‘Tis The Season to Let Go & Clean House

Well, dear readers, it's the end of the year. It's a time for reflection, a time to take inventory of where you are in your life's journey and a time to purge. When I say "purge", I mean "clean house". We all need to clean house at times because when we evolve and change, sometimes there are people and things in our lives that we outgrow and cannot come along with us on our journey anymore. As it is said, some people and situations come into your life for a season and are not meant to be there for a lifetime. It could be a friend, a job, a project, etc. Once the lesson is learned, it is time to let go and move on to fully experience growth.

Cleaning house is not easy. Especially if you grow attached to someone or something and cannot bring yourself to let go. But for us to move forward on this great journey we are each on, we have to accept things and let go. And no matter how much we try to avoid cleaning house, things will happen to us in life that force us to re-evaluate our lives and clean house, whether we like it or not. I discovered a lot about myself this year. It was both an amazing and devastating year for me. I lost my dad, who was one of the people in my life that I love the most. But during all of that darkness, I also experienced many great opportunities. I joined the production team for Full Figured Fashion Week. I wrote articles for various magazines. I started to blog more personally and launched a Facebook page to accompany that blog. I also joined the Belle Noir team, which is how I came to be writing this very blog every Thursday.

With losing my dad and gaining all of these wonderful opportunities at the same time, I became a different person. I evolved and looked at life with a different set of eyes. As I have said before, death gives you a different perspective in life. It reminds you that life is not forever. And since you don't know when it's your time to go, you have to make every minute you are alive on this earth count. So this was when I truly learned that cleaning house is essential. In order to be successful in life, it is imperative that you surround yourself with people who will support you, inspire you and accept you unconditionally. Toxic people will just bring you down and suck the energy out of you. But when you surround yourself with good people, the opportunities are endless.

The lesson I took from my dad's death was to never take life for granted. His death was so sudden and unexpected so that really made me wake up to the fact that the time is now. I should not put off until tomorrow what I can accomplish today. It is so easy to take life for granted but honestly, tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

The lesson I took from all of these wonderful opportunities that came my way was that I needed to clean house immediately. Through these wonderful opportunities, I have met some amazing people who are the kind of people I need to surround myself with. So it made me re-evaluate who was in the mix and really see that some folks needed to be ousted from the circle immediately and replaced with some new ones. Because those in your circle will directly affect how you feel about yourself and you want people in your life who will fuel your energy, not steal it. It's amazing how it takes just one person to boost your spirit or get your creativity flowing. Just as it only takes one toxic person to cause you to feel down, think negatively and question yourself.

It's not easy to cut off people or walk away from a project or job but once you do it, it is so freeing and empowering. It's as if you are letting go of dead weight. I was a writer for a certain magazine for about a year but got to a point where it was not an opportunity that was beneficial to me anymore. So I walked away. It was hard to let go of a steady gig but I had to, in order to leave the door open for something better to come, which it did. At the end of the day, in your heart, you know what's not right and you know what needs to go. It's getting that courage up to let it go.

Just know that no one's life is perfect so even when cleaning house, you will not get your house fully immaculate and know that, that will not affect you on making progress in your life. Just start the new year off with a new attitude and cleaner house. Accept that there are many things in our lives that we cannot control and that's okay. As long as you are listening to your gut and being honest with yourself about the people and things in your life, you will do fine.

Cleaning house is a constant thing that is necessary in life. And with cleaning house, you're revamping your life. The fun thing about life is that nothing is set in stone. You can have as many do-overs as you want. Ultimately, you decide what you want in your life. You decide what direction you're going to walk. We never know if we are going in the right direction but even if it's in the wrong direction and crossing paths with the wrong people, it actually is not wrong...it was meant to happen because there is a lesson there to be learned. But the key to life is letting go of those "wrong" people and making sure you get back on the path but go in the opposite direction. You get up and you try again...another do-over. How empowering is that?

So Happy New Year to all of you and wishing you a successful 2012, full of good fortune, happiness, love and many great do-overs. New Year, new beginnings, a cleaner house. Yes!

The Frugal Files: Time for Kwanzaa, Time for Us

Habari Gani Frugal people!!

It’s almost the end of the year, but the celebration is not over!! It’s Kwanzaa time!! That means it’s a time to reconnect with our African Heritage. In case you’re not aware, let me briefly share.

