Forgotten Woman Series: Plus Size Shopping Tips for the New Year

Happy New Year my Beautiful sisters! We’re almost a month into a brand new year and it is said that 13 is a lucky number. I say, let’s channel that energy into our shopping and looking fabulous all year round. 

As someone who is a size 26/28, I know that it can be frustrating to shop for fabulous pieces because some retailers, boutiques and designers don’t offer clothing past a size 22/24. Hence the title “Forgotten Woman”, which is the name I thought of when thinking of myself and others who feel excluded from these businesses when it comes to shopping. We feel forgotten and passed over. Just because we are above a size 24 does not mean we don’t want to look fabulous too. Well, all is not lost. Here’s some tips to help make your shopping experience a better one and yes, even at some of those retailers who only go up to a size 22. You’d be surprised.

Tip #1: Know your measurements and carry a tape measure in your purse while shopping.

Torrid Luxe Jeans
$39.95

Don’t be a slave to the size on the tag. It’s all about measurements and fabric, which I will go into later.  I cannot stress how important it is to know your measurements.  The basics are bust, waist, hips and the inseam of your legs. I also think it is important to know the width of your calves (important when buying boots) and the width of your upper arms (important when buying jackets) .  Many retailers list measurements for their items online and it can help you gauge if the item will fit you regardless of size. 

Sizing is all over the place in the world of plus size fashion. For example, I wear a 28 in jeans. However, in Lane Bryant, I cannot fit into their 28s. At Avenue, I wear a 26. At Old Navy, I wear a 30. I never thought I’d fit into a pair of jeans at Torrid because their denim brand typically runs small and only goes up to a 26 with some jeans going up to 28 (online only). Then one day, the salesgirl convinced me to try on a pair of their Torrid Luxe jeans in a 26. THEY FIT. She explained that the fabric was more than 5% spandex (the norm in jeans) and there was more width in the knee area.

ASOS Pencil Skirt, $31.57

During my personal journey of finding fashionable clothes that fit me well, I learned to not focus on the sizes too much. Because again, it’s all about measurements and the amount of stretch the item has. Here’s another example: ASOS’ Curve line goes up to a size 22. Yet, I have read online in a few reviews that their pencil skirt in Baroque Chain Print will fit someone a size 28 because of the cut and stretch of fabric. I also have heard from many ladies that City Chic and Simply Be run big as well. I think that is attributed to these two being non-US companies (City Chic is in Australia and Simply Be is in the UK) where sizing is different than here in the US. ASOS is based in the UK as well.

Tip #2: Know your fabrics and what works well for your body type. 

When you’re a plus size woman, I believe it’s important to know about fabric. I love to feel fabric and will stand there in the store, stretching it and seeing if it is a workable fabric. Fabrics like jersey, lycra, spandex, and polyester have stretch. Always check to see if an item contains spandex in it because that will increase the stretch factor.

Old Navy 3/4 Sleeve Striped Dress
XXL, on sale for $12.97

For example, Target goes up to a size 4, which is the equivalent of 26/28. However, the fit depends on the fabric. If there is no stretch, the 4 will not fit as well and might not fit at all, depending on how big your upper arms are and your hips. Case in point, Target had these great sweater leggings in junior sizes, up to a XXL. I know someone who is a 26/28 and fit in the XXL because of the stretch of the fabric. They have since sold out to which I am still bummed about because I did not get a pair.

I have heard that some of Old Navy’s clothing in XXL will accommodate someone who is a 22/24 or even a 26/28, depending on the stretch. So it pays to look at fabric content. Don’t dismiss it just because of the size.

Tip #3: Know your body type and what silhouettes look best for your body type. 

Igigi item pg showing body types

Knowing your body type is key. Every plus size woman has a different body. That’s why it is such a challenge for retailers to really get the cut and fit right for plus size clothing. Some of us have a defined waist, which is known as an hourglass shape. Some of us carry more weight on top and some of us carry more weight in our hips and butt. Some of us have long torsos and no defined waists. Some of us have more in the tummy area and some of us have short legs or arms. Knowing your body and where you carry your weight is so important in finding what styles look best on your body. Igigi has a great tool called Shape Stylist, where you can find out your shape by answering a few questions. In all the descriptions of their items online, the body shape the item would look best on is always stated. It’s a great way to know what would look best on your body type.

