Fearless Fridays: Knowing Your Worth

 You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are. ~Yogi Bhajan

I was chatting with a friend on Facebook last night and we started talking about being single. The topic of knowing your worth came up and it instantly took me back to when I was a little girl.  I remember my dad always holding my face, looking into my eyes and telling me how beautiful I was, how smart I was and how I was destined to be something great in this world. He would then end that motivational mini speech with this: “Never lose sight of your worth. That will take you places because you will never settle for mediocrity.”

Wow, powerful words. That was my dad. He was always schooling me on something. And I always listened. 

When people talk of knowing your worth, it’s usually directed towards just dating, like my conversation with my friend. While knowing your worth is imperative in dating, knowing your worth is something imperative in your life period. This is something I learned early on by my dad’s words. We live in a tough, harsh world. Some might say it’s almost like a “survival of the fittest” environment. And the first armor you can create to protect yourself in this world is to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means you will never settle for any mistreatment from anyone; you will know when it’s time to move on.  Knowing your worth means you will never give up until you accomplish what you desire because you believe in yourself. So many things grow from that base of knowing your worth. Your self-love grows, your self-respect grows, your determination grows and most importantly, your persistence and patience grows. Knowing your worth means knowing your value and knowing that you are worthy of having a great relationship, a career you love, being surrounded by people who love and appreciate you and shoot, even worthy of a great outfit and shoes to match!

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world ~ Lucille Ball

Artwork by Rita Loyd © 2013 
http://www.NurturingArt.com

Self-worth and self-esteem go hand in hand. If you don’t think highly of yourself, you will not know what your true worth is. No one will love you like you love yourself. So many of us seek validation from others or compare ourselves to others, which just sets us up to loath ourselves because we will never be like that other person. Honestly, why would you want to be someone else when there’s only one you in the world? Knowing your worth means knowing that you are unique and different and that’s a very powerful thing. No one can ever take that away from you.

The first step in loving yourself and knowing your worth is accepting you for you, flaws and all. No one is perfect in this world. Even when someone appears perfect, they are not. Their imperfections may not be visible to the eye but they exist. When you see the world for its imperfections and the beauty within those imperfections, you will look at life with a new set of eyes. Your flaws are your flaws. But how you look at them is what they will mean to you. Your flaws are what you make them to be. If you focus solely on your flaws and ignore the great things about you, you will never know how amazing you truly are. Our flaws are only a fraction of who we are. We’re the ones who have the power to either put the spotlight on our flaws and dwell on them OR accept our flaws for what they are and focus on the rest of ourselves that is fabulous, unique and wonderful.  

It’s not easy and won’t happen in a day. But if you work at it, it gets easier each day. Despite my dad constantly speaking greatness into my life, I am human and had my own moments of uncertainty. For me, I always felt like I never belonged.  A lot of it had to do with being the lone big girl in my circles and feeling “almost” beautiful.  People would always tell me that if I lost weight, I’d be beautiful. Or if I lost weight, I could do this or that. It was as if my weight determined my worth and my standing in the world.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw a beautiful person but it was hard to shut those other voices out of my head, telling me I was not beautiful. It used to bug me how much worth people put on outer beauty. Frankly, it really screwed my head up when it came to how I looked at outer beauty. So I would wonder what was wrong with me and compare myself to others.

It took some time and the Universe placing people in my path who offered wisdom along the way, for me to see that I was beautiful, inside and out. Once I saw that, I knew my worth and knew that my beauty did not determine my worth. Once I knew my worth, my life changed dramatically because I did not settle for mediocrity. Daddy was right. When you know your worth, you never settle for anything less than what you deserve and want. You won't give yourself away and let people use you and mistreat you. You won't loath and mistreat yourself. 

Knowing your worth is about being true to who you are and knowing that no matter what you have done in the past or what people think of you, you are an incredible, amazing being and you're worth more than gold, diamonds and all the money in the world. When you hold yourself in this high regard, anything is possible. The sky's the limit! And no one can change that unless you let them.  Knowing your worth is the answer to letting great things come into your life, letting love find you and living your life to its highest potential.

I can close my eyes and remember how my dad looked at me when I graduated from college (I was the first one in my family to graduate from college). He looked at me so proudly and said, "I knew you could do it. And you knew it, too."  Yes, Daddy, I know my worth...thank you for seeing it before I did. Your legacy lives on.

Fearless Fridays: The Power of Forgiveness

This month, I am taking part in The Big Girl Movement’s  21-Day Speak Love, Spread Love Challenge. It’s a great idea that the wonderful Erica Ware of BGM came up with. She is always such a positive force for all women and a beautiful person I am proud to call a friend. This challenge consists of daily tasks we are asked to do, which help us to speak love and spread love…for ourselves and others. It has brought complete strangers together where we are all supporting and uplifting each other.

This challenge has been pretty easy in a sense for me until Day 15. Day 15’s task was as follows:

“For anyone who has wronged you, make the choice right now to FORGIVE THEM! Write a list of the people, or person, who has caused you pain, or discomfort, that you are having trouble forgiving. Once you create your list, say: ''I was deeply affected by what you've done to me in the past. I realize that I CANNOT change it, but I can accept it'' (Say it with conviction, like you really are ready to move on with your life. He who angers you, controls you. Discard of your list in whichever way you choose.”