Kwanzaa: A Celebration of Family, Community, and Culture, was founded by Maulana Karenga  in 1966 and is the first specifically African American holiday, giving us an opportunity to celebrate us and our history. Kwanzaa, meaning first fruits of the harvest, is celebrated using symbols: a decorative mat on which other symbols are placed, corn and other crops, a candle holder with seven candles, called a kinara, a communal cup for pouring libations, gifts, a poster of the seven principles, and a black, red, and green flag, representing the seven principles.

It’s easy to remember when Kwanzaa begins, because it’s always the day after Christmas and takes us through the beginning of the year. Here we’re introduced to Nguzo Saba, the seven principles of Kwanzaa. Each day is dedicated to a principle. You can find ways to celebrate with your family and friends on each day. Now, let’s celebrate!!

December 26 - Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Celebrate: Come together for family dinner and eat together. Everyone bring a dish to share, emphasizing fruit and vegetables or prepare an African dish. Spending time together is the greatest way to promote Umoja in your family.

December 27 - Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

Celebrate: Pull out your history books, especially ones from your family history. Enlist the help of the elders and sit at their feet. Listen to the stories of those that came before us, noting their pride and inspiring tales. You know we love to tell stories, so be sure to pass on this oral history and tradition.

December 28 - Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers' and sisters' problems our problems, and to solve them together.

Celebrate: This is a day to simply be kind to others, especially those in our communities. It’s a day to think of others, so practicing random acts of kindness like picking up litter, running errands for neighbors and serving food at the soup kitchen are good ways to do just that. Volunteer your time somewhere today. It doesn’t cost you anything and it’s good for the soul.

December 29 - Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.

Celebrate: This is my favorite, using talents before money!! Whether you’re giving gifts for Christmas, Kwanzaa or even a birthday, don’t spend money you don’t have. Instead, opt to make something creative. Sew or knit? Make a blanket or article of clothing. Handy? Create something. My Dad once made kitchen footstools for gifts. They were both helpful and meaningful because he made them with his own hands. We have talents we can use to bless others, so let’s!!

December 30 - Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

Celebrate: This grace-based principle is one challenge us to do daily. One concern in our community is our children. We can restore our greatness by starting in them, our future. Mentor a child, especially teens. Setting a good example helps them understand their worth and responsibility to our community.

December 31 - Kuumba (Creativity): To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.

Celebrate: Shouldn’t all our days be about serving others? Take on another family member’s chore, just because. Gather fruit, a notepad and pen, fuzzy socks, a crossword puzzle and a bottle of water. Put it in a basket and present it to a coworker or friend. It’s a thoughtful way to spread beauty in the form of kindness.

January 1 - Imani (Faith): To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Celebrate: The beauty of Kwanzaa is it’s a cultural holiday, one where all faiths can participate. On this last day, share your traditions with someone else and partake in theirs. We all live on this earth and we can coexist here. Let’s make it easy by sharing for understanding. It will make the world a better place.

Learn more about Kwanzaa, it’s principles, symbols and ceremonies by visiting http://www.officialkwanzaawebsite.org/NguzoSaba.shtml

Kwanzaa allows us to commemorate our heritage and ourselves; it is also frugalicious!! Enjoy!! 


Frugalicious Diva

Boutique Buzz: Queen Grace Collection After Christmas Sale!

Happy Holidays, Belle-Noir Readers!

Just when you thought the holiday shopping season was done, comes what many people look forward to just as much as shopping for Christmas--the After Christmas sales! And our friends over at the Queen Grace Collection are having a great sale!

Beginning December 25th promptly at midnight Queen Grace will offer a 40, 50, up to 60% discount on all Queen Grace collections on the Queen Grace website. You will need to go onto the QUEEN GRACE Facebook page, click "like" to discover their % off discount!


In addition, not only 40,50 & up to 60% off  they are offering FREE SHIPPING to boot using the code NEWQUEEN12 for your after-Christmas savings! It's too fabulous to be imagined! This promotion will conclude at 11:59PM December 31st.

Styles and sizes are limited, so be sure to check out this sale SOON! If you are looking for something fabulous to ring in 2012 with, the Queen Grace Collection has an amazing collection of dresses, skirts and blouses that are certain to help you make a glamorous and dazzling statement at any party! My personal fave? The Elise dress!

And be sure to check out our exclusive interview with Queen Grace Collection Founder Marina Zelner in the January/February 2012 digital issue of Belle-Noir Magazine, debuting January 7th, 2012!

Happy Shopping!

