The Frugal Files: Giving Thanks Today!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you!!

Welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of The Frugal Files!! Last year around this time, we were talking Black Friday sales, but this time I’d like to focus more on what we have rather than what we want. It’s a lovely day outside and a glorious day to give thanks. Last week, we talked about  ((link)) and this week, I just wanted to share some ways to give thanks and share this time with those who truly matter. Great thing about it, is they are Frugalicious…as always.

Spend time with family, no matter the size. Also, family doesn’t mean just those related to you by blood. Share time and space with those that matter most to you and make it a happy day. Eat, play games, discuss the world and just enjoy each other’s company. Catch up on what’s going on in your lives. You never know what will come up; new business ideas, referrals, opportunities. We all get so busy on social media with people we don’t know, that we miss out on the expertise right in our own family.

Check on others. Because I have such a big family, I sometimes forget that it’s not the case for everyone. Holidays are times to share with people we love and care about. So if you have a friend that has no family in the area or a college student that didn’t go home, offer them a plate and an invitation to spend time with your family. Let’s make sure people aren’t lonely and alone during this holiday time. I am thankful and very proud that my family is large and that they are welcoming to newcomers. They won’t hesitate to throw someone in the food line and give them a hug. That goes for any family function, be it a holiday gathering or a game night. If they are family to one of us, they are family to all of us.

Visit extended family. You have a few days off right? Don’t spend it all at the mall. Why not call or take a ride to an aunt’s house you haven’t seen in a while. Do you have a family member in a nursing home? Go visit them and share a piece of pie and play a few rounds of checkers. This is the time to show people that even when you don’t see each other often, they are still thought about and loved. Use this gesture as a reminder to go and visit people more often. Let them tell you stories. One thing we don’t do as much as we used to is sit at the feet of our elders and listen to their wisdom. They’ve lived long enough to know something about life, so let’s get that knowledge and pass it on to the next generation.

Volunteer. I know I talked about this last week, but because people seem to have so much time off work and school, it’s the perfect time to lend a helping hand for a good cause. This is not only to say that volunteering should only be done around these holidays, but it’s a good start. Use it as a catapult to really make donating your time, a lifestyle change. Donate money, attend a fundraiser, help them raise funds and jump in and fill in the gap where they need help.

Give away items. In addition to giving out toys for tots, consider donating items from a shelter’s wish list. Organize a drive of some sort at your church or in your women’s group. Choose a local, national or international charity and set aside time and money to support it. It will do both the charity and your heart, good!!

No matter what you do today and during this time of relaxation, be sure to give thanks. You may not be where you want to be or have everything you want, but say a word of thanks to God for all that you do have. Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow Me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva

Fearless Fridays: The Power of Forgiveness

This month, I am taking part in The Big Girl Movement’s  21-Day Speak Love, Spread Love Challenge. It’s a great idea that the wonderful Erica Ware of BGM came up with. She is always such a positive force for all women and a beautiful person I am proud to call a friend. This challenge consists of daily tasks we are asked to do, which help us to speak love and spread love…for ourselves and others. It has brought complete strangers together where we are all supporting and uplifting each other.

This challenge has been pretty easy in a sense for me until Day 15. Day 15’s task was as follows:

“For anyone who has wronged you, make the choice right now to FORGIVE THEM! Write a list of the people, or person, who has caused you pain, or discomfort, that you are having trouble forgiving. Once you create your list, say: ''I was deeply affected by what you've done to me in the past. I realize that I CANNOT change it, but I can accept it'' (Say it with conviction, like you really are ready to move on with your life. He who angers you, controls you. Discard of your list in whichever way you choose.”

For me, forgiveness is extremely tough and something I continue to work on to this day. Ironically, I am listening to “Bust Your Windows” by Jazmine Sullivan as I type this blog.  I listen it to now with a smile on my face because I look back to two years ago, when I found out that my boyfriend at the time had lied to me basically about everything. I was so in love with him and my whole view of him was shattered. He was an unfaithful man and a liar. He lied about how many kids he had, his situation, everything. I believed he loved me, yes. But his idea of love and mine were two very different ones. Back then, I was so angry and pissed off. I felt like I was on an episode of Maury minus the DNA test, thank goodness!  It took me some time but I did forgive him. I realized that I had to forgive him, not so much for him but for me. That anger was eating me up. And I realized that it was holding me back from really experiencing the love I wanted in my life.

We have all been wronged by someone but honestly, that will never change. People will always do something wrong. We’re all human and not perfect. This is what I had to accept. There goes that word again…ACCEPT. Acceptance is key in life. It is connected to so many things. I have talked about acceptance many times on this blog in other facets of my life. Acceptance is the base of everything in life. When you can accept the things you cannot change, which includes people and who they are, life becomes such a different experience. People can change but they have to want to change themselves. We cannot change them.

My ex, well, I had to accept that no matter how much I loved him, I could not change him. He needed to make that choice to change for himself. So I accepted things for the way they were (I certainly could not change how many kids he has or how many times he has been married) and let go. After doing that, then I could move on.

