New Year, Improved You: Be The Person You Want To Meet

I spent the first week of the year, sick in bed with the flu. What a way to bring in the new year! At first, I was miserable, thinking how much it sucks that I had to spend New Year's Eve and the first week of 2012 being extremely sick. However, looking back on the time I spent sick, I realize that being sick was also a blessing. I know it sounds weird so bear with me here...

While in bed, I read so many magazines and watched 5 seasons of Dexter (lol). And the one constant thing I kept seeing is the phrase "New Year, New You". And that made me reflect on my own life. It also annoyed the crap out of me. Just because it's a new year does not mean you have to be a new you. What's wrong with who you are now? Or who you were in 2011? I guess to me, that phrase just comes across as if someone is telling me that the present me is not good enough so I have to become a "new" me because it's a new year. And I think that's ridiculous.

A new year is a time for renewal. The key word is re-newal, as in "re", which is repeating something aka a do-over. A do-over, to me, is getting another chance to get it right, whatever you are trying to do. However, that does not mean you have to become a completely new person for you to achieve that change or goal. It just means you learned the lesson from past mistakes and now you are going to make a better decision. But while making this decision, you are still YOU. You're just an improved you, not a new you.

Being sick reminded me that the best way I can improve myself is to take better care of myself. That means taking care of my mind, body and spirit. When you take care of those 3 key things, you become the person you want to meet.

Mind: The mind can be a beautiful thing or your biggest saboteur. The quote "It's all a state of mind" is so true. I wrote last week about creating vision boards and that is one way to change your way of thinking for the better. It will also help you with recognizing and focusing on your goals. It doesn't have to be a vision board, though. It can be as easy as making a list. I am the queen of lists. They help me stay focused and organized. You can make a list of goals that you would like to achieve in 2012. A few things on my list are: I want to get my driver's license, eat more healthy, exercise more, and clean up my credit. When you make a list, you are validating your inner wants and dreams. You are making yourself accountable; you're making those goals a reality by listing them. Once you have a list, you can then focus on how to obtain those goals. Following your goals will help in getting yourself right because you are improving your life for the better.

Body: A mind cannot be fully healthy, if you feel like you're going to pass out after walking up a few steps or not having any energy at all. How are you supposed to follow your goals if your body is not right? Ladies, if you're over 35, you must get a mammogram once a year. We all need to get a yearly physical and a pap smear every 6 months. We should educate ourselves on food by reading labels, making substitutions where necessary and really looking at our portions. Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day and limit your soda intake.

If you make small changes to your diet, it will work wonders. I'm not talking some fad diet or fast weight loss. Being healthy is a lifestyle that you have to commit to long term. It's okay to indulge every now and then. But for the most part, you have to fuel your body with the right things in order for it to work right at any size. Do your research online. Look up recipes and learn how to eat well with healthy food that tastes great. It's all about eating healthy foods you like, eating three meals a day with two snacks a day, and moderating your portions.

Eating well is not the only way to get your body healthy. Living an active lifestyle is essential as well. You don't have to join a gym to exercise. You can walk around your block. You can find a flight of stairs that you go up and down a few times on. You can dance in your living room, using the gaming system like the Wii or xBox. I love to exercise using the fitness on demand channels that my cable provider offers. My fave is the walking channel. You walk in place in your living room and the instructor changes it up, asking you to lift your arms, step back and then front, or bending your leg...all of this is done without you stopping. Before you know it, you have walked a mile. It's amazing. Always check with your doctor first before starting any exercise regimen to get his/her blessing on what exercise is good for your body.

Spirit: Your spirit goes hand in hand with your mind. Your spirit affirms what the mind is thinking and pushes you to go after your goals. So you have to get your spirit right or the mind won't be right and then it affects the body. Affirmations are a great way to nurture your spirit. I wrote a few weeks ago about the importance of daily affirmations, surrounding yourself with positive people and doing things that make you happy. These are all things you can do to make your spirit the best it can be...nurture it and give it a boost when needed.