For me, forgiveness is extremely tough and something I continue to work on to this day. Ironically, I am listening to “Bust Your Windows” by Jazmine Sullivan as I type this blog.  I listen it to now with a smile on my face because I look back to two years ago, when I found out that my boyfriend at the time had lied to me basically about everything. I was so in love with him and my whole view of him was shattered. He was an unfaithful man and a liar. He lied about how many kids he had, his situation, everything. I believed he loved me, yes. But his idea of love and mine were two very different ones. Back then, I was so angry and pissed off. I felt like I was on an episode of Maury minus the DNA test, thank goodness!  It took me some time but I did forgive him. I realized that I had to forgive him, not so much for him but for me. That anger was eating me up. And I realized that it was holding me back from really experiencing the love I wanted in my life.

We have all been wronged by someone but honestly, that will never change. People will always do something wrong. We’re all human and not perfect. This is what I had to accept. There goes that word again…ACCEPT. Acceptance is key in life. It is connected to so many things. I have talked about acceptance many times on this blog in other facets of my life. Acceptance is the base of everything in life. When you can accept the things you cannot change, which includes people and who they are, life becomes such a different experience. People can change but they have to want to change themselves. We cannot change them.

My ex, well, I had to accept that no matter how much I loved him, I could not change him. He needed to make that choice to change for himself. So I accepted things for the way they were (I certainly could not change how many kids he has or how many times he has been married) and let go. After doing that, then I could move on.

Forgiveness does not mean you are saying what that person did was okay. It’s saying “I accept what happened and I am letting it go”. It doesn’t mean you’re keeping them in your life. It means you are forgiving them and moving on. It’s all about cleansing your own heart and soul. When you keep grudges and don’t forgive, you’re essentially living in the past. When you do that, how can you move forward? It’s like you’re standing behind a closed door and refuse to open the door and see what is outside. You stay inside, unhappy and dwelling on what could have been, on what happened. Honestly, there shouldn’t be a “what could have been” on your mind because what’s done is done. You can’t change it. All you can do is ACCEPT it.

I continue to be a work in progress. Some are easier to forgive than others. I have one family member who I am struggling to forgive. It continues to be one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life. I remember the pain, havoc and chaos she inflicted onto my life when I was just 10 years old and lived with her for a year. I remember it like yesterday. She has never apologized to me or even showed remorse. I never thought I could hate someone like I hate her. Hate is pretty strong word for me because I don’t hate anyone but her.

However, in retrospect, her mistreatment and neglect forced me to grow up fast and learn to take care of myself so she gave me a gift. It could have been worse. I still managed to survive it and thrive. I keep telling myself…”When you forgive someone, you are freeing your heart and lightening the load within your heart.”  When you let go of the bad things, you are making space to let more positive things in. This is one thing I need to do to truly free my heart.

I am determined that I will. I have to do it for me above all else. Even though Day 15 of the challenge has passed (we are almost done at Day 20), I will still have my Day 15 from time to time.  Forgiveness is never easy but very necessary.

''I was deeply affected by what you've done to me in the past. I realize that I CANNOT change it, but I can accept it.'' 

It feels so good to say that.

The Frugal Files: See Yourself, Saving Yourself

Hey frugal folks!!

Welcome back to The Frugal Files with your host, the Frugalicious Diva!! I thought about continuing on with another Substitute to Save post, but thought the three posted were good all their own. Furthermore, I thought it would be good to just be a bit transparent with everyone. Today’s blog is really a chastisement for myself, but if anything I speak about applies to you, consider yourself whipped too.

It’s just been a whirlwind in my life for the last few months and it’s been an emotional roller coaster. So many things in my life are in transition and as we get ready to change seasons, it’s good to talk about these things from time to time. Some days are up, some are down and some things have been down right depressing…financially, physically, emotionally, romantically…

You all know I’m very much into affirmation and speaking positively about our lives. Sometimes it gets hard out here. Don’t you agree? Moping and crying, although MAY feel therapeutic then, will not help the situation get any better. Trust me…

Anyway, I’ve done a little studying on Feng Shui and have even arranged some of my home areas around for maximum “chi”. Unfortunately, life gets in the way and when you don’t take the time to pray and meditate and all the other positive things you need to in order to keep sane, the stress catches up to you. When it does, it can manifest in many different ways.

For me, the manifestation came in the form of my lawn and yard areas. I took a shortcut last year, which proved to not be frugalicious at all!! I allowed an ex-boyfriend to tend to it, under the guise that he knew what he was doing. Not!! Where I previously just had a few weeds here and there, became a forest for Barbie and Ken. Ridiculous. So, I started pulling weeds monthly, enlisting my daughter only sometimes (she was not with it).

After months of doing this, and the rain made it 10 times worse, I was irritated every time I drove up and every time I left my home. I felt anxious, helpless, angry and like the weeds, out of control. I was started to realize, it was mirroring my own life. After begging people to help me, even calling the culprit out to “clean up what he messed up”, having him come for the “consultation”, but not show up for the actual job, finally, I decided I’ve had enough!!

I am not helpless and I will no longer live this way. I DECIDED that THIS week, I would get myself together; ALL the way together. I don’t know where I fell off, but I’m getting back on immediately. It’s what our affirmations are all about; speaking life into your situation, your circumstances and your life!! I challenge you to find out what your surroundings are saying about you and act on it today!! I don’t know where you need to start, but I needed to start in my yard and I did.

I went to a cousin, who previously mentioned how great her lawn guy is. I told her to give him my number because I had work for him THIS WEEK. He called and he took the tour of my domestic jungle and we made a deal. He came back the same day to tackle the front lawn. I am so grateful and pleased. I will sleep better knowing I’ve accomplished something. I haven’t completed all the assignments to get my life back on track, but at least, I’m back on the road and in the right lane. I hope this inspires you to do the same. We know better and we can do better!! We can live our best lives!!

So here’s an affirmation for the road:

“Spirited resolve moves me toward my own goals 
with confidence and determination."

Until next time,

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva