The Frugal Files: 5 Ways to Your Stockpile

Welcome to The Frugal Files!!

Many people ask me why I’m an Extreme Couponer. Well, I don’t really consider myself extreme, but I coupon because I want to save my family money on food and the things we use at home. If you found a way to save money in your pockets wouldn't you keep doing it? Exactly!! One of the ways to make sure I save money is to stock those items, so my family doesn't have pay more in the long run. How, you ask? It’s easy. Have a stockpile. I know that’s pretty easy to say, but is it easy to do? Of course it is!! Here’s how:

• Investigate: Sit down with your family and write down the things that you use and eat most and how much. Brands don’t matter because with couponing, you’ll find stockpiling what’s on sale is best. Once you have your numbers, be on the cycle look out for your items. Based on your family size, ask yourself how much you want to have on hand. A good rule of thumb is to set aside about six months’ worth of food and 12-24 months’ worth of household and personal items.
•  Build: Start by watching the sales and gathering your corresponding coupons for the items on your list. Choose 1-2 items weekly to stock. Sales come around in cycles, usually every 8-12 weeks, so organize your coupon binders and be ready to jump on the sale when it comes. This is the longest part of the process and can take about 3-9 months to get it where you feel it’s a comfortable stockpile. The idea is that you have enough to last you through the season or until the next sales cycle.
• Organize: Arrange your items neatly as you get them, preferably on shelves so you can see them clearly. If you have extra cabinets or shelves, great, if not, you may have to get some shelves and put them up in your basement or storage area. For those with large families wanting to create a large stockpile, consider investing in a deep freezer. You will need it (or two). Separate your sections for food, personal items, toiletries, household items, medicines and pet items. Put like items together and move those things you bought first, to the front so they get used first.
• Manage: Develop a system to keep track of what you have, whether you keep a checklist or use a dry erase board or chalkboard. The key is teaching your family to update the number when they take items out of the pantry or deep freezer. You’ll want to know everything you have at all times, which includes the quantity and their expiration dates. When your items get close to expiring and you know you’re not going to use them, consider donating to family, friends or a local pantry. You don’t want to lose your savings by letting things go to waste.
• Replenish: Even when you have a nice stockpile going and you’re able to “shop” in your own store, don’t let it die. When those sales come back around and are “stockpile prices”, jump in an grab a couple of those deals, to keep your stockpile up and running. Keep a list of stockpiling prices in your coupon binder. This way when you come across the right price, you can stock up then, saving hundreds of dollars in the long run.

What ideas do you have for stockpiling? Let’s chat!!

Frugalicious Diva

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Fearless Fridays: Worry Less, Accept More, Part 2

Last week, I talked about my experience of being delayed at Tampa International Airport and how my patience got me through the situation. As I wrote last week, my mantra in life going forward is to worry less, accept more. That outlook on life goes hand in hand with so many things we deal with on a daily basis. One of the biggest challenges many of us face come from others in our lives. 

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in life is that people will only disappoint you if you let them. If we accept people at face value, then there are no surprises. A person will always show you who they are. It is up to you to see their true selves. Many of us make excuses for others when they wrong us. But at the end of the day, we always have a choice. We can choose whether to deal with them or not. A big part of worrying less and accepting more comes from how we feel about ourselves. It always comes back to YOU. If you know your worth and are confident, you won’t worry about what others are doing. You will accept that everyone has their own path to walk and that things will fall into place, as they are meant to.

One of the most important lessons my dad ever taught me was the importance of confidence. He always told me that people will not take you seriously and will think that they can take advantage of you if they feel you are not confident in who you are. In his opinion, lack of confidence shows weakness and there are people out there who will use that to their benefit.  See? It’s like that saying, “If you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love someone else?” Or be loved back, for that matter. You don’t even know what love is if you don’t have it for yourself.

Having confidence means showing the world that you are proud to be you. It’s as if you are celebrating who you are. It’s a party wherever you go because you are happy to be you. When you know your worth and value to the world, you will settle for nothing.  You certainly won’t stand for mistreatment. You will not let people into your life who will bring you down.  When you’re confident, you make better decisions and stand by them. You’re not afraid to fail because you are confident to know that while this may not have worked out, it doesn’t mean giving up entirely.

Confidence is not an easy thing for some. We all have moments of low confidence. It happens. We’re all human. But my dad also told me that in moments of low confidence, you have to “fake it ‘til you make it”. Because how you carry yourself is how people see you. And that is what you will attract back into your life. Moments of low confidence do not mean you are not confident. It just means you’re having a moment. What matters is what you do next. You can pick yourself up and try again or you can give up. Again, it’s all up to you.

The little things like how you stand, how you walk and how you speak say a lot about who you are. Confident people stand up straight and are not afraid to look at someone in the eyes. They walk with their head up high and smile on their faces. They speak in a tone which commands attention and respect. When you speak low, almost to a whisper and can’t look someone in the eyes when speaking to them, that’s telling the other person that you don’t believe in what you’re expressing. That other person is not going to be affected by anything you’ve said.