‘Tis The Season to Channel Your Inner Superstar

The holidays are usually a time when many people get depressed and sad. We miss our loved ones that are no longer with us or dwell on what we don't have, like a relationship, kids, money, etc. I am no exception. I have been depressed, missing my dad. I have been frustrated with my life. Yes, even me, Ms Positivity, has her moments. I'm human. However, while I have my moments, I do know that I ultimately make the choice on how I let my emotions rule my life. Am I going to let them get me down? Or am I going to learn the lesson, let it go and move on? We all have that power, that choice. Even if you're down and continue to stay that way, you are making that choice to stay in that funk. Making that choice to not be depressed/sad sounds like such a simple concept but yet so hard to fully act out...

The one thing that I have been doing, which has been great for my spirit and helps me with making the right choices in my life is having a daily affirmation. An affirmation is a simple statement that you create or get from another source (like a book, website, etc), which relates to the goal you want to achieve either for that day or long-term. It can be 1 sentence or 4. There is no strict format for an affirmation. It is simply a positive statement that is tailored to fit you and what you need to speak on to the world to heal your own soul and help you get your focus back on track.

When you say an affirmation, you are speaking out positive things to the universe. You are making the decision to speak positivity into your life. You are controlling what kind of energy you keep within yourself and bring into other's lives. Affirmations help you make the choice to look at life differently. You become focused on your greatness instead of your limitations. You are focusing on the positive, which will help you feel better, more motivated and eventually helps you to change your outlook on life and manifest positive life changes.

And to think, it's as easy as saying a sentence or two out loud daily, as soon as you wake up in the morning. You can lay in bed and say your affirmation. You can look in the bathroom mirror and say it. You can even look out the window and say it. Just say your affirmation a few times and let it resonate within you. Think about what you're saying. Feel what you're saying and let yourself truly internalize the words.

I was introduced to affirmations and the power behind them by my friend Latisha, also known as The Frugalicious Diva, who writes her weekly Frugal Files for this blog. Latisha posted the best affirmation on my Facebook wall this morning because she knew I was having a rough day yesterday. As it gets closer to Christmas, I am thinking of my dad even more and dwelling on the things I have lost in my life. So when I saw the affirmation that Latisha gifted me with, it really meant a lot to me because it was what I needed at the right time. The affirmation was the following:

I choose to be happy at the start of each day.

Such a powerful statement in a short sentence. Honestly, that is what an affirmation is. I said it a few times as I looked out my window. The more I said it, the more I felt it to the point where I made the decision, yes I am going to be happy at the start of each day. According to Wikipedia, an affirmation is a declaration that something is true. And by us speaking these affirmations out to the world, we are declaring that they are true. How empowering is that?

You'll be amazed at how easier it becomes to achieve your goals and succeed. Your inner superstar is there within you. You just need to work a little to get her out. Affirmations can make the world of difference with helping you inspire yourself and build your self-esteem.

My Christmas gift to all of you superstars this year is an affirmation that we should all say a few times throughout the year to remind us that we have to love ourselves first and foremost:

I am happy with who I am, just as I am.

I will not waste the person I am because I love me, flaws and all.

As I have said before, there's only one you in this world. So you have to take care of yourself and love yourself as much as you can. So this holiday season, channel your inner superstar by saying your own daily affirmations. You're giving the best gift you can to yourself by doing this. Declare your happiness - make it a true thing. Take control of your life. Make that choice to live your life as great as you can. It’s your choice – what do you choose?

The Frugal Files: Relax...It's Holiday Vacation Time!!

Hello!! It’s almost Christmas time!! Welcome to your holiday vacation Frugal folks!!

Christmas is right around the corner and the kids are out of school. You may or may not have as much time off as they do, but I know you have some holiday vacation time you’re using right about now. All of the shopping is done, you have a few more gifts to pull out of hiding you have to wrap and you’ve finally completed your holiday menu.

Before all that hard work starts, you should take a vacation. Many people think that taking a vacation means you have to go somewhere. Sometimes it does mean just that, but you know the Frugalicious Diva is going to confront that sort of thinking. I’m talking about a mental vacation. Take a load off your mind, forget about work and get ready for playtime!!

It’s the best time of the year to really enjoy your families and friends. Even if you decide to tackle a few overdue projects, having the kids home, gives you the insurance of free labor. *smile* This holiday time, let’s just see what we can get into…

It’s cookie time!! If you are like me, you have duplicates of some food items in your home. For us, we have an abundance of peanut butter!! I don’t know why we have so many, because we don’t use it that often. Nonetheless, we are making using it before the year ends. I’ve found a few yummy looking recipes and you’re welcome to them:

Peanut Butter Bars

Peanut Butter Cookies

Apple Cranberry Peanut Butter Crisp

These recipes will keep you happy to be in the kitchen, not at all minding the flour on your face and in your hair. Turn up the music, set up your assembly line and mix, mix, mix. Enjoy the laughs with your loved ones while you make a delicious holiday treat together!!

