind. There are some great single people out there but they’re not connecting. So you have men and women out there who are great catches but they are not meeting each other because they won’t look twice at each other.

For me, of course, being a big girl, that is a strike against me when it comes to men who are only seeking women of a certain size. I have met many men who I liked and vibed with but they wouldn’t even give me a chance because they “preferred” someone smaller. Don’t get me wrong. I get that. I know all about preferences. We all have them. But I think limiting yourself with such preferences can hinder you in your search for that special someone because you will rule out some great people.

I used to date men who were extremely tall and thin. That was my physical preference. I also only dated black men because honestly, they were the only ones checking for me. They found my curves and big body attractive. But then I got to this place, where I kept meeting guys who treated me like crap. It was the same thing over and over again. Sure, I can say that these guys were jerks but in the end, I was choosing to be with them, to date them, so I am accountable for those choices. If he mistreats me once, okay, it’s on him. But if I CHOOSE to stay and he continues to mistreat me, it’s on me. I am accountable.

We need to stop being so focused on a person’s height, weight, shoe size, financial status, the type of car they drive, their fashion sense, etc. We need to look past the outer shell and what’s on paper. I'm not saying that money, status, having a job (!) or the number of children he/she has is not important. However, sometimes we get fixated solely on those things and ignore everything else. We need to look at a person’s character, their heart and their mind. Once you do that, you can make a proper decision on whether you are interested in him/her or not. Who knows? You may see qualities you like and connect with and that person becomes so attractive to you that you see someone that those other folks who are looking at the exterior don’t see. Like the saying goes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Life is about taking chances and having faith. If you close yourself off to the possibilities out there and just settle, you will never know what could have been. You could miss out on something great and wonderful. It’s about letting go of perceptions of what you think is the right type of mate. It’s not being concerned with what others think. You're the one dating this person and your happiness should supercede what anyone thinks.

So now, I know what you’re probably saying…but what if there is no connection or attraction when we first meet? Well, there may not be a connection or spark at the beginning but that does not mean you should rule the person out, if they possess those other deeper qualities you are seeking in a significant other (caring, considerate, sense of humor, etc). A solid relationship is one built over time, getting to know someone, being that person’s friend and companion - knowing them to their core. How do you know someone when you first meet them? I think we put too much emphasis on establishing that instant connection and use that to make a decision on whether we want to date the person or not. But honestly, that instant connection will burn out as fast as it appeared.

We want things NOW. We want to rush into a relationship because we yearn for that. But if you rush into something without knowing a person and just based on an instant connection, what will you do when that connection burns out and you want to run for the hills?

What I am saying is, take your time to get to know someone before you rule them out. Don’t dismiss them solely on their appearance/outer shell or lack of an instant connection. Then make a decision on whether you want to pursue something with them or not. Just make sure you are being true to your heart and not letting outer forces influence your judgment. Because in the end, someone will always have something to say. You can’t make everyone happy but you can make yourself happy. So who cares what someone else thinks? If you’re happy, it’s all good.

You may not always get what you want but just know you will receive what you need when the time is right. Just keep an open mind, be patient and continue to live your life fabulously, alone or not. Love will find you - it may not be on your timetable but it will happen. Usually, when we are looking too hard for something or someone, we end up settling for the first thing or person that comes along. And you know and I know, you are too amazing and beautiful for that mess!

On that note, this holiday season, gift yourself with an open mind and the other gifts I have discussed in the last 2 months:

- Know your self-worth

- Tap into that self-love from within

- Believe in yourself & your beauty

- Take care of yourself physically (Put yourself out there, be active, meet people)

Those are the best gifts you can give to yourself this holiday season and those are the gifts that keep on giving. Be good to yourself today and always.

Believing in You, Part 2

"It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” ~ Author Unknown

Two weeks ago, I talked about believing in your beauty, which affects what energy you project out to the world and how others see your beauty. Confidence is everything. Now I want to talk about believing in yourself. Believing in yourself means believing in your greatness and your value to the world. Believing in your beauty is important but believing in yourself is imperative to living a great, happy and productive life.

