Fearless Fridays: Worry Less, Accept More, Part 1

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~ Lao Tzu

I am writing this as I sit in Tampa International Airport, trying to catch a flight back home to New York. This is Day #2. Yes, you read right. I was here yesterday, which was my original return flight date. I ended up spending 10 hours at the airport. My flight was canceled due to mechanical problems and the flights after that were delayed hours due to weather in the Northeast. I went from being on a 10:15am flight to a 5:30pm flight, which got delayed to 8pm. After that, I decided to stay the night and try again tomorrow. So here I am.

Going through this experience really tested my patience. And it made me see that I am a patient person. I always thought I was impatient but now I see that really it was just me having moments of impatience.  Overall I am a patient person. I think that my patience comes from the positive mindset I always set out to have. It’s something I work on daily. Sometimes it is not easy but as I keep trying on a daily basis, it becomes easier because it becomes a habit. That’s what growth in life is all about.  

One of my recent life goals has been to worry less and accept more. That is my mantra, which I repeat to myself when I am in situations such as this one at the airport. I think that goes hand in hand with patience. When you worry less and accept more, you are building your patience. That’s growth in a nutshell. Just as we strive to build relationships with people, we have to build one with ourselves. One of the ways to build that relationship with yourself is to make better choices when handling tough situations.   

When we worry about something, it affects our mood and our mindset. And I kept telling myself as I watched people get angry and yell at the gate agents, “Why get angry? It will not change the fact that the flight is delayed.” It takes so much energy to be angry, frustrated, and worrisome. I made the choice to not get angry over something beyond my control. Instead, I was patient. I didn’t worry. I had to wait it out and see what happens. It’s all any of us can do, when you think of it. As my dad used to always say, “It is what it is.” My father was a big believer in accepting things and people as they are and not dwelling on the disappointments and setbacks. You learn the lesson and then keep moving. Moving forward…

Sometimes all it takes is taking a moment, being still and putting things in perspective. Once you do that, it is so much easier to accept the situation and not freak out. For me, it helps to breathe and do some sort of meditation. Some people laugh at me when I say that but real talk, it works. Our minds can become so cluttered with everything going on around us. Sometimes it pays to be still and just clear your mind so you can see things clearer.

Now when I say “meditation”, I don’t mean that I got on the floor right there in the middle of the airport, sat cross-legged and started humming. I just sat in a corner and focused on my breathing. I took deep breaths and relaxed myself. Then I thought about my situation and the options. I then said to myself, “It is what it is. I can wait or I can go and try again tomorrow.” I ended up waiting all day but then coming back the next day. 

My flight today was scheduled to depart at 10:15am but is now delayed until 10:40am. I’m calm, smiling and in good spirits. If I can’t get on a flight today, it’s okay. Everything happens for a reason. Who knew I could experience growth from sitting in an airport? I sure didn’t. I am pretty proud of myself.

Special note: My flight ended up departing at 10:45am and I am home! After an exhausting two days, I am happy to be home. But I don’t regret what happened because I passed another test on my patience with flying colors. Remember, you always have a choice, down to how you view a situation. You can look at it with a positive perspective or you can look at it negatively. The choice is yours and the right one will change your life for the better.

The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen. ~ Ralph Marston 

Fearless Fridays: Paying It Forward

I am a nice person. I have been told I am too nice at times. I used to get annoyed about that but learned being too nice is not a bad thing. As long as I don’t let others take advantage of me and become a doormat for people. I learned it was okay to say no sometimes. Us nice people have good hearts and we want to help the world if we could. But there comes a time when we have to keep it real with ourselves and see that we can’t help everyone. We certainly can’t help others if we aren’t helping ourselves too.

I got a point in my life where I was running on empty. I realized that I was spending so much time helping other people, that I was not helping myself! I have big dreams as any normal person does. However, your dreams won’t become a reality if you are not putting in the time and effort to make it happen. I grew bitter and started this whole pity party with one guest on the invite list: Me. I would say to myself, “Why am I helping these people when I am not getting any help in return?” Many of the people I helped, did not return the favor. And I felt used and taken advantage of.

This became a big lesson in my life because it caused me to have an epiphany about people in general. I learned that I put unrealistic expectations on people because I expected them to treat me the same way I treated them. I had to accept that no one out there is like me. There is only one me. And no one is perfect. I had to learn to accept people for who they are. And if I wanted to help them, it was a chance I took because I wanted to help them for no other reason than I just wanted to. When you help someone and expect something in return, then you’re not genuinely helping them. You are helping them to gain something yourself. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with expecting to be treated kindly and respectful by others. But not everyone will treat you well. This is where the power of choice comes in. You always have a choice. So if you help someone and they take advantage of you, they are showing themselves to you as the person they really are. You are then presented with the choice of whether you want to continue to keep them in your life or not. If you continue to help them and be used again and again, it’s on you because you made the choice to keep them in your life.

I also learned that when you help someone, while you might not get that in return from that particular person, you will receive a blessing/help from someone else. Think of all those times that someone helped you out of the blue and you never helped them at all. That was no accident. Every time you help someone, you are sowing the seeds of kindness that will continue to grow to the point where you will just continue to be blessed. That’s the whole premise of paying it forward. You help someone and maybe that person will be inspired to help someone else because of what you did for them. Or it might not even be that person. It could be someone who was a witness to that kind gesture who was inspired to help someone else.

If we all accepted people at face value, instead of placing high expectations on them, we could make better choices on who we let into our space. People show themselves all the time. It may not be at first glance but when you are around a person long enough, there are always signs to a person’s character. At the end of the day, it’s all a choice. You choose who you help and you choose who you keep in your space. You choose to accept people at face value and you choose how you look at the world.

Accepting people as they are is tough but once you can do that, you look at the world with a different set of eyes.  You won’t have a problem being nice and helping people because you are looking at things differently. And when someone asks you, “why are you doing this for me?”  You can answer, “Because one day you will do this for someone else.”

A good friend of mine told me recently that I am too nice but then she also told me to never change because I am a rarity in this world where many have a ME-ME-ME outlook on life. I smiled and told her not to worry…I won’t ever change because I love being me, even if I can be too nice. Because I am no one’s doormat.

Fearless Fridays: What do YOU love to do?

I tend to draw inspiration from the oddest places. This week, I was inspired by the TV show The New Normal. 

The episode was about finding out who you are and what you are meant to do in your life. One of the main characters Goldie wanted to be a lawyer since she was a kid. In her eyes, being a lawyer represented independence and that she could prove to the world that she could do it on her own. However, that dream of being a lawyer kept getting derailed. But throughout everything, the one thing she loved to do the most was sew. She made all her daughter’s clothes and costumes. She was very skilled at sewing and creating clothing. But she dismissed her talent as a hobby. 

At the end of the episode, Goldie realized that sewing was much more than a hobby. And while she thought being a lawyer would give her that independence she sought, she realized that her talent for sewing and creating her own clothing could do the same. And as another of the main characters on the show narrated at the end, “Sometimes you have a plan but you don’t always get it the way you planned.” 

Life is never how we think it will turn out. That happens because sometimes we want things that are not meant for us. I do believe that we get many chances to get it right. Many signs are thrown our way during our journey to get our attention and sway us to make the right decision. 

However, in life, the choices we make can change the person we later become. And that sometimes makes it harder for us to see what’s already there. Many of us have things we love to do. It’s a gift that we have been given at birth. But many of these gifts seem like hobbies and not something we can parlay into a lifelong career. This causes us to ignore our true calling in life because we dismiss it as just something we just "do well". 

As children, many of us are told we should have a traditional career such as a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, or teacher. There is nothing wrong with those careers but they are not meant for everyone. We are all given gifts and talents for a reason. But we become conditioned into thinking that these traditional careers are the acceptable ones and that other gifts like writing, sewing, and drawing are hobbies and not appropriate careers.

Then some of us pursue things that are not meant for us to do. You see these kids on American Idol who want to be singers but can’t hold a note. There are people out there who want to act but just don’t have that talent to do so. But all is not lost. Your calling can be a facet of that. Maybe you’re meant to be a dancer and not a singer. Just because you love the idea of something does not mean it is meant for you. If you don’t have the gifts and talents to support that dream, it is not your dream to live out.

When people tell you that you are good at something and you love what you do, that's more than a hobby. For years, I have had people tell me I am an excellent writer. But I spent many years going down a different career path because I dismissed my writing as a hobby. But I realized that while I did like what I was doing, I didn’t LOVE it. It did not give me complete joy. But writing did.

Some of us don’t believe we can be successful at what we want to do. We sabotage ourselves by telling ourselves “Oh, I can’t do that!” or “I will never be successful at that.” Or we are afraid to walk away from our comfortable job and steady paycheck and take a chance. All I can say, from personal experience, is that life is all about chances. You can do anything you set your mind to. Playing it safe will never help you to realize your dream. I’m not saying do something extreme as quit your current job RIGHT NOW because keeping it real, you have to support yourself and pay bills. But it wouldn’t hurt to start investing some time into your dream and working towards making it a reality.

Acceptance is key. The best thing you can do for yourself in life is keep it real with yourself. The great Eckhart Toile once said “Stress is wanting something that isn’t meant to be.” The answer is always within you. You just have to be ready to listen. And this is not just something you can apply to your journey to find your calling. This is something you can use in your life overall.

So, if you aren’t loving where you are right now and what you are doing with your life, a reevaluation of your life is in order. Always remember that what matters is what you choose to do now and not what you have done already to this point.  YOU are the only person standing in your way. So take a chance and do what you love! Goldie took a chance and you can too. You never know. Your hobby might just turn out to not be a hobby but to be what you are meant to do in your life.

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 2

2012 will be over in a few days. Are you ready? I know I am. I’m starting the new year with a clean slate. I have cleaned house in my life and have let go of toxic people and things. I have my list of goals I want to accomplish. I am so excited for what’s to come. Many people say 2013 is a lucky year, especially if the number 13 is your lucky number. As I mentioned last week in part 1 of this blog, we are all closing out a chapter in our lives with the year ending. December 21st marked the winter solstice, the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one.  So this is a great time for a do-over. It’s never too late to renew your life and take control of your story.

Many times, taking control of your story is as simple as looking at the current story we are telling ourselves. You tell the world your story as you live it but you are also essentially telling that story to yourself as well. We are watching our own stories and reacting to them. If we react negatively, it’s almost as if we are telling ourselves that our life is not great and will never work out. That is self-sabotage and will just keep our life in that state. Your life is what you make it. So ask yourself: How are you telling the story of your life? Are you telling your story from a negative outlook?

If you are living out your story in a negative state, one of the ways you can change that is to change your way of thinking. The power of thinking is incredible. Many of us don’t realize that all it takes is a positive outlook to change things around.  Even in the words we speak, we are determining our outlook in life. The words can’t, won’t, should of, would of, don’t and any other words used in a negative fashion should not even be in your vocabulary. As soon as you say you “can’t” do something, you are already setting the tone for what’s to come. You are holding yourself back from living life to its fullest.

It’s not easy to change your way of thinking if you have been in a pity party for years and are used to complaining about your life and how you never seem to catch a break. But the first step is always the hardest. If you’re capable making the first step, then you can do anything you set your mind to. Having a positive outlook is something you work on daily, one day at a time. First, you have to accept that you are accountable for the choices you make. You cannot place blame on others and the world for a lack of successes and happiness. You have to check yourself on this, accept that you are the reason things have not been going right because of the poor choices you have been making and then make a commitment to make better choices. 

Second, you have to stop worrying about what someone else has. Everyone has their own journey and while someone else may seem to have it all, you never know the full story. Everyone has their own crosses to bear in life. No one’s life is perfect.  When you focus on someone else and what they have, it takes your focus off of your own life. You are not meant to have what the next person has. You are meant to have your own successes. You have your own journey to walk. You have your own story. No two stories are the same. So instead of focusing on someone else and being jealous of what they have, celebrate the fact that your story is unique, can always change, that you are in control and always have a choice.

Another thing that many of us do to ourselves is beat ourselves up when we fail. To live a happy life, don't be so hard on yourself.  It’s perfectly normal to want to win but you have to accept that you won’t always win because some things are not meant for you to gain. Sometimes a loss is a blessing. It shows us a lesson and helps us to grow on our journey. It can give us strength and increased determination, if we let it. Again, it’s all about a positive way of thinking. My dad used to always tell me that failure doesn't mean you're a loser because at least you tried.  There are people out there who give up without trying because of fear. Then you will never know if you would have won or lost. And that’s worse than trying and seeing the end result, good or bad. Because whether it’s good or bad, you will get something out it. If you keep trying, you will succeed more times than you fail because of all the lessons learned from the losses.

Anyone who knows me knows my love for the TV show Survivor and Jeff Probst. He has a mantra he lives by, which I love: Say yes to adventure! Adventure comes in many forms. You don’t have to climb Mt Everest or see the Great Wall of China. An adventure can be as simple as leaving your house to take a walk. When you say YES to adventure, you are committing to putting yourself out there in the world. Putting yourself out there means putting yourself in situations where you can allow the Universe to place people and opportunities in your path. The love of your life or the job you love will not come knocking on your door and be handed to you. Nothing will find you if you are locked up in your house, in your pajamas. Having adventure in your life will make you feel empowered and good. Most of all, it will make you happy. 

For me, just being outside is an adventure. I love people watching. I love looking at the sky and appreciating the world and all its beauty. It makes me feel rejuvenated and alive. I love to travel for this reason. It is amazing to me how I can get on a plane and be in an entirely different part of the world in a matter of hours. It is incredible to see the different architecture and customs. Do what you love and also dare to do things out of the box that are new and exciting. That is your adventure.

