Being Happy in the Skin We Live In, Part 2: Just Let Go!

Me in San Fran, showing some arm ;)

As I spoke about earlier this month in Part 1 of this series, with the summer season upon us and the temperatures rising, we are presented with that choice of bearing skin to be more comfortable and cool. I openly admit that I have issues with showing my arms in sleeveless tops and dresses. It’s something I have struggled with for years. The process of fully letting go and baring my arms started a few years ago. I guess the fear of showing my arms was so great that the thought of shedding it all at once was overwhelming.  So I have been taking baby steps.

I think many of us suffer in silence when it gets hot because we have some insecurity holding us back from shedding some skin. Fear breeds many things, including insecurity.  I know some women won’t wear shorts; some won’t wear skirts above the knee. I’m not knocking that because at the end of the day, we all have to do what makes us comfortable. But I know for me, I’m tired of holding myself back from being physically comfortable in order to make myself mentally comfortable by feeding into my insecurities.

I learned a long time ago that people see what they want to see.  Sometimes others see what you don’t see about yourself and vice versa. That is why it is so important to love yourself and embrace who you are NOW.  If you don’t believe in your own beauty, you won’t see it and it won’t matter what anyone else says. Someone can be telling you that you look great but if you don’t believe it or see it, their words don’t matter and will fall on deaf ears.  Last week, I talked about how some people are uncomfortable when they see a plus size person out there happy, confident and comfortable in their own skin. Well, what about the reverse? What do we do when we’re the ones uncomfortable? Not the people looking at us.

The top I bought - my summer goal!

Last weekend, I went shopping with a friend and actually did something I have never done. I usually walk right past the tank tops, especially ones with spaghetti straps. But this time, I saw animal print, which I love. And the tank tops were on sale: 2 for $12. So I grabbed two (brown leopard and zebra print) and went to try them on. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had on a properly fitting bra, which can make a world of difference as I blogged this week, OR if it was because my mindset had changed over the years from my step-by-step process. But I looked into the mirror and said out loud, “Wow, this actually looks good.” Now my upper arms are still big, despite having gone down three sizes.  BUT I was seeing them with a new set of eyes. I immediately called my friend into the dressing room and she confirmed that the top looked great.

Over the years, I have come to the realization that I have to own and love my body as it is NOW. As I have said before, happiness is not just a dress size. We can all improve but at the same time, we have to love ourselves regardless of our flaws because no one is perfect. There will always be something we will find within ourselves that we don’t like. But if we stop being so hard on ourselves, we can deal with those things we don’t like without that dislike turning into an insecurity that will hold us back from fully being confident and loving ourselves overall.

Baby steps - Me in Martinique

As I mentioned above, I have been taking baby steps. Sometimes in order to succeed in overcoming a fear, you have to have a step-by-step process because if you try to conquer it all in one shot, it can get overwhelming.  Many times when we get overwhelmed, our immediate instinct is to quit trying. I started off by wearing short sleeves that fell at my mid-upper arm and not at the elbow, like my usual. After getting comfortable in that manner as time passed, I went to a cap sleeve, showing more arm. From there, I went to a sleeveless top with covered shoulders and a v-neck. Now I’m at a point where I am almost comfortable wearing a tank top with thick shoulder straps. My goal for this summer is to wear those tank tops with the spaghetti straps that I ended up purchasing as well as a strapless dress I bought 2 years ago from Old Navy. The dress fits me fantastic but strapless…hmmm…that’s a leap for me. But I am getting there, one inch at a time.

Me in Hawaii, really taking a big step - a swimsuit

Yes, I am feeling daring this summer and it feels good. Letting go always feels good. It’s scary at first but once you push through that fear and let go, you can do anything you set your mind to. I feel so powerful and that’s what overcoming fear and insecurity is all about. Taking back your power and not letting your worries of how others will react to you, dictate how you live your life.  I want to spend the summer feeling free and being cool. And I knew I was ready, the moment I invented what I call my “Fat Girl” wave last year. When people stare at me now, I raise my arm and shake my upper arm fat at them…I “wave” at them, LOL. And I feel so kick-ass when I do that. Take that, Haters!  

Fearless Fashion: In Bras We Trust

I usually blog on Fridays but Miss Aja B. asked me to blog about a Fearless Fashion moment I had during Full Figured Fashion Week that has changed my life. During this phenomenal moment, I learned about...**drum roll**...BRAS.

So, for the past two years, I have worked on the FFF Week production team as the event manager and organizer of the 2-day Curves in the City Shopping Event. Many great vendors come out, some being major retailers, and it’s an overall great time for all.

The Lane Bryant team

This year, Lane Bryant had a table on Day #1 and instead of vending, they provided bra fittings and advice. The Lane Bryant team, headed by Heather McGarry, Marketing Manager, are awesome. They're so accommodating and gracious. Truly a pleasure to work with.

I had no idea what was about to happen and I have to say, it was one of the most enlightening moments in my life.  I walked up to the table to say "Hi" to Heather, who was there with Ms Lewis, the one giving the bra fittings. Imagine my surprise when I saw Ms Lewis sizing me up literally and then she asks me, “Are you a 48 in band? DD in cup?” WOW, yes! She knew off the bat by just looking at me.  I was sold.  This woman is the bra whisperer!  She then informed me that there are three types of bras: One that brings the girls UP, one that pushes the girls OUT and one that pushes the girls IN. Say it with me: Up, out and in! 

Ms Lewis working her magic

She told me that I did not need them lifted up or out. I was fine in that department, thank goodness. **PHEW** 

However, I needed them pushed in to give me more shape and cleavage. She informed me off the bat that I was wearing the wrong bra because my underwire was too high in the front.  She then suggested I get a plunge bra. I admitted to Ms Lewis that I usually shied away from plunge and balconette bras because I thought my breasts were too big for those styles and would spill out. She informed me that I was wrong. If you’re wearing the proper cup size, there will be no spilling.  That is why it is so important to know your correct bra size.

Cushion Comfort Plunge Bra

She showed me the Cushion Comfort Plunge Bra ($38 - $44, depending on size and color), which comes in 12 different colors and prints. It has convertible straps so you can wear the straps in an X style, if needed. There’s also no boning on the sides and nice padding there. I felt the bra and loved what I felt. It offered support, was sexy and comfortable.

The second bra she suggested I get was also from the Cushion Comfort line but it’s a balconette style bra, which comes in 8 different colors or prints ($38 - $50.50, depending on size and color). The straps on this bra style are not convertible. However, it offers a nice sweetheart neckline that will enhance your cleavage, smoothes your sides out with no boning and has padded straps. Padded straps are like heaven to those of us with large busts since we get those dreaded red marks on our shoulders from the weight of our breasts wearing down the straps.

Cushion Comfort Balconette Bra

Lastly, we talked about the magical Multi-way Strapless Bra ($42 - $64, depending on size and color), which comes in 5 colors and prints, including my fave…leopard print! I recently purchased 2 of these prior to FFF Week during a Buy 1 Get 1 Free deal on the Lane Bryant website. And I am in love. I have always been scared of strapless bras and thought they would not be able to hold my girls. Well, I tried this one on, jumped around and all of that and the girls stayed put. I was shocked. This bra keeps the girls up where they should belong and it’s such a flattering and comfortable bra that you can actually wear as your everyday bra. This is why I call this bra "magical". It's a must-have.

So, the main key points I learned from my time with Ms Lewis are:

1: Get a bra fitting every 1-2 years. As your weight fluctuates, so does your bra size. If you have lost a bit of weight in the past 6 months to a year and plan to lose more weight, get a bra fitting every 6 months to a year.  Allegedly, 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size and that’s a big number. Wearing the wrong bra size can affect your posture, cause you back pain, and prevent your girls from looking good. Remember, up, out and in! No woman wants to have sagging breasts with a bra on. Usually big department stores (like Macy's) do bra fittings as well as Lane Bryant and Penningtons (for my Canadian readers), which is where I got my bra fitting while visiting Toronto on vacation. Just ask one of the salespeople in the store and they should be able to help you out.

2: Once you know your size, learn what bra styles flatter you. Ask the bra fitter for her opinion on what style she thinks you need (Up, Out or In). It’s also good to try different styles on and see what is comfortable. That is the deciding factor. 

3: If you’re a C cup or larger, try to purchase bras with padded straps. Your shoulders will thank you.

4: Don’t be dismayed if the store does not carry your size. If the bra sizes are 1-2 sizes smaller than yours, you can still wear them.  Invest in bra extenders. I know for me, many Lane Bryant bras only go up to a 46 DD. Since I am a 48DD, I use an extender for those with no problem. Extenders can be found at Walmart for $5.88 in different hook counts. 

5: Don’t be afraid to ask questions and shop around. That’s the only way you will find which bras work for you. If you are above a 48 or above a DD cup and have a hard time finding bras, just Google bras <your size> and see what you find. There are many companies out there who offer bras in extended sizes.

Right now, Lane Bryant is running their Semi-Annual event where their bras are Buy 2, Get 2 Free. If you happen to have any Lane Bryant coupons, you can also use those in addition to the B2G2 deal. The sale is online and in-stores. So happy bra shopping and cheers to making the girls look their absolute best!