Being Happy in the Skin We Live In, Part 2: Just Let Go!

Me in San Fran, showing some arm ;)

As I spoke about earlier this month in Part 1 of this series, with the summer season upon us and the temperatures rising, we are presented with that choice of bearing skin to be more comfortable and cool. I openly admit that I have issues with showing my arms in sleeveless tops and dresses. It’s something I have struggled with for years. The process of fully letting go and baring my arms started a few years ago. I guess the fear of showing my arms was so great that the thought of shedding it all at once was overwhelming.  So I have been taking baby steps.

I think many of us suffer in silence when it gets hot because we have some insecurity holding us back from shedding some skin. Fear breeds many things, including insecurity.  I know some women won’t wear shorts; some won’t wear skirts above the knee. I’m not knocking that because at the end of the day, we all have to do what makes us comfortable. But I know for me, I’m tired of holding myself back from being physically comfortable in order to make myself mentally comfortable by feeding into my insecurities.

I learned a long time ago that people see what they want to see.  Sometimes others see what you don’t see about yourself and vice versa. That is why it is so important to love yourself and embrace who you are NOW.  If you don’t believe in your own beauty, you won’t see it and it won’t matter what anyone else says. Someone can be telling you that you look great but if you don’t believe it or see it, their words don’t matter and will fall on deaf ears.  Last week, I talked about how some people are uncomfortable when they see a plus size person out there happy, confident and comfortable in their own skin. Well, what about the reverse? What do we do when we’re the ones uncomfortable? Not the people looking at us.

The top I bought - my summer goal!

Last weekend, I went shopping with a friend and actually did something I have never done. I usually walk right past the tank tops, especially ones with spaghetti straps. But this time, I saw animal print, which I love. And the tank tops were on sale: 2 for $12. So I grabbed two (brown leopard and zebra print) and went to try them on. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had on a properly fitting bra, which can make a world of difference as I blogged this week, OR if it was because my mindset had changed over the years from my step-by-step process. But I looked into the mirror and said out loud, “Wow, this actually looks good.” Now my upper arms are still big, despite having gone down three sizes.  BUT I was seeing them with a new set of eyes. I immediately called my friend into the dressing room and she confirmed that the top looked great.

Over the years, I have come to the realization that I have to own and love my body as it is NOW. As I have said before, happiness is not just a dress size. We can all improve but at the same time, we have to love ourselves regardless of our flaws because no one is perfect. There will always be something we will find within ourselves that we don’t like. But if we stop being so hard on ourselves, we can deal with those things we don’t like without that dislike turning into an insecurity that will hold us back from fully being confident and loving ourselves overall.

Baby steps - Me in Martinique

As I mentioned above, I have been taking baby steps. Sometimes in order to succeed in overcoming a fear, you have to have a step-by-step process because if you try to conquer it all in one shot, it can get overwhelming.  Many times when we get overwhelmed, our immediate instinct is to quit trying. I started off by wearing short sleeves that fell at my mid-upper arm and not at the elbow, like my usual. After getting comfortable in that manner as time passed, I went to a cap sleeve, showing more arm. From there, I went to a sleeveless top with covered shoulders and a v-neck. Now I’m at a point where I am almost comfortable wearing a tank top with thick shoulder straps. My goal for this summer is to wear those tank tops with the spaghetti straps that I ended up purchasing as well as a strapless dress I bought 2 years ago from Old Navy. The dress fits me fantastic but strapless…hmmm…that’s a leap for me. But I am getting there, one inch at a time.

Me in Hawaii, really taking a big step - a swimsuit

Yes, I am feeling daring this summer and it feels good. Letting go always feels good. It’s scary at first but once you push through that fear and let go, you can do anything you set your mind to. I feel so powerful and that’s what overcoming fear and insecurity is all about. Taking back your power and not letting your worries of how others will react to you, dictate how you live your life.  I want to spend the summer feeling free and being cool. And I knew I was ready, the moment I invented what I call my “Fat Girl” wave last year. When people stare at me now, I raise my arm and shake my upper arm fat at them…I “wave” at them, LOL. And I feel so kick-ass when I do that. Take that, Haters!  

Fearless Fashion: In Bras We Trust

I usually blog on Fridays but Miss Aja B. asked me to blog about a Fearless Fashion moment I had during Full Figured Fashion Week that has changed my life. During this phenomenal moment, I learned about...**drum roll**...BRAS.

So, for the past two years, I have worked on the FFF Week production team as the event manager and organizer of the 2-day Curves in the City Shopping Event. Many great vendors come out, some being major retailers, and it’s an overall great time for all.

The Lane Bryant team

This year, Lane Bryant had a table on Day #1 and instead of vending, they provided bra fittings and advice. The Lane Bryant team, headed by Heather McGarry, Marketing Manager, are awesome. They're so accommodating and gracious. Truly a pleasure to work with.

I had no idea what was about to happen and I have to say, it was one of the most enlightening moments in my life.  I walked up to the table to say "Hi" to Heather, who was there with Ms Lewis, the one giving the bra fittings. Imagine my surprise when I saw Ms Lewis sizing me up literally and then she asks me, “Are you a 48 in band? DD in cup?” WOW, yes! She knew off the bat by just looking at me.  I was sold.  This woman is the bra whisperer!  She then informed me that there are three types of bras: One that brings the girls UP, one that pushes the girls OUT and one that pushes the girls IN. Say it with me: Up, out and in! 