As long as you have a dream in your heart that you believe in and a desire to bring that dream into fruition, there is nothing that can stop you from making that happen in your life but YOU. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your life. Take it one day at a time. We are all works in progress but what matters is that we make the effort to be better people and have better lives. 

Bottom line: change your story and you will change your life. Just make sure that story is a great one. Happy New Year, everyone! Wishing all of you an amazing year ahead full of growth, evolution and happiness. It's the best gift you can give yourself. Cheers! xo

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 1

We’re almost at the end of the year, folks. 2012 was a very pivotal year for me personally and professionally. I have to be honest and say I am not sad to see this year end. However, no matter what happens, at the end of the day, we each have control over the story of our lives. 

If you are unhappy with the state of your life at the moment, the upside is that your life doesn’t have to stay that way. The next chapter of your life can be rewritten. As I have said before, we all have a choice. We can choose to be a hero or a victim. We can choose what we do next. We always have a choice. So do you choose to stand still in your own pity party and not grow? Or do you choose to make a change and take control of your story?

If you choose to take control of your story, all you have to do is rewrite it. And now is a great time. Not New Year’s Eve. Not January 1st. NOW. We are closing out a chapter with the year ending; today is the winter solstice and according to the Mayans, it is the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one. It is a time for renewal and starting over. Some people actually view the next three days as a solstice sojourn and take this time to clean out their lives, open their heart and spirit to what’s coming in 2013. Empty and receive – those are the major words to describe this solstice period. It is a time to really listen to your inner voice and set goals for the next year.

If you want to make changes in your life for the better and rewrite the next chapter of your story, you have to be committed to making some changes in your life. It won’t be easy but I promise you, it will be worth it. Your happiness and well-being are invaluable so any tough steps to getting there and achieving the best life you can live is well worth it.

First and foremost, it is so important to surround yourself with positive people and things .  Throughout your life, you have to clean house. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sometimes we tend to try to hold on to these seasonal people and when they have outgrown their season, they become toxic to our lives. Just as you clean your home and get rid of things you no longer use, the same has to be done in your life. Your space should be something you hold invaluable and take great care as to who you choose to let in your space. 

When you surround yourself with positive people who mirror what you want to achieve in your life, you will see the difference in your way of thinking, your mood and your overall outlook on life. It’s also important to surround yourself with positive places. If you are somewhere that makes you unhappy, that will affect your life negatively. It’s hard to let go of some people and places but once you do, it will change your life for the better. Just listen to your intuition and pay attention to how they treat you. That will show you who are lifelong friends and who are seasonal. It’s like what Maya Angelou once said, “When someone first shows you who they are, believe them.” People won’t change and we cannot control their actions. But we can control who we let into our life and where we choose to be.

Next, make love a priority in your life - for yourself and others. If you don’t love yourself, you will not know how to love someone else and let them love you fully. As I always say, there is only one you in the world and that’s an amazing thing. You were put on this Earth as you for a reason. Everything starts with you. You have to believe in yourself and what you can do in your life. No one else can do that for you. Once you love yourself, you will be able to love freely and get that love back in your life. You will not stand for mistreatment or abuse because you love yourself enough to know your worth. Loving yourself is not easy for some. But is very necessary to live your life to its fullest.

Loving yourself is a daily project. It won’t happen overnight, especially if you have spent most of your life not being happy with yourself. Start off by focusing on the parts of you that you love, physically and non-physically. Start doing little things for yourself that you enjoy. Start speaking positively to yourself and others. Learn to enjoy being you. As in the start of every great love affair, you have to start somewhere and build from there. The love will grow, believe me. You just have to take that first step and accept you for who you are. Now if there is something about you that you don’t like, again, you have a choice. You can change IF you really want to. Instead of commiserating over it, do something about it. Accepting yourself as you are does not mean you have to stay the way you are. You have to be who you are happiest being. You have to be true to yourself. For example, do you want to lose weight and be healthier? All it takes is being active and eating better. Do you want to be a more giving person? Then volunteer or help someone. We each have the power within us to be the best person we can be if we choose to be. 

One of the most important things you can do in your life is take a chance. So many opportunities are thrown in our path but we miss them because we let fear stop us from taking a chance. If you take a chance on something or someone and it doesn't work out, then it wasn't in the cards. It was not meant to be. But at least, you know the outcome because you took the chance. There will be no “what ifs”. There is a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned from every experience. And while some experiences don’t work out in the end, during the experience, you may have the time of your life or may encounter something or someone that will lead to an even bigger and better opportunity. You are doing yourself and the world a disservice when you don't take a chance and put yourself out there. So just take a chance and let go. You never know what could happen.

Next week, I will continue to give tips on how to rewrite the next chapter of your life in part 2 of this blog. Let’s start 2013 with a renewed outlook on life and commitment to living the best lives we can.