*Frugalicious Idea* If you’re still looking for little gifts for maybe your co-workers or club members, make them a batch or two of your tasty desserts!!

In addition to cooking, it’s time to catch up on your leisure time. Do you still have items on your hobby “to do” list? Pull it out and make your plans. Have you yet to see that exhibit at the museum or art gallery downtown? What about visiting an elderly neighbor or friend you’ve been meaning to check on? Now is the time to do your local traveling.

As for me, my family hasn’t seen the Lights Before Christmas at the zoo yet and while we’re on our vacation, we plan to check it out. It’s really beautiful from what I hear and an awesome highlight of the season in my area. The best thing, it’s very affordable.

Lastly, this is a time to get things in tiptop shape for the New Year!! My parents used to tell me, “You have to clean your room before the new year, or it will be messy all year long.” Now whether that was just a ploy to get me to clean my room or not, the principle behind that statement stands true. You want to go into a new place, a new era with a clean slate and clear head. How you leave one situation is how you enter the next.

So, follow my parents’ (and I’m sure your parents’) advice and clean it up. Give the house and each room a thorough dusting and cleaning. Clean out the junk in the basement and donate to goodwill or a community organization that can utilize your goods. You still have a few days left to get tax-deductible slips for your donations.

Before you head back to grind or the rat race, I hope you get the chance to take your own personal vacation, just for you and your family. Take the time to cater to yourself and each other and take pleasure in your time off from “the real world”. It’s a great way to replenish your spirit and renew your mind. Happy Holidays to you!!

Frugalicious Diva 

"Tis The Season To Explore The Dating Opportunities, Single Ladies

The holiday season can be a lonely time for us single people. This is the second consecutive Christmas in a row that I do not have a boyfriend. I'll be honest. It sucks. But it is what it is. I don't let my relationship status stop me from enjoying the holiday season to the fullest. We should never base our happiness on being in a relationship.

However, you cannot sit back and wait for Mr Prince Charming to knock on your door. It just is not happening. And don't think because you're a big girl, that you can't get a man either. That is furthest from the truth. The opportunities to meet men are out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and explore those opportunities.

First of all, before you seek any type of romance, you need to be right with you. Your confidence needs to be on point. Because you wear your confidence (or lack of) as you wear an outfit. So think of it this way: if you rolled out of bed this morning, didn't take the time to dress right or even comb your hair, and decided to go out this way, it is obvious to the world that you don't care about yourself or love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Same rings true with confidence. The world can see when you are not confident in who you are. This can be a turnoff to men and can also attract the wrong kind of men. There are men out there who want a woman who lacks confidence so he can take advantage of her or control her. So get right with yourself, know your self-worth and believe in your fabulousness before seeking a relationship.

Secondly, when putting yourself out there in the dating world, please listen to the alarms. Your gut is always right and there are always alarms going off when someone is not right. But we sometimes choose to ignore the alarms and signs because we want to be in a relationship so bad. We hold out hope that things will change. Get rid of that way of thinking right now. If he isn't on the up and up from the start, he will not change and things will not get better. Don't think your situation is the exception because those are few and far between.

If you decide to try online dating, you really have to rely on your instincts to feel guys out since you are not meeting them in person but through the computer. For us big girls, there are dating sites specifically for us where men are on there looking for us. I have used dating sites before and have had a mixed experience. I do like that we have sites that are geared toward big beautiful women because then you don't have to approach that topic with a man. He knows your size already and is attracted to that size.

But at the same time, you have to be careful and observant online. I'm keeping it real here: Online, you can be whoever you want to be. I have seen men put up old pics, or be vague and not fully honest on their profiles, or they have a fat fetish, which sometimes extends to them having an addiction to being online just to fulfill their fetish as a voyeur. So my advice to you is to ask lots of questions, be observant and again, if alarms go off and things don't seem right, heed those warnings because it's probably true.