Ms Lewis working her magic

She told me that I did not need them lifted up or out. I was fine in that department, thank goodness. **PHEW** 

However, I needed them pushed in to give me more shape and cleavage. She informed me off the bat that I was wearing the wrong bra because my underwire was too high in the front.  She then suggested I get a plunge bra. I admitted to Ms Lewis that I usually shied away from plunge and balconette bras because I thought my breasts were too big for those styles and would spill out. She informed me that I was wrong. If you’re wearing the proper cup size, there will be no spilling.  That is why it is so important to know your correct bra size.

Cushion Comfort Plunge Bra

She showed me the Cushion Comfort Plunge Bra ($38 - $44, depending on size and color), which comes in 12 different colors and prints. It has convertible straps so you can wear the straps in an X style, if needed. There’s also no boning on the sides and nice padding there. I felt the bra and loved what I felt. It offered support, was sexy and comfortable.

The second bra she suggested I get was also from the Cushion Comfort line but it’s a balconette style bra, which comes in 8 different colors or prints ($38 - $50.50, depending on size and color). The straps on this bra style are not convertible. However, it offers a nice sweetheart neckline that will enhance your cleavage, smoothes your sides out with no boning and has padded straps. Padded straps are like heaven to those of us with large busts since we get those dreaded red marks on our shoulders from the weight of our breasts wearing down the straps.

Cushion Comfort Balconette Bra

Lastly, we talked about the magical Multi-way Strapless Bra ($42 - $64, depending on size and color), which comes in 5 colors and prints, including my fave…leopard print! I recently purchased 2 of these prior to FFF Week during a Buy 1 Get 1 Free deal on the Lane Bryant website. And I am in love. I have always been scared of strapless bras and thought they would not be able to hold my girls. Well, I tried this one on, jumped around and all of that and the girls stayed put. I was shocked. This bra keeps the girls up where they should belong and it’s such a flattering and comfortable bra that you can actually wear as your everyday bra. This is why I call this bra "magical". It's a must-have.

So, the main key points I learned from my time with Ms Lewis are:

1: Get a bra fitting every 1-2 years. As your weight fluctuates, so does your bra size. If you have lost a bit of weight in the past 6 months to a year and plan to lose more weight, get a bra fitting every 6 months to a year.  Allegedly, 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size and that’s a big number. Wearing the wrong bra size can affect your posture, cause you back pain, and prevent your girls from looking good. Remember, up, out and in! No woman wants to have sagging breasts with a bra on. Usually big department stores (like Macy's) do bra fittings as well as Lane Bryant and Penningtons (for my Canadian readers), which is where I got my bra fitting while visiting Toronto on vacation. Just ask one of the salespeople in the store and they should be able to help you out.

2: Once you know your size, learn what bra styles flatter you. Ask the bra fitter for her opinion on what style she thinks you need (Up, Out or In). It’s also good to try different styles on and see what is comfortable. That is the deciding factor. 

3: If you’re a C cup or larger, try to purchase bras with padded straps. Your shoulders will thank you.

4: Don’t be dismayed if the store does not carry your size. If the bra sizes are 1-2 sizes smaller than yours, you can still wear them.  Invest in bra extenders. I know for me, many Lane Bryant bras only go up to a 46 DD. Since I am a 48DD, I use an extender for those with no problem. Extenders can be found at Walmart for $5.88 in different hook counts. 

5: Don’t be afraid to ask questions and shop around. That’s the only way you will find which bras work for you. If you are above a 48 or above a DD cup and have a hard time finding bras, just Google bras <your size> and see what you find. There are many companies out there who offer bras in extended sizes.

Right now, Lane Bryant is running their Semi-Annual event where their bras are Buy 2, Get 2 Free. If you happen to have any Lane Bryant coupons, you can also use those in addition to the B2G2 deal. The sale is online and in-stores. So happy bra shopping and cheers to making the girls look their absolute best!

The Frugal Files: Daddy's Little Frugal Girls: Have Your Own!!

Memorable Money Words from Daddy

A Musical Tribute to our Fathers on their Day

Hello there and welcome back to the Frugal Files with The Frugalicious Diva!! This is a last week of our “advice from Daddy” column for the month, the words we’ve been given will carry us through a lifetime.

I want to take the time out to think about my colleague/friend Marcy and my sorority sister/best girlfriend Tash and say a little prayer for them. They both endured this Father’s Day with fresh wounds of losing theirs last year and this year respectively. I applaud their strength and I smile at the stories and fond memories they shared during this difficult time. I love you Belles and pray that God will continue to strengthen you each and everyday, as you make your own lives count!! Your Fathers were great men and lovingly passed on those great traits to both of you!! Kisses and hugs to you!!

It seems nowadays, young women are not getting the fatherly advice needed to get through tough times as an adult. We sometimes get into situations that may have even been avoided all together, if there was a male role model in the right place. We learn traditional (or non traditional) values from our immediate family and even though the world has changed, some family values have not. Girls need to learn their worth from their fathers because he names us, giving us our value. It’s a great responsibility; one that is for a mature man. He helps set the tone for that woman’s life. So the last piece of advice, this month, that I’m sharing from one Daddy’s Girl to another is…

Dad & Mom said: “Have Your Own Stuff”

One Monkey Don’t Shop No Show…The Honey Cone

This is again advice both my Dad and Mom shared with me. These words of wisdom taught me to be an independent woman who will complement my man, instead of being a burden to him. While it is traditionally a man’s job to provide for his family, we have to be realistic in the times in which we live. Both men and women are working to make a better life for their families and when they work together, it is good for all involved.