I wish all of you and your families a wonderful holiday. Be thankful, be inspired and most of all, be YOU. xoxo  

Fearless Fridays: Choosing To Be Who You Really Are

Me striking a pose with my aunt

I recently had an A-ha moment, as Oprah calls it. I was talking to someone recently about my life and how far we have come to this point. I then described my journey in decades. I spoke so passionately about how as a child, in the first decade of my life, I was so carefree and fearless. I was a happy kid who loved the color red, was always dancing around the house and posed for all my pics with my hand on my hip, doing my runway pose. My teens were about me being different and reveling in that. My 20’s were about me going through that transition from teen to adult, going to college and learning to be independent.

My 30’s were about being on my own, having a career and learning a lot about men and romance. I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. I dated the same guy while in my 20’s and he was my high school sweetheart. So it wasn’t until in my 30’s, that I got to date different men and see what’s out here. My 30’s were all about discovering life as an adult and seeing the world. I traveled and basically had the time of my life. Now, I’m in my early 40’s. This decade so far has been about growth and being focused on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I never got married and had children. It’s me being that late bloomer again. I feel like I blinked and now I am in this place where I want to get my focus back and get serious about what I want to do with my life.

Ah, my 30's

But it’s more than that. I want to be truly happy with me. I want to make better choices in my life. Because like I always say, we have a choice. And that’s a pretty powerful thing. But sometimes, we give that power away and forget that we have a choice. We don’t have to be friends with people who don’t accept us for who we are. We can choose who we want in our world. We don’t have to let some stranger's negative comment hurt us. Again, we have a choice: will we let some stranger ruin our day or will we keep it moving and choose to be happy? We don't have to be in a relationship with someone who does not treat us well or make us happy. We can choose whether we want to be with them or not. Now making those choices are not easy but the payoff is your happiness. It was in that moment of reminder that made me realize that something was missing in my life: The core of who I really am. I truly lost myself for a bit.

When I talk about the core of who I am, I am talking about that Me that I was when I was a child, the first decade of my journey. The person I described above. I had so much sass and personality back then. I  truly did not care what anyone thought of me. In my mind, there was always a spotlight on me and I acted as such. I was fabulous and amazing. I was fearless and untainted by the world. All of us have been that child. Even if you were not outgoing as a kid or if you were shy, as children, we have this carefree, fearless nature about us where we live life looking forward to what comes and are not afraid to be ourselves. We dance like we are alone on the dancefloor and without a care in the world.

My inner child

But of course, we never stay that way. We experience setbacks and disappointments. We meet people who tear us down. We change according to what happens to us along our journey. However, the core of who we are is always there. But these situations and people suppress the core of who we are. We start to care what people think. We become less fearless and more cautious. We tend to not be as carefree and instead, worry more.  We lose ourselves by trying to fit in. We give our power away at times when we are letting others dictate who we should be.

I then realized that I want to be that person again. I want to stop worrying about what others think of me. I want to be more fearless and take bigger chances. I want to be myself and not care what others think. I just want to live life without a care in the world. I want to live as if every day is my last day on this earth. But is that possible? I mean, I am not a child anymore. And life is very different than it was when I was a child. The answer to that is YES. I can be that person again. I CHOOSE to be that person again.

I think it’s all about finding balance in your life. Taking what you have learned so far on your journey and merging that with the core of who you are. We will always have those moments when we doubt ourselves. But if we can remind ourselves that fear will get us nowhere and life would be so much better if we were true to ourselves, we can channel that inner child within. That child-like way of dealing with life can help us get through the tough times. It can help us take our power back and be ourselves no matter what the world thinks.

With the new year almost here, I want to do things that make me happy, even if others think I’m nuts or have an opinion on it. I want to channel that inner child and dance through the streets like no one is watching. I want to feel free. Once I made that decision, I felt so powerful. Channeling your inner child is taking your power back. It’s making a pact with yourself to be you with no hesitation. And that’s such a wonderful thing. 

So while I believe that my 40’s are going to continue to be all about growth and direction, it is also going to be about me being myself in a world where there is no one else like me and I’m going to celebrate that right into my 50’s. I am already dancing and thinking about adding some more red to my wardrobe. My spotlight is back on so I have to make sure I look and feel fabulous.

Fearless Fridays: Journaling is Good For The Soul

Writing has always been a form of escape for me. I began to journal when I was 10. It was a traumatic year for me. I went to live with a relative for a year so I was in a new school, a new home. And it was not a great experience for me at all. For reasons I won't divulge here, it was one of the worst years of my life that defined and shaped who I am today. Being able to write and journal my feelings helped me get through it all. Journaling helped me while I was in a dark space in my life. It gave me strength. My journal became my best friend; my lifeline.

As the years progressed, my journaling continued. It made me feel better to put my feelings down on paper. It was as if I was purging myself and leaving all the crap behind in my journal. Even today, my journaling is one of the things that I rely on in order to heal my spirit when needed. But it has become more than that. A journal wasn't just a place to record my negative moments. It also became a space to celebrate the good stuff, too. I have times where I go back and read past entries. It shows me how far I have come in my life. It helps me to reflect and let go.

Journaling is essentially telling your story. Everyone's story has its good and bad moments. But it is YOUR story; YOUR life. Journaling is therapeutic. It's never good to keep things bottled up. And if you have no one to talk to and vent to...well, you have your journal where you can write as much as you want and say whatever you want. Your journal is your space to do what you see fit.

There is no standard way to journal. A friend of mine journals by writing poetry. I have another friend who does video entries. Some people have private blogs online where they journal. Or you can do it the old-fashioned way like I do and journal in a notebook. You choose how you want to journal. It's all about telling your story in the way you want to tell it. Since you are creating your own space, you have the freedom to set it up however you want. That freedom is a powerful feeling. It makes you feel free enough to let go of the emotional baggage because you are releasing those feelings into your journal.  An essential part of life is letting go. If you can't let go, you can't move further on your journey. So a journal is the perfect companion for you while on your journey.

A journal can also aid as a guidebook to you during your journey. Old journal entries can work wonders on keeping you in check, let me tell you. By reading past entries, you can rediscover the things you need to do in your life to make changes for the better.  And you can also see how you once were and see how far you have come. You certainly don't want to go backwards in life, only forward.  Through your journal, your past self can check your present self and make sure you don't make the same mistakes or react the same way to a situation.

It’s just something about having a notebook to write anything I want in it, that makes me feel calm and safe.  The best thing about a journal? You don’t need to be a writer to journal. Just write how you feel and let it flow. You will be amazed at what will come out and how great you will feel after.

Journaling is good for the soul. This I know. I can't imagine where I'd be today if I couldn't write my feelings and experiences out on paper. Journaling has helped me to be more open in life. It has provided me with a way to see myself as I really am and realize that I am okay. I am normal. I am enough. It helps me to make my voice heard. When there are times when I feel like I can't say something to someone or about something out loud, I know that I have my journal. I can write it all out and leave it there. 

So if you're feeling like you're carrying too much weight on your heart and soul, you need to release that immediately. All you need is a piece of paper and a pen...or even just a laptop or a cell phone. Just find a way to write it out and let go. Trust me, you will feel better and life will be better. Life is short, unexpected and never guaranteed. All we have are the moments. So tell your story today, let go and let it be.

Fearless Fridays: What Do You Love to Do?

**This week's Fearless Friday's installment is a day late due to some technical difficulties on the author's part. My apologies. And enjoy!**

I was talking with my 17-yr old cousin yesterday and we ended up on the topic of making things. I told her that it's great to be creative and how I love to make things. Her reply was "Being creative is boring." Then she went back to playing on her smartphone, listening to music, texting her friends and checking Facebook. Ah, to be young in this time and age.

Commodore 64 - ancient!

When I was her age, I didn't have an ipad or a cell phone. There was no Facebook, not even myspace. What I had was an imagination and creative soul. I was creating my own scripts for games on my first home computer (Commodore 64), making my own playlists on cassettes, painting designs on my jeans, making my own bracelets and hair accessories and writing. Back then in the 80's, things weren't so readily easy to get and I think it gave kids a deep appreciation for being creative and independent when it came to having hobbies.

Having a hobby offered me a way to channel that creative side of me and it offered me an escape from stress. Being creative and having a hobby helped me to discover my talents. Honestly, having a hobby or two keep me sane. As we get older, it's even more needed. We have a job, a family to care for, rent to pay, etc. Having a hobby allows us some time for ourselves. Many of us spend so much time taking care of others or focusing on things outside of ourselves so having a hobby gives us that ME time that we need and deserve.

Having a hobby will also put you out in the world more in different capacities outside of your normal routine and life. You will make new connections and have new experiences. Having a hobby could even make you really see your life's calling and cause you to embrace a career change. It helps you to get in tune with your inner self and what you love to do. It helps clear your mind and calm your nerves. Having a hobby is a spirit booster. It'll bring you joy.

My dad, taking a self-portrait using a mirror

As a kid growing up, I used to watch my dad in awe. He was the Hobby King. The man had a new hobby every other week! But later on, I realized that they were all related. My dad was great with his hands and had a sharp eye for detail.  So whether he was building model airplanes, putting together computers, building a book shelf, at the rifle range, shooting at targets or taking pictures with his 35mm camera, he was engaging in hobbies that used his great talents. My dad was very old school. He believed he should be the one to go out and work while my mom stayed at home and cared for my brother and I. So he worked very long hours. When he came home, his hobbies allowed him time for himself and gave him joy.