Also, be careful when getting involved with a man from another country. The distance is tough and while it is so easy to get caught up through the computer with someone, you have to be honest with yourself. How can you have a relationship with someone you can't see on a regular basis? I have heard people say they are in love but yet never met the person. I'm sorry if I am crushing someone's dreams but love is something that is built over time and you need physical interaction for that. You need to get to know someone fully by being around them before you can make a decision on whether you love them and want to be with them long-term. You can't know someone fully by email, video chat, Facebook wall posts and cards in the mail.

Now let's say you meet a man online that lives in the US but may live a few hours away. It happens and love has blossomed out of many of these types of situations. Well, Ladies, for the first meeting, if the man does not offer to come to you and instead wants you to come to him, keep it moving. NEXT! A man who is truly interested in you will not let anything stop him from getting to you. But if he is only interested in a booty call, he will not make an effort to even pick you up at the train station or airport. He'll expect you to come to him and pay for your travels. If you are in this type of situation and planning a first-time meeting and don't believe me, tell him in the next conversation that you can't come to him and would he mind coming to you? That will be the tell-tale sign of how he feels about you.

We also have BBW clubs, which cater to big women and the men who love them. Personally, I don't frequent BBW clubs. While these places are welcome spots to meet men who like big women, I find that those places are really used by men with fat fetishes and I want to be with someone who is not just with me because he's attracted to my big body. But that's my take on it. If you want to meet someone in that type of place, it might work well for you. I do know a few people who have gotten into relationships from meeting in a BBW club. To each his/her own. It's just not my cup of tea.

There are so many available outlets where you can meet someone. There's speed dating, which can be fun. There's mixers and events geared towards single people. Shoot, there's even single retreats at church! You have to find what works for you and have an open mind about it. Be confident and put yourself out there. You never know who you're going to meet in the supermarket, bookstore, church, etc. What really counts and what will help you in your dating adventures is your attitude towards it all. Don't be desperate to be with someone because you are too fabulous for that mess.

Being alone is not fun at times but wouldn't you rather be happy alone than unhappy in a terrible relationship where you settled for the first man who came across your path just because you didn't want to be alone? In the end, what counts is how you feel about yourself. When you know your self-worth, you know what you will stand for and what your deal-breakers are. You won't accept mistreatment from a man. Your confidence will command queen-like treatment. If you go out there with that type of attitude, the sky's the limit, Ladies! Good luck and happy dating!

The Frugal Files: Helpful Thrifting Tips

Greeting Frugalicious ones!!

Let me just jump in today. I’m so excited to share with the world that I am doing some redecorating. Yes, it’s still Christmas time, but you have coupons, spending and saving tips to get you through the rest of the season. In fact, I hope you’re already done with your shopping…if you even chose to do so this Christmas!! *wink*

Back to my excitement!! I’m making some subtle and some not-so-subtle changes to my living room and dining room areas. In addition, we’re adding some finishing touches and changing it up a bit in the bedroom. Lastly, I am FINALLY getting around to decorating my enclosed back porch area. It is a great space and I bought minimal furniture for it as I was moving two years ago.

Unfortunately, no other attention has been given to this space; probably the reason why I haven’t spent any quality time there. It is the perfect place to sit and relax, read a book, write poetry or affirmations and look at the stars. It’s time to transform this particular spot; spruce it up and add some life, so I can do some living there.

Overall, in my search, I’ve gotten some great stuff, but I’m far from finished. I purchased throw pillows, a bookshelf, frames for artwork, vases and other colorful home décor. The best part about this shopping is that I’m thrifting!! Simply put, I’ve become kind of obsessed with this beautification project, so obviously I’m spending money, however, I’m spending less than you think. I’m hitting up all thrift and second hand shops in my area and getting huge deals!!

A little money, a bit of time and a lot of imagination goes a long way. I have miscellaneous décor items and just didn’t seem to fit anywhere; I know I’m not alone in this. Thrifting helps your imagination to get in gear. What a difference a $0.99 vase or candle will do for a room; a $7.00 set of throw pillows will do for a bare loveseat; a $5.00 large multicolored artificial plant to spruce up a corner. Now I have places to put my favorite silk calla lilies, some artwork I brought back from Jamaica and my colorful chopsticks from China. They are a creative and fun way to jazz up a bookshelf.

That wasn’t the only thing I learned in this process. There are some things you can do to save more, even when you’re already paying less. For instance, do grab a mailer upon entering any store, especially if it’s not a thrifty one. Oftentimes they have coupons you can use on that trip. While in line hoping to pay less for this item, I casually asked about coupons and she told me about the mailer. The cashier promptly cut it out for me and I got 40% off my purchase.