Today marks 7 months since my dad passed away. It is also what would have been his 62nd birthday. The one thing about my dad that always amazed me was how he always believed in me and what I could do in this life. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. Sure, he's my dad and I am his only daughter so of course, he's going to think the world of his baby girl. But it went farther than that. His belief in my greatness wasn't just because I was his daughter. He truly believed I was destined for greatness. I was extremely lucky to have a father like him. He taught me so much that shaped me into the person I am today. I am not perfect but I am happy with who I am. I know my greatness and I believe in myself.

I think that the secret to life is that simple. You just have to believe. You have to believe in you; believe what you can do in this life. If you believe it, it can happen. Think of all the possibilities out there. If you can dream it, you can believe in it. Now I know you must be saying, “Well, that’s easier said than done.” That is true. However, would you rather let your setbacks and disappointments make your life one that never goes anywhere? Or would you rather be in the driving seat of your life and make it great? We only have 1 life to live and the choice is yours.

We all have setbacks and disappointments in our lives that have made us feel like it is never going to get better. But the key to getting through that and believing that something better is on the horizon is to recognize those setbacks and disappointments for what are: They are moments in time that test our strength and teach us a lesson. They are moments in time that are preparing us for the bigger picture.

Belief gives you determination. It gives you that strength to push through and keep going. When you believe in what you can do in this life and your value to the world, your view of life completely changes. It’s as if you then understand that everything happens for a reason; that the choices you make will have an outcome. Not all outcomes will be the ones that you want but it just means that, that outcome was not meant to be and there is a better one out there waiting. When one door closes, I believe a better, bigger door opens.

To truly be able to believe in yourself, you cannot listen to what others are saying. The only opinion that is important is yours and not others. You should never give others the power over your self-belief. Some people may have failed at a challenge that you are attempting and they may feel some kind of way. That’s their issue, not yours. There will always be naysayers. What counts is how you deal with those naysayers. Again, it’s your choice.

I know it’s scary to tackle a great challenge or put yourself out there but honestly, it is better to try than not try at all. If you fail, you learn the lesson and move on. But there is a chance you may succeed and you won’t know if you’re going to succeed unless you try. When you accept that failing is a way to learn the lesson, it’s like viewing a failure as actually winning. If you learn from your mistakes, the next time you try, your chances of being successful are even greater because you have learned from your mistakes.

Life is all about challenging yourself. When you believe in yourself, you feel fearless and feel that you can do anything you set your mind to. Believing in yourself means not being afraid to go out and attempt what you have been told is impossible.

A few years ago, I went to Hong Kong, China with my best friend Herman. I love Asian culture and have a fascination with Buddha. On Lantau Island at the Po Lin Monastery sits the largest seated bronze Buddha statue in the world. And it is said that it’s good luck to touch Buddha. However, you have to climb like 20 flights of stairs to get to Buddha.

We get there and it’s like 105 degrees, sun blaring. Herman takes one look at the stairs and then looks at me and says, “There is no way you’re going up there. It's too much.” Here I am, overweight and not in the best shape so of course, he’s thinking there is no way she is climbing 20 flights of stairs in the blazing heat and he is concerned, ready to throw in the towel. I just replied, “You’re wrong. I’m doing it.” If someone tells me I can’t do something, that just gets me fired up to do it even more. And I did it. It was extremely hot and exhausting. But I was determined to touch Buddha and I believed that I could do it. That belief is what got me up those stairs.

In life, there will always be that 20-stair moment. You can’t let the height of the challenge intimidate you or make you feel like you can’t do it. Believe in yourself and you can do it. When I would tell my dad that I felt I couldn’t do something, he’d look at me like I was crazy and say “Marce, stop it. You know you can do it. It’s a given.” Thank you, Daddy for believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.

So dear readers, look in the mirror and speak the following affirmation out into the universe:

“I believe in myself and can do anything I set my mind to because I am valuable to this world.”

And then get out there and start making your dreams a reality! You can do it! Just believe!