A hat I crocheted for my niece

I thrived on that notion about hobbies. When I was presented the chance to play an instrument in junior high school, I decided to learn how to play the flute. To this day, I still play the flute. It’s a great hobby of mine that clears my mind. The music soothes my soul. One day, while visiting my aunt in Florida about 10 years ago, I saw her crocheting and after watching her for a little while, I was intrigued. I asked her to teach me how to crochet. I’ve been crocheting ever since and especially love to make hats, bags and scarfs. When I am riding the NYC subway, I love to put on my headphones, listen to some Public Enemy or Amy Winehouse and crochet something. Something about the process clears my mind and then the finished product just makes me proud of my gift. I, too, like my dad, am great with my hands and have a sharp eye. I love to take pictures like he did and my love for travel allows me to take pictures and document my adventures. I have many hobbies I love, which made me discover that I have the gift of being able to make things. I discovered that I am truly a DIY-type of person and it brings me such joy.

However, my greatest hobby ended up showing me what my true calling is. I have always been a writer since I was able to put a pencil to a sheet of paper. It was a way for me to express myself and share thoughts that I was not ready to expose to the world. Despite many detours and bumps on my life’s journey, my writing always remained constant. It took a major shift in my life for me to see that writing is what I should be doing. And here I am. I have a short story being published in an anthology that will be released in November. I am writing my own book. And I have my own blog as well as having written for other blogs, such as this one. And I am just beginning! If that isn’t proof that a hobby can lead you to your calling, I don’t know what is.

A pic I took of the CN Tower in Toronto

So I ended my conversation yesterday with my teenage cousin, telling her that she needs to get a hobby. It doesn't have to be a major creative thing where she is making something grand. Not everyone is meant to create a fashion line, write novels, make jewelry or create fantastic works of art. But you never know...a hobby can lead to something wonderful. It can lead to you to further learn about yourself, push your boundaries and honestly, keep you sane.  And hopefully, one day she will see that being creative is her birthright and certainly not "boring".

I remember what my dad said to me once regarding choosing a hobby: 

“What do you LOVE to do? Whatever it is, embrace that and do it as much as you can. It doesn’t matter if it’s collecting bottle caps or writing poetry. If it is something you love, it is who YOU are.”  

Some people go their whole lives without doing what they love. And like I said before, who knows? A hobby may lead you to discover your true calling. And while you’re on that journey, a hobby will at least make you smile and give you some joy. That, in itself, is a beautiful thing.

So what do YOU love to do?

What Does Success Mean to You?

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

When most people think of success, they think it’s about attaining wealth, accolades, and awards.  Yes, those are forms of success. However, success is more than that; it’s whatever it means to you. There is no set measurement or definition for success.  To some people, success is simply being able to wake up another morning and get out of the house. For each individual, measurement of success changes as we grow and evolve. For example, that person who succeeded in waking up and getting out the house may now feel like they can take it an extra step further and strive to be successful at something else now that they are out of the house. It is a step by step process that is created by YOU. And once you accomplish something, it makes you stronger and more determined. It makes you believe that you can be successful at whatever you choose to go after. It fuels your fire and pushes you to keep going.

At this stage of my life, a quote from one of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo Emerson, sums up what success means to me:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded."

When I read that quote in one of his works while in college, it was as if a lightbulb went off above my head. Since I was a kid, success was defined for me by having a prestigious career, which would give me status in the world. I knew I was a writer at heart from an early age. But was told repeatedly by my teachers and mentors that writing was not a real career. I grew up in a housing project so my ticket to a better life was to go to college and become “someone”.  I strived to be a lawyer. That became my dream of success. I loved to read and the law intrigued me. So I put my true love of writing on the back burner.

By going to college, I had already succeeded. I was the first one in my family to go to college. My parents, especially my dad, were so proud. I always say that my dad was one of the smartest people I ever knew and he only had a high school diploma. So I will never forget how wide his smile was at my college graduation because I achieved something he had always wanted to do. I graduated with honors and as a double major.  Everything happens for a reason. I went to college with the intent of being a lawyer and walked away a changed person. Emerson’s quote (and his works) made me reflect on my life and what success meant to me.  

Success means to me, to pursue what you love and do the best that you can at that. If it means feeding the homeless to even being in the circus as a performer, if you are doing what you love and doing it well, you have already succeeded. All of us can’t be as rich as Warren Buffet. Even though it would be extremely nice, it is not meant for some of us have that kind of wealth. But it does not mean we won’t have wealth in other aspects of our lives. As I wrote about previously in “Whatis Your Calling?”, we are all here for a reason. We all have a calling; what we are meant to do in this life. I think some of us focus too much on being successful financially or professionally that we overlook the other successes we have in our lives. We're already successful and many of us don't even know it.   

Being successful starts from within. It starts with believing that anything is possible if you go after it.  Once you have that positive attitude and are willing to go after what you want, you can do anything you set your mind to and be successful in your own right. Whether it’s starting a workout regimen like I just did recently to something as big as buying a house or starting your own business; all of these things are attainable, if you believe you can do it. You have to believe in your own success. At the end of the day, we are our own worst enemy. We can change that, though, by being the president of our own fan club. It all begins within you and how you look at your life.

After you have your belief intact, the next step is to set your goals and create a plan on how to accomplish them. I used to hear people talk about their 5-year plan and would think to myself, “Wow, that’s impressive that they can plan that far out and be so sure about what they want to do.”  You have to do what works for you. For me, I believe small goals are more effective because I tend to get overwhelmed when I look at the big picture and try to tackle too many goals at once. When we’re overwhelmed, that can cause us to doubt ourselves and give up because we think that goal is too hard to attain. I’m all for baby steps because sometimes that baby step leads to something huge, something phenomenal.

So to sum this up, success is not measured by the amount of money or exposure you have in the world. It is about doing what you love and when your time on this Earth is over, you will have eulogized your life with the deeds you did. That is the legacy you leave behind. And I think that is something pretty successful in its own right. So ask yourself: What does success mean to you? Believe me, the answer to that question can transform your life.

The Frugal Files: Spring is the Time to Grow Your Green

Hello there frugal folks!!

Welcome back to The Frugal Files!! I hope you enjoyed our Flip Flop week and that you took notes on Marcy’s tutorial on navigating CVS, Rite Aid and Walgreens. I am especially grateful to Marcy for sharing her expertise. With me being fairly new in the coupon game, they were the stores that intimidated me the most. I just didn’t know how to shop in those places for the best price. Now, I’m much more comfortable and I hope you are too.

It is now April and Spring is here; one of my favorite seasons of the year. The sun is out, so we’re leaving winter and debt behind. As the saying goes…April Showers bring May flowers. I love flowers because they are beautiful, but also because of what they represent: GROWTH. Just as seasons change on the earth, it is mirrored in our bank accounts. As we continue to chat about Savings, Debt and Decluttering, it is only right that we now clear that space as the new ground is ready for planting and growth!!

We talked about basic savings and that should continue always. Now where can your money go from here? My first piece of advice is to seek out and hire a Financial Advisor. It doesn’t matter how much money you have because if you have the vision I know you do, you know that what you see is not where you will always be financially.

Ask for referrals and get started on your search. At your first meeting, listen to what they can offer, but bring your own questions. Ask them to help you calculate your current Net Worth, then allow them to help you write down some of your financial goals, both short and long term. It could be saving for a home, your children’s college fund, a mutual fund or other investments. Not sure which investments are best for you? Ask them about that too!! The more questions you ask, the closer you are to growing your own personal financial portfolio.

While you are securing your advisor, do some of your own financial gardening. There are some moves you can make without an advisor. For instance, you can commit to raising the amount of your Automatic Savings draft; the money you are saving regularly and automatically. Purpose to put more aside. If you want to step it up a notch though, ask your advisor about mutual funds. Open one and begin putting money there. It’s like a savings account, but it’s set up to be long term for you and can include low risk bonds and high-risk stocks. You can choose your own risk level. The long-term benefit of this type of fund is GROWTH!!

Another way to grow money is to get it from someone else. I know they say nothing in life is free, but I don’t think they have been exposed to it. If your employer offers a 401k/403b AND matches your investment, you have just proved those people wrong!! It is free money and you should take full advantage. If they will match up to 6% of your check, then you should be saving 6% of your check in your 401k fund. The amount you save is before taxes, so that means there are less taxes being taken out of your paycheck. This is an awesome long-term tool for retirement. If you really want to live well in your retirement, then start saving now. The greatest part is…the money grows as you grow older.

Just like you need a new wardrobe for the new season, you also need a refreshing look at your money. It is great to save it, but if your goal is true wealth, then it’s time to financially grow up. The season has changed and it is time you do the same. If you want to change the way you think about money, then you need to change what you say about money. Instead of thinking of stagnant saving, speak and act toward abundance and GROWTH. I have a financial affirmation for you that will do just that:

I Give Thanks For All My Prosperity that is Rapidly Multiplying!!

Frugalicious Diva