Improve your body language and you will improve your relationships and life. And even when you are not feeling as confident as usual, still play the part. Stand straight, head high and keep it moving. I always call it my runway walk. Even when I am feeling lousy, once I start doing my runway walk, it makes me feel better and it reminds me of my greatness.

Always remember that there is only one you in the world. There is no one else like you. Think of how powerful that is. You are you. And you were made this way for a reason. No one is going to love you as much as you love yourself. No one can validate you as much as you validate yourself. So stop worrying about what others think or say. Accept that they feel that way but that, that is not who you are. You are beautiful, smart, talented, caring and you are just YOU. 

Fearless Fridays: Worry Less, Accept More, Part 1

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~ Lao Tzu

I am writing this as I sit in Tampa International Airport, trying to catch a flight back home to New York. This is Day #2. Yes, you read right. I was here yesterday, which was my original return flight date. I ended up spending 10 hours at the airport. My flight was canceled due to mechanical problems and the flights after that were delayed hours due to weather in the Northeast. I went from being on a 10:15am flight to a 5:30pm flight, which got delayed to 8pm. After that, I decided to stay the night and try again tomorrow. So here I am.

Going through this experience really tested my patience. And it made me see that I am a patient person. I always thought I was impatient but now I see that really it was just me having moments of impatience.  Overall I am a patient person. I think that my patience comes from the positive mindset I always set out to have. It’s something I work on daily. Sometimes it is not easy but as I keep trying on a daily basis, it becomes easier because it becomes a habit. That’s what growth in life is all about.  

One of my recent life goals has been to worry less and accept more. That is my mantra, which I repeat to myself when I am in situations such as this one at the airport. I think that goes hand in hand with patience. When you worry less and accept more, you are building your patience. That’s growth in a nutshell. Just as we strive to build relationships with people, we have to build one with ourselves. One of the ways to build that relationship with yourself is to make better choices when handling tough situations.   

When we worry about something, it affects our mood and our mindset. And I kept telling myself as I watched people get angry and yell at the gate agents, “Why get angry? It will not change the fact that the flight is delayed.” It takes so much energy to be angry, frustrated, and worrisome. I made the choice to not get angry over something beyond my control. Instead, I was patient. I didn’t worry. I had to wait it out and see what happens. It’s all any of us can do, when you think of it. As my dad used to always say, “It is what it is.” My father was a big believer in accepting things and people as they are and not dwelling on the disappointments and setbacks. You learn the lesson and then keep moving. Moving forward…

Sometimes all it takes is taking a moment, being still and putting things in perspective. Once you do that, it is so much easier to accept the situation and not freak out. For me, it helps to breathe and do some sort of meditation. Some people laugh at me when I say that but real talk, it works. Our minds can become so cluttered with everything going on around us. Sometimes it pays to be still and just clear your mind so you can see things clearer.

Now when I say “meditation”, I don’t mean that I got on the floor right there in the middle of the airport, sat cross-legged and started humming. I just sat in a corner and focused on my breathing. I took deep breaths and relaxed myself. Then I thought about my situation and the options. I then said to myself, “It is what it is. I can wait or I can go and try again tomorrow.” I ended up waiting all day but then coming back the next day. 

My flight today was scheduled to depart at 10:15am but is now delayed until 10:40am. I’m calm, smiling and in good spirits. If I can’t get on a flight today, it’s okay. Everything happens for a reason. Who knew I could experience growth from sitting in an airport? I sure didn’t. I am pretty proud of myself.

Special note: My flight ended up departing at 10:45am and I am home! After an exhausting two days, I am happy to be home. But I don’t regret what happened because I passed another test on my patience with flying colors. Remember, you always have a choice, down to how you view a situation. You can look at it with a positive perspective or you can look at it negatively. The choice is yours and the right one will change your life for the better.

The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen. ~ Ralph Marston 

Forgotten Woman Series: Plus Size Shopping Tips for the New Year

Happy New Year my Beautiful sisters! We’re almost a month into a brand new year and it is said that 13 is a lucky number. I say, let’s channel that energy into our shopping and looking fabulous all year round. 

As someone who is a size 26/28, I know that it can be frustrating to shop for fabulous pieces because some retailers, boutiques and designers don’t offer clothing past a size 22/24. Hence the title “Forgotten Woman”, which is the name I thought of when thinking of myself and others who feel excluded from these businesses when it comes to shopping. We feel forgotten and passed over. Just because we are above a size 24 does not mean we don’t want to look fabulous too. Well, all is not lost. Here’s some tips to help make your shopping experience a better one and yes, even at some of those retailers who only go up to a size 22. You’d be surprised.

Tip #1: Know your measurements and carry a tape measure in your purse while shopping.