Also, while in line at Savers, I asked the same question and found out this tidbit. When shopping at discount stores, check on their coupon and discount policies and promotions. Currently Savers, if you have one in your area, gives you coupons, along with your tax-deductible slips. For every donation, you get a $3 off coupon for a $10 purchase. So bring in an old item when you go to get new or used ones. You donate AND you save.

Now, that’s what I call shopping (and redecorating) for less!! All you have to do is ask!!

Frugalicious Diva

Calling All Curvy Girls! Now Casting For TV Show!

We received the following information from the lovely folks at Vinnie Potestivo Entertainment (VPE) & are happy to share it with you! Best of luck to all who apply!

Does your curvy figure make shopping a nightmare? Not finding anything that fits at the mall?

Do you feel the fashion industry has ignored you?

If you or a friend have experienced the frustration of shopping for plus-size clothes in a size zero world WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

VPE is seeking women in the Tri-State area (or those who will visiting NYC February to March 2012) to appear on a new Major Cable Network show from BBC Worldwide that will help women embrace their curves and look good inside and out.

Send the following information to: FashionForMe@VPEtalent.com
- Name

- Age

- Phone

- 3-5 current pictures of yourself

- A brief description of why this opportunity is perfect for you.
 

Weekly Motivation 12.11.11

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world
in a conspiracy of love!"

~Hamilton Wright Mabie

"Tis The Season to Treat Yourself

"Little things make big things happen." ~ John Wooden

I love this short yet powerful quote from John Wooden. Mr. Wooden was a great college basketball player and coach. He was known for his short inspirational messages to his players. To him, his messages were not just about basketball but about being successful in life as well. He spent his career not just coaching a team but giving them food for thought, inspiration and support. The quotes were small things yet they had a lasting effect on every player on his team.

Life is basically all about the little things. Sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things and focus solely on the big things in life. This is why when we face a major disappointment, we don't handle it as well as we could. Life is always full of disappointments and setbacks. As I have said before, it's how you choose to deal with these moments in life that determine how your life will move forward. When we bypass and ignore the little successes in our lives, we are incapable of truly appreciating our lives overall.

Essentially, life is made up of tiny accomplishments, surprises, great times and moments. Think about it - if you collected all of these little great things, they would add up to one big great thing known as your life. And nothing feels better than reveling in a small moment or enjoying a little thing because you're simply treating yourself and this just adds to your happiness.

First and foremost, we have to keep ourselves happy as much as we can. If we're happy, those around us are happy for the most part and all is right in our world. Happiness is infectious and one's happy demeanor can inspire another to strive to be as happy. As I have written about before, you control the energy you put out there and your energy is directly connected to how happy you are and how you look at life. If you're a negative person, your energy is going to be negative. So if you're constantly having pity parties, crying 'Why me?"and thinking that your life is never going to get better, that is what you are projecting out to the world. You get back what you project out. And no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer. I know I don't. Just as happiness is infectious, so is negativity.

This holiday season, while yes, it is the "giving to others" season, how about giving to yourself? Enjoy the little things...find what makes you happy and do it. It could be something as simple as a cup of hot chocolate to drink while watching a romantic comedy. It could be listening to your favorite music or reading a great book. It could even be volunteering and helping others. The more you treat yourself to the little things, the more you will make your heart smile, which will change your attitude on life. Your energy will be so off the charts. People will want to know what's the deal with you and want whatever kool aid you're drinking, lol.

You need yourself as much as others need you. You need to take care of yourself as much as you take care of others. Love starts within. In order to properly hand out excessive amounts of love to the world, you need to have that abundance of love within you first. Now I am not saying you have to be happy 100% of the time, skipping down the street like a lunatic. That is just not possible. We are constantly tested in life with disappointments and bad times. But a person of true strength and character can get through anything and keep it moving in life.

For example, when my dad died 8 months ago, I was devastated. But I had just started working on the production team for Full Figured Fashion Week and time does not stop because you are standing still. I took a few days to get myself together and then I had to jump back into work. I just stayed focused and treated myself to little things that could get me through this tough time. While nothing could erase this void and pain within me, the little things kept me sane, focused and made me smile instead of crying. For me, music always helps and continues to help me as I grieve even today. I can put on some dance music, disco or some 80's pop music and start dancing around my apartment. It truly is a spirit booster.

I wrote and delivered the eulogy at my dad's service and managed to get through it without crying. I actually made the attendees laugh because I was determined to remember him in a positive light and share my great memories with everyone. One day, a friend said to me, "Wow, I admire how strong you have been through all of this. I don't know if I could have done all that you've done." And I told him that I was amazed at my own strength. Which I was. I don't know how I did it and continue to do it but I do. I take it one day at a time and focus on the little things and moments.

I always treat myself and care for me because I know I have to keep my heart right in order to treat others well. It's that simple. Also, by me treating myself and taking care of myself, I'm nuturing my own happiness and keeping my energy positive. It's like what John Wooden says, the little things makes big things happen. Your happiness and well-being is a pretty big thing. So treat yourself today. It's just another gift you deserve to give to yourself not just during the holidays but every day.

On that note, I am going to have a nice glass of Chardonnay as I sit and gossip with my best friend Herman, who makes me laugh so much that I will be reaching for my asthma pump. What do you plan to do to treat yourself today?

The Frugal Files: Easy Ideas, Breezy Christmas

Happy December to you!!

It's definitely that time of year isn't it? It's snowing, the streets are buzzing and the chimneys are smoking. This is one of my favorite time of the year because it promotes so much family and friends time. All during the year we hustle and bustle for our jobs, and outside people, but the holiday period allows us to come back inside and wine and dine the people closest to us.

I love that there are more home cooked meals shared with more than just immediate family; also that the thinking focus is turned toward someone other than ourselves. We reach out and use our hearts. However, for some, it is still a stressful time. One of the reasons I especially like family geared holiday time is because it is a sometimes difficult time for those who have lost loved ones, thus losing traditions we may have once known.

The good news is that new traditions can start anytime. One of the reasons I find that people find holiday time stressful is because they try to uphold an unrealistic image of themselves, their families and their bank accounts. Over the years I would watch the habits of my family members, as well as my own, once I was old enough to take on my own responsibilities. There were years I found it easily and exercised both good judgment and planning. Other years, it was complicated and hard to manage. Finally, I decided to stop stressing myself out about Christmas and didn't put too much focus on it.

I know many of you took advantage of those great Black Friday "sales" and it is my hope that you were able to get all the gifts you wanted to buy and within your budget. While I know that can be realistic for my truly Frugalicious folks, I know that's idealistic for the masses. It is inevitable that we will spend money, but if we're spending less each time; now that's frugalicious! Here are some other ideas to keep from overspending this holiday:

The Trusty Gift Exchange – Throw everyone's name in a hat and pick one. Set a dollar amount and have the monitor write down a few things that you'd like in that price range. You are then only responsible for buying ONE gift; the person you chose. For added fun and frugaliciousness, agree to only buy gifts from the Goodwill, Salvation Army, Savers or whatever second hand store in your area. This can be a fun way to celebrate the season without throwing your wallet in the fireplace. All those stores benefit someone else too, so you're achieving a community service in your purchase. As far as your family goes, everyone will get a gift, in fact, they get a gift they want!!

Talent Time – If you are an artistic person or have a special knack for baking or working with your hands, this is your calling this Christmas. Give out as many heartfelt gift that you can make. Getting specialized gifts, made with your own hands are sure to make any recipient feel special.

Debt-To-Income Plan – In this plan, you realize you have too much debt and not enough income, so you spend nothing. This idea dares you to say NO to the monetary side of Christmas, while saying YES to the promise of paying off debt; a true gift to your family. Your bonus is that you skip the shopping lines, the fighting in traffic and your money goes to a useful place that just might ensure better Christmases in the future!!

Enjoy your week!!

Frugalicious Diva

‘Tis The Season To Have An Open Mind

I spent most of this year in a relationship, which was good at times and not so good at times. However, this time around, about 9 months into it, as soon as I saw things going left and knew that this relationship was not good for me, I broke it off. After my dad died earlier this year, I realized that life is indeed short and it made me look at life differently. It has forced me to re-evaluate my life, including my dating choices.

We have all been guilty of staying with someone we were not entirely happy with because we didn't want to be alone or millions of other reasons. For whatever reason, we decided to hang in there, hopeful that things will change. And they don't. It's harder to leave because you are essentially walking away from that fairytale we all have of being with someone. But honestly, I'm at a point in my life where I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone, just to be with someone.

I have learned a lot being in the dating/single world. One thing I hear all the time from both men and women are how they aren’t any good mates out there. I am guilty of saying that myself. But I have learned over time, that I was getting in my own way. I was so focused on my “list” of characteristics of what I was looking for in a man and that led me to ignore and dismiss good men that were right in my face.

This is what I think. As a single person, you have to have an open mind. There are some great single people out there but they’re not connecting. So you have men and women out there who are great catches but they are not meeting each other because they won’t look twice at each other.

For me, of course, being a big girl, that is a strike against me when it comes to men who are only seeking women of a certain size. I have met many men who I liked and vibed with but they wouldn’t even give me a chance because they “preferred” someone smaller. Don’t get me wrong. I get that. I know all about preferences. We all have them. But I think limiting yourself with such preferences can hinder you in your search for that special someone because you will rule out some great people.

I used to date men who were extremely tall and thin. That was my physical preference. I also only dated black men because honestly, they were the only ones checking for me. They found my curves and big body attractive. But then I got to this place, where I kept meeting guys who treated me like crap. It was the same thing over and over again. Sure, I can say that these guys were jerks but in the end, I was choosing to be with them, to date them, so I am accountable for those choices. If he mistreats me once, okay, it’s on him. But if I CHOOSE to stay and he continues to mistreat me, it’s on me. I am accountable.

We need to stop being so focused on a person’s height, weight, shoe size, financial status, the type of car they drive, their fashion sense, etc. We need to look past the outer shell and what’s on paper. I'm not saying that money, status, having a job (!) or the number of children he/she has is not important. However, sometimes we get fixated solely on those things and ignore everything else. We need to look at a person’s character, their heart and their mind. Once you do that, you can make a proper decision on whether you are interested in him/her or not. Who knows? You may see qualities you like and connect with and that person becomes so attractive to you that you see someone that those other folks who are looking at the exterior don’t see. Like the saying goes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Life is about taking chances and having faith. If you close yourself off to the possibilities out there and just settle, you will never know what could have been. You could miss out on something great and wonderful. It’s about letting go of perceptions of what you think is the right type of mate. It’s not being concerned with what others think. You're the one dating this person and your happiness should supercede what anyone thinks.

So now, I know what you’re probably saying…but what if there is no connection or attraction when we first meet? Well, there may not be a connection or spark at the beginning but that does not mean you should rule the person out, if they possess those other deeper qualities you are seeking in a significant other (caring, considerate, sense of humor, etc). A solid relationship is one built over time, getting to know someone, being that person’s friend and companion - knowing them to their core. How do you know someone when you first meet them? I think we put too much emphasis on establishing that instant connection and use that to make a decision on whether we want to date the person or not. But honestly, that instant connection will burn out as fast as it appeared.

We want things NOW. We want to rush into a relationship because we yearn for that. But if you rush into something without knowing a person and just based on an instant connection, what will you do when that connection burns out and you want to run for the hills?

What I am saying is, take your time to get to know someone before you rule them out. Don’t dismiss them solely on their appearance/outer shell or lack of an instant connection. Then make a decision on whether you want to pursue something with them or not. Just make sure you are being true to your heart and not letting outer forces influence your judgment. Because in the end, someone will always have something to say. You can’t make everyone happy but you can make yourself happy. So who cares what someone else thinks? If you’re happy, it’s all good.

You may not always get what you want but just know you will receive what you need when the time is right. Just keep an open mind, be patient and continue to live your life fabulously, alone or not. Love will find you - it may not be on your timetable but it will happen. Usually, when we are looking too hard for something or someone, we end up settling for the first thing or person that comes along. And you know and I know, you are too amazing and beautiful for that mess!

On that note, this holiday season, gift yourself with an open mind and the other gifts I have discussed in the last 2 months:

- Know your self-worth

- Tap into that self-love from within

- Believe in yourself & your beauty

- Take care of yourself physically (Put yourself out there, be active, meet people)

Those are the best gifts you can give to yourself this holiday season and those are the gifts that keep on giving. Be good to yourself today and always.

World AIDS Day 2011: Knowledge is Power

December 1, 2011 marks World AIDS Day. Do you know your status? When was the last time you were tested? With testing available free in so many parts of the country, there really isn't an excuse anymore to NOT get tested. Make today the day you know your status.

For more information on World AIDS Day events worldwide, please visit http://www.worldaidsday.org/.

For more information on the impact of HIV/AIDS on women & girls, please check out The Red Pump Project (http://www.theredpumpproject.org/). The co-founders, Luvvie Ajayi and Karyn Watkins, have created a wonderful organization that has spread nationwide through online awareness through blogs (including Belle-Noir Mag) as well as national events. It is a wonderful resource!

#knowledgeispower