They reminded me I didn’t have to wait for a husband to get a degree, travel the world, build a business or buy a home. In fact, they understood that a soul mate would come on the way to me being the best me I am offering this world. So, ladies, you don’t have to wait on a man to come or wait for one to get himself together before you go for and achieve your goals. Go for it NOW and the right one will some along and complement you, just as you will complement him.

This advice still applies even when you are in a relationship or marriage. It’s perfectly okay for you to pursue your destiny, in fact it’s your right. Work with your partner to set goals and invest in yourself, as well as them. Hopefully, you have chosen a responsible and giving partner that loves to see you shine, just like you encourage them to be the best them. If there’s ever an unfortunate time that a relationship doesn’t work out and things are difficult for you, understand that you can still obtain what you want, simply because it’s your birthright to have what you desire in life.

So let me give my own rendition of the old Ms Billie Holiday favorite, “Mama may have, Papa may have, That Brotha may have…but God bless the Belle that’s got her own!!” 

I’m sure your parents, guardians or mentors gave you useful advice in the past that you carry with you now. In our everyday life, let’s be sure to pay tribute to them for their priceless contribution to our lives. I salute my parents, my Godparents and countless Aunts and Uncles for their words of wisdom on life, money, love and happiness.

SUMMER FUN!!

Take advantage of the free days at your local zoo or museum. Take the whole family, relax and even learn something. Here's a link for the free entrance days at the National Parks. If you can take a day or weekend trip, check it out: Free National Park Days Have fun this summer and enjoy!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Looking at the Glass Half Full

The other day, I had a “moment”. I was sitting on the bus, minding my own business and sitting pretty. This woman kept staring at me with the most disgusted look on her face. When she got off the bus, she said in a low voice as she passed me, “So fat and disgusting” and quickly got off the bus. What a coward! She made sure she got off quickly so I wouldn’t have an opportunity to respond. It always seems as if people do this when I am walking with my head up high, dressed impeccably and with a smile on my face and not a care in the world. It’s almost as if people feel threatened by the fact that I can be happy at my size.

Wait, let me rephrase that. It IS because people who are not overweight feel threatened by the fact that I can be happy at my size.  I’m over here, very comfortable in my skin and it seems to make certain people very uncomfortable. For years, I used to wonder, “Is it me?” I was just so confused. You can really develop a complex by the negative treatment and looks that non-overweight folks can give. However, I have always been a person who does not accept things at face value. I like to know the reason behind actions. It helps me to understand and accept things for what they are.  This helped me in not developing a serious complex and letting that affect my self-esteem.

I have learned in life through observing people and in my own personal relationships, that when someone is not happy in their own skin, they will definitely feel uncomfortable being around someone who is, especially if that person is larger than them. Even more especially if that overweight person is wearing something they would never personally wear because they have their own personal issues/fear of rocking such an item.  

I recently cut off a friend because she is so obsessed with losing weight and refuses to go out with me anywhere aside from the mall and supermarket. She always seems surprised when I am having a love affair with myself or wearing a pretty outfit. It’s almost as if she thinks that because I am the size I am, I should not want to look pretty or take pride in how I look.  I should instead be miserable and hating myself.  I make her feel so uncomfortable. Yet she loves to shop with me because I am a master at fit, fabric and silhouettes (FFS). Being a plus size woman, many of us earn a PhD in FFS by being on a quest for years to find what fits us well. Well, she has been cut off from the school of FFS. If you’re only my friend when it is convenient for you, you are not really my friend.

I will admit that after the bus episode, I had a moment where I wistfully wished I could have a day where I was thin. Thin people don’t have to deal with this BS. I wished for a day where I could leave the house, not be stared at. A day where I’d be able to buy whatever clothing I want because my size would be available everywhere or be able to sky-dive without worrying about the weight limit.  A day where I can walk outside, holding hands with a guy and not get dirty looks because they wonder why he is with me. These are not negative thoughts. Just wishes for a different environment because of how the public can be.

When I told this to a friend, he said to me, “Why wish for those things when you already have a great life at your size? Your life is not over. You make it work and that, to me, is inspiring. People will be people, no matter what your size. And for the record, all of that worrying about being stared at, is ridiculous. You are psyching yourself out before you even try. Now the other things like wearing a smaller size and sky-diving are attainable if you lose weight. It’s really up to you and what makes you happy.” 

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the great life we possess already. We are human and have our moments. This reminder made me realize that we all have to look at the glass half full in life. Many of us spend so much time worrying about others, trying to change ourselves and striving for things we don’t have yet. While there is nothing wrong with having goals, there is something wrong with becoming so obsessed with those goals, that you don’t see what you already have. You only see what you DON’T have.  When you look at the glass half full, you are seeing what wonderful things you already have. You are appreciating the moment. You are living in the now. You can’t predict the future but you can damn sure revel in the present moment and make it amazing. 

So with this heatwave that we are experiencing in NYC this week, it's time for me to bust out my strapless dress, sleeveless shirts, shorts and all of that.  I want to be cool and comfortable.  It’s too hot to be wearing ¾ sleeves and covering up.  I have never been one to cover up because I embrace my body, fat and all. And I am not going to even acknowledge the stares or whispers. That’s their problem, not mine. If I make you uncomfortable, too bad. Work on yourself first before you even step to me with that foolery. Your lack of self-esteem is not my problem or burden to bear.