Torrid Luxe Jeans
$39.95

Don’t be a slave to the size on the tag. It’s all about measurements and fabric, which I will go into later.  I cannot stress how important it is to know your measurements.  The basics are bust, waist, hips and the inseam of your legs. I also think it is important to know the width of your calves (important when buying boots) and the width of your upper arms (important when buying jackets) .  Many retailers list measurements for their items online and it can help you gauge if the item will fit you regardless of size. 

Sizing is all over the place in the world of plus size fashion. For example, I wear a 28 in jeans. However, in Lane Bryant, I cannot fit into their 28s. At Avenue, I wear a 26. At Old Navy, I wear a 30. I never thought I’d fit into a pair of jeans at Torrid because their denim brand typically runs small and only goes up to a 26 with some jeans going up to 28 (online only). Then one day, the salesgirl convinced me to try on a pair of their Torrid Luxe jeans in a 26. THEY FIT. She explained that the fabric was more than 5% spandex (the norm in jeans) and there was more width in the knee area.

ASOS Pencil Skirt, $31.57

During my personal journey of finding fashionable clothes that fit me well, I learned to not focus on the sizes too much. Because again, it’s all about measurements and the amount of stretch the item has. Here’s another example: ASOS’ Curve line goes up to a size 22. Yet, I have read online in a few reviews that their pencil skirt in Baroque Chain Print will fit someone a size 28 because of the cut and stretch of fabric. I also have heard from many ladies that City Chic and Simply Be run big as well. I think that is attributed to these two being non-US companies (City Chic is in Australia and Simply Be is in the UK) where sizing is different than here in the US. ASOS is based in the UK as well.

Tip #2: Know your fabrics and what works well for your body type. 

When you’re a plus size woman, I believe it’s important to know about fabric. I love to feel fabric and will stand there in the store, stretching it and seeing if it is a workable fabric. Fabrics like jersey, lycra, spandex, and polyester have stretch. Always check to see if an item contains spandex in it because that will increase the stretch factor.

Old Navy 3/4 Sleeve Striped Dress
XXL, on sale for $12.97

For example, Target goes up to a size 4, which is the equivalent of 26/28. However, the fit depends on the fabric. If there is no stretch, the 4 will not fit as well and might not fit at all, depending on how big your upper arms are and your hips. Case in point, Target had these great sweater leggings in junior sizes, up to a XXL. I know someone who is a 26/28 and fit in the XXL because of the stretch of the fabric. They have since sold out to which I am still bummed about because I did not get a pair.

I have heard that some of Old Navy’s clothing in XXL will accommodate someone who is a 22/24 or even a 26/28, depending on the stretch. So it pays to look at fabric content. Don’t dismiss it just because of the size.

Tip #3: Know your body type and what silhouettes look best for your body type. 

Igigi item pg showing body types

Knowing your body type is key. Every plus size woman has a different body. That’s why it is such a challenge for retailers to really get the cut and fit right for plus size clothing. Some of us have a defined waist, which is known as an hourglass shape. Some of us carry more weight on top and some of us carry more weight in our hips and butt. Some of us have long torsos and no defined waists. Some of us have more in the tummy area and some of us have short legs or arms. Knowing your body and where you carry your weight is so important in finding what styles look best on your body. Igigi has a great tool called Shape Stylist, where you can find out your shape by answering a few questions. In all the descriptions of their items online, the body shape the item would look best on is always stated. It’s a great way to know what would look best on your body type.

Tip #4:  Try on clothing, if you can.

I know it’s a pain in the butt to try on clothing and a lot of us don’t even want to go there. But honestly, it’s worth it. Just because something looks good on a hanger does not mean it will look good on you. 

Just make sure you wear clothing and shoes that you can easily slip on and off. If you are going dress shopping, bring your shapewear with you and wear the bra you plan to wear with the dress. Shapewear and the right bra will make a difference in how the dress will look on you in the dressing room.

Tip #5:  Read reviews on websites for items you like.

To me, one of the greatest things created in the retail world (or any website for that matter) are customer reviews. You can find out a lot of information on fit and how an item holds up by reading the reviews. My favorite ones are on Old Navy. Those customers really let you know how fit are and don’t hold back. I also rely a lot on word of mouth as well. If you visit retailer’s Facebook pages, you can see comments posted by customers. I also joined a few plus size shopping related groups on Facebook where women share their opinions on clothing they have bought.

Tip: #6:  Invest in some must-have pieces to keep in your closet.

Bow Stretch Belt
Lane Bryant Outlet
$29.99

I love to create outfits reusing pieces in different ways. One of the ways to help with that is to have a few must-haves in my closet such as a wide belt, a skinny belt, some blazers and leggings. Many times I will see a dress I love but it will be too short for my liking. Does that mean I have to pass on it? Certainly not! I just wear leggings or skinny jeans under it with some pretty flats or peep-toes.  I have gotten some great belts at Torrid (up to a size 4). I hear Cato and Lane Bryant Outlet are other great places to find some nice belts. As for leggings, Walmart, Sealed With A Kiss Designs and Avenue all carry great leggings up to a 4X/30/32. 