So while it is a new year, YOU as you are is pretty amazing anyway because as I always say, there's only 1 you in this world. However, there is always room for improvement and as we evolve, our goals and needs change. There's nothing wrong with being an improved you. Strive to be that person you want to meet, whether it's as a friend, colleague or romantic partner. As Oprah once said and I blogged about previously, you are responsible for the energy you bring into a room. Whatever energy you put out in the world is what you'll get back. With that said, if you know your worth and have high standards for yourself, you will not want to have people in your life who are not worthy of you.

2012: The Year of YOU....not a new you, but an improved you. You can do it! Let's get it!

"Tis The Season To Explore The Dating Opportunities, Single Ladies

The holiday season can be a lonely time for us single people. This is the second consecutive Christmas in a row that I do not have a boyfriend. I'll be honest. It sucks. But it is what it is. I don't let my relationship status stop me from enjoying the holiday season to the fullest. We should never base our happiness on being in a relationship.

However, you cannot sit back and wait for Mr Prince Charming to knock on your door. It just is not happening. And don't think because you're a big girl, that you can't get a man either. That is furthest from the truth. The opportunities to meet men are out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and explore those opportunities.

First of all, before you seek any type of romance, you need to be right with you. Your confidence needs to be on point. Because you wear your confidence (or lack of) as you wear an outfit. So think of it this way: if you rolled out of bed this morning, didn't take the time to dress right or even comb your hair, and decided to go out this way, it is obvious to the world that you don't care about yourself or love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Same rings true with confidence. The world can see when you are not confident in who you are. This can be a turnoff to men and can also attract the wrong kind of men. There are men out there who want a woman who lacks confidence so he can take advantage of her or control her. So get right with yourself, know your self-worth and believe in your fabulousness before seeking a relationship.

Secondly, when putting yourself out there in the dating world, please listen to the alarms. Your gut is always right and there are always alarms going off when someone is not right. But we sometimes choose to ignore the alarms and signs because we want to be in a relationship so bad. We hold out hope that things will change. Get rid of that way of thinking right now. If he isn't on the up and up from the start, he will not change and things will not get better. Don't think your situation is the exception because those are few and far between.

If you decide to try online dating, you really have to rely on your instincts to feel guys out since you are not meeting them in person but through the computer. For us big girls, there are dating sites specifically for us where men are on there looking for us. I have used dating sites before and have had a mixed experience. I do like that we have sites that are geared toward big beautiful women because then you don't have to approach that topic with a man. He knows your size already and is attracted to that size.

But at the same time, you have to be careful and observant online. I'm keeping it real here: Online, you can be whoever you want to be. I have seen men put up old pics, or be vague and not fully honest on their profiles, or they have a fat fetish, which sometimes extends to them having an addiction to being online just to fulfill their fetish as a voyeur. So my advice to you is to ask lots of questions, be observant and again, if alarms go off and things don't seem right, heed those warnings because it's probably true.

Also, be careful when getting involved with a man from another country. The distance is tough and while it is so easy to get caught up through the computer with someone, you have to be honest with yourself. How can you have a relationship with someone you can't see on a regular basis? I have heard people say they are in love but yet never met the person. I'm sorry if I am crushing someone's dreams but love is something that is built over time and you need physical interaction for that. You need to get to know someone fully by being around them before you can make a decision on whether you love them and want to be with them long-term. You can't know someone fully by email, video chat, Facebook wall posts and cards in the mail.

Now let's say you meet a man online that lives in the US but may live a few hours away. It happens and love has blossomed out of many of these types of situations. Well, Ladies, for the first meeting, if the man does not offer to come to you and instead wants you to come to him, keep it moving. NEXT! A man who is truly interested in you will not let anything stop him from getting to you. But if he is only interested in a booty call, he will not make an effort to even pick you up at the train station or airport. He'll expect you to come to him and pay for your travels. If you are in this type of situation and planning a first-time meeting and don't believe me, tell him in the next conversation that you can't come to him and would he mind coming to you? That will be the tell-tale sign of how he feels about you.

We also have BBW clubs, which cater to big women and the men who love them. Personally, I don't frequent BBW clubs. While these places are welcome spots to meet men who like big women, I find that those places are really used by men with fat fetishes and I want to be with someone who is not just with me because he's attracted to my big body. But that's my take on it. If you want to meet someone in that type of place, it might work well for you. I do know a few people who have gotten into relationships from meeting in a BBW club. To each his/her own. It's just not my cup of tea.

There are so many available outlets where you can meet someone. There's speed dating, which can be fun. There's mixers and events geared towards single people. Shoot, there's even single retreats at church! You have to find what works for you and have an open mind about it. Be confident and put yourself out there. You never know who you're going to meet in the supermarket, bookstore, church, etc. What really counts and what will help you in your dating adventures is your attitude towards it all. Don't be desperate to be with someone because you are too fabulous for that mess.

Being alone is not fun at times but wouldn't you rather be happy alone than unhappy in a terrible relationship where you settled for the first man who came across your path just because you didn't want to be alone? In the end, what counts is how you feel about yourself. When you know your self-worth, you know what you will stand for and what your deal-breakers are. You won't accept mistreatment from a man. Your confidence will command queen-like treatment. If you go out there with that type of attitude, the sky's the limit, Ladies! Good luck and happy dating!

Summer Love, Summer Fun: Romance Without Finance is Possible!!

Summer loving is always a wonderful thing. Whether you met this love just over the summer or you are spending your first or fiftieth summer together, you hope to be having a sizzling love affair this season.

Most times this love is grand and sometimes…this love is abruptly interrupted by the glooming lack of funds. Well, the logical solution is to stay home or close to home. Introduce yourself and your lover to the idea and world of STAYCATIONS!!! It’s a vacation you can take at or close to home, especially this close to the school year.

Get wet!! Use your imagination on this one. Use your water hose or sprinkler system. If that is not your style, then head to the nearest water park or beach. Often both have a very minimal cost and for that small token, it promises big fun!! Water slides, water sports, building sandcastles or just running in the sand are all great ways to enjoy wet fun in the sun. It’s also a way to get great exercise without feeling like you are “working out”.

Water is great for the daytime, but at night, take in a free show!! Check out what your local library is doing this month. Are they showing old films? Plan to see a couple of those. If not, check out your local theater scene. Community Theater is a great outlet for those interested in drama or stage music. It’s not Broadway, but a highly recommended alternative. Also, if you have a college campus nearby, there is often something playing on campus. It’s a great way to show yourselves a good time, save a pretty penny and support local artists’ dreams.

Same thing applies to festivals and outside concerts. For a small donation, you can walk around and take pleasure in cultural music, dancing and food. Now, festivals can sometimes get a little pricey, but if you stick to sampling, it can be an affordably amusing time for both of you. Here’s a tip: bring your own water.

 

Now, if you want or need to stay home, then have a kitchen date!! This is my favorite type of date thus far. It usually starts in the late afternoon. You and your honey will plan a meal, then take a short trip to store and pick up a few items to make the day (and night) special. Get some fruit, entrée or side items and just this one time…splurge on some chocolate and a bottle of wine. Then take it back to your date domicile and begin to prepare the meal…together.

Have fun laughing and telling stories while chopping veggies and smearing mousse. Take a short break to pour each other a glass of Pinot, or your favorite wine. Look into each other’s eyes and share a piece of chocolate between kisses. Then each of you, go your separate ways to get ready for your date. When both of you are both ready, one of you can serve the dinner while the other brings out the dessert. Watch a movie or just listen to a great new CD.  Then, enjoy your nightcap…

Another simple and easy at date idea is to create a romantic spa at home. You probably already have your favorite lotions and potions, so why not use them on each other. Get out your foot spa and start creating some bubbles. If you don’t have one, you can pick one up for less than $20, but if that’s not in your budget, then head to the dollar store. They have those dishwasher buckets you can use to soak your feet. They work just fine.

Those “man laws” will have us believe that men don’t do bubbles and things, but I promise you…men like to be pampered too. Give him a facial and watch. When you remove that hot steamy towel from his face, he will say “ahhhh”. Then pumice his feet, clip his toenails and let him soak in a bathtub with a few drops of lavender. He will thank you by massaging your body with your favorite oil and polishing your tootsies. This is the perfect way to be romantic, intimate and have fun for $0. With this plan, NO ONE will be complaining about staying inside.

Wishing you all the frugal love you can handle!!

Frugalicious Diva