I think that if we all spend more time loving ourselves instead of loathing others for having the attitude we want, the world would be a happier place. And I’d still have my friend in my life who, despite her actions, I believe has a good heart and just needs a little inspiration in her life.

  

I would love to hear your opinion on this. Please tell me your story. Just email me at marcy@belle-noir.com. I will be featuring some stories in an upcoming blog post. Let’s inspire each other and share.

FFFWeek 2012 Review: A Prelude

*happy sigh*

A week ago today, I was getting ready for what was one of the best four days in my life as  it relates to Belle-Noir: attending Full Figured Fashion Week as part of The Fashion Front, the group of bloggers hand-picked to cover every aspect of the four day long event.

So how was it, you ask? In a word: FABULOUS!
I have SO MUCH to report but there is one thing that stood out above anything else and that is this: ladies, when we find a company that provides clothing that caters to our plus size frames, whether they are a huge retailer, or a small independent company, we must SUPPORT THEM by purchasing clothing from them. We also must talk to them and let them know what we do and do not want when it comes to clothing, style and fit! The companies that were represented at Full Figured Fashion Week all expressed their desire to make sure that we, as plus size consumers, were happy in the items that we buy and that they catered to our every curve! We all will click "Like" on a company's Facebook page, and will follow them on Twitter, but how many of us take the time to go to these social media platforms and let them know when we love something--or when we don't?

One mission that I had was to ask the retailers who took part in the event about a) what sizes their  clothing went up to and b) if it was only up to a certain size, were there any plans on extending the size range in the future? As one of the larger members of the Fashion Front, it was important to me to ask these questions because, as those of us who are on the larger side of plus know, finding the on-trend, fashionable items can be difficult at times. Rest assured, I have QUITE a few designers and brands to introduce (or re-troduce) you to in the coming days & weeks.

As an added BONUS, our Fearless Friday blogger, Marcy Cruz, will also be reporting on Full Figured Fashion Week from a bit of an insider perspective, as Marcy was the coordinator for the Curves in the City two day shopping event during FFFWeek!

Did you attend Full Figured Fashion Week? What were some of your favorite events and brands featured?

The Frugal Files: Daddy's Little Frugal Girls: Enjoy Your Life!!

Memorable Money Words from Daddy

A Musical Tribute to our Fathers on their Day

Welcome back frugalicious folks!! Hopefully you celebrated your Father this past weekend and he is feeling honored!! I attended church with my parents, went out to dinner at his favorite steakhouse, for which my Mom used a coupon (I had back ups, just in case) and later watched the NBA playoffs together. For some reason, we always end up cheering for opposite teams…AND his team won, of course!! LOL Regardless, it was a day that was enjoyed by all and he was especially appreciative of his gifts and time spent with family.

This brings me to our topic this week; it’s more of Daddy’s advice and in my case he has always demonstrated this and gladly passed it on to me and my daughter. Now, in my opinion, you can’t honor your Father and not recognize the awesome woman behind the awesome man, so his advice will be sprinkled with Mom’s words too!! After all, they are a team!! My parental team will be celebrating 35 years in August!! Can’t you tell I’m so proud of them? Yay!!

Mom & Dad said: “Enjoy Your Life”

Dancing In The Street...Martha & The Vandellas

Looking back, I don’t recall many childhood lazy days. I wasn’t a Saturday morning cartoon child on the regular, only occasionally. My mother believed in children making productive use of their time and enjoying life. She had me in several activities during the week like Girl Scouts and other volunteer opportunities and Saturdays were no different. My day went a little something like this:

• Breakfast at home
• 9 o’clock ballet class
• 10 o’clock tap class
• Lunch at the mall
• Shopping at Jacobson’s (back when we had a Jacobson’s)

I mentioned before my Mom paid her bills in full, but I didn’t mention that she was and still is very much a planner. She takes inventory of her funds and sets them aside to enjoy the things she wants out of life. I’m sure her way of thinking was the reason we went on vacations every summer and why my parents never miss a family reunion, in or out of town. She and my Dad kept their finances separate and it has and continues to work for them. It’s why I feel strongly that in addition to a joint account for bills, Belles, we need to have our own money on the side. If you have two different money handling styles, you can’t put ALL your eggs in one basket as one day, you might find a completely empty nest.

My Dad’s money style was a bit different. He sometimes acted like money burned a hole in pockets, but there was never a dull moment with him. He spent money on things he and his family enjoyed. He has always been a provider, so the fact that he is generous is pretty much a given. He taught me, as he showed me over and over again, that if you give freely, it will come back to you. Don’t let people borrow money, just give it to them. Then there are no arguments because you will get it back eventually. His guarantee of that was the very first money promise I remember and I cherish it today.

In conclusion, saving money is great. Having money put away for rainy days is awesome. Investing and seeing your money grow is awesome!! However, all the hard work that we put into tending to the growth of our finances means nothing if we never take the time to enjoy the fruits of our labor. If you do just a little planning ahead of time, you can do whatever you want to do. Take that trip you’ve always wanted to; purchase your favorite piece of artwork; open up your dream business. If you work hard, you deserve to play hard too. Enjoy your life!!

SUMMER FUN!!

