Friday, May 25, 2012

The Dating “Game”

I have been single for almost 10 months, which to some is an eternity. It IS almost a year, lol. For me, I felt that time was needed. Sometimes we jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to heal in between those experiences. This can especially be detrimental to your state of being when you are mistreated. When we are betrayed or hurt, we need time to heal or risk taking that baggage into the next relationship, which is not a good thing. 

It’s a great thing to take some time out for you and get yourself right. Like I have said on this blog before, be that person you want to meet. Don’t just settle for the first person who approaches you because you’re lonely and want to be with someone badly. Learn to appreciate spending time with you and embrace your solitude. Because at the end of the day, no one can make you 100% happy but you. And even if you meet the most wonderful person in the world, if you are not happy with yourself, don’t know your self-worth and are getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons, it will never work out.

My last relationship was with a man who wanted to control me and did what he could to try to change me. But I was too strong for that so we argued A LOT. That relationship did not last long. But it taught me the lesson of standing my ground, being true to myself and never compromising myself for another. It also taught me the lesson of taking my time in getting to know someone. Because in my ex’s case, he was Prince Charming in the very beginning.  It’s like when you go for a job interview. You will wear your best suit, make sure your resume looks great and you present yourself in the best way possible to get that job. In this case, a person will do that to get your heart (or your body), depending on his/her intentions.

Some of us are led to believe we have to jump through hoops to keep someone’s attention when in all actuality, if that person is interested, he/she will stay interested if you just continue to be you. Nothing extra or special. They see what a good catch you are so there is no need to prove yourself. You just have to let go and open your heart. You also have to believe that you’re a good catch. In other words, know your worth. He/she likes you for a reason.

Opening your heart to someone new is not easy. Just as I wrote two weeks ago, I can speak from experience. I have been so hurt in the past, to the point where I do tend to have my guard up, not just with potential significant others but people in general. It’s hard to trust someone when you have been constantly betrayed and mistreated by people. However, we all have to let go at some point and let someone in or else, we will end up alone. While it is a healthy thing to embrace your solitude, you shouldn’t totally isolate yourself from others and the world. We’re all human and want that interaction and company. It’s all about having an even balance in your life where you don’t need or rely on that interaction. You desire it but you are just fine without it and don't need it 100% of the time.

I recently starting dating someone, who I like every much. He’s a great man and I know he likes me a lot. He’s been pursuing me for a year but a year ago, I was not ready. Sometimes the right person can present themselves but it does not mean it’s the right time for you and that person to connect. But God and the universe have a way of showing you what’s to come if you do right by yourself. Again, it’s all about taking that time to make sure you’re good.  You want to be able to offer the best possible you to that person. He/she deserves that. Leave that baggage at the curb where it belongs.

I am so determined to do things right. I want to take it slow and get to know him. I have to admit that I find myself quoting the Steve Harvey book from time to time and we joke about it. He takes it all in stride, which I love. Yes, I plan to follow that 90-day rule because I know my self-worth and if he really digs me, he wants more than my body.  Sex is so easy to fall into because we mistaken lust with emotion. And having sex too early can make a relationship go left real quick. There are some exceptions, this I know. But I am not trying to fool myself into thinking he and I could be the exception. I need to keep it real with myself and listen to my inner voice. If a person sets off any kind of alarm or makes you feel a certain kind of way, chances are your intuition is on point. You will know deep down if someone wants you for you and not just to have sex with you.

If it is meant to be, it’ll happen. And if it doesn’t, I’m okay with that too. I took my chance and will continue to do so until I meet the one I am supposed to be with. As long as I am good with ME and am right with the decisions I make, then I will have no regrets. And that is what life is all about. I will admit I am a little nervous because sometimes dating can be complicated with all of its "rules" and such. But I keep telling myself that the main thing I need to do is be myself. I'm pretty awesome to begin with, so why would I need to try to act like anyone else? That is true for all of us. And that makes the dating "game" a little less complicated.

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