Tip #4:  Try on clothing, if you can.

I know it’s a pain in the butt to try on clothing and a lot of us don’t even want to go there. But honestly, it’s worth it. Just because something looks good on a hanger does not mean it will look good on you. 

Just make sure you wear clothing and shoes that you can easily slip on and off. If you are going dress shopping, bring your shapewear with you and wear the bra you plan to wear with the dress. Shapewear and the right bra will make a difference in how the dress will look on you in the dressing room.

Tip #5:  Read reviews on websites for items you like.

To me, one of the greatest things created in the retail world (or any website for that matter) are customer reviews. You can find out a lot of information on fit and how an item holds up by reading the reviews. My favorite ones are on Old Navy. Those customers really let you know how fit are and don’t hold back. I also rely a lot on word of mouth as well. If you visit retailer’s Facebook pages, you can see comments posted by customers. I also joined a few plus size shopping related groups on Facebook where women share their opinions on clothing they have bought.

Tip: #6:  Invest in some must-have pieces to keep in your closet.

Bow Stretch Belt
Lane Bryant Outlet
$29.99

I love to create outfits reusing pieces in different ways. One of the ways to help with that is to have a few must-haves in my closet such as a wide belt, a skinny belt, some blazers and leggings. Many times I will see a dress I love but it will be too short for my liking. Does that mean I have to pass on it? Certainly not! I just wear leggings or skinny jeans under it with some pretty flats or peep-toes.  I have gotten some great belts at Torrid (up to a size 4). I hear Cato and Lane Bryant Outlet are other great places to find some nice belts. As for leggings, Walmart, Sealed With A Kiss Designs and Avenue all carry great leggings up to a 4X/30/32. 

I hope these tips will inspire you to get out there and explore your style. You should never let your size hold you back from expressing yourself through fashion. We all want to look fabulous in our own way. And when you look good, you feel good too. It's a new year so let's have a new shopping attitude. Happy shopping!

Fearless Fridays: Paying It Forward

I am a nice person. I have been told I am too nice at times. I used to get annoyed about that but learned being too nice is not a bad thing. As long as I don’t let others take advantage of me and become a doormat for people. I learned it was okay to say no sometimes. Us nice people have good hearts and we want to help the world if we could. But there comes a time when we have to keep it real with ourselves and see that we can’t help everyone. We certainly can’t help others if we aren’t helping ourselves too.

I got a point in my life where I was running on empty. I realized that I was spending so much time helping other people, that I was not helping myself! I have big dreams as any normal person does. However, your dreams won’t become a reality if you are not putting in the time and effort to make it happen. I grew bitter and started this whole pity party with one guest on the invite list: Me. I would say to myself, “Why am I helping these people when I am not getting any help in return?” Many of the people I helped, did not return the favor. And I felt used and taken advantage of.

This became a big lesson in my life because it caused me to have an epiphany about people in general. I learned that I put unrealistic expectations on people because I expected them to treat me the same way I treated them. I had to accept that no one out there is like me. There is only one me. And no one is perfect. I had to learn to accept people for who they are. And if I wanted to help them, it was a chance I took because I wanted to help them for no other reason than I just wanted to. When you help someone and expect something in return, then you’re not genuinely helping them. You are helping them to gain something yourself. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with expecting to be treated kindly and respectful by others. But not everyone will treat you well. This is where the power of choice comes in. You always have a choice. So if you help someone and they take advantage of you, they are showing themselves to you as the person they really are. You are then presented with the choice of whether you want to continue to keep them in your life or not. If you continue to help them and be used again and again, it’s on you because you made the choice to keep them in your life.

I also learned that when you help someone, while you might not get that in return from that particular person, you will receive a blessing/help from someone else. Think of all those times that someone helped you out of the blue and you never helped them at all. That was no accident. Every time you help someone, you are sowing the seeds of kindness that will continue to grow to the point where you will just continue to be blessed. That’s the whole premise of paying it forward. You help someone and maybe that person will be inspired to help someone else because of what you did for them. Or it might not even be that person. It could be someone who was a witness to that kind gesture who was inspired to help someone else.