Speaking of enjoying your life, summer is the time for you and your children to enjoy the great weather and celebrate that school’s out!! Look for specialty day camps in your area, based on your child’s interests or even have them try something new. Space camp, cooking camp, technology camp, whatever you can find. One year my daughter decided to go to school…for a week long Constructions Careers Camp. She learned about copper pipes and carpentry, where she got to work with her hands. It was a fun learning time and you never know what interest you’ll spark in your child. Have fun this summer and enjoy!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Daddy's Little Girl: A Tribute by Erika A. Johnson



Nathaniel Johnson (my father); Dawn Johnson (sister), Erika Johnson

Who am I? I am Daddy’s Little Girl! I am his princess and in his eyes, I could do no wrong. That was all true until I blossomed into a teenager. My father, Nathaniel, was a tall man with a loving heart. His height and girth scared most in our neighborhood, yet they became enthralled by his random pranks and laughter. He was my “gentle giant”. My father was the provider and head of our household. He never was one to boast about his accomplishments or even talk about a bad day at work. When he came home it was all about assisting my sister and I with our homework, cooking extravagant meals on the weekends, and ensuring we spent quality time as a family. My father made sure that my family had all the necessities and spoiled us with the newest, hottest items from Cabbage Patch Kids to a brand new Nintendo system.    Our many trips were always by vehicle, so that we could see what the world had to offer. We drove to Ohio, Florida, Texas, and even Mexico. We would arise at 3 a.m. and then prepare to hit the road. Ironically, I cannot sit still in a car over four hours to this day. He disciplined hard with love and spoke candidly about “boys”. When I was stood up by my date for the senior prom, my father was right there to give a warm hug. He was protective of his family and especially his daughters. He work ethic, strong desire to advance and professionalism are traits that I have mimicked and used in my own life.
My father made several changes over his lifetime that resulted in mental, spiritual and personal edification.  Through his positive example, he urged my sister and I to continue our education, raise our children properly, always help others. In the early 2000’s my father was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or Lou Gehrig’s disease).  He was given a life expectancy of one year. I would have never thought that the man that I adored and looked up to would be taken away from me, so early in my life. I was 25, just bought my first apartment, raising my elementary school aged daughter, and finally a positive member of society in allied health. Over time, the changes became evident and eventually he needed to be placed in a skilled facility. Through visits, I groomed his hair. When he needed to have a tracheotomy placed, we communicated through pen and paper or by me reading his lips. He was still the strong, caring man I knew with his mind 100% intact with a body that would not cooperate. The last thing my father purchased for me was a beautiful wood dining table for my brand new apartment. As the seasons changed, my father made his transition a year and a half after his diagnosis. We celebrated his life, everything he overcame and how he was a beacon of light to all who knew him. He taught me how to survive, how to not let anyone take advantage of me and to be a productive member of society. It didn’t hurt with love and a lot of spoiling along the way! Who am I? Daddy’s Little Girl! I always will be!

Erika Johnson is the founder of the Stiletto Network, a multi-service company that provides professionals such as make up artists, photographers, models, motivationale speakers, and an array of other services for your event, community activity, or private affair. For more information, please visit www.stilettonetwork.com.

The Scene: @FFFWeek "Curves in the City" Shopping Event

Okay my NYC Ladies! This is especially for those of you who, for whatever reason, are not able to take part in the midday workshops because you just couldn't get the time off from work. Take an extended lunch break, and head over to the Affinia Manhattan Hotel for

"Curves In The City"

The Official FFFWEEK™ Shopping Event

Thursday, June 14, 2012 - 10am to 2pm
Friday, June 15, 2012 - 12pm to 4pm

Grab your purse and a couple of cool, fashionable curvy girlfriends and head over to this amazing two day shopping event featuring clothing, accessories, and shoes from 25+ carefully selected brands. This event will bring a whole new meaning to the words "Shop Until You Drop".

As a plus, for those of you who have commented on how much you are loving our "Fearless Friday" blogs, you can get a chance to meet Belle-Noir's own Marcy Cruz, as she is the Coordinator of this event for Full Figured Fashion Week!

Participants: Sonsi, Lane Bryant, Evans, Curvaceous Boutique, Vintage Box 1947, Just Pearlz, Crylittle Designs, Jill Alexander Designs, Brilliance 838, Skinny Minority, Indigo Couture Boutique, Diva Status Cosmetics, MYNT 1792 by Adorn Fashions, Pop Up Plus, Nicky B's, Ear Candy Accessories, Sassi Rebel Clothing, Traci Lynn Fashion Jewelry, Pop Up Plus NY, Big World Wear, Queen Grace Collection, B Jewel, Inc., Plush Boutique, Pretty Pear Bride, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Nitjuan Designs, Mad Chic Boutique, Beyond Beauty Accessories, Culture Boutique, Thickness Clothing Company, Empress Lingerie, Savannah Red, Real Divas Are Large, Naomi's Rose/Ose (Uh-Seh), Sooo Chic Accessories

Admission Price: $10.00 at the door

Location: Affinia Manhattan Hotel - Grand Ballroom (Mezzanine Level)
371 Seventh Avenue, (corner of 31st and 7th)
New York, NY

@FFFWeek Executive Producer Gwen DeVoe on Fox 5's Good Day NY

Full Figured Fashion Week 2012 is in FULL SWING! Did you see Executive Producer Gwen DeVoe
on Fox 5's Good Day New York yesterday? If not, you can catch the clip below, which featured a brief  interview with Ms. DeVoe and cute preview of what will be on the runway during the week! Kudos to Ms. DeVoe for keeping her cool with the jokester, Greg Kelly, and much props to Rosanna Scotto (we love her!) for being the consumate professional!