I hope these tips will inspire you to get out there and explore your style. You should never let your size hold you back from expressing yourself through fashion. We all want to look fabulous in our own way. And when you look good, you feel good too. It's a new year so let's have a new shopping attitude. Happy shopping!

Fearless Fridays: Paying It Forward

I am a nice person. I have been told I am too nice at times. I used to get annoyed about that but learned being too nice is not a bad thing. As long as I don’t let others take advantage of me and become a doormat for people. I learned it was okay to say no sometimes. Us nice people have good hearts and we want to help the world if we could. But there comes a time when we have to keep it real with ourselves and see that we can’t help everyone. We certainly can’t help others if we aren’t helping ourselves too.

I got a point in my life where I was running on empty. I realized that I was spending so much time helping other people, that I was not helping myself! I have big dreams as any normal person does. However, your dreams won’t become a reality if you are not putting in the time and effort to make it happen. I grew bitter and started this whole pity party with one guest on the invite list: Me. I would say to myself, “Why am I helping these people when I am not getting any help in return?” Many of the people I helped, did not return the favor. And I felt used and taken advantage of.

This became a big lesson in my life because it caused me to have an epiphany about people in general. I learned that I put unrealistic expectations on people because I expected them to treat me the same way I treated them. I had to accept that no one out there is like me. There is only one me. And no one is perfect. I had to learn to accept people for who they are. And if I wanted to help them, it was a chance I took because I wanted to help them for no other reason than I just wanted to. When you help someone and expect something in return, then you’re not genuinely helping them. You are helping them to gain something yourself. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with expecting to be treated kindly and respectful by others. But not everyone will treat you well. This is where the power of choice comes in. You always have a choice. So if you help someone and they take advantage of you, they are showing themselves to you as the person they really are. You are then presented with the choice of whether you want to continue to keep them in your life or not. If you continue to help them and be used again and again, it’s on you because you made the choice to keep them in your life.

I also learned that when you help someone, while you might not get that in return from that particular person, you will receive a blessing/help from someone else. Think of all those times that someone helped you out of the blue and you never helped them at all. That was no accident. Every time you help someone, you are sowing the seeds of kindness that will continue to grow to the point where you will just continue to be blessed. That’s the whole premise of paying it forward. You help someone and maybe that person will be inspired to help someone else because of what you did for them. Or it might not even be that person. It could be someone who was a witness to that kind gesture who was inspired to help someone else.

If we all accepted people at face value, instead of placing high expectations on them, we could make better choices on who we let into our space. People show themselves all the time. It may not be at first glance but when you are around a person long enough, there are always signs to a person’s character. At the end of the day, it’s all a choice. You choose who you help and you choose who you keep in your space. You choose to accept people at face value and you choose how you look at the world.

Accepting people as they are is tough but once you can do that, you look at the world with a different set of eyes.  You won’t have a problem being nice and helping people because you are looking at things differently. And when someone asks you, “why are you doing this for me?”  You can answer, “Because one day you will do this for someone else.”

A good friend of mine told me recently that I am too nice but then she also told me to never change because I am a rarity in this world where many have a ME-ME-ME outlook on life. I smiled and told her not to worry…I won’t ever change because I love being me, even if I can be too nice. Because I am no one’s doormat.

Fearless Fridays: What do YOU love to do?

I tend to draw inspiration from the oddest places. This week, I was inspired by the TV show The New Normal. 

The episode was about finding out who you are and what you are meant to do in your life. One of the main characters Goldie wanted to be a lawyer since she was a kid. In her eyes, being a lawyer represented independence and that she could prove to the world that she could do it on her own. However, that dream of being a lawyer kept getting derailed. But throughout everything, the one thing she loved to do the most was sew. She made all her daughter’s clothes and costumes. She was very skilled at sewing and creating clothing. But she dismissed her talent as a hobby. 

At the end of the episode, Goldie realized that sewing was much more than a hobby. And while she thought being a lawyer would give her that independence she sought, she realized that her talent for sewing and creating her own clothing could do the same. And as another of the main characters on the show narrated at the end, “Sometimes you have a plan but you don’t always get it the way you planned.” 

Life is never how we think it will turn out. That happens because sometimes we want things that are not meant for us. I do believe that we get many chances to get it right. Many signs are thrown our way during our journey to get our attention and sway us to make the right decision. 

However, in life, the choices we make can change the person we later become. And that sometimes makes it harder for us to see what’s already there. Many of us have things we love to do. It’s a gift that we have been given at birth. But many of these gifts seem like hobbies and not something we can parlay into a lifelong career. This causes us to ignore our true calling in life because we dismiss it as just something we just "do well". 

