Thursday, December 15, 2011

"Tis The Season To Explore The Dating Opportunities, Single Ladies

The holiday season can be a lonely time for us single people. This is the second consecutive Christmas in a row that I do not have a boyfriend. I'll be honest. It sucks. But it is what it is. I don't let my relationship status stop me from enjoying the holiday season to the fullest. We should never base our happiness on being in a relationship.

However, you cannot sit back and wait for Mr Prince Charming to knock on your door. It just is not happening. And don't think because you're a big girl, that you can't get a man either. That is furthest from the truth. The opportunities to meet men are out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and explore those opportunities.

First of all, before you seek any type of romance, you need to be right with you. Your confidence needs to be on point. Because you wear your confidence (or lack of) as you wear an outfit. So think of it this way: if you rolled out of bed this morning, didn't take the time to dress right or even comb your hair, and decided to go out this way, it is obvious to the world that you don't care about yourself or love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Same rings true with confidence. The world can see when you are not confident in who you are. This can be a turnoff to men and can also attract the wrong kind of men. There are men out there who want a woman who lacks confidence so he can take advantage of her or control her. So get right with yourself, know your self-worth and believe in your fabulousness before seeking a relationship.

Secondly, when putting yourself out there in the dating world, please listen to the alarms. Your gut is always right and there are always alarms going off when someone is not right. But we sometimes choose to ignore the alarms and signs because we want to be in a relationship so bad. We hold out hope that things will change. Get rid of that way of thinking right now. If he isn't on the up and up from the start, he will not change and things will not get better. Don't think your situation is the exception because those are few and far between.

If you decide to try online dating, you really have to rely on your instincts to feel guys out since you are not meeting them in person but through the computer. For us big girls, there are dating sites specifically for us where men are on there looking for us. I have used dating sites before and have had a mixed experience. I do like that we have sites that are geared toward big beautiful women because then you don't have to approach that topic with a man. He knows your size already and is attracted to that size.

But at the same time, you have to be careful and observant online. I'm keeping it real here: Online, you can be whoever you want to be. I have seen men put up old pics, or be vague and not fully honest on their profiles, or they have a fat fetish, which sometimes extends to them having an addiction to being online just to fulfill their fetish as a voyeur. So my advice to you is to ask lots of questions, be observant and again, if alarms go off and things don't seem right, heed those warnings because it's probably true.

Also, be careful when getting involved with a man from another country. The distance is tough and while it is so easy to get caught up through the computer with someone, you have to be honest with yourself. How can you have a relationship with someone you can't see on a regular basis? I have heard people say they are in love but yet never met the person. I'm sorry if I am crushing someone's dreams but love is something that is built over time and you need physical interaction for that. You need to get to know someone fully by being around them before you can make a decision on whether you love them and want to be with them long-term. You can't know someone fully by email, video chat, Facebook wall posts and cards in the mail.

Now let's say you meet a man online that lives in the US but may live a few hours away. It happens and love has blossomed out of many of these types of situations. Well, Ladies, for the first meeting, if the man does not offer to come to you and instead wants you to come to him, keep it moving. NEXT! A man who is truly interested in you will not let anything stop him from getting to you. But if he is only interested in a booty call, he will not make an effort to even pick you up at the train station or airport. He'll expect you to come to him and pay for your travels. If you are in this type of situation and planning a first-time meeting and don't believe me, tell him in the next conversation that you can't come to him and would he mind coming to you? That will be the tell-tale sign of how he feels about you.

We also have BBW clubs, which cater to big women and the men who love them. Personally, I don't frequent BBW clubs. While these places are welcome spots to meet men who like big women, I find that those places are really used by men with fat fetishes and I want to be with someone who is not just with me because he's attracted to my big body. But that's my take on it. If you want to meet someone in that type of place, it might work well for you. I do know a few people who have gotten into relationships from meeting in a BBW club. To each his/her own. It's just not my cup of tea.

There are so many available outlets where you can meet someone. There's speed dating, which can be fun. There's mixers and events geared towards single people. Shoot, there's even single retreats at church! You have to find what works for you and have an open mind about it. Be confident and put yourself out there. You never know who you're going to meet in the supermarket, bookstore, church, etc. What really counts and what will help you in your dating adventures is your attitude towards it all. Don't be desperate to be with someone because you are too fabulous for that mess.

Being alone is not fun at times but wouldn't you rather be happy alone than unhappy in a terrible relationship where you settled for the first man who came across your path just because you didn't want to be alone? In the end, what counts is how you feel about yourself. When you know your self-worth, you know what you will stand for and what your deal-breakers are. You won't accept mistreatment from a man. Your confidence will command queen-like treatment. If you go out there with that type of attitude, the sky's the limit, Ladies! Good luck and happy dating!

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