If we all accepted people at face value, instead of placing high expectations on them, we could make better choices on who we let into our space. People show themselves all the time. It may not be at first glance but when you are around a person long enough, there are always signs to a person’s character. At the end of the day, it’s all a choice. You choose who you help and you choose who you keep in your space. You choose to accept people at face value and you choose how you look at the world.

Accepting people as they are is tough but once you can do that, you look at the world with a different set of eyes.  You won’t have a problem being nice and helping people because you are looking at things differently. And when someone asks you, “why are you doing this for me?”  You can answer, “Because one day you will do this for someone else.”

A good friend of mine told me recently that I am too nice but then she also told me to never change because I am a rarity in this world where many have a ME-ME-ME outlook on life. I smiled and told her not to worry…I won’t ever change because I love being me, even if I can be too nice. Because I am no one’s doormat.

Fearless Fridays: What do YOU love to do?

I tend to draw inspiration from the oddest places. This week, I was inspired by the TV show The New Normal. 

The episode was about finding out who you are and what you are meant to do in your life. One of the main characters Goldie wanted to be a lawyer since she was a kid. In her eyes, being a lawyer represented independence and that she could prove to the world that she could do it on her own. However, that dream of being a lawyer kept getting derailed. But throughout everything, the one thing she loved to do the most was sew. She made all her daughter’s clothes and costumes. She was very skilled at sewing and creating clothing. But she dismissed her talent as a hobby. 

At the end of the episode, Goldie realized that sewing was much more than a hobby. And while she thought being a lawyer would give her that independence she sought, she realized that her talent for sewing and creating her own clothing could do the same. And as another of the main characters on the show narrated at the end, “Sometimes you have a plan but you don’t always get it the way you planned.” 

Life is never how we think it will turn out. That happens because sometimes we want things that are not meant for us. I do believe that we get many chances to get it right. Many signs are thrown our way during our journey to get our attention and sway us to make the right decision. 

However, in life, the choices we make can change the person we later become. And that sometimes makes it harder for us to see what’s already there. Many of us have things we love to do. It’s a gift that we have been given at birth. But many of these gifts seem like hobbies and not something we can parlay into a lifelong career. This causes us to ignore our true calling in life because we dismiss it as just something we just "do well". 

As children, many of us are told we should have a traditional career such as a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, or teacher. There is nothing wrong with those careers but they are not meant for everyone. We are all given gifts and talents for a reason. But we become conditioned into thinking that these traditional careers are the acceptable ones and that other gifts like writing, sewing, and drawing are hobbies and not appropriate careers.

Then some of us pursue things that are not meant for us to do. You see these kids on American Idol who want to be singers but can’t hold a note. There are people out there who want to act but just don’t have that talent to do so. But all is not lost. Your calling can be a facet of that. Maybe you’re meant to be a dancer and not a singer. Just because you love the idea of something does not mean it is meant for you. If you don’t have the gifts and talents to support that dream, it is not your dream to live out.

When people tell you that you are good at something and you love what you do, that's more than a hobby. For years, I have had people tell me I am an excellent writer. But I spent many years going down a different career path because I dismissed my writing as a hobby. But I realized that while I did like what I was doing, I didn’t LOVE it. It did not give me complete joy. But writing did.

Some of us don’t believe we can be successful at what we want to do. We sabotage ourselves by telling ourselves “Oh, I can’t do that!” or “I will never be successful at that.” Or we are afraid to walk away from our comfortable job and steady paycheck and take a chance. All I can say, from personal experience, is that life is all about chances. You can do anything you set your mind to. Playing it safe will never help you to realize your dream. I’m not saying do something extreme as quit your current job RIGHT NOW because keeping it real, you have to support yourself and pay bills. But it wouldn’t hurt to start investing some time into your dream and working towards making it a reality.

Acceptance is key. The best thing you can do for yourself in life is keep it real with yourself. The great Eckhart Toile once said “Stress is wanting something that isn’t meant to be.” The answer is always within you. You just have to be ready to listen. And this is not just something you can apply to your journey to find your calling. This is something you can use in your life overall.

So, if you aren’t loving where you are right now and what you are doing with your life, a reevaluation of your life is in order. Always remember that what matters is what you choose to do now and not what you have done already to this point.  YOU are the only person standing in your way. So take a chance and do what you love! Goldie took a chance and you can too. You never know. Your hobby might just turn out to not be a hobby but to be what you are meant to do in your life.