The Frugal Files: Daddy's Little Frugal Girls: Pay Yourself First!!

Memorable Money Words from Daddy

A Musical Tribute to our Fathers on their Day

Welcome back to The Frugal Files, where we are celebrating Fathers, Daddies, Papas, Pops’ or whatever you call yours, all month long!! To honor my own Daddy, I’m sharing with you life advice he’s shared and continues to share even today.

Last week were the words that was always suggested and heavily recommended by my parents, to “pay what you owe”. It sounds simple and it is if we are truthful with ourselves and others. If you use a product or service, pay for it. So when it comes to debt and getting our financial ish together, that’s the example we need to use as a standard. We want what’s due to us and so does the companies and cards we hold. Let’s get them paid off so we have more money to save, donate and invest in both ourselves and others.

Speaking of investing in ourselves, that’s the next nugget, a la Daddy, that we’re discussin.

Daddy ALWAYS said: “Pay Yourself First”

He Was Really Sayin' Somethin'…The Velvelettes

Although he said it all the time, I didn’t really understand it until I was old enough to have my own money. Even then, I was often in conflict with my Mom’s words of paying what you owe though. I would find myself paying everything only to find myself with nothing left. Now, being the Frugalicious Diva I am, I know the importance of setting money aside for myself, as well as mine my family’s future.

Ways you can pay yourself can be as simple as saving for a rainy day. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, so your old sock or under your mattress is fine. Just keep in mind that neither your bed nor laundry will pay you interest for that hiding place.

Another way is to take advantage of the 401k (or 403b for not for profits) at your job and let your employer match it. Sometimes they pay up to 10%, so pay the max. It’s free money!! This is why we save, be it in bank accounts or mutual funds; retirement planning is important to not only our lives but for our children’s lives. Let’s put ourselves in the position to enjoy your later years without being a financial burden to our family.

Also, set up a 529 account for your future college kids. We talk about this but don’t often enough walk about it. I’m seeing more and more parents struggling to send their children to college simply because we don’t plan to get them there. It would behoove us to make room in our budgets. It’s hurtful if a child cannot attend the school of their choice because we didn’t prepare well. The great thing about the 529 accounts is that other people can contribute, so instead of asking for gifts at holiday and birthday time, have them instead add to the child’s college fund. It’s a forward thinking gift from which many will benefit for years to come.

Lastly, plan for big-ticket items like cars, houses and vacations. If you don’t take care of your business today, no one will do it for you tomorrow. A few sacrifices in entertainment for the ultimate entertainment of that tropical vacation, is definitely worth it. Shaving off extras you don’t need in your budget in order to set aside cash for enjoyment, that everybody needs, is essential to the principle of paying yourself first. This Daddy’s Girl, knows that Daddy Knows Best!!

Now that you’ve got Daddy’s advice, use it and create a truly abundant life for you and yours!! Do what you need to do now in order to have the things you want later. Have a great Father’s Day and honor your Dads, whether they are still here with us or not. Enjoy!!

SUMMER FUN!!

School is out for the summer, but it doesn’t mean our kids should stop learning. Summer Reading Clubs all over the country have libraries buzzing all day long. Challenge your children to read 9-10 books this summer. That’s three books for every summer month!! Have them give an oral or written report about the books. They will read about new adventures, stimulate their minds and stay out of trouble!! Reading is learning!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

All Eyez On...: IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel’s Voyage Exotique

IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel’s Voyage Exotique takes Full-figured Fashionistas on a Magical Journey around the World Rich in Colors and Enchanted Luxury


Adeola Maxi Dress - $175

 San Francisco, California—June, 11, 2012— IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel’s latest collection Voyage Exotique is a delightful summer escape inspired by some of the world’s most captivating and exciting regions including Japan, Africa, The Tropics, and the Mediterranean jewel, Ibiza. Raquel’s muse, plus model Grisel Paula, begins her journey dressed in ethereally beautiful Japonesque prints and continues onto an adventurous and sandy safari where she becomes a powerful and mesmerizing African queen. Next, she is in colorful and rich patterns inspired by the lush greenery of a tropical paradise. The journey ends in Ibiza where a glamorous Grisel is the life of the party dancing the night away before a dive into the warm waters at sunrise. Voyage Exotique is now available at http://www.igigi.com/ and select specialty stores worldwide. The link to the video can be viewed here, http://www.igigi.com/inmotion?linkid=topmenu.



Eva Maxi Dress - $175



“Summer is the most exciting time of the year to escape to exotic, fun, and historical places for vacation, and I wanted to have our fashionista channel a world traveler going across the globe visiting different popular destinations perfectly dressed for each climate and occasion. I concentrated on pieces which are both bold and beautiful as well as easy to pack and wear for an effortless and chic style.” said Yuliya Raquel, IGIGI Founder, Head Designer, and Creative Director.

Voyage Exotique includes dresses and separates ruched and draped in signature Yuliya Raquel style that carry the season’s most sought after trends. Maxis and cocktail dresses in daring and vivacious floral, animal, and color-blocked prints, and lace; and business and casual separates in breathable, soft linen are just some of the highlights of the collection.