Forgiveness does not mean you are saying what that person did was okay. It’s saying “I accept what happened and I am letting it go”. It doesn’t mean you’re keeping them in your life. It means you are forgiving them and moving on. It’s all about cleansing your own heart and soul. When you keep grudges and don’t forgive, you’re essentially living in the past. When you do that, how can you move forward? It’s like you’re standing behind a closed door and refuse to open the door and see what is outside. You stay inside, unhappy and dwelling on what could have been, on what happened. Honestly, there shouldn’t be a “what could have been” on your mind because what’s done is done. You can’t change it. All you can do is ACCEPT it.

I continue to be a work in progress. Some are easier to forgive than others. I have one family member who I am struggling to forgive. It continues to be one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life. I remember the pain, havoc and chaos she inflicted onto my life when I was just 10 years old and lived with her for a year. I remember it like yesterday. She has never apologized to me or even showed remorse. I never thought I could hate someone like I hate her. Hate is pretty strong word for me because I don’t hate anyone but her.

However, in retrospect, her mistreatment and neglect forced me to grow up fast and learn to take care of myself so she gave me a gift. It could have been worse. I still managed to survive it and thrive. I keep telling myself…”When you forgive someone, you are freeing your heart and lightening the load within your heart.”  When you let go of the bad things, you are making space to let more positive things in. This is one thing I need to do to truly free my heart.

I am determined that I will. I have to do it for me above all else. Even though Day 15 of the challenge has passed (we are almost done at Day 20), I will still have my Day 15 from time to time.  Forgiveness is never easy but very necessary.

''I was deeply affected by what you've done to me in the past. I realize that I CANNOT change it, but I can accept it.'' 

It feels so good to say that.

The Frugal Files: Frugal & Fun Family Reunions!!

Hey frugal folks!!

Welcome back to the Frugal Files!! Since, it’s July, you know that it’s time for Family Reunions!! It’s all about food, folks and fun during these times, but they don’t have to cost an arm and a leg!! Here’s a few suggestions on how to have great fun with the fam without spending too much!!

1) Prepare early – Have periodic meetings to discuss the reunions and what you want. Do you want to have it at a local park? The beach? Out of town? Is this a significant year you want to celebrate with more than just a picnic? Maybe a banquet or fashion show? What about a family cruise? All of these things would need to be both decided and paid for up front. Establish a tradition. Regardless, get your family there and enjoy the fun.

2) Potluck – This is my answer to EVERY large family or friends’ function. It is so simple and easy on everyone’s pockets. If you’re fortunate enough to have reunion meetings, where family members pay dues, then the fund can pay for the most expensive items like the meat. Then everyone else’s individual families can split up the side dishes and desserts.

If there’s no fund, then make a list of food needed and all family members, then split the costs equally. Every family can bring a meat, side and dessert. Make sure to bring enough for EVERYONE, not just an individual family. Also, if you know your favorite Aunt makes the best peach cobbler or your Dad has pefected the most perfect BBQ, make sure that’s the food they bring and plan according. It’s imperative that everyone bring their “A” game to this family function.

3) Bring your own games – Having a family day at the park or on the family’s property? Then be sure to bring your own entertainment. In my family, my Dad and uncle were the King of Games and everyone fell in line yearly, making it a tradition. Break out several decks of cards and have a Spades or Bid Whist tournament. Even without a tournament, grab yourself a partner and lay your cards on the table.

For the kids (and the adults that are big kids), fill up small balloons with water for a water toss. That’s when you and your partners line up across from each other and toss the water balloon to each other. Once the line is done, everyone moves further apart. If you burst your balloon you’re out. Whoever is left standing with their balloon in tact is the winner. The fun thing about this is by the time the end of the game comes around water will be splashing all over the place. Once you’ve played a few games, take the rest of the balloons and have a water balloon fight!! Fun times!!

In addition to the water toss, our family always had an egg toss too. The eggs combined with the heat…gross, but it was still fun to see the eggs burst on people!! Messy, but hilarious!! Then of course, there’s other games to be played like checkers, freeze tag, tic, tac, toe and one of my favorites: BINGO!! So addition to bringing your own games, have everyone donate a prize for the Bingo games. You don’t even have to buy one, find something around your home you never use and donate it to your family. They make great BINGO prizes.

4) Share Transportation – This year is our 60^th family reunion and it’s in another state. So, I’m suggesting the same thing my parents suggested, to charter a bus so more people can go and spend less. No need to drive or carpool or even worry about directions. Everyone split the cost of the bus, bring your own snacks and enjoy the ride and the festivities when you get there. Usually your portion of the bus will be less than if you drove your own car there and back.

A word about the snacks, use coupons to get yours. My daughter and aunts love Sunflowers seeds. I like them too, so when I realized I had four coupons for them, making them free, I was set. We’re ready to board the bus. So find some discounts and coupons on items like water, juice and snacks and take along on the ride.

5) Change the Date – My last suggestion may be a bit unorthodox, but who says family reunions have to be in the summer? Perhaps you can have one in the fall where amusement parks and other places won’t be as crowded. Consider having a holiday banquet as a family reunion, or a Ski trip in the winter. Regardless of where or when it is, if can be both enjoyable and frugal for your family. Choose what works for you, while you make and cherish the memories.

What ways do you celebrate family? What are your tips in having a safe, fun and frugal reunion? Tell me in the comments below, on Facebook or on Twitter!!

Frugalicious Diva

Follow me on Twitter at @FrugaliciousDva