As children, many of us are told we should have a traditional career such as a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, or teacher. There is nothing wrong with those careers but they are not meant for everyone. We are all given gifts and talents for a reason. But we become conditioned into thinking that these traditional careers are the acceptable ones and that other gifts like writing, sewing, and drawing are hobbies and not appropriate careers.

Then some of us pursue things that are not meant for us to do. You see these kids on American Idol who want to be singers but can’t hold a note. There are people out there who want to act but just don’t have that talent to do so. But all is not lost. Your calling can be a facet of that. Maybe you’re meant to be a dancer and not a singer. Just because you love the idea of something does not mean it is meant for you. If you don’t have the gifts and talents to support that dream, it is not your dream to live out.

When people tell you that you are good at something and you love what you do, that's more than a hobby. For years, I have had people tell me I am an excellent writer. But I spent many years going down a different career path because I dismissed my writing as a hobby. But I realized that while I did like what I was doing, I didn’t LOVE it. It did not give me complete joy. But writing did.

Some of us don’t believe we can be successful at what we want to do. We sabotage ourselves by telling ourselves “Oh, I can’t do that!” or “I will never be successful at that.” Or we are afraid to walk away from our comfortable job and steady paycheck and take a chance. All I can say, from personal experience, is that life is all about chances. You can do anything you set your mind to. Playing it safe will never help you to realize your dream. I’m not saying do something extreme as quit your current job RIGHT NOW because keeping it real, you have to support yourself and pay bills. But it wouldn’t hurt to start investing some time into your dream and working towards making it a reality.

Acceptance is key. The best thing you can do for yourself in life is keep it real with yourself. The great Eckhart Toile once said “Stress is wanting something that isn’t meant to be.” The answer is always within you. You just have to be ready to listen. And this is not just something you can apply to your journey to find your calling. This is something you can use in your life overall.

So, if you aren’t loving where you are right now and what you are doing with your life, a reevaluation of your life is in order. Always remember that what matters is what you choose to do now and not what you have done already to this point.  YOU are the only person standing in your way. So take a chance and do what you love! Goldie took a chance and you can too. You never know. Your hobby might just turn out to not be a hobby but to be what you are meant to do in your life.

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 2

2012 will be over in a few days. Are you ready? I know I am. I’m starting the new year with a clean slate. I have cleaned house in my life and have let go of toxic people and things. I have my list of goals I want to accomplish. I am so excited for what’s to come. Many people say 2013 is a lucky year, especially if the number 13 is your lucky number. As I mentioned last week in part 1 of this blog, we are all closing out a chapter in our lives with the year ending. December 21st marked the winter solstice, the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one.  So this is a great time for a do-over. It’s never too late to renew your life and take control of your story.

Many times, taking control of your story is as simple as looking at the current story we are telling ourselves. You tell the world your story as you live it but you are also essentially telling that story to yourself as well. We are watching our own stories and reacting to them. If we react negatively, it’s almost as if we are telling ourselves that our life is not great and will never work out. That is self-sabotage and will just keep our life in that state. Your life is what you make it. So ask yourself: How are you telling the story of your life? Are you telling your story from a negative outlook?

If you are living out your story in a negative state, one of the ways you can change that is to change your way of thinking. The power of thinking is incredible. Many of us don’t realize that all it takes is a positive outlook to change things around.  Even in the words we speak, we are determining our outlook in life. The words can’t, won’t, should of, would of, don’t and any other words used in a negative fashion should not even be in your vocabulary. As soon as you say you “can’t” do something, you are already setting the tone for what’s to come. You are holding yourself back from living life to its fullest.

It’s not easy to change your way of thinking if you have been in a pity party for years and are used to complaining about your life and how you never seem to catch a break. But the first step is always the hardest. If you’re capable making the first step, then you can do anything you set your mind to. Having a positive outlook is something you work on daily, one day at a time. First, you have to accept that you are accountable for the choices you make. You cannot place blame on others and the world for a lack of successes and happiness. You have to check yourself on this, accept that you are the reason things have not been going right because of the poor choices you have been making and then make a commitment to make better choices. 

Second, you have to stop worrying about what someone else has. Everyone has their own journey and while someone else may seem to have it all, you never know the full story. Everyone has their own crosses to bear in life. No one’s life is perfect.  When you focus on someone else and what they have, it takes your focus off of your own life. You are not meant to have what the next person has. You are meant to have your own successes. You have your own journey to walk. You have your own story. No two stories are the same. So instead of focusing on someone else and being jealous of what they have, celebrate the fact that your story is unique, can always change, that you are in control and always have a choice.

Another thing that many of us do to ourselves is beat ourselves up when we fail. To live a happy life, don't be so hard on yourself.  It’s perfectly normal to want to win but you have to accept that you won’t always win because some things are not meant for you to gain. Sometimes a loss is a blessing. It shows us a lesson and helps us to grow on our journey. It can give us strength and increased determination, if we let it. Again, it’s all about a positive way of thinking. My dad used to always tell me that failure doesn't mean you're a loser because at least you tried.  There are people out there who give up without trying because of fear. Then you will never know if you would have won or lost. And that’s worse than trying and seeing the end result, good or bad. Because whether it’s good or bad, you will get something out it. If you keep trying, you will succeed more times than you fail because of all the lessons learned from the losses.

Anyone who knows me knows my love for the TV show Survivor and Jeff Probst. He has a mantra he lives by, which I love: Say yes to adventure! Adventure comes in many forms. You don’t have to climb Mt Everest or see the Great Wall of China. An adventure can be as simple as leaving your house to take a walk. When you say YES to adventure, you are committing to putting yourself out there in the world. Putting yourself out there means putting yourself in situations where you can allow the Universe to place people and opportunities in your path. The love of your life or the job you love will not come knocking on your door and be handed to you. Nothing will find you if you are locked up in your house, in your pajamas. Having adventure in your life will make you feel empowered and good. Most of all, it will make you happy. 

For me, just being outside is an adventure. I love people watching. I love looking at the sky and appreciating the world and all its beauty. It makes me feel rejuvenated and alive. I love to travel for this reason. It is amazing to me how I can get on a plane and be in an entirely different part of the world in a matter of hours. It is incredible to see the different architecture and customs. Do what you love and also dare to do things out of the box that are new and exciting. That is your adventure.

As long as you have a dream in your heart that you believe in and a desire to bring that dream into fruition, there is nothing that can stop you from making that happen in your life but YOU. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your life. Take it one day at a time. We are all works in progress but what matters is that we make the effort to be better people and have better lives. 

Bottom line: change your story and you will change your life. Just make sure that story is a great one. Happy New Year, everyone! Wishing all of you an amazing year ahead full of growth, evolution and happiness. It's the best gift you can give yourself. Cheers! xo

Fearless Fridays: Taking Control of Your Story, Part 1

We’re almost at the end of the year, folks. 2012 was a very pivotal year for me personally and professionally. I have to be honest and say I am not sad to see this year end. However, no matter what happens, at the end of the day, we each have control over the story of our lives. 

If you are unhappy with the state of your life at the moment, the upside is that your life doesn’t have to stay that way. The next chapter of your life can be rewritten. As I have said before, we all have a choice. We can choose to be a hero or a victim. We can choose what we do next. We always have a choice. So do you choose to stand still in your own pity party and not grow? Or do you choose to make a change and take control of your story?

If you choose to take control of your story, all you have to do is rewrite it. And now is a great time. Not New Year’s Eve. Not January 1st. NOW. We are closing out a chapter with the year ending; today is the winter solstice and according to the Mayans, it is the ending of one time cycle and the beginning of a new one. It is a time for renewal and starting over. Some people actually view the next three days as a solstice sojourn and take this time to clean out their lives, open their heart and spirit to what’s coming in 2013. Empty and receive – those are the major words to describe this solstice period. It is a time to really listen to your inner voice and set goals for the next year.

If you want to make changes in your life for the better and rewrite the next chapter of your story, you have to be committed to making some changes in your life. It won’t be easy but I promise you, it will be worth it. Your happiness and well-being are invaluable so any tough steps to getting there and achieving the best life you can live is well worth it.

First and foremost, it is so important to surround yourself with positive people and things .  Throughout your life, you have to clean house. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sometimes we tend to try to hold on to these seasonal people and when they have outgrown their season, they become toxic to our lives. Just as you clean your home and get rid of things you no longer use, the same has to be done in your life. Your space should be something you hold invaluable and take great care as to who you choose to let in your space. 

When you surround yourself with positive people who mirror what you want to achieve in your life, you will see the difference in your way of thinking, your mood and your overall outlook on life. It’s also important to surround yourself with positive places. If you are somewhere that makes you unhappy, that will affect your life negatively. It’s hard to let go of some people and places but once you do, it will change your life for the better. Just listen to your intuition and pay attention to how they treat you. That will show you who are lifelong friends and who are seasonal. It’s like what Maya Angelou once said, “When someone first shows you who they are, believe them.” People won’t change and we cannot control their actions. But we can control who we let into our life and where we choose to be.

Next, make love a priority in your life - for yourself and others. If you don’t love yourself, you will not know how to love someone else and let them love you fully. As I always say, there is only one you in the world and that’s an amazing thing. You were put on this Earth as you for a reason. Everything starts with you. You have to believe in yourself and what you can do in your life. No one else can do that for you. Once you love yourself, you will be able to love freely and get that love back in your life. You will not stand for mistreatment or abuse because you love yourself enough to know your worth. Loving yourself is not easy for some. But is very necessary to live your life to its fullest.

Loving yourself is a daily project. It won’t happen overnight, especially if you have spent most of your life not being happy with yourself. Start off by focusing on the parts of you that you love, physically and non-physically. Start doing little things for yourself that you enjoy. Start speaking positively to yourself and others. Learn to enjoy being you. As in the start of every great love affair, you have to start somewhere and build from there. The love will grow, believe me. You just have to take that first step and accept you for who you are. Now if there is something about you that you don’t like, again, you have a choice. You can change IF you really want to. Instead of commiserating over it, do something about it. Accepting yourself as you are does not mean you have to stay the way you are. You have to be who you are happiest being. You have to be true to yourself. For example, do you want to lose weight and be healthier? All it takes is being active and eating better. Do you want to be a more giving person? Then volunteer or help someone. We each have the power within us to be the best person we can be if we choose to be. 

One of the most important things you can do in your life is take a chance. So many opportunities are thrown in our path but we miss them because we let fear stop us from taking a chance. If you take a chance on something or someone and it doesn't work out, then it wasn't in the cards. It was not meant to be. But at least, you know the outcome because you took the chance. There will be no “what ifs”. There is a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned from every experience. And while some experiences don’t work out in the end, during the experience, you may have the time of your life or may encounter something or someone that will lead to an even bigger and better opportunity. You are doing yourself and the world a disservice when you don't take a chance and put yourself out there. So just take a chance and let go. You never know what could happen.

Next week, I will continue to give tips on how to rewrite the next chapter of your life in part 2 of this blog. Let’s start 2013 with a renewed outlook on life and commitment to living the best lives we can.

I wish all of you and your families a wonderful holiday. Be thankful, be inspired and most of all, be YOU. xoxo  

The Frugal Files: Frugal Random Acts of Kindness

Happy Holidays frugalicious ones!!

It has been a couple of weeks, but I needed some downtime to focus on some other things in my life, but rest assured, I've been thinking about you!! Hope all is well with you and your family this holiday season!! I know trials come and we get discouraged every now and then, but please know that trouble doesn't last always and you can find ways to have joy and peace in your life, even during the storm.

If you don’t live under a rock, then you know that horrific event took place last week. All those beautiful children and adults who cared for them gone; lost due to senseless violence and someone’s personal agenda. It was traumatic for all involved and all who watched. We were all affected by it, but I’m here today to challenge each and every one of us to rise above the slump of depression it caused and honor the memories of those who lost their lives.

I will not get into discussions about what could have, should have or might have happened if. It is time to turn off the television, stop reading the recaps and move on with living our lives because we are still here. Because we’re still here, to me that means, we’re still in the position to bless others. Don’t let those lives be lost in vain; do something to help your fellow man today, everyday!!

How? By making Random Acts of Kindness a lifestyle; a way of life. We take kindness for granted in this society, but I feel when we’re kind to ourselves and others, we truly do make this world a better place. You never know how a person’s day is going, so don’t underestimate your smile or wink at them, you holding the door for someone, you complementing someone on their outfit or hair or even going back to the basics: saying “Thank You”. It’s not only polite, it invites others to be just as nice as you, even if just for that one moment.

Are you ready to fill the rest of 2012 and all of 2013 with your acts of kindness? They don’t even have to be random if you don’t want them to be. I think God will be pleased, as well as the recipient of your kindness, if you PLAN it. Sit down, make a list. We won’t mind. It’s all good…literally. While you’re here, let’s start one now. You know you’re here with the Frugalicious Diva, so we have to put a frugal spin on it. Lets’ just see what we can come up with, shall we?

Donations. You know this is always a big deal for me. Also, it’s the end of the year, so you still have a little time to donate to charitable organizations and get your tax deduction forms. If fact, here’s your first frugal act of kindness:

• Donate your goodwill tax deduction forms to a homeowner who can benefit from them.
• Drop your used clothing and shoes into the donation bins in your community.
• Give your old trophies to the Special Olympics organization.
• Have money left on your coffee house card? Give it to the next person in line.
• Slip someone a $20 bill when they’re not looking. Make their day!!
• Allow your child to choose 1-2 toys to donate to a child that is spending Christmas in a shelter.
• Use freecycle to give away nice things that someone can use again.

Couponers, I wanted to separate this list especially for you because you will understand the terms. I’ve gotten some of these ideas from my fellow online coupon buddies. They are great ideas and ensure that you’re both paying it forward and passing on the blessings!!

• Make a basket of stockpile goodies for your mail carrier, assistant or your child’s teacher.
• Donate items from your stockpile and replenish your church’s pantry or a food bank.
• Bag up your free beauty items in cute goody bags and donate them to a women’s shelter.
• Ask if you can host a pamper party at a Domestic Violence shelter and gift every woman with a gift bag
• Donate proceeds from a sale to a needy family for Christmas.
• Did you run across a coupon related MONEY MAKER at the store? Walk around the store and randomly give the rewards or money to someone shopping.
• Give out coupons to other customers while shopping. They won’t mind you snooping in their cart if you’re going to help them save money.
• Make stockpile laundry baskets for college students. They will appreciate that toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and soap!!
• Find all your mailbox freebies a new home, or use them!!
• Share the gift of couponing!! Make someone a coupon binder and watch them go!!

As you can see, the possibilities are ENDLESS!! What else can you do to make it a “Random Frugal Acts of Kindness? kind of day? I’d love to read them!! Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter. Use hash tag #frugalicious #frugalRAOK and #26acts to honor the fallen in Connecticut. Enjoy your blessings and even more, your ability to be one!! Muah!! 

Happy Holidays!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow Me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Fearless Fridays: Choosing To Be Who You Really Are

Me striking a pose with my aunt

I recently had an A-ha moment, as Oprah calls it. I was talking to someone recently about my life and how far we have come to this point. I then described my journey in decades. I spoke so passionately about how as a child, in the first decade of my life, I was so carefree and fearless. I was a happy kid who loved the color red, was always dancing around the house and posed for all my pics with my hand on my hip, doing my runway pose. My teens were about me being different and reveling in that. My 20’s were about me going through that transition from teen to adult, going to college and learning to be independent.

My 30’s were about being on my own, having a career and learning a lot about men and romance. I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. I dated the same guy while in my 20’s and he was my high school sweetheart. So it wasn’t until in my 30’s, that I got to date different men and see what’s out here. My 30’s were all about discovering life as an adult and seeing the world. I traveled and basically had the time of my life. Now, I’m in my early 40’s. This decade so far has been about growth and being focused on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I never got married and had children. It’s me being that late bloomer again. I feel like I blinked and now I am in this place where I want to get my focus back and get serious about what I want to do with my life.

Ah, my 30's

But it’s more than that. I want to be truly happy with me. I want to make better choices in my life. Because like I always say, we have a choice. And that’s a pretty powerful thing. But sometimes, we give that power away and forget that we have a choice. We don’t have to be friends with people who don’t accept us for who we are. We can choose who we want in our world. We don’t have to let some stranger's negative comment hurt us. Again, we have a choice: will we let some stranger ruin our day or will we keep it moving and choose to be happy? We don't have to be in a relationship with someone who does not treat us well or make us happy. We can choose whether we want to be with them or not. Now making those choices are not easy but the payoff is your happiness. It was in that moment of reminder that made me realize that something was missing in my life: The core of who I really am. I truly lost myself for a bit.

When I talk about the core of who I am, I am talking about that Me that I was when I was a child, the first decade of my journey. The person I described above. I had so much sass and personality back then. I  truly did not care what anyone thought of me. In my mind, there was always a spotlight on me and I acted as such. I was fabulous and amazing. I was fearless and untainted by the world. All of us have been that child. Even if you were not outgoing as a kid or if you were shy, as children, we have this carefree, fearless nature about us where we live life looking forward to what comes and are not afraid to be ourselves. We dance like we are alone on the dancefloor and without a care in the world.

My inner child

But of course, we never stay that way. We experience setbacks and disappointments. We meet people who tear us down. We change according to what happens to us along our journey. However, the core of who we are is always there. But these situations and people suppress the core of who we are. We start to care what people think. We become less fearless and more cautious. We tend to not be as carefree and instead, worry more.  We lose ourselves by trying to fit in. We give our power away at times when we are letting others dictate who we should be.

I then realized that I want to be that person again. I want to stop worrying about what others think of me. I want to be more fearless and take bigger chances. I want to be myself and not care what others think. I just want to live life without a care in the world. I want to live as if every day is my last day on this earth. But is that possible? I mean, I am not a child anymore. And life is very different than it was when I was a child. The answer to that is YES. I can be that person again. I CHOOSE to be that person again.

I think it’s all about finding balance in your life. Taking what you have learned so far on your journey and merging that with the core of who you are. We will always have those moments when we doubt ourselves. But if we can remind ourselves that fear will get us nowhere and life would be so much better if we were true to ourselves, we can channel that inner child within. That child-like way of dealing with life can help us get through the tough times. It can help us take our power back and be ourselves no matter what the world thinks.

With the new year almost here, I want to do things that make me happy, even if others think I’m nuts or have an opinion on it. I want to channel that inner child and dance through the streets like no one is watching. I want to feel free. Once I made that decision, I felt so powerful. Channeling your inner child is taking your power back. It’s making a pact with yourself to be you with no hesitation. And that’s such a wonderful thing. 

So while I believe that my 40’s are going to continue to be all about growth and direction, it is also going to be about me being myself in a world where there is no one else like me and I’m going to celebrate that right into my 50’s. I am already dancing and thinking about adding some more red to my wardrobe. My spotlight is back on so I have to make sure I look and feel fabulous.