Diana Infinity Dress - $165

 Headquartered in San Francisco, Ca, IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel was founded in 2000 with a mission to transform the world’s view of beauty by providing full-figured women with fashion-forward, quality, and well-fitting clothes that would help express their beauty. Collections are designed in-house and produced locally through independent San Francisco Bay Area contractors. IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel has been featured in major fashion and life style magazines likeMarie Claire, The Oprah Magazine, People StyleWatch, Ladies Home Journal, Glamour, and Essence, and it has been a favorite among celebrities such as Nikki Blonsky, Kim Coles, KayCee Stroh, Jill Scott, Kelly Price, Ashley Fink, Martha Wash, and Gabourey Sidibe. IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel collections are available online atwww.igigi.com and select boutiques worldwide. IGIGI by Yuliya Raquel was honored with the Best Plus Fashion Retailer of the Year award (Full Figured Fashion Week, June, 2010), and made Internet Retailer's Top Hot 100 list (December, 2010), and received About.com Critics’ Choice Best Plus Designer Award (March, 2011).

Being Happy in the Skin We Live In

Summer season is upon us and many of us have major issues during this season with showing skin and certain body parts. So this special Self-love Sunday edition of my column is dedicated to those of you who are struggling with living in your skin and embracing ALL of you.


Last week, I received the following tweet from someone who found me via this blog and started to follow me on Twitter:

“OMG, you’re so pretty. You’re an inspiration to me cuz I'm plus size too and you make me feel like I can be happy in my own skin.”

I looked at the tweeter's page and it was a 19 yr-old girl from Canada. It meant so much to me because to inspire someone young is everything. I never really had someone plus size to inspire me in that fashion when I was growing up, but I was one of the lucky ones. Thank goodness I had and still have a strong, outgoing personality. That and parents who loved me unconditionally were my saving graces.

People often ask me why I bare my soul weekly here – I have been told by a few people that I reveal too much about myself. Well, it’s because of people like the young lady who tweeted me, that I put myself out there. While I try to give sound advice, I want all of you to know that I am not perfect and everything I preach and talk about, all come from lessons I have learned in my life. I can’t preach about it if I don’t know about it.  That’s what I believe.


But the important part of preaching something to someone else, is also to practice what you preach. While I consider myself confident and know I love myself, I do have parts of me that I don’t quite love yet. It’s a work in progress. But that’s normal so I try not to be so hard on myself. We all have parts of our bodies that we don’t like. Again, we’re human and not perfect. But many of us aim to achieve a state of perfection that we have concocted in our minds so we end up on this never ending journey of trying to obtain a look that is unrealistic.


A couple of weeks ago, I saw Kathy Najimy on the Wendy Williams Show. She did something that really made me think. She looked directly into the camera and said to all of us viewers, that if we are not happy with our bodies, it is okay to make a change. But at the end of the day, you have to love yourself and be happy with who you are, no matter what your size.  So if you want to be plus size, more power to you! If you want to lose weight, good for you too! What matters is being comfortable in your body.

I recently joined a group on Facebook called Fattoo. It’s a group where ladies sell their new and gently used clothes in sizes 20 and up. However, it has become more than that for me and for others in the group. You see women daily posting pics of themselves in items they bought in confident, proud poses. I always thought I was the biggest girl I know at a size 26/28. Well, there’s girls in this group who are larger than that and they’re wearing two-piece swimsuits and corsets! They proudly own their bodies and will quote their measurements with the quickness. They also support one another and uplift one another. When a pic goes up, many of the other ladies comment with compliments and positive feedback. It's nice to see women inspiring one another in a community where sometimes that is not the case.


It is truly a brand new world for me. And one that has made me truly reflect on some of the issues I have with my own body parts. My 19-yr old fan, Kathy Najimy and the women of Fattoo…they all inspire me to do better in accepting all of me, including the body parts I dislike. They inspire me to fully own who I am and live freely in my own skin.

We all may not be perfect but a part of all of our journeys is to inspire one another. As one of my favorite African proverbs states “Each one, teach one.” We’re all teaching each other even when we don’t realize it. We do so by being true to ourselves and who we are. While it may be a daily struggle to fully be comfortable in your own skin, what counts is the effort. If you truly try one day at a time, there will come a day, when you will embrace all of you with ease.


I’m already more than halfway there, this I know. I walk with my head up high and I love dressing my body. I am still working on the swimsuit thing (ugh) and wearing sleeveless shirts.  I have gotten better with the latter. But again, I am a work in progress and not ashamed to admit that. I believe in my beauty so that helps me in not being so hard on myself. When we let go of expectations and ideas of who we “should” be, then we can truly be ourselves. Then we will realize that, that was who we were meant to be all along. We are beautiful, just the way we are, in the bodies we have and in the skin we live in.

It's All About Surrendering

After spending the last couple of days in a major funk, which resulted in me sitting in the dark last night alone listening to Sade and Christopher Cross’ “Sailing” on repeat, I knew something had to give. I preach weekly about being positive and looking at the bright side of things and here I was in the middle of my own pity party. I was actually getting sick of myself, lol. So I did something that will totally sound like I’m insane but it worked. I had a pep talk with myself and it went something like this:

 “Marcy, this is not you. You are wasting precious time, being sad and miserable over things beyond your control. You know you only get one life and you don’t want to waste a single moment in a funk. You’ve had your moment. Now knock it off, dust yourself off and rise above it. You are your father’s daughter, dammit!”

And after I said that last sentence to myself, a book fell off my shelf and was enough to scare me out of my pity party. Even in the afterlife, my dad is trying to “talk” some sense into me.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves a pep talk. We need to remind ourselves that things will get better when it feels like the walls are caving in all around us. There will be times in our lives where it feels like everything is going wrong at the same time and it feels like it is too much to bear. But somehow, we survive and we get through it.

I think the most important thing we have to rely on is our own persistence. Determination will fuel that fire and keep that fire within from going out. If we continue to forge forward even after falling several times, there will always come that time when we won’t fall. Instead we will stand tall, triumphant and successful. As I always say, the more you try and keep on going, the more you will succeed than fail. We only truly fail when we stop moving forward and make the decision to give up. At the end of the day, YOU are making the choice to give up. You are accountable for that action you make the choice to take. While we may be quick to blame others or situations for our “falls”, when it comes down to it, we always have a choice on how we let our setbacks affect us.

You may think you don’t have that strength within you to keep going on but you do. We all have that ability to endure setbacks and bad situations. There will be times when you will be amazed at your own strength. The key to tapping into this ability is to just make the choice to not give up. I know it sounds easier said than done but once you choose to not give up, you can get through anything. You will never hit rock bottom. You may feel like you’re coming close to rock bottom but when you don’t give up, you will be able to rise above it all and live.

      (painting by Cynthia Angeles - Grief)

For me, being a sensitive and caring person is both a curse and a blessing. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and when people hurt me, I really feel it. I’m not one of those people that can just act like everything is okay. But the blessing with that is I get my emotions out, have my moment and then I can move on.  A good friend told me this week that it’s good to have a good cry because it is good for our soul to release ourselves. She was right. I had a big cry last night and felt so much better after that.  I felt renewed.

I ended my pity party last night, listening to Amy Winehouse’s “Tears Dry on Their Own” and went to bed, feeling a little lighter. Things are the same but I am going to surrender to the present moment and make the choice to not give up. Things will get better. I believe that and that belief just keeps fueling my determination. That’s all any of us can do, one day at a time.  

Surrendering does not mean giving up nor is it a sign of weakness. Surrendering is acceptance. And from acceptance, change is born. If we accept things beyond our control and the present moment, we can then make the choice on what to do next. I choose to keep pushing through and having faith that things will get better.  The good and the bad are all parts of this wonderful journey I am on. Everything happens for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. My journey is far from over.

“Believing in yourself is an endless destination. Believing you have failed is the end of the journey.”  ~ Anonymous 

The Frugal Files: Daddy's Little Frugal Girls: Pay What You Owe!!

Memorable Money Words from Daddy

A Musical Tribute to our Fathers on their Day

Whether we want it or not, we always get advice from our parents, especially our mothers. It may be about boys and relationships, life and career or home and money, but it’s always given in love; no matter how it’s given to us. It’s interesting how as we get older, we do indeed get wiser. As we grow, most of us are fortunate enough to receive words of wisdom from those who have “been there, done that” before we did.

If you’re a Daddy’s Girl, like me, then you also got MORE than your fair share of advice from your biggest cheerleader and cupcake: Daddy!! I thank God that I’m still able to get advice from him, as well as anything else, and he would not have it any other way. So, in a tribute to Black Music Month and our fathers on Father’s Day, let’s examine what advice he’s shared (with sprinkles of Motherly advice), through their words or actions, with us through the years. This month is entitled…”Daddy’s Little Frugal Girls.”

I’m partial to girl groups from the 50s/60s (they are my absolute FAVORITE) so that’s whom I’m highlighting in music. It’s because of the legacy of groups like The Shirelles, The Chiffons, The Cookies and The Honey Cone that we continue to see great groups in this lifetime like En Vogue, Brownstone, Xscape and SWV, as well as solo artists like Mary J, Fantasia, and Lauryn Hill. I love music and could go on an on, but the point is, those early groups paved the way, showing class while sharing their gifted harmonies with us.

Daddy (and Mom) said: “Pay What You Owe”

Mama said There’d be Days like This…The Shirelles

I know this song was really about love and relationships, but based on my Mom and Dad’s actions, it was a lesson for me in finances. I didn’t know much about my parents’ financial business until I was grown, so when I learned, I realized my parents had and still have two very different money styles. My Mom was adamant about paying bills and paying them on time. Even if that meant she spent all her money on them and scaled back the rest of the month; the important things were addressed and checked off her list.

I am proud she passed this trait of integrity on to me to pay what I owe. I’m even more elated that I bestowed that gift to my own daughter. Even though there may be some days of financial scarcity, it’s honorable and proper to promptly pay your debts. I took it further because I make it my mission to be and stay debt free.

Even though his style is a little different, Daddy still paid what he owed. As my Deacon Daddy, he truly believes in Romans 13:8, of owing NO man. I always saw that when he did owe, he paid them back swiftly. He never wanted it to be said that he didn’t pay his way or earn his place. In fact, sometimes he even went overheard sharing more than he should, but you’ll never hear anyone call him cheap. That's not his way.

I learned that if you ever have the chance to do for someone else, do it. I think it’s the Pisces in us, but this is exactly how we’re alike, so it’s no doubt he shared that part of his DNA with me. The moral here is to 1) pay your bills, 2) don’t overextend yourself and 3) be generous. Paying what you owe speaks volumes about your character and shows people how much they can trust you. If you can’t pay something, make an arrangement and stick to it. It’s your word that is bond and people have the right to hold you to it.

SUMMER FUN!! 

In addition to Daddy Tips, I’m going to be sharing some summer activities for you and your family!! School is already out for many students, so if you haven’t already signed up, get registered for FREE BOWLING for the kids!! It’s all summer long!!

Until next time, have a great week!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva